Kat and Lann returned with too many parcels. There was no way she could work her way through that many outfits. Lann had insisted on buying her a full maternity wardrobe to cater for every month of her pregnancy. She’d argued at first, and when it had gotten too tiresome, she’d given up.
Shopping with Lann was tiring work. After a long nap, she woke up in the bedroom alone and went in search of the others. She found Clelia in the entrance, replacing the candles.
“Hey, Clelia,” she said. “Where’s everyone?”
“Eve is in the lab, and Lann and Joss are in the study. Do you feel rested?”
Kat nodded. “Much better, thank you.”
“I was just about to feed the animals and walk the dogs. Would you like to join me?”
“I’d love to.”
They put on their coats and scarves, and went out back to an animal shelter to feed abandoned and orphaned rabbits, hedgehogs, turtles, and cats. When the task was done, Clelia called the wolfdogs and took a trail that went through the surrounding forest.
The day was cold and misty. Kat wound her scarf around her neck. “May I ask you something, Clelia?”
The tiny woman shoved her hands into the pockets of her coat. “Of course.”
“Do you or Joss possess any of the seven forbidden arts?”
Clelia stopped to look at Kat. “Why do you ask?”
“I saw the way you reacted in the kitchen this morning, and I was just wondering.”
The expression in Clelia’s eyes turned sad. “It’s me,” she said in a miserable tone. “It’s because of me we can’t.”
Kat hooked her arm through Clelia’s. “I’m sorry.” The dogs ran ahead of them as they resumed their walking. “I didn’t mean to pry, but I know it must be hard for you, having me around.”
“No, we’re happy to have you, but I’m sad for Joss. I know how badly he wants a child.” She looked at her boots. “As do I.”
“Maybe Eve will find a cure,” Kat said, hopeful.
Clelia stopped again. “Oh, Kat. It’s me who’s sorry.”
Kat smiled. “It’s all right.”
“How can you be so accepting?”
They neared a fallen trunk and sat down. “When Lann told me he was taking me to the clinic, I thought I’d go through with it, but I just couldn’t. The way I look at it is that I can either accept the inevitable and make the most of the time left, or be angry and make myself miserable.”
“Lann blames himself.”
“It’s not like he planned it.”
Clelia took Kat’s hand. “You’re a courageous woman.”
“Not at all.” She looked at Clelia. “It’s Lann I’m really worried about.”
“You love him, don’t you?”
“I do.”
“Then why do you seem so sad when you say it?” Clelia asked.
“Because a selfish part of me wants him to love me like Joss loves you.” She shrugged. “I’ve accepted the fact that he’s here because of the situation, and not because of me.”
Clelia gasped. “Oh, Kat. That’s not true. It’s obvious that he loves you.”
Kat shook her head and stared at her feet. “He offered me a thirty-day fling. It was never meant to go this far. He even admitted that he wouldn’t have come back to me if I weren’t pregnant.”
“Ask him,” Clelia urged. “Ask him how he feels.”
“He told me he loved me.”
“Don’t you believe him?”
“What else can he say? Wouldn’t you, if you were in his shoes?”
Clelia let go of Kat’s hand to throw an arm around her shoulder. “I’m sure he means it. Lann isn’t the kind of person who’d lie just to make someone feel better.”
“Anyway, as I said, that’s just the selfish part of me speaking. It’s better that he doesn’t love me. I don’t want him to suffer when I’m gone.”
Clelia hugged her tightly.
Talking about dying was too sad. Kat didn’t want to spoil the mood for everyone in the castle. “So, what’s your gift?” she asked to change the subject.
“Fire.”
“Fire?”
“I’m a Firestarter,” Clelia said
Kat was speechless.
“I didn’t know myself until a couple of months ago,” Clelia continued. “It’s still new to me too.”
“Sometimes I think this is all a dream.”
“Sometimes, so do I.” Clelia patted her arm. “Come on. It’s getting dark. Let’s finish the walk and go back to the fire where it’s warm.”
When Clelia got up, Kat held her back. “I know we don’t know each other, but you’re Lann’s friend. Will you make sure he’s all right, when … you know?”
Clelia stared at Kat with misty eyes. “Of course.” She paused. “Have you talked about your baby’s future?”
“Not yet,” Kat said. “I’m not sure Lann is ready.”
“Speak to him,” Clelia said. “It must be weighing on your mind.”
When they approached the front of the castle, the dogs made a big show of announcing their arrival with loud barking. Lann was waiting outside on the steps. He walked over to meet them.
“I was worried,” he said, taking Kat’s hand.
“We went for a walk,” Clelia said.
Lann looked at the horizon. “Bad weather is coming in.”
Clelia followed his gaze. “Storm?”
He nodded.
“I’ll go put the animals in their enclosures.”
Clelia left to execute the task while Lann led Kat back inside.
He rubbed his hands over her arms. “Cold?”
She shook her head.
He took her coat and scarf and hanged them on the coat stand. “Sorry I left you sleeping. Joss and I had business to discuss.”
Motivated by Clelia’s encouragement, Kat said, “I need to talk to you.”
“Of course.” He took her to Joss’s study. “We’ll have privacy here.”
Suddenly nervous, she wrung her hands together. Lann eased her down on the sofa facing the fireplace. Pulling her fingers apart, he rubbed a thumb over her palm in a soothing gesture.
She hesitated. It was a difficult subject. What was the best way to broach it?
“What is it, Katherine?”
She studied him. Even dressed in a jersey and casual slacks, he looked elegant. With his hair hanging loose around his face, he looked like a model for Calvin Klein. He was such a beautiful sight he made her mouth go dry.
“I need to see my parents,” she finally said. “We need to decide how much we’re going to tell them.”
Letting her go, he scrubbed a hand over his face. After a moment, he said, “You can’t tell them about me, at least not about what I am.”
“I realize that.” Her agreement had to have surprised him, because he glanced at her quickly. “And I’m not going to tell them there’s a good chance I’ll die at childbirth.”
He pushed to his feet and walked to the fireplace. With his back turned to her, she couldn’t read his expression.
“They don’t deserve to live with that kind of pain for eight months,” she said. “It’ll be easier this way, if they just believe there was a complication of some kind. You can make up something.”
He spun around. “And you deserve this kind of pain?”
“This isn’t about me. This is about my family. I know this isn’t easy, but we don’t have much time.”
He lifted his hand as if to silence her, but curled his fingers into a fist.
“Lann,” she said softly, “they’ll want to be with me for the birth, but I don’t think I can handle that. I want you to break the news to them when the time comes.”
He pressed his fist against his mouth, not saying anything.
“Will you please tell them there was a complication? Eve can help us come up with something. We need to talk about the funeral, and about the arrangements. We have to decide where it’s going to be. We need to decide about our baby’s f
uture. My parents will want to know their grandchild, but someone will have to—”
He held up his hands. “Enough!”
He looked so angry it broke her heart, but they needed to plan these things. Life carried on. “Lann, we need to—”
Before she could finish her sentence, he walked to the door, and left the room. Jumping to her feet, she hurried after him. When she got to the entrance, she was just in time to see him rush outside, almost knocking Clelia off her feet as she came back inside.
Clelia shot Kat a worried look. “Are you all right, Kat?”
Tears she didn’t want to shed burned in her eyes. Kat could only shake her head as she escaped to the privacy of their room.
She ran a bath, stripped, and lowered herself into the welcome warmth of the water. Only then did she allow herself to cry. She allowed herself to grieve for all of two minutes before wiping away the tears. This was no way to behave. She’d made this bed. She took a deep breath. More than ever, she needed to be strong. She was done crying. For as long as she could, she chose life.
Chapter 6
The pain was unbearable. Lann had never experienced anything like it, not even when he found out what he was or why his mother had died and his father abandoned him. A dust devil twirled at his feet. It took some effort to let the particles settle. As he regained control of his emotions, the dust died down. Facing Katherine’s death wasn’t something he could deal with. He’d certainly never forgive himself.
Joss and Clelia approached him where he stood on the steps of the forest chapel. The wind had picked up. Rain would follow soon. Clelia’s hair whipped around her face. Joss draped an arm around her, sheltering her against his body. They stopped in front of him.
“You have to tell her about us,” Clelia said, “and about your part in the team. She already knows what I am.”
He shook his head. “She’s got enough to deal with.”
“She won’t forgive you so easily this time,” Joss said. “Not if you leave her in the dark again.”
“What do I tell her? That I’m a killer?”
“You’re not a killer,” Clelia said. “You’re a soldier.”
Joss gave him a stern look. “She’s the mother of your child. You owe her the truth.”
“Not yet,” Lann said. “Give her time.”
He first had to convince her he loved her. If she believed him, it would be easier for her to accept what he did for a living.
“Are you not telling her because she won’t be able to handle the truth, or because you can’t bear to break it to her?” Joss asked.
“I’ll handle it, dammit.”
Clelia’s voice was gentle, her expression concerned. “Come back inside.”
He shook his head. He needed the storm. He wanted to feel it lash around him.
“Lann,” Joss said, “Pull yourself together. She needs you.”
The last part caught his attention. Yes, Katherine needed him. But damn the winds from all corners of the earth to hell and back, he needed her too. He needed her for longer than eight months.
“I’m responsible,” he said.
He didn’t have to elaborate. He could see from Joss and Clelia’s faces they knew what he meant.
“Let’s talk about it,” Joss said.
Clelia huddled against her husband. “I’ll go see if Kat needs anything.”
When they turned, Lann followed.
Inside the warmth of the castle, Clelia went upstairs while Joss brought Lann to the study.
Lann smiled grimly. “It seems we’re spending a lot of time in here talking about how I’ve fucked up.”
“You’ve got to stop blaming yourself.”
Lann paced the room. “How can I not blame myself?”
“It’s not your fault. You didn’t know.”
Lann uttered a cold laugh. “Like hell it’s not my fault. If I’d stayed away from her…”
Joss crossed his arms. His gaze followed Lann as the latter moved around the room. “What matters now is that she needs you.”
Lann stopped. He placed his hands on his hips and hung his head. “She asked for a wish.”
For a while, Joss didn’t say anything. When he finally spoke, his gaze was somber. “What did she ask for?”
“To visit her parents.”
“That’s reasonable,” Joss said. “We’ll have to discuss safety measures and how much information she’s going to give them.”
Lann closed his eyes briefly. “I’m not sure I can handle it. If I witness her suffering, having to say goodbye to them, forever, and them not knowing…” He looked away.
“Remember what you told me when Clelia asked me for a wish?”
Lann nodded, but he didn’t look at Joss.
“You told me it had to be granted because that’s our rule,” Joss said.
“And you said we didn’t have any damn rules.”
“But you reminded me that wasn’t our code of conduct.”
Lann winced. “Don’t throw my own words back at me.”
Joss’s voice was soft but stern. “You have a duty.”
“I know my duty.”
“Then do it. She’s waiting.”
If it were the last thing he did, he’d do his duty. Lann inclined his head stiffly when he passed Joss. He made his way upstairs, but didn’t go to Katherine immediately. Instead, he walked to the room Eve had converted into a lab.
The doctor was bent over a microscope when he entered.
“Have you found out why my fertility reversed?” he asked, angry with himself for something he didn’t understand.
“Good evening to you too.” Eve didn’t turn away from the microscope, but she acknowledged him with a smile.
“I’m sorry. I…” He wiped a hand over his chin.
“No need to apologize.” Eve typed something on a keyboard before facing him. “I can’t give you any definite answers yet. I’m looking into that, but my focus is rather on helping Kat.” She sighed and walked to the coffee machine on the table in the corner. “Want some?”
“Yeah.” He noticed the dark circles under her eyes. “I appreciate your effort. I know you’re putting in long hours.”
Eve poured two mugs and handed him one. “All I can tell you is that it’s not easy. Your physical morphology is not exactly what we know as normal. From what I can see, your hormones changed when you started having intercourse with Kat. I checked the blood samples I routinely took from you before and after. I have a theory though. I think something in Kat’s body triggered your hormonal change.”
“And that reversed my infertility?”
Eve leaned against the desk and cupped her mug. “Maybe you were never infertile.”
He frowned. “What are you saying?”
“That you only needed the right female to breed. By our standards, you would’ve been classified as infertile, but maybe not by your kind’s.” She left the mug on the counter and picked up a piece of paper that she handed him. “I found some old scripts. At first, I didn’t take them for more than the usual folklore, but that story captured my attention.”
Lann’s scanned the printout.
“It’s a translation,” Eve said, “of what I’m now thinking is some kind of ancient medical report.”
Lann stabbed his fingers into his hair. “This aeromancist needed a specific female to breed?”
“What we mistakenly assumed was infertility, was, in fact, just a normal condition. Your sperm count doesn’t rise unless you’re with a female that can provide the right cocktail.”
“If that’s the case, it explains a lot.” He left the report on the counter. “Has anything new about gifted births turned up?”
Eve gave him an apologetic look. “I’m not going to give you false hope. Your kind … there’s too little information for me to pull other case studies.”
“Has her body altered more?” he asked, dreading the answer.
“Yes. The baby is changing her.”
“Can’t we crea
te some kind of serum, antibodies?”
“I’m working on it.” Eve paused. “The problem is that I won’t be able to test anything before the birth.” Her tone held a warning. “You do realize that Kat’s going to be a guinea pig for whatever I can come up with, right?”
Removing his glasses, he pinched the bridge of his nose. “I know.”
“I’m sorry,” she said softly.
He looked back at her and tried to smile. “It’s not your fault. It’s mine.”
“Stop saying that. It’s not helping you or Kat.”
Lann finished his coffee and left the mug on the counter. “I’ll speak to Cain tomorrow. Maybe we can pull in another expert.”
“I’m the only one and you know it.”
Yes. He knew he was grasping at straws. “I’m losing it, Eve.” The storm outside … he almost couldn’t stop himself from calling down lightning. He’d never lost his control. He was finding it harder to hold back. If this carried on, Cain would have him locked up.
“It’s emotional. You’ll get a grip.”
Lann patted her shoulder. “Let me know if I can do anything to help.”
“Bring Kat in tomorrow early. I’ll run another test to measure her change.”
Lann left the lab and went in search of his woman. He found her sleeping in their bed. Her hair was spread out around her face. Her long lashes brushed her cheek. The movement of air around him was faint. She seemed pale. He got undressed and slipped into bed next to her without waking her, putting his arms around her body. Despite the covers, she was cold. He placed his hand on her chest. Her heart was beating fast. Too fast. He didn’t need Eve’s tests to know the truth. Kat’s body had turned more. The difficult part was only starting.
The storm had raged all night. The sound of rain on the windows came to Kat as she opened her eyes. She’d woken a few times in the evening to loud thunder. Now it seemed as if the storm had spilled its anger, and all that remained was a persistent drizzle.
When she stretched in Lann’s arms, he tightened his embrace. When had he come to bed? She’d been so tired. Her heart grew heavy when she remembered the previous night’s conversation, and how Lann had walked out on her.
Aeromancist (SECOND EDITION): Art of Air (7 Forbidden Arts Book 3) Page 8