Still, Tracker ignored me, slamming his fists into the bag.
Pound pound pound.
Pound pound.
His expression was closed off. His eyes emotionless. My heart ached for him. But I didn’t know what to do.
“Tracker,” I whispered at last. “Won’t you at least look at me?”
He punched the bag again. “Gordon’s dead.”
He hit the bag. “But you got your sister back.”
Pound.
“You’ll be leaving tomorrow.”
Pound pound pound.
“Just go, Jess. Don’t make this harder than it has to be.”
Pound pound.
My chest squeezed. My eyes filled with tears. I swallowed hard. “I’m so sorry about Gordon. I don’t expect you to forgive me. If I could bring him back, I would.”
He stopped punching the bag and drew in several deep breaths. Then he stepped toward me, unwrapping the gloves from his hands and tossing them aside.
“It wasn’t your fault, Jess. I killed him. Me. I was the one who got him involved. His death rests on my shoulders, not yours.”
I shook my head sadly as he stopped before me. “I was the one who came here, who asked for your help. If it weren’t for me, he’d still be alive.”
Tracker sighed loudly. “Stop blaming yourself. It’s not your fault.”
I stared up at him as the tears fell freely now, running down my cheeks. It was my fault. Didn’t he see that?
“I’m sorry I snuck off without you,” I whispered. “But I couldn’t endanger anyone else. If I’d known Gordon was going to die…” I broke off, swallowing hard. “I never would have come here. I hope you can forgive me someday.”
He drew in a ragged breath. “Fuck that. There’s nothing to forgive. Tomorrow you and your sister will go on your way and you won’t have to think about the dregs ever again.”
Pain exploded in my chest. He didn’t want me to stay. What had I expected?
“What if I don’t want to leave?” I whispered. “What if I want to stay with you?”
He groaned softly. “Jess. You don’t want me. You deserve so much better. What kind of life could I give you? I have a bounty on my head. Life with me will never be safe.”
“I don’t care, Tracker.” I drew in another deep breath and stared up into his eyes. I wanted to tell him I loved him, but I wasn’t sure if he would believe me. “Please. Please don’t send us away.” God, had I been reduced to this? Begging? How pathetic was I?
He squeezed his eyes shut. “You’re not making this easy for me.”
And I wasn’t about to make it any easier. I leaned up on my toes and pressed my lips to his. I had no pride right now.
He opened his eyes and let out a soft growl, yanking me against him. He slid his mouth over mine, kissing me hungrily. “My brave little Jessica,” he praised between kisses. “So selfless. So beautiful. Risking yourself to save your sister. What the fuck were you thinking?” He nipped at my neck, making me gasp at the sharp sting. “You could have been killed. Or raped. Or worse.”
I pulled his mouth back to mine, needing the connection. “I know. But you would do the same for someone you care about. You would do the same for one of the other dregs.”
He stilled, lifting his head. “He’s dead. My best friend is dead.”
My heart twisted as I looked into his eyes, seeing the grief he couldn’t hide.
“I’m so sorry.” I hugged him tightly. “I’m here for you, Tracker. Always.”
He groaned. Then he caught my mouth in a fierce kiss, walking me backward until I hit the wall. His hands roamed over me, slipping inside my shirt to fondle my breasts, tweaking my nipples and making me moan. I lifted my arms and he pulled my shirt over my head, tossing it aside. He gazed at my breasts, his nostrils flaring.
“So fucking beautiful.” He lowered his head and suckled first one breast, then the other. I gasped and moaned and squirmed beneath the assault, loving every moment of it. Every time Tracker touched me, it was beautiful. Even this urgency, this roughness was incredible.
He yanked at my pants, pulling them down. I kicked them aside. His eyes darkened as his gaze swept down my body.
He came back to me, kissing me hard, thrusting his tongue in my mouth. There was no gentleness this time. Just need. And I couldn’t deny him. Even if he hurt me, I wouldn’t make him stop. He needed this escape, this release. His best friend had just died. Because of me.
I slipped my hands up inside his shirt and stroked his muscular torso as he kept kissing me, deeply, almost desperately. He leaned back, palming my breasts, a mixture of lust and torment in his eyes. Then he lifted me up against the wall, kissing me fiercely as he joined his body with mine in a hard thrust. I gasped and moved with him, the orgasm slamming through me almost instantly, so powerful, so intense, I could do nothing but cling to him as he found his own release.
It was over quickly. Tracker held me there for several long moments, breathing heavily, our bodies still joined. Though it had been a little rough and I was sore, I didn’t regret it and I certainly didn’t blame Tracker for using me to help deal with his pain. He’d needed me and I was here. If he would let me, I’d stay with him forever.
He slowly lowered me to the ground. He kissed me once more, softly, then stepped back and fixed his pants. Reaching down, he snatched up my shirt and my leggings and held them out to me.
Then his expression changed to horror. “Goddammit,” he hissed. “I didn’t use a condom.” His gaze slammed to mine. “Are you on birth control?”
Heat crept into my cheeks. “No.”
He turned away from me, pacing several feet, then coming back. He swore again. His face shifted back into its cold mask. He paused in his pacing, skewering me with his gaze. “If you’re pregnant, I want you to terminate it.”
He stalked out of the workout room and slammed the door behind him.
What the hell?
I stared after him in stunned disbelief. Then I slid down the wall until I hit the floor, holding my clothes against me.
If you’re pregnant, I want you to terminate it.
I would do no such thing. How could he say something so insensitive? So cruel? That was murder. If I was pregnant, I would never kill my baby. Tracker could go to hell if he thought I would even consider something like that. Asshole.
I slowly pulled my shirt over my head as tears tracked down my cheeks. His sudden withdrawal, his callousness hurt. Where had it come from? Was he afraid of babies? Of fatherhood? Or something else?
I slid my leggings on and rose to my feet, wiping at my tears. Even though I’d been a willing participant in what had just happened, right now, after those hurtful words, I felt used. Abused. And sore from his roughness.
But my heart hurt most of all.
That’s what I got for falling for a dreg.
Why had I let myself fall for a man who was incapable of love? Why was I so stupid? I had Eliza back, but I’d be leaving with a broken heart. I was such a fool.
He expected me to leave tomorrow, to take Eliza and never return. But where would we go?
Don’t beat yourself up for believing in him, Jess. He does care for you. You know he does.
I sniffled, wiping at another tear. Maybe so, but he would never love me, no matter how much I loved him.
I opened the door, deciding to go back to my sister to lick my wounds for the night. I would see Tracker in the morning and tell him goodbye, then take my sister and leave. He would never know the truth about how I felt about him. I was getting my pride back now.
A little too late.
I stepped out into the corridor and pulled the door shut behind me. Silence surrounded me. Everyone must have gone to bed. I headed down the dark corridor toward Gordon’s apartment where Eliza slept.
Sensing sudden movement behind me, I jerked around, my heart in my throat. A thick, muscular arm came out of nowhere, wrapping around me like a vice, holding my arms against my sides and yanking me
back against a hard body. I opened my mouth to scream, but another hand covered my mouth and nose with a wet rag, holding it in place. I gasped and sputtered, turning my head to the side, choking on the moisture-soaked cloth. I tried to breathe, tried to scream for help, but all I managed to do was inhale whatever drug was on the rag into my system faster.
No.
I squirmed and fought.
Eliza.
I kicked back, but my foot didn’t connect with anything.
Tracker.
I tried once more to scream, but my mouth wouldn’t move.
My head lolled back, my neck too weak to hold it up anymore.
“Easy now. Just relax,” a voice whispered. A vaguely familiar voice. Who was he?
Then everything went black.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
Tracker
I went back to my apartment and snatched up my sketchpad. Trying to release the demons inside me, I began to draw.
Jessica. Her beautiful, expressive face. Her gorgeous hazel eyes. I would never tire of drawing her. She was everything that was good and kind in this world.
Jessica had let me use her to seek release from the demons haunting me, from the overwhelming pain of Gordon’s death, and I’d taken advantage of that. I’d used her. Callous bastard that I was. I’d used her hard. I’d fucked her against the damn wall. I’d needed her so much that I stupidly hadn’t used a condom.
I was an idiot. A Goddamn moron.
And then I’d walked out like the cold prick that I was, telling her to terminate any resulting pregnancy. The very idea of fatherhood, of tiny babies…it just couldn’t happen. Ever. I had no intention of ever becoming a father. What kind of life could I offer a kid? And if The Company ever found out about Jessica…I couldn’t even contemplate what they might do to her.
Sudden, unexpected longing swept through me. A life with Jessica. A family with Jessica filled me with so much want it nearly choked me.
To have a son or a daughter of my own…
That was nothing more than fantasy. I could never have that kind of life. I wasn’t worthy of that kind of happiness. I was destined to be alone.
Though I hadn’t stayed long enough to see Jessica’s reaction to my cruel words, I had no doubt that I’d hurt her. She would be leaving in the morning and I would never see her again. It was best that I gave her a reason to hate me before she left. I’m sure it worked. I imagined she was cussing me out right now.
I began drawing her face the way I imagined she was feeling right now. Those big gorgeous eyes filled with hurt. Those soft, kissable lips parted in shock at my cruelty.
My chest squeezed. It hurt, thinking of her in pain. Because of me.
It had been a long time since I’d hurt. Since I’d let myself feel anything. But the moment she’d entered my life, all of that had changed. I felt things now. I felt everything, whether I wanted to or not. She’d changed me in more ways than one. She was turning me into a human again. Making me weak. And God help me, I didn’t want her to leave. I wanted her to stay with me. Forever.
What if I don’t want to leave? What if I want to stay with you?
Her words came back to me, so heartfelt, so innocent. She had no idea what a life with me would be like. But I did. And I couldn’t do that to her. I was loco. Fucked up in the head. I was too dangerous. I might unintentionally harm her someday, and I couldn’t bear the thought of ever hurting her. So, I had to let her go.
I finished drawing her, detailing the expression on her beautiful face, the hurt that I knew she was feeling right now. I tried to ignore the pain in my own chest at the thought of how cruel I’d been to her.
I willed her to come to my apartment. Willed her to wrap her arms around me and tell me she forgave me for my cruelty. God, I wanted to hold her one last time before she left. Wanted to cuddle her tightly against me while I slept. She was the only thing that could stop the nightmares. Without her, how would I cope?
You don’t deserve her. Let her go. You coped without her before and you’ll cope again when she leaves.
I drew for hours, sketching Jessica’s beautiful face with several different expressions. Then I drew her gorgeous, perfectly shaped body. Gradually, I began to relax as I drew. She soothed me. Calmed the rage and the demons inside me.
I needed her.
Whoa...What?
I paused in my drawing.
Need was a powerful word. Need meant necessity. Need meant something you had to have in order to survive. I’d never needed anyone before. I’d never needed anything but food, water, and air.
I needed her.
It was true. I needed Jess. Without her, I couldn’t heal. Without her, I was nothing but this empty shell of a man. She helped chase the demons away. She showed me gentleness, tenderness. She’d shown me what it was like to have a woman care for me.
Please come to me, Jess.
I need you.
But she never did.
Go find her. Tell her you’re sorry.
I couldn’t. I wouldn’t. As much as I wanted her to stay, she had to go. I had to send her on her way. She was better off without me.
And so I stayed in my room, drawing her. Missing her. Wanting her.
And then it was a new day.
It was time for her to leave.
Time for me to say goodbye to the only woman who’d ever gotten through my walls. The only woman I’d ever cared for.
But when I stepped out of my apartment, bracing myself for a painful goodbye, I was met with a frantic Eliza, tears streaming down her young cheeks.
Jessica was gone.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
Jessica
The bouncing jarred me awake.
I blinked, glancing around. It was dark out. The scent of the Loblolly pines filled the air, which meant I was in the forest somewhere. My senses picked up the sound of branches crunching beneath someone’s feet.
I shifted, trying to move, and discovered my arms were tied behind my back. I squirmed, only to realize what the bouncing was. I’d been tossed over the shoulders of a large man who trudged forward through the forest. His arm gripped the back of my legs, holding me in place as my head swayed with his movements.
Terror slammed through me.
I came fully awake and began to squirm wildly against my captor, trying to break away. He kept walking, but his arm tightened around me.
“If you fight, I’ll just drug you again, Jessica.”
I stilled. That voice. I knew that voice.
Deep. Raspy. Scratchy.
Jacob.
I’d only been around Jacob a few times, but I’d never forget his strange, raspy voice.
Why had he taken me?
Dizziness swam in my head. I squeezed my eyes shut and drew in several deep breaths. “Jacob? Why did you kidnap me? I don’t understand.”
He jolted, pausing a moment in the forest. He shifted my weight, then continued on. He didn’t respond.
“Why, Jacob?” I persisted, opening my eyes. “Can you at least tell me why?”
“I didn’t want to do this, but I had no choice.”
What did that mean? Had someone forced him to kidnap me? Why?
“Tracker’s your friend,” I said, dangling over his shoulder as he walked. “Why would you betray him like this?”
He let out a snort. “Trust me, I didn’t want to. But I had no choice.”
He wouldn’t speak anymore, no matter how much I badgered him.
He walked.
And walked.
Until the sun came up.
Then we came out of the trees.
I craned my head, trying to see around him, trying to see where we were.
A car door slammed. Footsteps approached.
Jacob flipped me off his back and set me on my feet. I wobbled slightly, then stood tall, trying to be brave. He gripped my arm in his large hand to keep me from fleeing.
A group of men approached, all dressed in military garb. One of them carried a s
mall child in his arms. I stared. The men were huge, muscular, like the dregs. Who were they? The older man in front with gray hair—their leader?—nodded at Jacob.
“This is Tracker’s woman?”
Jacob nodded. “Yeah. This is her. Now I want what you promised me.”
The older man perused me critically, his gray eyes cold and calculating. My breath caught as I stared into the man’s expressionless face, at his harsh features. He had to be in his late sixties or early seventies, old enough to be my grandfather. He had a full head of gray hair and was tall, big and intimidating. He seemed familiar somehow. Had I ever met him before?
He turned to Jacob. “You did well, Jacob.” He turned and motioned to the man who held the child. The man stepped forward, handing the little girl to Jacob. “Go now. There will no longer be a bounty on your head. You’re free to live your life as you choose.”
Jacob nodded curtly, hugging the little girl to him. I didn’t miss the tears in his eyes. “Thank you, sir.”
Two of the men stepped forward, taking my arms. Jacob walked away without a backward glance, carrying the child with him. His daughter?
I was conflicted. Part of me wanted to scream at him for betraying Tracker, while the other part of me sympathized. Had they threatened his child to make him kidnap me and hand me over?
“You’re a traitor!” I shouted. “Tracker will come after you for this! He’ll hunt you down and kill you!”
Jacob didn’t respond. He just kept walking until he disappeared into the trees. As I watched him leave, my heart pinched. It wasn’t his fault. These guys had found his weakness and used it against him, forcing him to betray Tracker. I couldn’t blame him.
The older man chuckled, snapping my attention back to him. “You are correct, my dear. Tracker and the others will hunt Jacob down and kill him. Jacob might be able to hide for a while, but he’ll always be on the run from them, and they are more dangerous than any bounty hunter. I know, because I trained them.”
I pulled my gaze back to my new captor, realization creeping in. “Who are you?”
His cold gray eyes sized me up again. “General Waters. Founder of The Company.”
A chill swept through me. This was the man who’d tortured Tracker and the others, turned them into the soldiers they’d become. This was the man who was responsible for Tracker’s nightmares, for damaging Tracker’s mind. For making Tracker kill. An intense hatred shot through me. I wanted to claw his eyes out. I wanted to pummel him with my fists. I wanted to tie him to a chair and torture him, rip his fingernails off and cut off his appendages.
The Tracker Page 24