by Aleo, Toni
Not as my best friend, but as my boyfriend.
I want to impress him. I want him to know he has the most talented and sexiest girlfriend. I want him to be proud that he gets to go home with me, even if no one else knows. A different sensation is going through my body, knowing he’ll be watching me. I used to look up into the stands and yearn for him. But now when I look, I won’t have to yearn because he’s mine.
“And now, your captain…your setter…number two…and making her senior year count, Allison Titov!”
I take in a deep breath and count to two before running out. Another thing my dad would do. It may be silly, but it’s his number and mine. His warm-up always seemed to work for him, and it may be all in my head, but it works for me too. The crowd claps for me as I slap hands with my teammates, but all I hear is him. Asher. I immediately look up into the bleachers, and between my mom and his, he’s standing, a pair of white-rimmed glasses over his patch, towering over everyone, calling my name through cupped hands.
Ally T.
He isn’t quiet with his cheers. It’s as if I’m the only one on our team going against Vandy with the way he is hollering. It concerns me a bit since we’re supposed to be keeping us low-key, but then I remember he’s always been like that. Always my biggest fan. My heart swells so big, I feel as if it will explode in my chest. Then I notice that my mom has made him a new shirt, still as my number two fan, but a part of me feels he may have moved into the number one spot.
Maybe not on his shirt, but definitely in my heart.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Ally
“Why are we looking for a dress for Shelli’s wedding when it’s months away?”
My mom looks over the top of the rack at me. “Because I need to know how much weight I have to lose to fit into the dress of my choice.”
I wrinkle my nose. “That’s insane.”
Her look is deadpan. “Not all of us have the metabolism you do. I used to—you’re welcome—but it left in my thirties. Sorry about that.” I smile as she holds up a red number that would look awesome on her. “Pretty sure this would get your dad’s engines revving.”
I gag obnoxiously, and I’m met with her laughter as she throws it over her arm. It’s been almost a week since Asher and I decided to give this a go. It’s basically been the best week of my life. Nothing has changed, he’s still silly Asher, but he bangs like a dream. I was so worried it would be different, but it isn’t. It’s easy. At least, for me, it is. I feel like sometimes he struggles with the concept of this being a real thing. I’m not saying he doesn’t want us to be real, I do think he does, but I also sense he is holding back. Or maybe I’m in my head. I don’t know. I just love him. So damn much, and I want him to love me. And I want him to want to be on the level I’m on.
I want him to put his heart in my hands and know I’ll die before breaking it.
“I heard Angie got into that program,” Mom says then, and I nod.
“Yeah. She’s pretty excited about it.”
“Lucy and Benji are not. They don’t want her to go after everything that happened.”
“I know, but she needs to. For her.”
“That’s what I told Lucy, but she wants to tie Taco up by his toes and beat him.”
“I don’t blame her,” I say as I move around the racks, looking at everything. I don’t need a new dress, but it would still be fun to dress up for Asher. “I think she’ll be fine, though. Angie is stronger than everyone realizes.”
Mom shrugs. “It hasn’t always been easy for her. It took Benji coming into her life for her to have a good father figure.”
“And because of that, she is strong,” I insist, meeting her gaze. “Angie will be fine.”
She wants to fight me, but I know it’s the mom in her. All of them want to protect their babies, but sometimes, they have to let us make our own decisions. Angie going to South Carolina will be the best thing for her. I believe that sincerely.
“Have you gotten anything back from your resumes?”
I shake my head as my stomach turns. “No, I’m going to send out the majority of them at the end of the month. I’m waiting for my recommendations from the rest of my professors and then my internship. They are dragging their asses, which really upsets me since I was the primary person who transferred all the patient files to digital.”
She scoffs. “Well, honey, if they were lazy enough to let their intern do it, that has to tell you something.”
“You’re probably right. I’m going to send another email reminder.”
I hesitate, though. The longer I wait, the longer it pushes back whatever might happen. I don’t want to think that Asher wouldn’t want to go with me, not with how great things are going with both the Bullies and the Assassins. He’s got two solid, great jobs, doing exactly what he wants, so how can I expect him to want to leave it all behind?
I know I shouldn’t count on it, but damn if I don’t want him to.
For me.
For us.
“Asher had his appointment today?”
I look up from where I am writing the email to my internship. I haven’t told my mom that Asher and I are in a relationship. I don’t know why either. She’s been the number one fan of Allsher. Yes, I made us a celebrity couple, and yes, it’s pathetic. I know she would be supportive and extremely excited, but I worry I am jumping the gun. I’m not confident in us, so I don’t want to get everyone excited when sometimes, it’s even hard for me to feel that.
“Yeah, his mom took him. He should be able to take the patch off.”
“Oh good. I’m about tired of the pirate jokes.”
I snort. “Why? They’re fun.”
“They’re annoying. He’s such a handsome man, and he did that for you. It makes me love him more. I wish you two would just get together already.”
I clear my throat as I walk around the racks, looking for no reason. “Wanna know what he told me the other day?”
She looks up from a bright-green dress that I make a face at. “Absolutely not.”
“It’s kinda funky.”
“You mean fugly?”
She snickers as she asks, “What did Asher tell you?”
I hesitate for a second, but then I say, “That he never loved Jasmine.”
Her brows come in. “He almost married her.”
“I know, and I said that, but he said he was comfortable and knew it would be easy to be with her. So, he stayed even though he never felt that over-the-top, head-over-heels feeling for her.”
She blinks. “How did that make you feel?”
I shrug. “Kind of frustrated at first. Why waste your time with someone if you don’t love them? I actually felt bad for Jasmine, but then she was cheating on him, so that feeling passed quickly. And then came sadness for Asher. I’m worried he doesn’t want to be in love.”
I wish I hadn’t let those words escape. It gives them a power I don’t want to recognize. I don’t want to think he doesn’t want to be in love, because I truly believe he does. I just think he is scared, and the insecure side of me worries I won’t be able to chase away that fear. I don’t know how, to be honest. I’ve never been in this position. I’ve never wanted someone to love me the way I want Asher to. It’s terrifying.
“I think he does want to be in love. He just wants it with one person.”
I roll my eyes. “Mom, take me out of the equation.”
She shakes her head. “I will not, and let me explain why,” she insists when I go to stop her. “I know for a fact that boy is madly in love with you—”
“Mom, how do you know that?”
“You forget, I know men. I knew your father was in love with me before I even allowed myself to think that way. Asher reminds me so much of your father. He wants that foundation. He wants to feel safe, all because he knows what his mom went through. Yes, Fallon caused a lot of that and pushed Lucas away. But Aiden remembers the pain his momma went through, and he told Asher since they’re close. I unders
tand Asher’s way of thinking because I was like that. I didn’t want to put myself out there for someone to hurt me.”
“But, and this is a big but, if he wanted me, why wouldn’t he try? It would be so easy for us,” I say slowly, trying to hide the fact that we’re sleeping together and things are about to get complicated if I can’t stay patient. I want to, I do, and I’m already in too deep. It’s not as if I can give him up and move on. I would lose my best friend and the love of my life. I have to remind myself of that before my impatience gets the better of me.
“Sure, but like I’ve said before, he would fall so hard for you. I think he is telling you this, and keeping you at arm’s length, because it’s easier. But when it’s too much to handle, when you tell him you love him, he’ll find that he can’t keep doing easy. He’ll want hard, as long as it’s with you.”
I swallow as I look away. Her words give me hope, but I’m not naïve. If he can stay with someone he never loved because he didn’t want to give away his heart, how can being with me not mean the opposite? It does, and I’m pretty sure that will make him continue to keep me at arm’s length. At this point, he’s a pro at it. I know he doesn’t want to lose my friendship, and I’m sure he enjoys having sex with me, but giving me his heart is a whole other ball game.
One I don’t think he knows how to play. Or wants to play, for that matter.
No matter how great of a teammate I’ll be.
* * *
The joy on Asher’s face as he drives his car for the first time in weeks is downright adorable.
Not only is he driving, but he is patchless. I gotta admit, I miss the damn thing. It was a nice reminder of what he did for me. Of how this started. But I don’t really think I can ever forget it. He bangs his fingers against the wheel as he sings loudly, bobbing his head left to right as we head to the studio Shelli rented out for this dreaded group dance. “If I have to do the ‘Can’t Touch This’ dance, I will riot.”
His laughter fills the car. “I’ll join.”
He takes my fingers in his, kissing the back of my hand as he sings loudly to the radio. I lean back in my seat, pressing my head into the headrest and watching him. This could be so much different from what it is right now. Yes, we’d ride to Shelli and Aiden’s thing together since we always do these things together. Before, though, I would have been longing for him, but now, my hand is in his, and if I wanted, my lips could be tangled with his too. It’s crazy, but it has my belly full of butterflies and my heart pounding in my chest.
I stroke my thumb along his hand and his lip quirks. I love when his lips quirk; it’s so cute and dorky but perfect. Everything just seems so damn right. I don’t know if it’s because I know he held back with Jasmine, but I worry he is doing the same with me. I almost want to ask what he is feeling, but wouldn’t that be weird? Would I have hesitated before?
I don’t think so.
“What are you feeling?”
His brows come in before he glances over at me and then back to the road. “What do you mean?”
“About me.”
He grins. “About you?”
“Yeah, it’s been a week. Is this still what you want?”
He scrunches up his face as he turns off the main road. “Why do you ask? Are you thinking you don’t?”
“Whoa, don’t try to avoid the question.”
He grins as he pulls into the parking lot of my aunt’s place, Reese Allen Dance Company. But instead of taking in the beauty of the studio I haven’t been to in years, I keep my gaze locked on the side of his face. “I wasn’t trying to avoid anything, just a bit taken aback that you’re asking. Have I given you any doubt for you to ask this question?”
He parks and then meets my gaze.
“No, but I just want to make sure.”
“I want this.”
I inhale deeply. “Okay.”
“Why?”
“I just don’t want you to hold back with me.”
His eyes narrow a bit, and then it’s as if it all dawns on him. He swallows hard and then exhales just as hard. “Am I cautious? Sure. But it’s all so new. Super-new territory, Ally.”
“I get that.”
“But I’m feeling pretty fucking good, Ally T. You make me happy.”
My heart flies out of my chest, and as if a firework just exploded above my head, I feel little angels, unicorns, and glitter floating around me as he holds my gaze. “Same.”
He winks with his bad eye, and I grin wider. It’s redder and looks awful, but for some reason, it makes the unicorns and angels floating around my head do the Macarena. “Come on. People are staring, and if I keep looking at you like this, I am going to kiss the shit out of you.”
My grin grows. “I expect that kissing later.”
“Oh, don’t you worry. It’s happening.”
I start to get out of the car. “I wasn’t worried.”
His laughter runs up my spine like a wave, knocking me hard in the chest. I love it.
Fuck, I love him.
He holds open the door, and we head inside. Of course, we’re late since I had to pick Asher up from his mom’s, and then we fought over who would drive. Then we got into it because I changed all his radio presets. But in my defense, I’ve had the car for a while, and I need to be able to listen to my music when I drive. He didn’t agree but then I kissed him, and he hasn’t stopped grinning since. Which makes me believe his words.
But my mind can’t shake the fear that he is holding back, and that’s partly my insecurities and partly his fault. I wish he had never told me about Jasmine. But then, we aren’t Asher and Jasmine, we’re Asher and Ally, and I think that means something.
Something great.
We are greeted by Shelli, Aiden, Wes, Posey, Amelia, and Boon when we enter. I go straight for Amelia, Posey and Shelli’s cousin, hugging her tightly. She looks amazing after having twins, but since she’s an ex-gymnast, I guess I shouldn’t expect anything less.
“I’ve missed you so.”
“Me too! You have to come visit Chandler and me in South Carolina,” she demands. I hadn’t even noticed her husband by the wall. I rush to him since he is wearing both babies on him. One on his chest and the other on his back. I gush over her beautiful babies, Carter and Hannah, before grinning over at him.
“Hey, Chandler.”
He gives me a dark look. “Nope, I was a fourth damn thought! It went Amelia, Carter, and Hannah before you remembered me.”
I laugh as I hug him tightly. “I’ll make it up to you.”
He scoffs. “Don’t know how.”
“Free babysitting when I come visit.”
He beams. “Done.”
We share a smile, but then I notice how white Posey is. My stomach aches with fear as I go to her, pressing my hands to her face but feeling no fever. “You look like death.”
She forces a smile. “Thanks, friend.”
“Are you okay?”
She shrugs. “No and yes. I feel a bit better, but I can’t seem to get back to me. I’m exhausted. I’m going to have to go back to the doctor after this road trip.”
“Maybe you should skip it?”
She shakes her head. “No, it’s important, and my mom and Shelli are going. I can’t skip.”
I want to yell at her, but she’s a grown woman. It isn’t like I’m able to either because, out of nowhere, Claire Sinclair enters the room.
My jaw drops as I shriek, “What the hell! When did you come in?”
My cousin embraces me, and I almost feel like crying when her overextended belly presses into mine. I have known this woman for almost my whole life, and I’ve been a witness to her struggles to get pregnant. For years, they tried and tried, but it always ended in a failed pregnancy. It broke her and Jude, and it killed us all each time. We wanted so much for them to have a baby, and it brought back some nasty memories for my family. There were nights I heard my mom on the phone with Claire, crying, and it still breaks my heart. I couldn’t imagine losin
g a baby, but multiple times? That’s awful. But this baby, it stuck. It’s crazy since they just adopted the most precious baby boy, Harrison. Though, in a way, it’s a truly perfect love story for her and Jude.
I squeeze her hard as she kisses my cheek. “Surprise!”
I laugh as I beam at her. “So, tell me what it is.”
She shakes her head. “We don’t know. It’s going to be a surprise, just as this pregnancy has been.”
My heart soars. “Oh, Claire, that’s beautiful.”
She nods. “I know. I’m so thrilled. It’s going to be hell to push this sucker out, but I can’t wait.”
“I bet! I am so excited for you.”
We share a huge smile and then embrace once more before Shelli is clapping her hands. “Okay, we have a plane to catch tonight, and I have to pack. Let’s get started.”
I glare at her. “Um, excuse you. Family moment.”
Shelli glares back. “She’s here until tomorrow. Surprise!” she says, waving her hands, and I giggle as I wrap my arms around Shelli’s neck.
“Aw, you do love me!” I exclaim since I know she’s aware I miss Claire all the time.
“A little bit,” she jokes, and then Claire walks to the middle of the room.
She cups the bottom of her belly and asks, “Okay, how are we pairing up?”
Shelli turns and looks at us. I glance over to Asher, and his lips turn up at the side before he raises his phone. Within seconds, my phone sounds.
Asher: I want to pair up with you.
Before I can say I want that too, Shelli announces, “Well, Posey and Asher are a given since they are best man and maid of honor. But I guess, Amelia and Wes—”
“Nope,” Chandler says, and everyone looks over at him.