“Do it again.”
She grunted a couple times, digging her fingernails into my shoulders, ripping my skin. It was my turn to howl. She cried out one more time, her body freezing mid thrust. I rode her orgasm, not far behind her. I pulled out. I couldn’t get her pregnant, under any circumstances. I’d been stupid and greedy, but I had to feel all of her.
Delaney hadn’t caught her breath yet, but I wasn’t done with her. Her legs were still wrapped around me. I kissed her lips, pushing her damp curls away from her face.
“How are you feeling, angel?” I asked.
She nodded, smiling between labored breaths.
“Next time we do this, I want you to tell me exactly what you want me to do to you. But I have to make sure you know all your options.”
She narrowed her eyes, confused, but there was only one answer to give her. I kissed a line down her body until I landed on her clit. Her hips bucked when my lips caught the sensitive nub, licking her and sucking until I found the spot that made her lose control. It was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen in my life. I was drunk of the taste of her; even her come was sweet. I hooked her legs over my shoulders, settling in so I could get her off just like this.
It didn’t take long. I didn’t know what the fuck to do, to keep sucking on her clit or to watch her face when she came.
I crawled up her body as the storm passed, kissing everywhere on her face, picking up her glasses because I needed all of her. She laughed, straining to catch me in the kiss.
“Shh,” she said. Every time she made a noise I wanted to jump for joy, but that was the last thing she needed me to do.
“Don’t worry about Major and Cass.” I pulled her in closer to me. “Those two make so much fucking noise, they have no place to bitch about us. I’ll get you a megaphone if they do.”
“A,” she added, her whole body glowing. She put her fingers over my mouth. “Shea.”
Holy fucking shit. Of all the things to blow my fucking mind, it was that one little word coming off her sweet lips. She said my name. I was crazy about her, but now I knew it was way more than that.
I was in love with her.
I kissed her. It took everything she had to say that. “Thank you. For everything.”
She shook her head, bringing her fingers up to her lips, making the sign for thank you, then pressed her fingers against my lips.
And to think, it was just going to get better.
Chapter Ten
Delaney
They say that pain is weakness leaving the body. All my weakness had been beaten out of me. It had been a game to my family, dragging me out of the crate and beating the crap out of me before forcing me to eat. I still didn’t have much of an appetite—I associated one with the other, and the metallic memory of a bloody mouth could ruin the best meal.
I was sore this morning, but it didn’t have anything to do with weakness or losing anything. I’d gained a bunch of things I wasn’t familiar with—adoration, respect, and love. Whether Shea felt the same way about me or not, I’d always cherish those things. Not just last night, which was incredible. He’d come to me without judgment and made me feel like I belonged somewhere. He pushed me clear past my limits. It should’ve terrified me, but instead I wanted to make him proud of me. Show him what I could do.
I said his name.
Everyone around me talked all the time, said things they didn’t mean, just to say them. I hadn’t uttered a word since I was seven years old. Taking my clothes off and giving Shea my body wasn’t half as scary as saying that one little word. When other people said it, it sounded beautiful. When I said it, it sounded all wrong. My heart pounded. He could’ve laughed at me. Maybe he liked me better quiet. Instead I was rewarded with kisses; soft, lazy ones as we fell asleep with our limbs tangled together. It was heaven.
“Shit,” Shea muttered, slamming his hand over his phone to quiet the alarm. His lips found mine in the dark and we picked up where we left off. I loved the way his body felt; bare, moving against mine. I rocked my hips against him, and he moaned. His fingers slipped down between my legs, working the spot that sent me over the edge last night. He slipped inside me, moving his fingers back and forth. I cried out against his lips.
“We gotta get a lock on the door.” Shea’s fingers came to a rest, still inside me. “Emma will be in here any second looking for cereal. I don’t feel like explaining to her why we’re naked. You know she’ll ask.”
I wanted to lay there forever. The only thing that got me out of bed was knowing that my reward for the day was climbing back into it with him.
“Why’s everyone so quiet?” Emma asked over breakfast.
I’d been wondering the same thing. Cass gave me a sleepy, knowing smile. She had to have heard us last night, their bedroom was right next to Shea’s. My cheeks burned but I didn’t hide. I smiled back. Major and X glanced at each other, and uneasiness hung between them.
“I got a call from Jacques last night,” X finally said. “You were, uh...busy when I got off the phone. He’s got another fight lined up. The twenty-third.”
“That’s awfully close to the full moon,” Cass said.
“And Christmas!” Emma added.
“It’s another wolf.” X grabbed his coffee cup and got up, pacing. “From Montana. They’re having the same problem we are, losing forest. But no one local wants to fight this guy. Jacques thinks you’re the only one who can give him a fair match.”
Even though Shea had told me about the absolute worst of him, the fighting, and the killing, it was like he was talking about another person. The Shea I knew was kind and gentle. I gripped his leg under the table, making sure my Shea was still with me.
“I don’t know, man.” Shea put his hand over mine. “We’ve got the party the next day. I’m sick of Jacques treating me like his prized bull.”
Major scoffed. “When have you said no to a fight? Or money?”
“Jacques said twelve hundred. He pulled in way more than he expected to last month.” X leaned against the counter, frowning. I couldn’t tell if he was trying to encourage his brother or talk him out of it.
“Then he should give me some of that take. I earned it. He didn’t walk out of there with bloody knuckles or bruised ribs. Two thousand.” Shea’s body tensed. “You know the reality is I’ll beat down anyone he puts in the ring with me. They might be stronger than me, or quicker than me, but none of them are crazier.”
I pulled my hand away from him so hard I knocked the spoon out of my cereal bowl. Emma and Cass gasped.
“You’re scaring Delaney.” Cass came over to me, but I shied away from her. I wasn’t used to being mothered. “You knew about the fights, right? He told you?”
I nodded. My eyes burned, but I wasn’t going to cry. I shouldn’t have trusted Shea so soon. I’d wanted to believe there was more to him than he let everyone see. But I forgot there was more to him than he let me see.
“You don’t have to come, angel.” Shea reached for me but I shrank back, bumping into Cass. She took the chance to put her arm around me. “It doesn’t have to be a part of our world.”
“Bullshit.” Major slammed his hand on the table. Cass pulled me in tighter. “If you want to take her as a mate, she needs to be with all of you. Even the parts you’re ashamed of. It’s bad enough you can’t have any kids. You lie to her, its weakness. It will tear the two of you to shreds.”
Shea scrubbed his hand over his face, hard. “Fine. Delaney, please come watch me kick this guy’s ass all the way back to Montana. I might take a couple punches, but I’ll heal fast, especially that close to the shift. It’s nothing to worry about. I’m quitting this as soon as I find a paying job at a ranch. I’ve been on my best behavior at Forever Home. Trina’s got to give me that reference.”
“Delaney can kiss it and make it better,” X suggested, and we all glared at him. “Sorry, it’s pretty hard to sleep when you’re living on the Love Boat.”
“You’ll never stop fighting because you’ll neve
r stop being a fuck up. What are you going to do, without a way to release all that aggression that’s always boiling inside you? You’ll get in a fight and get yourself fired. Or worse.” Major growled, throwing a glance in my direction. He looked like a wolf. Now I was glad Cass was holding me; I wanted to pass out. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”
Shea pushed his chair back so hard it hit the cabinet.
“We’ve got to get to work.” He held his hand out to me. I couldn’t move. “Come on, angel. It’s my job. Just like going to the farm. We’ve all got to do what we need to get by.”
I took his hand because I wanted to give the Shea I’d fallen for power over the hint of a monster that had come out over breakfast. I wanted my version of the story to win over whatever Major was accusing him of and Cass thought she needed to protect me from.
The silence stole the oxygen from the truck as X drove us to work. He’d tried to make a couple of jokes, but Shea growled at him.
My hand shook as I wrote and the bumpy dirt road did me no favors. I liked the way the letters looked. Frantic, just like I felt. Like they wanted to run off the page. Is it all just a job to you?
Shea balled his fist against the window when he read it.
“No.” The word was clipped. “Forever Home wasn’t my first choice. It was the only option. If Trina wasn’t desperate, I wouldn’t be here. It doesn’t mean I don’t give it my all. I don’t do anything halfway.”
I ripped the paper back from him. That’s not what I meant.
He took both my hands in his. I hoped he couldn’t feel me trembling. “Angel, you turned my world upside down. If that’s not real, I don’t know what is. But this is what I do. I fight. I fuck up. I’ve been honest with you the entire time. I can keep it separate. The important question is, can you?”
Chapter Eleven
Shea
This wasn’t just another fight. Everything was on the line.
Until now, fighting had been easy money. Something I would’ve done for free because I needed to work through the aggression, communicate the only way I knew how. But now it could cost me everything, and I didn’t seem so worth it.
I had to make Delaney understand why I did this. Fuck, I didn’t want to be living with my brother, watching him play house with his new family, hitching rides to work for the rest of my life. Now that I met Delaney, I wanted something of my own. Of our own. And this was the only way I could get it.
I never looked at the crowd when I came in the ring. It was all just noise. Some people fed off the adrenaline, but my fight came from inside me. Tonight I couldn’t take my eyes off of my angel, sitting by my corner. Cass held one hand, Trina the other. Delaney glowed, even in this dark and dingy bar. Her eyes were bright with fear, and she sat on the edge of her seat, like the ladies holding her were the only thing keeping her in place. I wanted to jump out of the ring and kiss the frown away, make her believe that everything was going to be okay.
I couldn’t even convince myself of that shit. I’d never lie to Delaney, even to get what I wanted.
The other guy pulled a crowd in with him, too. He was announced to way more cheers than boos.
“Focus,” Major snapped at me. “You’re not fighting a human. All those advantages are gone. This close to the shift, his stomach will be growling, waiting to feast on your fear.”
“Don’t think about Delaney,” X added. “It won’t help you. It’ll give this guy a chance to get in your head. Do what you always do. You’ve got this.”
He clapped my shoulder.
Everyone in the room was on their feet. The roar of the crowd drowned out the starting bell. We didn’t need it—pure animal instinct brought us to each other. This was just like being in the dog fighting ring. Hungry, pissed off, and fighting for my freedom. I’d do anything to get it.
Some things never changed.
Jacques never hesitated to pit me against bigger guys. Stronger on paper. It worked to my advantage when I went up against a human. This guy was huge, muscle rippling under his skin like he didn’t know whether he should fight or shift. It didn’t faze me, I’d fought wolves of all sizes all my life. I never lost.
The first punch knocked the oxygen out of my lungs. I didn’t expect it. I didn’t have time to recover, I only had time to react. This bastard was fast. Faster than me. He blocked every punch I threw, landing blows to my face, ribs, and throat. Blood and sweat burned my eyes, but I wouldn’t back down. This guy was coming on with a ton of steam, and it was a shitty strategy. It was usually my strategy, but I did it because I knew my opponent would never last as long as me. The lack of respect pissed me off. I could go all night with this bastard, but I slowed down to conserve my energy for when this asshole was totally spent, then I’d beat him to the ground. I could be patient. I’d never done it before, but there was a first time for everything.
My strategy wasn’t so clear anymore, I had a hard time keeping everything straight. Punch, block, miss. Absorb the pain. Turn anger into power. Punch, miss. Blows raining down on me. My breath was ragged, thick with my own blood. I stumbled, throwing a punch and missing. A chorus of boos filled the air.
They were booing me? No fucking way. I’d fought to keep these assholes safe in the forest since I was old enough for Major to take me out with him. They’d turn on me like that? I’d give them shit, once I kicked this guy’s ass.
It better be soon, I didn’t have much more left in the tank. The next blow landed on the side of my skull. Everything went black.
“HEY, MAN, WELCOME BACK,” Major said. He and X hovered over me, their images shaky. I registered their frowns in the static. Shit. This wasn’t good.
I couldn’t open one eye. I felt like I was swimming in thick liquid, probably my own blood. I could taste it, metallic and rotten. I ran my tongue over my teeth—they were all still there.
“Where’s my angel?” I asked. Scabs had already formed on my words. “I want to see her.”
“She’s gone, Shea.” Cass’ blurry image came into view. “It...wasn’t good. She freaked out when the fight started, screaming as soon as you threw a punch. She wouldn’t stop. Trina and I brought her outside to get some air, but it didn’t get better. She rolled into a little ball, hysterical. I knew we shouldn’t have let her come.”
“Fuck you. Bring me to her.” I sat up as fast as I could. The room spun, my stomach churned, and I couldn’t keep it all in. My brothers grimaced, peeling the dirty blanket away.
“You can’t see her now. Your face looks like raw hamburger. Wait ‘til after the shift. You’ll heal fast,” Cass said. She attempted to run her fingers through my hair. I flinched, and her fingers caught in the drying carnage.
“No. That’s Christmas. I promised her a big Christmas.” I wouldn’t take that away from her.
Major scoffed. “She might not want to see you. You have to brace yourself for that.”
I sat up again, going for Major’s throat. I missed, grabbing his jacket instead. “You fucking asshole. You wanted me to fight. Did you think it was an easy way to get rid of Delaney? I’ve got news for you. I’ll fight for her harder than I’ve ever fought the ring.”
“You’ve never fought for anything. That’s your problem. You’ve been lucky.”
If this fucker wasn’t my brother, and I wasn’t seeing two of him right now, I’d punch him in the face. Even in my haze, I couldn’t believe Major would’ve tricked me. No. It made my whole life a lie, and I couldn’t deal with that right now.
“I’m not done. The Montana pack thinks we’re weak. They asked for you specifically, Jacques said. Wanted the strongest we’ve got, to see if they could beat us. Now they think they can get a foothold in the forest. They aren’t going anywhere. They laughed about it on the way out.”
I ignored him, turning to Cass. “Where’s Delaney? Bring me there. I’ll tell her everything. Give her the choice. Everyone’s always made up her mind for her. She hates that shit.”
“They’ll go after her next,�
�� Major warned.
Cass squeezed my hand. “Okay. But you have to prepare yourself. She might not want to stay here.”
Chapter Twelve
Delaney
I was back where it all began. Rolled in a ball, a prisoner of my own brain. Flashes of Shea lunging toward that man, pure animal, mixed with the sensation of the blows landing on me. The difference was I could never see my attacker. After enough blows to the head, my vision never came back. Blood flying everywhere. It filled my mouth, and I choked on my own nightmare.
I should’ve never gone to the fight. Somehow, I thought watching Shea fight would make things better for me. He’d go in the ring, he’d win, I wouldn’t freak out, and we’d walk away from it stronger.
But the fight changed him, even before he stepped in the ring. Shea had been on point since X told him about it. Sharper, not as patient. He swore he wasn’t nervous, and nothing would change. I was willing to believe his lie until I saw his eyes in the ring. They weren’t human, and those blows may as well have been meant for me.
I wasn’t being fair to either of us. Shea said he could keep his two worlds separate, but I couldn’t see anything but him hitting that man.
“Hey,” Lyssie said when I picked my head up. I was dizzy, back in the place where time and space didn’t matter. She and Kiera hadn’t left my side since Trina brought me back to her house.
I wanted to smile, but I couldn’t. Someone placed the notebook next to me but I’d either freeze, not being able to write, or not be able to stop.
“We’re going to help you get through this, no matter what that means. But can I give you a little advice? Don’t give up on Shea. He’s sitting outside and he wants to see you.” Lyssie smiled. Her whole face lit up every time she did it.
For so long my nightmares had no faces. Now they did. His.
Could I push that aside, and focus on the good stuff? The way his lips felt against my skin when he kissed me? Those liquid gold eyes that set everything inside me on fire? Go back to believing that I’d really fallen from Heaven when he called me angel? I’d hit every branch on the way down, and my wings would never work.
Her Christmas Wolf (Sawtooth Shifters Book 4) Page 7