Then she saw Lisette, sitting underneath the rushlight at the end of the hall. At the sight of Emeline, Lisette got to her feet, glancing back uncertainly as she moved around the corner. After a moment, so it might look to any of the guards roaming this hall that she was just taking one of her nightly walks, Emeline followed.
Lisette led her to the Hall of Kings and stopped at the far end, staring up at a portrait of her parents.
She herself had examined it many times over the years―the painting showed Nazar and Thibault standing behind Thekla, all three of them smiling and seemingly in love.
"She was lovely," Emeline said, standing beside her and looking up at the portrait.
Lisette nodded. "I don't... I can't really remember her voice."
"I'm sorry."
"And so am I," she said, turning to Emeline and kneeling. "For what I said to you. I cannot even imagine having a parent of the sort that yours is. Perhaps I would know had... had mine lived. I am no longer such a child as to think that Father Thibault was a kind king, not when it was his rule that saw the start of the deathfights and that gave Grisha such an esteemed position."
"Lisette..."
"You shouldn't have to be terrified of your mother. You acted to protect yourself and others―and me," she elaborated, "and I never should have been so harsh with you. I missed you. So much. I love you."
Emeline blinked, almost taking a step back out of sheer surprise. Instead, she took Lisette's hands and drew her back up to her feet. "That's... that's the first time anyone's ever said that to me."
"It can't be," Lisette said. "Surely your first husband...?"
"He said, 'I can get you out of here'. I thought it meant the same thing." She hesitated a moment and then spoke again. "Come with me."
Lisette gave her a puzzled look, but followed as Emeline made her way down to the ground level and then hurried out into the main courtyard.
"What are we...?" Lisette asked, but from the hope in her voice, Emeline knew she'd already guessed. This was where the stables were, after all.
Impulsively, Emeline took her hand, leading her to Helia's stall. Lisette grinned at the sight of her old armorhart, tears glistening in her eyes. "Hey, girl," she whispered. "Don't suppose you remember me."
The armorhart nosed at her outstretched hand, and Lisette stroked her head, gently scratching her behind her left ear. The armorhart made a high-pitched chirruping noise, and Lisette laughed quietly. "You always did love that."
"Do you want to see her new babies?" Emeline asked. "Well, they're almost half-grown now, but..."
"I'd love to!"
Emeline led her further down the stables, to where two younger armorharts shared one stall. It was common in the case of twins to keep them in close proximity to one another until they were fully grown―and even then, they would be placed in neighboring stalls.
"This is Pasha, and that's Arina," she said.
"They're beautiful."
Emeline looked at Lisette's face, her joyful smile, and took a step closer. "I... I love you, too," she confessed. No, she'd never been interested in anything physical, and even now she was hesitant, but maybe it would be different this time. Besides, she'd never made the attempt with a woman. If she tried this and could tolerate it, that would be so much easier than trying to explain.
She pressed her lips to Lisette's and knew immediately the mistake she'd made when Lisette wrapped her arms around her. Though she'd been eager to try only a moment before, eager to prove her deep-seated knowledge about herself wrong, now all she wanted to do was run.
Emeline tried to settle herself down. She told herself that people kissed all the time, that they clearly enjoyed it. It didn't feel claustrophobic, uncomfortable, to any of them.
"I'm sorry," Emeline said, extricating herself. "I can't."
Before Lisette could speak, Emeline turned and hurried away, toward Alain's. Gennadi might not be awake, and if he was she wasn't sure she wanted to explain these past few humiliating moments, but at the very least speaking with him might provide a comforting distraction.
Emeline slowly opened the door to Alain's work room, moving inside as quietly as she could. It was quite late at night, the kitchens the only place in the castle that were still bustling with activity. The doctor himself, having done what he could for Gennadi's ankle, was back in his own quarters.
Gennadi lay on the cot, asleep, and Emeline smiled. His right ankle was heavily bandaged now, and he bore a few cuts and minor bruises, but other than that he seemed none the worse for wear.
"Enjoying the view?"
Emeline jumped, knocking into a tray of medicine bottles and slipping as she tried to grab them before they could fall, losing her balance and landing in a heap on the floor. She sprang back up, hair curling every which way.
"Oh, thank you," Gennadi said, laughing so hard he clutched at his stomach. "I don't think any medicine could touch that."
"I'm glad my clumsiness amuses you," Emeline said, carefully putting the medicine bottles back on their tray.
"You looked like one of Grisha's cats!"
Emeline smiled, remembering how she'd startled one of the small animals once and it had fluffed up just before tearing out of the room. "Thank you so much."
"So," Gennadi said. "Do you stare at sleeping men often, or am I an exception?"
"I―well," Emeline said, twisting her ring around. "Just wanted to make sure you were doing all right."
"Never been better," Gennadi said. "Well, not quite true, but I'm a far sight healthier than I could've been."
"Are most of your jobs as dangerous as that one?" Emeline asked.
"Well, I didn't start getting paid more king's copper so I could lounge around the castle and eat pastries." Emeline's expression grew worried, and Gennadi sat up. "I'm fine. And you?"
"Perfectly well."
"Really," he said. "Because you seem far more upset now than you were when we left the carriage two hours ago."
"I spoke to Lisette. I know what you said. And I agree, I think she would understand, but I... I couldn't explain. And so instead I kissed her."
"How'd that work out?"
"Poorly," Emeline said, her gaze darting to the door. "I should go."
Gennadi shook his head. "Partly right. We should go."
"You can't be thinking of walking on that ankle."
"I can limp along," he said. "Doctor just told me to rest it, not forgo using it at all." He carefully swung his legs over the side of the cot and got up, keeping most of his weight on his good leg. "Come on."
"Where are we going?" she asked.
"Fighters' quarters," he said. "Don't suppose you've been to see Vasya yet?"
"No," she admitted. "I wandered for a time and then found Lisette, and..."
"I haven't been to see him, either," he said. "Was planning on it, but the doctor swooped in first."
"And you are sure you wouldn't rather... well, go see him alone?" she asked hesitantly.
He laughed. "I'm not feeling quite that good." He winked. "Give me a couple of hours."
When Emeline rapped on his door, Vasya opened it and ushered them in. Emeline went in first, freezing at the sight of Lisette, sitting on his cot.
Gennadi laughed. "Seems like none of us can stay away from you."
"You leave my sight for eight days," Vasya said, "and you go and get yourself hurt."
"I do need constant supervision," Gennadi admitted, grinning as he leaned in for a kiss.
"Is he all right?" Lisette murmured. "I knew that a Page left to call him back early for a task, but..."
"He's all right," Emeline said. "Listen, about... I didn't mean―"
"It's fine," Lisette said.
"No, it isn't. I promise, that had nothing to do with you."
Lisette grinned. "Kissing me had nothing to do with me?"
At the sight of that grin, Emeline knew that things were truly all right between them again, and she smiled back as she sat down next to Lisette on the
cot. "It's just not something I'm comfortable with," she said. "At all."
Lisette shrugged. "All right."
Emeline blinked. However much she had believed that Lisette would understand, a part of her had fully expected a reaction like Savva's: disbelief, confusion, and anger.
Then she realized that both of them were sitting while Gennadi was still on his feet, and she grabbed Lisette's hand, pulling her up to clear a space.
"Thank you. Though if one or both of you would like to sit back down..." Gennadi said, patting his lap.
Lisette laughed and swatted gently at his shoulder, and Emeline took her usual seat in the corner where she'd sat so many times over the years, talking quietly with Vasya or just enjoying a peaceful silence.
But this time, instead of closing her eyes as she relaxed, she watched Lisette and Gennadi as Lisette sat down next to him, the two of them laughing as Gennadi began to tell stories about what had happened in Village-by-the-Sea. She looked over at Vasya and he caught her eye before returning his attention to them, and she realized that he felt it, too.
The two of them had spent so much time in here, and it had been wonderful. But now, having Gennadi and Lisette here as well, the four of them together... it transcended the peace she'd found here before, became something entirely different and very close to perfect. This, she realized. This was how it was supposed to be.
*~*~*
When Lisette came down to the tiltyard, she mostly trained with Gennadi, sometimes working with one of the other fighters when he was busy. Lisette knew she was never going to be as good as anyone she trained with―they had actual experience, after all, not just sparring, and they also had much more time in which to train. She simply stole an hour or two when she could.
But it was a wonderful form of stress relief. After hours of forced politeness, having to smile if one of the visiting loyalists pawed at her, bowing to King Nazar, gritting her teeth as she was beaten for yet another of Ilari's indiscretions, it was a welcome change to just throw punches. Or knives. She quite liked throwing knives.
Today, she came not so much to spar as to check on Gennadi and make sure he wasn't overdoing things. She hurried into the tiltyard, expecting to see him twirling a dagger in a way that she was sure would result in missing fingers sooner or later, and found Vasya there instead.
He was training with a sword, one of the weapons she had reluctantly dismissed. She had picked up one of them, a blade that the fighters kept here strictly for practice; it had been too dull to use in the Arena itself. She had struggled to lift it properly, let alone give a practice swing.
He had no such problems.
She found herself staring, taking a step closer without even realizing she'd done it. Then a hand dropped down onto her shoulder, and she jumped.
"Gonna be a while yet before you'll be ready for sword work. A long, long while," Gennadi said cheerfully.
"Understood," she said. "Are you all right?"
"Aww, you're worried! I'm flattered," he said, clasping his hands over his heart and batting his eyelashes at her. She punched him on the arm, and he laughed. "Getting stronger!" he said. "Sorry I can't spar with you today; the doctor keeps telling me I need to keep weight off this stupid thing," he said, motioning down at his ankle.
"Then why are you standing here? Go to bed."
"All right, all right," he said, holding up his hands and grinning. "Don't want you to miss any of your training, though. Hey, Champion! Get on over here and show this girl a thing or two."
He walked closer to her and she went to meet him, smiling and trying not to think of how odd this was. Yes, they'd spoken now on several occasions, but it had always been at night, in his quarters and with the lantern barely lit. It was easy to talk then.
Now it was broad daylight, and he was quite close, really, and suddenly she found it hard to even think of anything to say, much less say it.
He gave her a slight bow and a smile, mischief in his eyes, and that was all the warning she got before he swung.
She ducked away from the blow, grinning now, and took a swing herself. He dodged, which didn't surprise her in the least, but when he hit back and she wasn't able to dodge, he pulled his punch, barely tapping her on the chin. And that did surprise her; the fighters here did try to lessen their blows, of course―the idea was to train, not knock each other senseless―but some bruises were expected.
Lisette raised one hand, the sign for a knockout, because if he hadn't pulled that punch, she would be waking up sometime late tonight wondering what had happened.
He nodded once in acknowledgment, and then said, "Again."
She was holding her own, having fun, even, until she attempted a move that she'd only seen a few times and had never actually tried.
As he moved in closer, she dropped down, bracing her weight on her hands and sweeping one leg out, trying to kick his feet out from under him.
The couple of times she'd seen it the move used, it had very straightforward consequences. Either the move worked and the target hit their attacker back, or it didn't work and the one who'd tried it got up as quickly as possible and switched strategies.
What did not happen was the target following her down and knocking her onto her back before she could try to gain her feet again.
Which was where the problem started.
Because she'd been pinned before, and either she shoved her opponent off her with an irritated curse if they got too cocky about it; or she made a smart remark; or they both laughed about it and tried again.
This was nothing like those times. Those times, she'd always been a little annoyed at herself. This time, she wondered how she could ensure it happened again.
His hands were over hers, one leg pinning hers down, and she had the strangest―strongest―urge to tilt her hips up, just...
Rationality flooded her system just in time, asking her what she could possibly be thinking, and Lisette scrambled away from him, not daring to look up at him to see the expression on his face. If there was, Goddesses forbid, disgust... "Good lesson. Thank you. I have to go."
Lisette didn't run in her hurry to get out of that tiltyard, but it was a close thing. Once she was back in her usual clothes and in her usual wing of the palace, she leaned against the wall and took several deep breaths.
All right, she thought. This was completely manageable. Her mind had just decided to play an incredibly unkind trick on her, that was all. She'd simply forget about it and continue on as usual.
She thought of nothing else all afternoon, until sundown signaled the end of her shift. She went to the dining hall, waiting along with the other bondservants for the handservants to finish their meal. Once inside, she and the others picked through what was left. She preceded the other bondservants out, wondering if her body and mind were going to settle down enough to let her get any sleep tonight.
As she left the dining hall, she saw Gennadi leaning against the opposite wall, waiting.
"You really shouldn't be standing on―" she began, her fussing coming to a halt as soon as she redirected her attention from his ankle to his face.
"I don't think you've seen my new quarters yet," he said. "Would you like to?"
Lisette was currently inexperienced but far from naive; she knew what he was truly asking. And she nodded, following him down the hall, the feelings she'd been trying to ignore all day taking over every nerve ending now that she knew she would soon have a way to indulge them.
The two of them had been lazily flirting for quite some time now, but then, he flirted with a lot of people, so she'd never been completely sure if he'd meant any of it.
Until that kiss.
She followed him into his room and shut the door behind her, watching as he sat down at the head of the bed. She hesitated then, unsure for just a few seconds, until he patted the spot beside him. The gesture was one he'd made a thousand times before, offering her a place to rest in the middle of her work day or inviting her to talk about something that was botherin
g her, and immediately she relaxed. This was Gennadi. First and above all, her friend.
Which, naturally, meant that she had to tease him a little.
She strolled around the perimeter of the room, pretending great interest in her surroundings. "It must be strange, to suddenly have so much space."
"Does take some getting used to."
"I remember this sword," she said, nodding to a piece on the wall with an elaborately engraved hilt. "A gift from Loyalist Calixte, was it not?"
"Yes."
Lisette pretended not to notice the way he was watching her, her heart racing as she wandered the room asking inane questions. Finally, she stopped in front of him. He looked up at her expectantly and she leaned forward, smiling―and reached past his shoulder to nudge at a portrait hanging on the wall. "This is crooked."
Though she'd technically known that his ankle was almost healed and that was his only persistent injury, she still hadn't expected him to move so fast. One second she was standing in front of him, and the next she was on her back on the bed.
"Are you done?" Gennadi asked. "Or do you have things to say about the ceiling structure?"
"Well, the stonework is quite fascinating, now that you mention it..." she said, laughing as he leaned down to kiss her.
"I was watching the two of you," he said. "From the entrance to the courtyard. You need to spar more often."
"Do we?" She agreed completely but wanted to hear more of his voice like this, like he was struggling to hold on to control.
"For a moment there, the way you were looking at each other... and all I could think about was getting you back here."
"Or him?" she asked with grin.
"Or both of you. I may be greedy."
"I don't mind."
She'd watched him, fantasized about tracing the lines of his body with her hands, finding out where he was most sensitive to her touch, her mouth. Smiling, she edged her way off the bed, and when he sat up, knelt between his legs. She had a fairly good idea about where to start.
*~*~*
"In all seriousness," Gennadi said, adjusting his arm around her shoulders as she cuddled close to his side, "you really should talk to him."
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