by J. L. Leslie
I did leave one thing out before. I know I shouldn’t have. We shouldn’t have. It was a moment of weakness. A moment of confusion. Fuck, it was just a moment.
We both know it. We both know it won’t happen again. It can’t.
The night he came to tell me Cal died, he didn’t just storm out right after. He held me first. He held me while I tried to muster up a tear at the news that the man I’d called mine for over a year was dead. He held me and then…he fucked me. Not a sweet, tender I’ll chase all your sorrow away with slow love-making, but I’ll chase it away with raw emotion as I rip you apart from the inside out. It was a fuck like that…and God…I need it again.
I tear my gaze away from his, heat rushing to my cheeks and my core. It was just one moment, I remind myself. He’s with Sabrina, however much Sabrina might be with one person and however much a Ryker is with one woman, and me…well, I just lost Cal, so I’m not with anyone. I need time. I definitely need time to figure out what the hell I’m going to do. I have a shitload of decisions to make now.
I look up at the crack of thunder in the sky. The dark clouds moving in lets me know rain is coming and fast. Either the heavens are weeping or they’re pissed that we think we have the right to give our dead a proper burial. Do they even truly deserve it after all we’ve done? The Rykers sure as hell aren’t saints. I shudder to even think of the things we’ve done, even to our own members.
The first drop of rain hits my forehead and trails down my face. I can still hear the preacher’s voice as I stand there, letting the steady onslaught soak my black dress and listening to it pelt against Cal’s leather jacket. Maybe this way, no one will notice it’s not washing any tears away.
I let myself get drenched even when the other females are scattering to find umbrellas or running to the SUVs to get out of the rain. I stay with the Rykers who are standing solid for the men we’ve lost. I’m an old lady and there’s only a handful of us in this club. The Rykers aren’t known for commitment.
I ignore the voice inside my head telling me to run. I ignore the voice telling me to get as far away from this club as I possibly can. It’s no longer my home. I’m no longer bound here. I can leave. I can finally leave. I ignore that fucking voice.
Chapter Two
~Lincoln~
By the time we all reach the clubhouse, it’s stopped raining and the tears people were shedding earlier have long disappeared. The party raging inside the clubhouse gives no indication of a funeral only eight hours earlier. I suppose in a sense, this is how we honor our dead.
Burch, who I would say is currently our president, snorts a line of a coke off Sabrina’s tit, then flicks his tongue over her nipple. I should feel jealous or angry, but not a single flicker of emotion courses through my body at the sight of this. This is who Sabrina is. It’s who she was when I met her. A club whore. She sure is hell isn’t going to change that and I don’t expect her to.
Instead, I let them both have their fun and slip out the back door to have a cigarette. I light one up the moment the door closes behind me, exhaling the smoke into the night when a light from the shop catches my attention. After putting my cigarette out, I slip towards the building, pulling my gun from the back of my jeans. I know that no one is supposed to be in here.
I slowly ease the door open, bringing my gun up as I walk inside. I still when I feel a blade pressed against my throat.
“Bringing a gun to a knife fight, Lincoln?” A sultry voice whispers against my ear, then she laughs.
Sully lowers the blade and I lower my gun. I turn around to face her, noticing that she’s changed from her dress to a pair of loose overalls. I see nothing, but a sports bra underneath. She has a few smudges of paint on her arms and one on her cheek.
“What you doing out here?” I question, cocking an eyebrow.
“Painting a bike.” she replies. “And before you say anything, I can do whatever the fuck I please with Cal’s bike.”
“I didn’t say a word.” I comment, although I do think to myself that she might get in hot water with everyone else. That’s her business.
She saunters back towards the bike and I realize that I didn’t even recognize it as Cal’s bike. It used to be red and orange and now it’s partially black and silver. Honestly, I like it better this way.
“Can I ask you something, Sully?”
Without looking at me, she answers, “Yes.”
“How come I didn’t know your father was the DA?” Her body stiffens, it’s evident in her shoulders, and I know right then that she wasn’t expecting me to ask her that.
Maybe that was just supposed to be something her and Cal were keeping between the two of them. I don’t know, but I want to fucking know. I’ve given up a lot for this damn club.
“Sully?”
“It’s not like I advertised it, Lincoln.” she mumbles. “Besides, what does it matter now? He’s gone, right? Even though Cal promised his safety, he didn’t keep that promise, did he?”
She faces me now, her light, blue eyes glaring at me. I’d love to tell her that her dad is fine. That he moved away and he’s living in a suburb somewhere. I’d love to lie to her.
“No, he didn’t.” I reply, honestly.
“You took care of it, didn’t you?”
I look down, refusing to meet her gaze. This isn’t what I was expecting when I walked to the shop to investigate a fucking light. I don’t feel guilty for killing Steve Willis. I don’t have feelings like that over killing someone when my job with the Rykers orders me to do so. I do what I have to do.
“What have you become, Lincoln?” Sully whispers, placing a hand on my cheek. “You were so different when you first came to us.”
I look at her then. This is what bothers me. This look she has. Like she sees more to me than what I really am. Than who I really am. Especially when I know that man doesn’t fucking exist.
“Sorry about your dad.” I grit out and walk away.
~Sully~
The moment the door closes behind Lincoln, I breathe out. My heart is pounding in my chest. I’m not sure why I questioned him about Steve. Even though he didn’t answer, the look in his eyes told me he was in on disposing of who everyone believes is…well…was…my father.
Lincoln seemed so sincere when he apologized. His voice was harsh as though speaking the apology had to be torn from him, but the words themselves were laced with sincerity.
I know he’s seen and done a lot of things since becoming a Ryker. Perhaps it’s what he expected and perhaps it’s what he began craving after his attack. Either way, I know he’s a different person now. No one could suffer through what he did and not become different. I warned Cal of that. I can still hear his response. I know that, Sully. That’s my plan for him.
I gasp when my phone rings, shaking me from my thoughts of Lincoln and how his time with the Rykers has changed him so drastically. Hell, I suppose they’ve changed me too.
I grab my phone from my pocket and see that the caller ID reads “Katy.” I supposed he’s heard about Cal. I answer and for the first time in nearly eight months, hear the deep voice of my ally in all of this on the other line.
“How was the funeral?”
“It rained.” I answer. “It’s been a long time since you’ve called, Katy.”
“Hey, you picked the name.” he laughs. “I was just making sure you were still good.”
I glance around the shop and weigh how to answer his question. “Yes, I’m fine.”
I guess that’s the truth. No one has figured out who I really am. Hell, I’d have a bullet in my skull if that were the truth, but I know I can’t keep doing what I’m doing. Things have changed and I don’t know where I stand anymore. I no longer hold status as the president’s old lady. Females are not allowed to be members of the Rykers and being a club whore is not an option again.
“We’re getting close.” he assures me. “It’s almost over.”
Before I can say anything else, the line goes dead. I want to call him back. Every
fiber of my being wants to call “Katy” and tell him I’m done. Everything is off and that I’m out. Instead, I shove the phone back in my pocket and try not to think about the real Katy. She would want me to do this. She wouldn’t want me to quit, so I can’t. As for Steve Willis, maybe his real daughter would want justice for him as well. I have no idea. I’m sure as hell not her.
Chapter Three
~Lincoln~
“We need to be strategic.” I comment, glancing around the room at my fellow members. “We can’t go in half-cocked and fucking guns blazing.”
Burch sighs and runs a hand over his short, spikey red hair. He looks annoyed that I’ve spoken up. I know he’s president and supposed to be our leader, but he’s a shitty one. His plan for retaliation will only get us all killed.
This is how our meetings have been the past week. No one has come up with anything worth a shit. Everyone wants to basically show up at the Ravens’ doorstep and have an all-out brawl. Now it’s late Saturday night and we still haven’t agreed on a plan of action.
“We need to act.” He quips.
“I agree, but we need to be smart about it. Do you honestly believe the Ravens won’t be expecting us to attack them right now?” I toss my hands up. “They’ve probably increased their numbers on patrol.”
“Then we get the girl again, the fucking president’s daughter, and this time we don’t let her go.” He suggests and I know he’s grasping for straws.
I hear a ripple of agreement go through the members. This is why the Rykers are a young club here. We’re constantly having to recruit new members because we either get locked up or fucking killed.
“Stupid fucking idea.” I grumble, pulling a cigarette from my pack. “What does she even have to do with this?”
Burch glares at me. “An eye for a fucking eye, Linc.”
“She’s not their president or even a damned member, Burch.” I remind him, lighting up.
“We hit them where it hurts.” Lazarus puts in.
“Do you know how heavily protected she’ll be right now? We’ll never get her.” I protest and then take a long drag.
“Is this really about you thinking this is a bad plan or about her being your little nurse at the hospital?” Lazarus sneers. “I understand she probably stitched your ass up and all, but get over it, Linc, she’s a Raven.”
My jaw clenches as I listen to a few snickers and throats clear. The fact that Lazarus would even bring up my attack is a low fucking blow and he knows it. There was no way I could defend myself against those Ravens in jail. I have the scars to prove it. The physical ones and the mental ones.
“It’s a bad plan.” I tell him and look to Burch, who’s supposed to be our voice of reason. “If we want to hit the Ravens hard, we need to be smart and not act like a bunch of savages.”
Savages. That’s exactly what we are. It’s what I am. I know this because I carved a man’s heart out of his chest then shoved it in his mouth before tossing him into the ocean. Then I fucked his daughter.
“If you’re so fucking civilized, why don’t you tell us what we should do, Linc.” Burch says and laughs. “We’re all savages!”
The Rykers cheer, holding up their beers in agreement. I finish my cigarette off and wait on them to settle down before I begin speaking.
“We all know Cal was attempting to purchase multiple businesses before his untimely death. Turns out that was a crapshoot, but does anyone know why he was trying to become a business owner?” I ask. “Didn’t think so. I don’t either, but he obviously had a plan. Those businesses are where all the tourists go. The Ravens protect those businesses from the likes of us and the Drycos.”
“So, you think we should try to buy them again? I mean, that could work now that we got that clerk at the courthouse out of the way. I don’t think we’ll be getting fake deeds again.” Burch comments.
“No, I don’t think that. The business owners will never sell and we all know that. If they haven’t sold to the Ravens, who have been protecting them, they won’t sell to us.” I answer. “I think we should change this war. I believe that’s what Cal was trying to do. I think he was trying to take care of the Rykers long-term. It’s always been the Ravens in control. The Drycos have always skirted on the outside and only dipped their toes in every once in a while.”
“I’m interested.” Jason, one of our senior members pipes up.
“I say we use our club’s assets to get info on the Drycos. What they wear, what they ride, and their schedule. Then we attack the businesses. Well, the Drycos attack the businesses.”
I can see the confusion on the some of the members’ faces, but I can see that some of them get it and they like it.
“We let the Ravens believe the Drycos are moving in their territory and we let them take each other down while we sit back and watch. We make a strategic plan and we carry it out. We protect our numbers while theirs dwindle.”
Burch slowly nods, agreeing with my suggestion. “Two things. One, I want to bring Hayes back. He could throw the Ravens off by just showing up again. If they kill him, I don’t really give a fuck. Two, what assets do you suggest we use to get the info on the Drycos? If we go into their territory, it’s trouble.”
I smile, knowing he would ask this. “That’s why we have club whores.”
~Sully~
I listen to Sabrina’s protests and fight the urge to roll my eyes. The other club whores have fallen in step right behind her, issuing their protests as well. Their expressions are fearful and scared. Sabrina’s is of pure determination to not do what is being asked of her.
“We’re not fucking asking!” Burch yells. “Darren and Keith just got banged up from a scuffle with the Ravens after their patrol last night, so we need this!”
Sabrina crosses her arms, her chest heaving. “We don’t feel comfortable being put in such a dangerous situation, Sir.”
I hear Lincoln utter a curse. Jason, Gil, and Vernon, the other members who are present also look pissed.
“What exactly is it that you need done?” I ask.
“We need intel on the Drycos.” Burch answers and this time, I do roll my eyes.
“I heard that, but that doesn’t explain what you want done. You shouldn’t expect anyone to go in without details.”
This time Lincoln speaks up. “We need to know what they typically wear, how they dress, what they drive.”
“Fine.”
“Fine?”
“Yes, I can obtain that info without even talking to them.” I explain. “It’s not fucking rocket science.” I shrug, then add, “I do need a camera though.”
“Are you serious, Sully?” Sabrina gasps. “They burn people alive!”
“Yeah, and we pull people’s fingernails off when they’re a day late on their rent.” I tell her. “It’s what the club needs me to do.”
“I’ll fuck anyone in the club, but I’m not about getting roasted.” She sneers.
Lincoln puts his hand on my shoulder. “Maybe Sully takes this shit a little more seriously.”
I can feel the heat from his fingers straight through my t-shirt. I’m briefly brought back to those fingers digging into the flesh of my ass.
“Next time you want to sink that cock into my ass, I suggest you call her then. She’s so fucking dedicated.” Sabrina hisses and saunters off, her friends following behind her.
“No pussy for you tonight.” Burch jokes.
Lincoln shrugs. “She’ll get over it. Let’s go get what you need.”
I look at Lincoln as he begins walking towards the door. Burch and the other Rykers are already heading in the other direction.
“You’re taking me?” I ask, not wanting to sound rude or unappreciative. I’m only surprised. I assumed he would have had one of the prospects take me.
“The others are heading out for a pick-up.” He explains. “We have two deliveries coming in.”
Lincoln grabs the extra helmet from the back of his bike and tosses it to me. I catch it in a sort
of awkward, bobbling way and feel my cheeks flush with embarrassment. I notice a slight smirk playing at the corner of his lips. I pull the helmet on and climb on behind him on his Fat Boy.
My hands are resting lightly on his sides when he takes them and pulls them around his waist to grip him tighter.
“Hold on, Sully.” He instructs and gravel flies up behind us as he speeds away.
I grip him tightly and laugh, enjoying the feel of the hot August wind on my face and the vibration of his bike beneath me. I always loved riding. For me, there’s something about being on a bike that’s so freeing. You don’t have the same claustrophobic feeling of being closed up and strapped down in a car. You have the world around you, breathing it in and feeling it against your skin.
Out of habit, I lean forward and rest my chin on Lincoln’s shoulder, not thinking. Only when I catch his scent on the wind do I sit back and scold myself. His scent is a distinct sandalwood scent, where Cal always wore a Calvin Klein cologne. There’s a big difference. I need to remember the differences between Cal and Lincoln, but I need to remember their similarities the most. Lincoln has the same darkness inside him that Cal did.
Chapter Four
~Lincoln~
Feeling Sully’s chin on my shoulder for that brief moment felt incredible. Then she moved away as though I’d scorched her skin. It’s for the best. We both know it is. I never should have touched her that night. I don’t know what came over me. I’d pulled her in my arms to offer her comfort. To give her solace. She’d unexpectedly lost Cal for Christ’s sake.
Then she looked up at me, her eyes surprisingly dry, and my hands had moved from her back and cupped her ass. I’d lifted her as though she weighed nothing. She didn’t protest or even utter a word as I’d carried her to the bed. Hell, I hadn’t even used a fucking condom. My only thoughts had been to make everything go away. I knew what she needed and she knew what I wanted.