by Alisa Adams
"He is forty years old!" Leann protested. "He is hardly in his dotage, Allana!"
"Why did he not tell me Kendrick was married?"
Leann shrugged. "I do not even know if he knew of Kendrick’s presence until he sat down," she said reasonably, "and none of us knew he would make the announcement. Gavin knew Kendrick was married, but you must admit that it would have been the last thing on his mind to expect him to propose to another woman."
Allana nodded slowly. “Maybe not, but he knew we were together. He could have said something. I expect that I am being extremely silly," she said, a little more cheerfully. "Anyway, I doubt that he will be courting me at any time in the future. No, Leann, I will have to find another suitor."
They left the next morning on a day when the sky was a vault of pure, clear blue, the air sparkling but bitterly cold, and the distant sea flecked with stripes of foam. It is the kind of day that makes you feel good to be alive, Leann thought. They carried on their journey to Stirling then, having done all the buying and selling they could, they turned for home.
Leann had been enchanted with the crofters, rough and ready people to be sure but also friendly and welcoming. She had enjoyed a surprising amount of excellent food at their homes and never left without paying for her supper. She knew that she would be welcomed back and she felt privileged. They stopped at another estate on the way back, that of Laird McColl and he delicately asked Allana how she was feeling.
"I am well, m’laird, but that monster has scarred both Leann and me and if I ever see him again, I swear I will have my revenge on him!"
Liam shook his head, sighing. "I had a very bad wrong done to me once, Allana," he said heavily, "I managed to forgive, but it took a long time. And you, Mistress Leann?"
Leann looked at the floor and bit her lip, thinking. "I feel angry, of course, m’laird," she replied, "but I also feel pity for him. It cannot be pleasant being such a selfish, poisonous person whom no-one likes. After all, everyone knows he is a beast now."
Liam looked at her, his heart swelling with pity. She was not a beautiful woman, although she was by no means ugly, she radiated kindness.
The next day they resumed their journey back to Dundas Castle.
Allana was aching to see her family again. Her short romance with Kendrick now seemed like a bad dream and she was happy to consign him to the back of her mind until he disappeared forever. They stopped their horses at the top of the hill facing the two castles that looked at each other across the valley.
"I stopped just behind this ridge," Leann informed Allana. "Kendrick had halted at the top, where we are now, singing a song he had made up himself. You do not need to know the words, Allana, suffice to know that he hates women with all his heart. He only loves us for our bodies, all the rest of his love he keeps for himself. I pride myself on being a relatively intelligent person, yet I could not see what was right in front of my eyes.”
Allana reached out for her friend's hand. "He did one good thing, Leann," she said warmly, "he found me a new friend."
"Of course, he did," Leann replied, sighing. "And me. Now, I am very tired. Shall we go home?"
Allana nodded and they set off to cover the last two miles. Leann had a strange feeling, a presentiment of some trouble ahead since they had left Ingram Castle, but she had dismissed it as fancy. Now, however, it was coming back more forcefully than ever.
As they came through the main gate, they saw Allana’s father crossing the courtyard. He smiled widely when he saw them. "Welcome back, wanderers!" he cried, as he helped Leann off her horse. "You are just in time for a bite to eat."
Allana hugged her father. "I have so much to tell you!" she cried, smiling. Leann and I have done a lot of trading, met so many new people and generally had a wonderful time. Where is Bettie?"
"I am here," a hesitant voice said from behind her. Allana turned around, but the welcoming smile on her face faded as she saw the slight but unmistakable bulge of Bettina's stomach.
"Bettie..." she began in disbelief. "Are you... Are you with child?"
"Yes, I am." Bettina came forward smiling and the two sisters hugged each other tightly.
“My God, this is such a shock!" Allana stood back to look at Bettina who was radiant and glowing with good health. She had never seen her sister looking so well. "You look... beautiful! But who is the father? Are you married?"
The deep voice that came from behind her was the last one she had expected to hear. "I am the father," Nevin said, "and the husband."
Allana whirled around to see Nevin's eyes boring into her own. She stood for a moment, mouth slightly agape, unsure of what to do or say next. "I am happy for you both," she managed, "and I wish you the best. I had no idea you two were—"
"In love?" Nevin smiled at Bettina then moved to her side and looked down at her. His eyes were shining with happiness and love and, with a stab of jealousy, Allana realized that he had never looked at her that way. "We are very much in love, Allana, and have been for a long, long time."
Though she was shocked, Allana arranged her face into the semblance of a smile. "I am sorry I was not there."
"We could not get in touch with you, you see. It was quick and quiet, my dear," Edme said. "It was a very short service with no fuss, just the way these two love birds wanted it."
To break the sudden awkward silence, Leann raised a glass to them. "To the future of Nevin, Bettina, and their child. May you always be as happy as you are now!"
There was a chorus of cheers and then Nevin looked down into Bettina’s eyes. It seemed that he found it difficult to tear his gaze away from them. "Thank you, Leann," Nevin acknowledged with a smile. "I must get back to work, but sometimes I cannot tear myself away from my little dove!"
Bettina followed him as he left then he kissed her one more time before heading for the stables. Allana had gone up to her room and the housemaids were filling a bath for her when Bettina knocked. For a moment, the two sisters looked at each other, not quite sure what to say then they both spoke at once.
“I see—” said Allana.
“Forgive me—” Bettina began.
Then they both burst out laughing.
“There is nothing to forgive, Bettie,” Allana said as she submerged herself under the scented water. “Nevin and I had no commitment and after Kendrick, he must have thought I did not want him anyway and he would have been right. It is true that when I came back, I considered that there might have been a future for us, but that was stupid. What kind of man would marry a woman who had already thrown him over? And it would have been a loveless marriage regardless.”
Bettina smiled. “You are right and to be truthful, we could not wait to be married. Oh, Allie, lying with my husband is glorious! This must be what Heaven feels like."
Allana felt a pang of sadness. Bettina was receiving everything she richly deserved, but it did not make Allana feel any better. However, she listened to Bettina’s descriptions and nodded obligingly as she spoke. Finally, she got up, got dressed, and then went down to eat dinner with the family. Bettina went back to Castle Kilmunnock where she now lived, Leann went to bed, and her parents also retired for the night.
Allana, restless and alone, prowled around the castle, unable to sleep and wishing it was daylight. She had to admit that the main reason she had for being restless was her attraction to Gavin Ingram which she had tried to put out of her mind.
He was obviously still very devoted to the memory of his wife, whom he had loved to distraction. And she couldn’t bring herself to forget that he had said nothing about Kendrick. It was the last nagging doubt she had about him. In the meantime, looking at Nevin and Bettina was making her feel incredibly sad. They were luminously in love and the more Bettina’s stomach grew, the prouder and more beautiful she looked.
Christmas came once more and this time Allana went out on business on her own since Leann had house-hunting to do. She had decided that she could not stay as an unpaid guest at Castle Dundas forever and was loo
king for a reasonably-sized home of her own somewhere nearby. So, off went Allana again with her two guards and her cargo feeling as if she was the only person left in the whole world.
26
Gavin’s Dream
Kendrick was a born trickster. He shaved his head into a tonsure, grew a beard, and stole a monk's habit thereby styling himself as a priest so that no-one of his acquaintance could recognize him easily. As a priest, he could sell indulgences which were a reduction in one’s term in purgatory. The more money that was paid, the shorter the spell in purgatory would be.
He even learned the rituals of Extreme Unction, the prayer of the dying, how to say Mass, and give confession. He had always been able to think and learn very quickly and it stood him in good stead now. Kendrick had little knowledge of herbs and spices and also of human nature, but he knew that the worse the medicine looked, smelled, and tasted, the more likely people were to believe in its efficacy. Some people even reported miracle cures to things like typhoid fever and blood poisoning, but Father Bernard, as he had renamed himself, knew that people could think themselves well for a long time before they died.
Accordingly, he made up his own concoction of herbs, spices, and oils then gave it a Latin name: 'Remedium Christi 'or ‘Christ's Cure.’ It smelled foul and tasted worse. The potion could, of course, cure everything from warts to tumors to sore throats to intimate diseases and if the patient died, it was God's will of course. He could make his potion anywhere he went since the soil and herbs were readily available by the roadside. It never had the same ingredients twice since different herbs grew in different places, but every combination smelled equally noisome.
He had traded in his horse for a little donkey since an expensive beast would not have matched well with his vows of poverty. He continued trading his tweed, however, sales were dwindling, but the 'medicine' sales were doing extremely well and soon, he was living comfortably enough. The needs of his body were assuaged by a variety of houses of pleasure whose workers were not choosy in their choice of clients. Indeed, it was something of a coup to service a man of God. Soon, Kendrick could beat a path to every one of them.
He had almost forgotten about Allana and Leann now and most women of quality were now beyond his reach. It seemed that Kendrick had undermined himself by his own lust. He was a lecher, a potential bigamist, and a confidence trickster. He had everything he needed, but it was not enough. It was never enough and never would be.
He headed north to the very tip of the mainland then onto the Orkneys, but he found that there were too many real monks there, any of whom could have unmasked him for the fraudster he was in a very short while. Accordingly, he retraced his steps southward, heading on a wandering route toward the city of Glasgow in the Lowlands, meanwhile coming up with some other inspired fake miracle-working potions. However, it was always the indulgences that sold best and all he had to do was mumble things that sounded a little like Latin. No-one understood it anyway!
Gavin had taken over a lot of the jobs he normally left to his estate manager because he did not want to have time to think. If he went to markets, he could barter with other Lairds and farmers for livestock instead of thinking about Allana’s face illuminated by the moonlight, her deep brown eyes staring at him, a faint smile on her lips. He could not help his dreams, however. In them, she never left him alone. She tormented him night after night so that he got no rest and had to resort to valerian tea and sometimes even milk of the poppy to get him to sleep.
But when he did allow himself the luxury of dreams, they were beautiful and she was always lying beside him. Sometimes, he would lie behind her so that they were like spoons and sometimes, he would hold her in his arms, feeling her head under his chin, and the animal warmth of her body against his. She was soft, so soft and pliant, her skin as smooth as a silk dress.
“Gavin,” a voice whispered in his ear and he turned to see Allana, but this time she wanted more than to be held in his arms. She wanted all of him.
He kissed her, feeling her warm lips against his for the very first time, thrusting his tongue into her mouth, and running his hands over the warm globes of her breasts with the tiny hard nubs of her nipples. He nibbled and licked them then began to move down her body, hearing her soft moans of delight and satisfaction. She was begging for release. She did not know what kind of release, it was something she had never had. When he reached her hips, he pushed apart her thighs then touched his tongue to the most sensitive part of her.
Her body jerked and her eyes flew open then she began to breathe heavily, her breasts rising and falling. His own body was so sensitive and so ready for her that he could not wait a moment longer. He thrust into her and heard a little cry of pain as the barrier of her maidenhead broke. Then he was inside her, a warm tunnel of her flesh around him.
“I love you,” he whispered hoarsely and as he looked into her helpless eyes she cried out, hardly able to believe what was happening to her. She clung to him like a ship tossed on a stormy sea and her body shook against his. As he reached his own fulfillment, she was loosening her hold on him, but she looked afraid, terrified of the tempest that had tossed her about so carelessly. Then, as he looked into her eyes, she smiled, a glorious smile like the sun coming from behind a dark cloud.
“I love you too,” she whispered and wound her arms about his neck as they began to relax into sleep again.
He knew it had been a dream and that when he woke up, she would not be lying next to him, but he still felt the pressure of her warm silky flesh in his arms. He felt bereft as he got out of bed and the chill of the winter morning hit him.
I told her I loved her, he thought, but I cannot tell what is true from false anymore. What if all I am feeling is lust for a beautiful woman? He rose, got dressed, and went to work. This time he put in some hard, physical labor with his men. He mended fence posts, helped the smiths with the shoeing of the great cart horses, and lifted great bales of hay out to the animals. He had never been a Laird who sat around doing little or nothing, but now, he needed to work harder than ever to keep Allana out of his mind.
He came in late in the evening exhausted and then drank a full tumbler of whiskey. He fell asleep quickly but awoke the next morning with a splitting headache and that was when he made a decision. I have to see her, he thought desperately. I have to know once and for all how I feel... How she feels.
However, he realized that he had too much to do at that moment. Lambing season was upon him when every hand was needed. In a way, he was grateful since it took his mind off Allana for a while.
The object of Gavin’s affections was at that moment riding south through central Scotland and her wares were rapidly diminishing. She had sold many of her shawls to wealthy ladies and received orders for many more which the crofters on her journey would happily manufacture for her. She would have been feeling very pleased with herself had it not been for her constant thoughts of Gavin.
If only we could meet again, she thought desperately. We could talk. I could ask him about Kendrick’s marriage and— She always shut her thoughts down at that point. It was no good pining for what she could not have. After all, it was likely that she was only a young lass to him and she would never be anything more.
27
A Boy is Born
Bettina was very close to her time and Nevin watched her like a hawk every minute he could spare. Gwenda did likewise and between the two of them, they made Bettina feel very claustrophobic. She began to be peevish and irritable, picking fights with Nevin for no reason at all. What annoyed her even more was that he refused to lose his temper with her. Every time she became angry with him, he put his arms around her and held her close to him. Often, she beat his chest with her fists and tried to push him away, but he was always too strong.
“Bettina, my dove,” he would murmur. “What am I going to do with you?”
Then she would feel foolish and laugh. He desired her just as much as ever, perhaps even more so because she was carrying his baby
, and he could still carry her upstairs and make love to her. Although it was more tender and slower, it was still as wonderful as ever.
Then one day in the middle of summer Bettina was walking into the parlor when she felt something warm and wet trickling down her legs. She looked at the floor to see a puddle of water there, spreading around her feet and soaking the hem of her dress. Bettina had been told what to expect, but it was still a shock and for a moment, she was dazed and paralyzed, looking at the spreading pool on the floor. One of the housemaids was passing and saw what had happened.
“Come an’ sit doon, mistress,” she said kindly. “Yer waters has broke, that’s a’. I will go an’ get help.” She ran to fetch Gwenda, who came and put her arm around her daughter-in-law.
“Do not be afraid, Bettina,” she said, her tone warm and reassuring. “Every woman has to go through childbirth sometime. You will sail through it and you will soon see your new son or daughter and be glad you were able to give this wonderful gift to Nevin.”
Bettina nodded and allowed herself to be led upstairs where she was laid down in her bed and prepared for the birth. “Where is Nevin?” she asked, beginning to panic.
“I have sent for him.” Gwenda smoothed back her hair and smiled. “The midwife will not allow him in the birthing room I’m afraid, but I promise you, my dear, I will not leave your side until this is all over.”
Bettina squeezed her hand gratefully, but soon, she was in too much pain to worry about whether Nevin was there or not. It took two hours, but it seemed like days, and Bettina was completely exhausted as she whimpered, “Mother, I cannot do this anymore.”
“But you will,” Gwenda reassured her. “We all say the same thing but somehow the babies are born. One more push, sweetheart.”