“How long have you known your daddy?”
Hazel shrugged. “Just a little while.” Which could mean a few days, a few weeks, a few months. How long had Jacob been a part of his daughter’s life? How long had he even known about Hazel?
Deciding I’d interrogated the child enough, and believing she was safe with her father, I opened the next book, and read the title, “Are You My Mother?”
Hazel settled more comfortably against me while I read her the story about a little bird who fell out of its nest and couldn’t find its mother.
Fortunately, the story had a happy ending, and the little bird found its mother in the end. Sadly, little Hazel would be without her own mother now. What would happen to her? Would Jacob be able to raise this sweet child on his own? It was none of my business, but I couldn’t help but be concerned.
I read Hazel two more stories, then fixed her some lunch. As I was cleaning up, Eliza emerged from the bedroom, rubbing sleep from her eyes.
“We just ate.” I glanced over my shoulder at her.
She nodded and entered the kitchen.
A knock came at the door, so I went to answer it while Eliza fixed herself a sandwich. Hazel followed after me, staying close to my heels, and cowered behind my leg as I opened the door.
Jacob stood in the corridor, looking uncomfortable. He cleared his throat. “Hey. I was coming to let Eliza know I’m back now.” He glanced down at his daughter, then looked back at me. He made no move to take his child back and I sensed he was still uncomfortable around her.
“Are you ready to take her back?” I asked.
He sighed and looked away. “Not really. I don’t know what to do with her.”
“You can try reading her a story,” I suggested. “She likes that.”
He scowled. “I’m not a reader.”
Sympathy tugged at me. This poor man, this warrior, had no clue what to do with his daughter.
“I’ll watch her a little longer,” I said. “But eventually, you’re going to have to step up and take care of her.”
He flushed, shifting his feet. “I know. I just…I don’t know anything about kids. I mean, shit, she scares the hell out of me. She’s so damn cute I’m afraid to touch her, that I’ll tarnish her somehow, that I might hurt her without meaning to.”
“She’s not that fragile, Jacob. She just needs you to spend time with her. To be there for her, show her you care about her. Let her know she’s not alone. She’s a child, a human being, just like you and me. And she needs you more than you realize.”
He rubbed a hand over his face. “I visited her at her mother’s a few times, but it was always really awkward.” He snorted softly. “Celia and I hooked up a few times over the years, but I never expected her to get pregnant.” He cleared his throat again, obviously uncomfortable. “I never planned to be a father.”
I smiled. “You don’t have to explain. I get it.”
He sighed. “They killed Celia to force me to help them.” He motioned helplessly at his daughter. “I think she saw it all. They knew I couldn’t let them kill my kid, too. I had to betray Tracker, but I don’t know if he will forgive me.”
I didn’t either. But at least the dregs were letting him stay here still. As an outsider. How long would that last? How long before Tony, or one of the others, confronted Jacob and a fight broke out?
A door closed from somewhere out in the corridor. Jacob turned away from me, his body tensing. I scooped Hazel up in my arms, sensing a conflict ahead and wanting to keep her away from it.
“Get away from there,” Tracker’s voice came from out in the hallway. “Fucking traitor.”
Oh crap.
Jacob danced aside as Tracker surged forward, stalking into the apartment. His gaze flew to me, narrowing on Hazel. Relief crossed his features.
“Did he hurt you?”
I hurried forward. “No. Of course not. He was coming to get Hazel.”
Tracker was still a little pale. He should probably be in bed recovering.
Jacob hesitated in the doorway. He glanced at Tracker. “I went to make sure The General was dead, but the facility was abandoned. They either took off, or shut down completely. Did you guys kill him?”
Tracker slowly turned back to Jacob, his gaze hard. “Yes, we killed him. The bastard’s dead.”
Jacob’s face didn’t change. “You realize that just because he’s dead, doesn’t mean The Company won’t send more soldiers here to kill us, right?”
Tracker marched toward him. I couldn’t detect a limp in his step. Either he was hiding the pain really well, or the drug The General had given him was working, healing his shattered thigh bone.
Jacob danced back out of the way in a fluid, graceful move. He was certainly quick on his feet. Eliza had seen him in action. I could imagine how impressive that must have been.
“Look man, I’m sorry for what I had to do. But I didn’t have a choice. They were going to kill my kid. I’m not going to fight you. I’ll just keep dancing out of the way until you wear yourself out.”
Tracker scowled. He flicked his gaze to me, then back to Jacob. “I know that. I couldn’t catch you before I was injured. I sure as hell won’t catch you now.”
Their gazes locked. I waited, praying Tracker would forgive him.
“You need to think about getting Jessica and Eliza out of here,” Jacob said. “It’s not safe anymore. I’m already looking for a place to take Hazel.”
Tracker spun back around, his gaze latching on me. “Yes. I’ve been thinking the same thing.” He snatched Hazel from my arms and thrust her toward Jacob. “Take your kid. She’s your responsibility, not Jessica’s. Leave my woman alone.”
Snagging my arm, Tracker dragged me past Jacob and out into the corridor. What the hell? I tried to break free, but he was too strong.
“Tracker,” I protested, jerking back. “Stop manhandling me!”
Ignoring me, he pulled me down the hallway toward his apartment. Opening the door, he shoved me inside. “You need to pack your stuff. You’re leaving.”
What? I stared up into his emotionless face, into his cold, hard eyes. What had happened? Why was he acting like this? Not more than two hours ago I’d been cuddling with him in his bed. He’d opened up to me, telling me about his mother, about his tattoo. I thought we’d bonded in that moment, grown closer…
My heart squeezed.
“No. I’m not leaving you.”
Something flickered in his eyes before he turned away from me. “Yes, you are. You’re leaving, Jess, and you’re never coming back.”
CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN
Tracker
I didn’t want to do it.
But I had to. For her own safety.
The food and the sleep had revived me. I felt almost normal again. When I’d woken alone in my bed, missing Jess, wishing she was there beside me, I’d come to the conclusion that I had to send her away sooner rather than later. I was becoming way too attached to her. Needing her was bad. I couldn’t need something I didn’t deserve to have. As much as it hurt, it was best if she left before I was tempted to touch her again, make love to her again. I feared if I did, I wouldn’t be able to let her go.
So I’d gone to find Nate and told him of my plans. He’d been stunned. He told me he believed I was making a mistake. But I insisted. I told him I trusted him to do this for me. Then, finally, when I didn’t give in, he reluctantly agreed to help me.
And now Jacob had given me the perfect excuse to send Jess on her way. I’d been trying to think of a reason to push her away that she would believe, and now I had one. It was too dangerous for her here. It was too dangerous with me. If The Company sent more soldiers here, then she was in danger.
Jessica grabbed my arm, her small fingers wrapping around my wrist. “Why, Tracker?” she whispered. “I don’t want to leave you.”
I sighed, keeping my back to her, unable to look into her beautiful face. “You have to, Jess. It’s not safe here. I’m not safe. It’s time
for you to go.”
“So you’re just going to kick me out like this? After all we’ve been through?” Her voice cracked.
I swallowed hard, unable to answer. My throat clogged with emotion.
Her breath hitched, her fingers loosening on my arm. “Will I ever see you again?”
I drew in a deep breath, slowly exhaled. “I think it’s best if you don’t.”
She let out a soft gasp. “So just like that, you’re booting me out? Sending me on my way? Do I mean so little to you, Tracker? What was I, just some fuck buddy to you?”
I spun toward her, ready to deny it, the words on the tip of my tongue, eager to burst free, eager to tell her how much she meant to me. Instead, I sighed. What was the use? I needed her to leave, and the best way to get rid of her was to make her think I didn’t care. I jerked an arm toward the bathroom. “Gather your shit and stop arguing. We had our fun, now it’s time to go.”
“We had our fun?” The hurt and the incredulity in her voice jarred me like a slap to the face. “Fun?” She raised her voice and straightened her spine, her brilliant green-gold gaze boring into mine. “Is that all I was to you was fun? Fuck you, Tracker.” Her voice cracked again. Her eyes swam with tears that wrenched at my heart, twisting it into a painful knot.
She jerked away from me, marched several steps across the room, then paused and turned back to me. “I love you,” she whispered, a single tear trickling down her cheek. “I love you. Does that mean anything to you at all? Does that cold heart of yours even know what love is? Do you even care?”
I flinched. That hurt. Calling me cold-hearted. Saying I didn’t care when I cared so fucking much it was tearing me up inside.
It’s what you wanted. To make her leave.
But I didn’t want to hurt her. I never wanted to hurt her.
You’re just doing what you have to do.
I squeezed my eyes shut, unable to look into those tear-filled eyes, unable to witness the hurt on her beautiful face.
“I’ve already made arrangements with Nate. He’ll take you to a safe place.”
I strode toward the door to my apartment, needing to get away from her before I caved. Before I gave in and dragged her into my arms.
“Tracker!”
Her voice halted me as I reached the door.
“If I leave,” she said shakily, “then I’m never coming back. You hear me? If I walk out that door, then you’ll never see me again.”
I swallowed hard. If she left, that would be it. I knew that. That’s why I was sending her away. It was for the best. Her safety was more important to me than my own happiness. Someday she would understand that I’d done this for her.
Why did the thought of her leaving hurt so damn much? How would I survive without her? I was lost without her, empty without her, my damaged soul a twisted, tormented, fucked up mess. I needed her to heal, to be whole, to be human again.
“That’s the plan,” I choked out. I drew in a ragged breath, forcing the pain aside. “You were never supposed to stay, and you know that. This was always temporary. I’m no good for you, Jess.” I never should have touched her in the first place, never should have let her get close. Never should have let her break down my walls and teach me how to feel.
“I’m not going to beg,” she whispered from behind me. “I’ll leave if that’s what you want. But know this, Tracker. Never, as long as I live, will I love someone the way I love you.” Her quiet footsteps moved into the bathroom.
I’d wanted her to think I didn’t care, and it had worked. I’d just broken her heart. My chest squeezed in agony. I may have convinced her I didn’t care, but I would never be able to convince myself she meant nothing to me. Because she meant everything. And I’d just destroyed whatever we could have had together.
Her quiet sobs reached me as she slammed around in the bathroom, gathering up her toiletries, the ones I’d brought her that first night.
Goddammit.
I longed to go to her, to yank her in my arms and never let her go. To tell her how much she meant to me.
But I didn’t go to her. I couldn’t.
So, I yanked open the door and strode out into the corridor.
And out of her life.
CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT
Jessica
Tracker had just told me to leave. For good. I don’t know what I’d expected, but certainly not that.
How could he be so cold and unfeeling? Not more than two hours ago, he’d kissed me tenderly and I know we probably would have made love if Nate hadn’t come in and interrupted us.
So why was he pushing me away like this now? Why had he been so cruel? I’d told him I loved him, and he’d acted like he didn’t care.
Maybe he doesn’t care. Maybe you were nothing more than “fun” to him.
My lungs seized. My heart pinched. I collapsed on the bathroom floor, knocking the toiletries off the counter, as uncontrollable sobs overtook me.
Why? Why was he doing this? I thought he’d cared about me. I loved him. Damn him. I loved him. Didn’t he care?
I don’t know how long I sat there and cried, my heart breaking in two, but eventually Eliza appeared, kneeling on the floor in front of me and pulling me into her arms.
“Shh!” she murmured. “You’re going to be all right, Jess. Nate told me we are leaving. That it’s not safe here.” She rocked me gently the way I’d rocked her ever since she was a tiny baby. “He said it was best if we go to a safe place now.”
“I love him,” I sobbed. “I love him so much. But he doesn’t care. He doesn’t want me.”
She patted my back. “He does care, Jess. You know that. I think he loves you, too. He’s just trying to keep you safe. I don’t think this is the end for you two. I believe in my heart that you will see him again.”
I shook my head back and forth. “He doesn’t want me. He told me it was best if I never saw him again. God, I’m such a fool. Why did I fall for him? Why?”
She hugged me again, patting my back while I cried.
Finally, I forced myself to get a grip. I did have some pride, after all. Straightening my spine, I leaned back and wiped at my tears. I would survive this. Tracker wouldn’t break me, damn him. Fuck him and his cold heart.
Eliza gently helped me to my feet, smiling gently. “Come on. Nate’s waiting. We have to go now.”
I was numb as Eliza helped me gather my few possessions—the ones Tracker had brought me. Then we went out into the corridor where Nate was waiting. He wasn’t alone. The other dregs stood there in a line, waiting. To say goodbye?
My heart squeezed.
They stepped forward, one by one.
First, Ryan, still weak from his injury, but at least he was up out of bed now.
“Take care, doll. We’re gonna miss you.” There was a sadness in his eyes I’d never seen before. He gently squeezed my hand, then walked away.
Luke was next. He cleared his throat and nodded at me. “Nice knowing you.” Then he left, obviously uncomfortable.
Noah smiled gently and shook my hand. “You ever need help with online research or anything, just let me know. I’d be glad to help.”
My eyes filled with fresh tears. “Thank you.”
Logan stepped forward. “Good luck, Jessica. I’ll miss you.” He turned away quickly, disappearing down the corridor with the others.
Then Tony was there, his darkness not as threatening as it had once been. His black gaze locked onto mine. “I was wrong about you, Jessica. You’re a good woman. A strong woman. And Tracker’s a fucking idiot to let you go.” He swallowed hard, nodded once, then walked away.
Down at the end of the corridor, a silent figure stood, watching.
Jacob.
He lifted his hand in a wave.
I waved back, my heart pinching. What would happen to him and Hazel?
“Let’s go.” Nate’s voice pulled my attention away from Jacob. When I glanced back down the corridor, Jacob was gone. Like a phantom in the mist.
I willed Tracker to appear, so I could see him one last time. But, of course, he didn’t.
I drew in a ragged breath, forcing my emotions under control.
Nate sent me a sympathetic look. Then he led the way out of the maze.
No one spoke as we reached the entrance and went to the hidden garage. We all climbed into the Escalade, Nate behind the wheel and Eliza and I in the back seat, holding hands and wondering about our future. Where was Nate taking us? Moments later, we were heading out of the forest.
Away from Tracker. Where had he gone when he’d left me? To the workout room? Had he left the place entirely?
Would I ever see him again?
Turning away from the window, I glanced at Nate in the rearview mirror, my cheeks heating as my gaze met his. He looked away, staring out the front windshield.
“Where are we going?” I asked.
Nate answered without looking at me. “Tracker has a place in northern Idaho that’s safe. He asked me to take you there.”
Northern Idaho? I’d never been out of Georgia before. Tracker was sending me about as far across the country as I could go. Intentionally, I was certain.
Why did that cause my heart to twist even more?
Nate sighed. “I told him I thought he was making a mistake, that he was a fool to let you go.”
I swallowed hard and nodded. “Thanks.”
“He’s scared, Jessica,” Nate murmured. “Afraid he might hurt you someday. Afraid something bad might happen to you. And he’s right, you know. It’s not safe living with a dreg. None of us are all there in the head anymore. We’re too dangerous. One minute you could be lying there happily in bed together, and the next he might have a flashback and choke you to death. He’s scared shitless he might kill you accidentally.” He paused, looking back out at the road in front of him. “Just give him time. I think, maybe, hopefully, someday he’ll come to his senses and realize how much he cares for you.”
I swallowed hard and turned to look out my window. Someday? Why wouldn’t he just believe in himself? In me? In us? Someday I would be an old lady. Someday I’d be dead. I didn’t want to wait for “someday”. Life was too short for “someday”. I needed him now. I loved him now. Couldn’t he see that?
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