Thanks to the magic of a few stealthy stagehands dressed in black, the stage transforms again into the Capulet ball.
My attention darts between the stage and watching Tommy take it all in. He must feel my stare, because he reaches down and takes my hand, his eyes never leaving the stage.
CeCe takes my breath away when she walks onto the balcony for the play’s most famous scene. I can see the emotion on her face, I can hear it in her voice.
“O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo?” she says.
Before Romeo can respond, Tommy coughs. I can tell he’s trying to hold it in, but the cancer is rearing its ugly head, letting us all know it won’t be controlled. The cough is deep, its sound rattling his lungs and my heart. I put my hand gently on his back, but he brushes me away.
Onstage, CeCe flinches. It’s subtle, but I know she recognizes the sound that’s become all too familiar in our house. She recovers beautifully and continues her line. “Deny thy father and refuse thy name; or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love, and I’ll no longer be a Capulet.”
I hold Tommy’s hand and watch the story unfold onstage, not wanting it to come to its tragic end. But just like life, I know it’s inevitable.
As Romeo gets the false news of Juliet’s death, his heartbreak doesn’t just look real—it feels real. I watch as Liam drinks the poison, collapsing just as CeCe wakes from her coma.
“I will kiss thy lips,” CeCe says, her voice shaking with grief. “Haply some poison yet doth hang on them.” I hold my breath as she leans down and lays a kiss on Liam’s lips. Not for the first time? I wonder.
Before the curtain closes, I hear someone offstage recite the final line of the play: “For never was a story of more woe, than this of Juliet and her Romeo.”
Tommy is the first one on his feet. My eyes well up as I watch him, applauding like he’s the proudest man in the room, which he is, no doubt.
The love between Romeo and Juliet may be legendary, but it’s got nothing on the love my Romeo has for his little girl.
Tommy looks down at me, his eyes shining with tears, and suddenly, I know all my reasons why not to hold a candle to the one reason why we should. If Tommy wants to go to Destin, if that’s where he wants to spend the last precious months we have together, then we have to go.
Chapter Eleven
CeCe
Dad is the first one I see as I come out from backstage, finally able to make out more than blurry shapes with my glasses back on. “There’s my girl.”
He wraps his arms around me so tight that for a second it feels like he’s going to squeeze the air out of my lungs.
“I am so proud of you.” He kisses the top of my head. “You were brilliant, just brilliant.”
“You really think so?” I ask so he’ll say it again.
“I know so.” He pulls his arm back to hand me the most perfect bouquet of purple flowers I’ve ever seen.
“They’re beautiful—thank you, Daddy!”
I lower my head to smell them, and when I look back up, Mom is standing next to him with a pretty, but generic, bouquet of red roses.
“You were great up there.” Her voice goes up an octave, and I can tell she wasn’t expecting me to be that good. Maybe now she’ll ease up on her stupid “no auditions outside school sanctioned activities” rule.
“You don’t have to sound so surprised.”
“I’m not,” she says, handing me the flowers. “Just really proud.”
“Thanks.” I decide not to mention that I was standing in the wings and still had my glasses on, so I saw her walk in late. “I can still go to the party, right?”
Mom and Dad exchange a look and I’m fully prepared to go into a soliloquy of all the reasons why I should be allowed to go—starting with the fact that Liam’s parents will be there this time—but before I say a single word, Mom says, “Absolutely.”
Dad nods. “Do you need a ride?”
“Liam said I could go with him,” I say, preparing to make a quick exit. As much as I would love to hang around and let them keep telling me how great I was, I don’t want to risk them changing their minds. “Would you mind taking these home?”
“It would be my pleasure.” Dad bows before taking the bouquets from me.
“Juliet,” Liam calls from the stage. “Your chariot awaits!”
“Don’t be home too late,” Mom says. “And you really were great tonight.”
I smile, even though she should know that saying things more than once doesn’t matter as much as acting like you meant it the first time. Still, when she takes an awkward step toward me, I let her give me a quick hug before I run up the steps to find Liam.
“See you guys later.” I wave as I duck behind the curtain, ready for what has the potential to be the best night of my whole, entire life.
THE PARTY IS already in full swing by the time we get back to Liam’s house. His sister’s friends, who are all home from college, have clearly gotten a head start. Liam said his parents weren’t going to be home for a while since they went out to dinner after the play, and that it wouldn’t be a big deal when they did get home.
As far as parents go, his were supposedly cool about everyone drinking as long as no one would be driving. Which I wouldn’t be, since I’m not even old enough yet.
“Where’s the beer?” I ask, ready to get things started.
“In the fridge.” Liam stops to high-five a really tall guy with a bushy beard. “Grab me one, too?”
I head to the kitchen as though it’s the most natural thing in the world. Like I’m just a girl getting a beer for her guy. Her guy. I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face if I tried. Not only did we kill the performance, but the play is over. So tonight, there will be no question that Liam is interested in me because of me, and not just because he’s getting into character.
After that day in the theater, we only kissed offstage one other time. It was after dress rehearsal and Mom was late picking me up. Usually I’d be annoyed, but Liam offered to wait with me.
Once everyone else was gone, he grabbed my hand and led me around the corner, behind the theater. No one could see us there, so I let him back me up against the brick wall and kiss me again. It didn’t feel as weird the second time, and I think I’m getting better at it.
I smile, happy that I’m no longer in the “never been kissed” club. Now that I know how great it is, I wish I hadn’t waited so long to do it. I wet my lips in anticipation, hoping the new Chapstick I bought at Dox made my lips as soft and kissable as the label promised.
My phone buzzes so I fish it out of my pocket and see a text from Beau. I put it back without reading it. I’ll text him back tomorrow when I have something really good to tell him.
“There she is,” Bella says as I walk into the kitchen. She gives me a big hug even though we’re not close friends. “You were so good tonight.”
“Thanks.” I squeeze behind her to open the fridge. I’m not sure why she’s there since she wasn’t in the cast or the crew.
“Did you guys really kiss? Onstage in front of everyone?” Bella whispers. “Or did you fake it?”
“There was nothing fake about it,” I say, not bothering to whisper. I grab two beers and close the refrigerator door with my hip. “I’ve got to bring these to Liam.”
Before I go, I crack one can open and take a big sip as if it were just a Diet Dr Pepper. It doesn’t taste as bad as I remember, and I swear I can feel a buzz the second it flows past my lips. I finish it quickly and grab one more before going back to Liam.
I find him in the hallway, still talking to the bearded guy.
“How long did it take you to grow that beard?” I ask, trying to join the conversation.
The bearded guy gives me a look as if it’s the strangest question anyone has ever asked him, but I don’t care because I’m drinking beer in Liam’s house with Liam, and so far, everything is going according to plan.
Tonight, I’m going to get a do-over. My stomach does a littl
e flip in anticipation as I pop the top of my second beer, because this time, Liam and I will be the ones slow dancing and making out like we’re the only ones in the room. Maybe it’s a good thing that Bella’s here so she can see it all happen and report back to Sofia.
Liam “cheers” his beer against mine, then walks into the living room, leaving me alone with the bearded giant. I don’t have anything else to say about his beard, so I take another big sip. And another. I love the way it makes me feel, a little woozy and light-headed, kind of like how I felt when Liam was kissing me.
The thought of his lips is enough to make me smile again. I tilt the can up to take another sip, but it’s almost empty, so I head back to the kitchen.
“Baby girl!” Jen, who played my mom, calls out as soon as I walk through the door.
“Hey, Mama.” I stumble into her outstretched arms.
“You got a head start, huh?” She laughs.
“Why’d you say that?”
“Someone get this girl another beer,” her boyfriend, one of the stagehands, says.
Bella is closest to the refrigerator, so she opens the door and hands me a beer without taking one for herself.
“Aren’t you drinking?”
“Nah,” Bella says. “I don’t like the taste.”
“I didn’t, either,” I whisper. “But you get used to it.”
She scrunches her nose as if that would be impossible. I shrug. More for the rest of us.
Back in the living room, someone has finally turned on the music and people are starting to dance. This is my opportunity. But Liam isn’t there. I spot him back in the hallway talking to his sister and some of her college friends. They look beautiful with their tight dresses, big boobs, and perfect makeup, smiling and laughing like they just stepped off the pages of a sorority catalog.
I move close and slip my arm around his waist. “Let’s dance.” The sorority girls laugh, so I laugh, too, even though I’m not sure what’s so funny.
“I’ll be back,” Liam tells them before following me to the dance floor. The song isn’t a slow one, but that doesn’t stop me from throwing my arms around his neck like it’s where they belong.
My arms and my shoulders and my hips feel loose, and I’m ready to pick up where we left off at the last party. I rest my head on his shoulder and for one wonderful moment, it feels like everything is right with the world.
The fast song ends and a slow one starts. I lift my head up so I can look him in the eyes, but he isn’t looking at me. He’s looking over my shoulder, back at the pretty college girls.
“Hey,” I say, calling his attention back toward me. He looks down as if he’s expecting me to say something else, but it’s not words I want. I tilt my head and stand up on my toes so my mouth is lined up with his. He doesn’t make the move, so I go for it. My lips lock onto his like a magnet, but when I open my mouth, his stays closed.
“Easy, tiger,” he says, pulling away from me. I frown, waiting for him to explain what’s wrong. The room is still swaying a little even though we stopped dancing.
“You want another beer?” I ask. Maybe he just needs another drink before he’s feeling as good as I am, the way we both were at his last party. Then we can get back to the dancing and the kissing.
“Sure.”
In the kitchen, I go to open the refrigerator door but it’s stuck. I laugh and try again, but no matter how hard I pull, it doesn’t open.
“I got it,” Bella says. “It opens on the other side.” She opens the door and takes a bottle out but doesn’t hand it over. “Are you sure you need another one?”
“Are you sure you’re supposed to be here? This is a cast and crew party.”
“My house is next door,” she says. “Liam invites me to all his parties; I think his parents make him.” She hands me the beer, and I don’t know whether to say thank you or I’m sorry. This night is not turning out how I planned.
I twist the bottle cap, but it doesn’t budge. I try again, same results. I look down at my palm and see a bunch of little red marks from the cap.
“Baby girl, you need an opener!” Jen says. Her boyfriend takes the beer from my hands and uses his key chain to open it before handing it back to me. I hold it up and air “cheers” toward Bella before going back to the living room.
“Hey, CeCe?” Bella says. I turn around. “I just wanted to say I’m sorry about your dad. If you ever need to talk—”
“I don’t want to talk about it,” I snap. “I just want to dance.”
I take a defiant swig and turn back toward the dance floor. I stop in the open doorway. Liam isn’t where I left him and I forgot his beer. I’m about to turn around when I see him in front of the fireplace, slow dancing with one of his sister’s friends. Their bodies are pressed together like they’re one person, swaying back and forth in perfect rhythm. I watch as he lowers his head to whisper something in her ear, not mine.
He looks up for a second and sees me see him. I smile, hoping he’ll stop dancing with her and come back to dance with me. But he doesn’t. He just smiles and whispers something else in her ear. She laughs and the butterflies in my stomach turn to stone.
I want to go home, but the room is spinning and I’m afraid to move.
“CeCe.” Bella is standing next to me, holding my arm so I don’t fall. “Come on, let’s get out of here.”
Chapter Twelve
Alexis
Tommy and I are half watching the eleven o’clock news when my phone vibrates with a text. “CeCe wants to sleep over at Bella’s,” I tell Tommy. It’s strange that she texted instead of called. And even stranger that she reached out to me, not her dad. “Should we be worried?”
“About CeCe?”
Tommy’s right. I text back a quick reply, letting her know to call in the morning and one of us will pick her up. CeCe’s a good kid. As far as teenagers go, we’ve got it pretty easy. Unlike Jill, one of our closest friends back in Destin. She has her hands full with Beau, her son, who’s a year older than CeCe. From the look of his Instagram account, that kid is his father’s son in more ways than just his playboy good looks. He’s posing with a different scantily clad girl in almost every photo—the one I saw today was wearing shorts that were more revealing than my underwear.
I wonder if Jill can look at him without thinking of all the ways Adam hurt her, cheating when he wasn’t at home, and practically ignoring her and the kids when he was. At least Abigail is a good kid; she takes after her mom. I don’t know how Jill manages to be everything to everyone all alone.
Alone, like I’ll be.
The hole in my stomach stretches, growing aggressively fast like Tommy’s tumor. I think I’m going to be sick.
“Hey,” Tommy says, sliding closer. “It’s going to be okay.”
“Easy for you to say.” I wipe a tear from my eye before it has a chance to fall down my cheek. “You don’t have to live without you.”
And there it is, the thought that’s been on the tip of my tongue, the words I’ve been holding back because I know how selfish it sounds. But it’s true. I don’t know how I’m going to do any of this without him.
“We still have time,” Tommy says. “In fact, we should probably make the most of it.”
I sniffle. “What’d you have in mind?”
Tommy rubs his hands together and there’s a mischievous spark in his eye. “Let’s get married.”
I laugh in spite of myself. “I said yes to Destin, isn’t that enough for one night?”
“Thank you again for that.” He reaches for my hand, tracing a line down my palm. I’m not sure if it’s the love or the life line.
“You’re welcome.” I hope he doesn’t hear the regret in my voice. When he closes my hand and brings it up to his lips, I lose all the resolve to keep the truth from him.
“I lied,” I say before I can change my mind again.
“About what?” Tommy asks. “You do want to get married?” His face lights up at the thought and I hate having to te
ll him no almost as much as what I really do have to tell him.
“Not that,” I say. “I lied about the real reason I don’t want to go down to Destin for the summer.”
It’s Tommy’s turn to look confused.
“You don’t know, do you?”
“Know what?” he asks, furrowing his eyebrows.
“About Monica.”
“Monica, my ex Monica?” he asks, surprised.
What happened between the two of them is the one thing we never talk about—with the exception of one time when I was hugely pregnant with CeCe. I had been tired and miserable and knew I was acting like a total bitch, but I couldn’t help it. I asked Tommy how he could bear being around me. And that’s when he told me.
Hearing the story in his own words was like hearing it for the first time, even though I had already gotten most of the details from Jill over a year earlier.
That night, I held his hand as he told me how he’d found a positive pregnancy test in their bathroom. He said he’d been beyond excited, but he didn’t let Monica know he knew in case she had planned something special to reveal the news. So he waited. And he waited. He even bought a silver baby rattle at Tiffany’s so he could surprise her back when she finally told him.
But one night a few weeks later, Monica came home drunk. Tommy lost it—as much as I can imagine Tommy losing it on anyone. He demanded to know how she could go out drinking when she was carrying their baby. That’s when she told him that she wasn’t.
He paused for a moment and I braced myself for the part I knew was coming: that Monica wasn’t carrying the baby anymore. She’d gotten it “taken care of.” She’d told him that she had her career to think about, and a baby would ruin that. Their baby. Tommy’s baby. The half brother or sister CeCe never had.
I have marched for women’s right to choose, but this woman’s choice affected the man I love. It was his baby, too. He should have been part of the decision. They were married, for god’s sake.
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