“Do you regret marrying me, Ki?” I dug my nails into my thigh as my anxiety was rapidly rising clear off the charts.
“Where is this coming from? What aren’t you telling me?”
He was too perceptive for his own good, and mine. He knew I was hiding something from him and after his reaction, I was determined to keep it to myself. It was like a switch had been flipped and I no longer knew the man I’d loved the last four years. He had turned into someone different.
“I think we made a mistake, Ki.”
I watched as a flash of fury filled his eyes and he glared at me. He began pacing furiously around the room. His anger radiated off him in waves. I realized he needed some serious therapy to deal with his anger issues. I couldn’t expose myself to his unexpected outbursts any longer. What had happened to the sweet, quiet man I fell in love with? I no longer recognized him.
“What the fuck are you saying?”
“I want an annulment.”
“I can’t fucking believe this!” He ran his hands through his hair in frustration. His rage was so intense he couldn’t form words, but I stood my ground. He was just feeding me lip service about weathering difficulties together. He was a fucking liar.
An anger began to build in me. “What happened to all that shit you professed to me just a few minutes ago? Was it all bullshit too?”
“I love you.” His voice quivered with emotion.
“I love you too, Ki, but sometimes love is not enough. I’m sorry.”
I needed to be strong and live my life how I saw fit and not by how others thought I should, including Ki. I’d done too much of that my entire life, pleasing others. It was time to take control and leave all this shit behind.
“Zoe, please don’t do this to us,” Ki pleaded.
“You need to get some professional help, Ki. You’ve got a lot of pent of anger and marrying me doesn’t solve any of our issues or yours.”
“You think I would harm you?” His voice filled with disbelief.
The accusation ripped me apart. “No. But living with all that pent-up hostility is not healthy either. I can’t fix you. I can’t fix us. For fuck’s sake, you married me while I was drunk, Ki. What does that say about our future? Not a whole hell of a lot. We married under false pretenses. I don’t want to be married like that.”
“You just decided we are over just like that. You don’t get to decide what is best for me. Jesus, Zoe, you are morphing into my mother.”
‘Don’t ever compare me to her ever again,” I snapped.
“From where I’m standing, you could be twins. I married you because I love you. Nothing more, nothing less. You could make all the excuses in the world, Zoe, but the next time you want to point fingers, be sure to take a good look in the mirror before you pop your little pill to cope. I’m glad you are so perfect. If you want an annulment, you got your wish. I don’t want to be tethered to someone who thinks I’m the devil incarnate.”
“Well, we agree on something,” I retorted.
Ki gathered his things and jammed them into a suitcase before walking out the door without a second glance.
I felt a sense of freedom standing up for myself even though it broke my heart all over again. I’d kept my tears in check long enough. They began to flow, and I cried for us, for what would never be.
Chapter 13
Zoe
I backed out of Joe’s office and quietly closed the door behind me. I couldn’t believe what I had just overheard. Bile rose up in my throat and I barely made it to my office where I emptied the contents of my stomach into the trash can. A fine perspiration covered my face as another bout of morning sickness plagued me. I grabbed a tissue to wipe my mouth. Gripping the edge of my desk, I eased myself into my chair. Ever since my fateful trip to Vegas, I had been exhausted—physically and emotionally. The funny thing was, I didn’t have the heart to take off the ring Ki had given me. The ring we had picked out together all those years ago that I now kept on a necklace beneath my clothing near my heart. Because for whatever reason, nothing could exorcise Ki from my heart. I had tried time and time again. It was useless. We were bound by time and space.
My personal life was a huge mess. My professional life on the other hand couldn’t have been betters. The Otters were in the Stanley Cup. Game 7 was tonight. Ki and I hadn’t seen each other since he stormed out of our hotel room nearly two months ago. I’d heard he was seeking counseling for his anger issues. And I had given up my meds for obvious reasons. My current pill of choice were pre-natal vitamins the size of a horse pill. I had also enrolled in a yoga class for pregnant women where I learned breathing techniques that helped ease my anxiety. The doctor had told me to avoid stress where I could, so I did. She was also the only one I confided in about my disastrous marriage. In hindsight, I regretted my words to Ki. From the moment I met him, I knew I wanted to marry him. Now it had come to pass, and we were worlds apart. On top of everything else, I now needed to deal with Joe Wharton. Yet another layer the universe had added to my ever-increasing complicated life.
Oh great, more tears. Just what I didn’t need. Sooner or later the truth was going to come about my pregnancy and what I had overheard in Joe’s office. I stared out the window over the San Jose skyline. From my vantage point, I could see the Convention Center and all the people headed to lunch, living their daily lives. I rubbed my belly absentmindedly, willing the nausea to calm down. I hit my intercom.
“Cami, can you please come in here,”
“Coming,” she replied. Her usage of the word coming unsettled me on all levels, especially when you threw Ki into the mix. Cami had made it very clear to anyone who would listen to her that she had a thing for Ki Connery. Little did she know he was my husband and the father of my unborn child. When I caught him kissing Cami at the coffee shop all those weeks ago, and informed him I was late, he had sloughed it off as an overreaction on my part off given my erratic cycles. Little did he know, and Cami, for that matter, that time would remedy their skewed opinions.
A knock on my door sounded and Cami poked her head in. She gave me that fake smile she reserved exclusively for me and me alone. If she hadn’t been Joe’s pick, I would have fired her arrogant ass long ago. But Joe and the other staff members never got to see that side of her. Around them, Cami was sweet as pie. Ugh, it made me want to puke all over again.
I looked at her, returning the same fake smile. Sooner or later, things were going to change, and I could guarantee Cami wasn’t going to benefit one bit.
“I need you to get me another wastepaper basket and then set up a call for me with agent Bond.”
I handed her the trash can. She made a face when she got a whiff of it. The perils of being an executive assistant.
“Did you throw up?”
“As a matter of fact, I did.”
“God, it stinks,” she complained and held the offending bin away from her.
“I didn’t ask for your commentary. Just get me a new one and arrange the phone call as I asked for. I also need you to track down Ki for me.”
I was in no mood to place nice today. I needed to think about my next move without tipping off Joe. Though one piece of information I had learned took a huge weight off my shoulders and once I told Ki, maybe just maybe, we could form a truce. We would need an amicable relationship for the sake of our child. Another bout of emotion swept through me. I didn’t think I was prepared for life as a single parent.
I looked up and realized Cami was staring at me with a puzzled expression on her face.
“You’re pregnant, aren’t you?”
Her blue eyes assessed me knowingly.
“I have no idea what you are talking about.”
I sounded way too defensive and I knew it. For whatever reason, I wanted to blurt out, yes. I am pregnant with Killian Connery’s child, my husband if nothing but to wipe off the condescending look off her face.
“Ki doesn’t want kids.”
Cami’s retort was like a slap to my face.
Heat rose in my cheeks. She had pegged me and my situation, however I refused to kowtow to the bitch. Cami Adams didn’t have a clue who she was dealing with. I was mommy dearest amped up on pre-natal vitamins.
“As I recall, your job description doesn’t not include commentary on my husband.”
Cami blinked and sputtered, “Husband?” Good, she was catching on.
“Didn’t you get the memo?” The snark was heavy in my voice.
“You’re lying,” Cami huffed.
I pulled my necklace from out of my blouse to show her the evidence of my marriage to Ki. The flash and fire of the three-carat emerald had Cami slack-jawed. What a beautiful sight that was.
“Now, I suggest you run along and do as I have asked, Miss Adams. And keep your mouth shut about this little exchange. If I even hear the merest bit of gossip, I know exactly where it came from. So, if you value your position with this organization, adhere to the NDA you signed, or we will fully sue you of the law. Now run along.” Bitch.
I dismissed her with a wave of the hand. Cami’s face turned beet red. She stomped off, slamming the door behind her. That felt real damn good. A few minutes later, my intercom buzzed.
“Yes?”
“Mr. Connery is here to see you.”
“Send him in.”
I could hear Ki laughing over something Cami had said. It did nothing to still my rapidly beating heart. This would be the first time I saw him in since Vegas. I would get an occasional glance from him at practice but nothing more. I had mastered the art of making myself scarce. The door handle turned, and he filled the doorway—all six foot four of him. If anything, he seemed bigger and broader than before and more imposing. I would be lying to say I wasn’t nervous. My hands were shaking so badly I gripped my desk to steady myself. Outwardly, I looked composed and serene. Inwardly, I wanted to bolt and run like the coward I was as his eyes pinned mine with a hard, cold stare. It had been a spur of the moment decision, and I hadn’t prepared for what needed to be said. Cami’s words echoed in my mind—Ki doesn’t want kids.
I found my voice. “Have a seat, Ki. We need to talk.”
He closed the door behind him and sat down opposite of me. He stretched out his long legs and lounged in the chair all the while never uttering a word. It felt like I was meeting with employee Ki instead of the love of my life Ki.
“What is this about, Zoe? I have to things to do.” His coldness permeated my addled brain. I was beginning to realize how much pregnancy messed with my mind, turning me into a scatterbrain, not to mention the never-ending horniness. I devoured every square inch of him. He looked good. His designer suit fit him to perfection. Focus, Zoe, I admonished myself.
“Do you like the month of October?”
His brow furrowed at my question.
“Is that some type of joke?” Anger laced his voice. He sat up straight, stiffening his posture.
“It will be our child’s birthday, Ki.”
I held my breath, waiting for his reaction. His eyes connected with mine for a brief second. I could see the warmth and flash of silver fire beckoning me, then it was gone as quickly as it had come. He scrubbed his hands over his face.
“I want a paternity test, Zoe.”
I gasped. His words cut deeply. “Whatever it takes, Ki. My lawyer will be in contact. Sorry I wasted your time.” Anger flared up in me. No one, not even the father of my child, was going to question the legitimacy of my baby.
“That all?” Ki arched an eyebrow at me.
“No. I overheard a very sordid and disturbing conversation Joe was having with someone on the phone. To paraphrase him, we need to get Zoe out of the way now.”
“What the hell does that all mean?” Ki dropped his indifferent act.
“I think Joe is behind my kidnapping for reasons I can’t comprehend. The man literally saved my life after the wedding was called off. Why would he want to hurt me? None of it makes sense. I have no idea if your mother has to do with anything of this. But I’m scared, Ki. I need to call the FBI…”
My voice trailed off as emotions engulfed me. I was unable to form any coherent words since they were all stuck in my throat. I realized I was completely and utterly alone. Ki didn’t believe me, and I couldn’t upset Flynn’s relationship with Jesse more than I already had. Maybe Sebastian could suggest something. My brain was on overload and there was nothing I could do aside from feel helpless, alone, and very nauseated. My stomach heaved again. I shoved away from my desk and ran to the bathroom leaving an astonished Ki in my wake. I was on my knees, hugging the toilet when he found me. I had nothing left in my stomach. This kid of mine must be really pissed at me. I couldn’t blame them. I was pissed at myself finding myself pregnant and facing a future of raising this baby on my own. I slumped on the floor in abject defeat.
“Angel,” he whispered.
This was the Ki I knew. The Ki I longed for and craved with my entire being. I could feel his comforting presence, but I refused to look at him. Otherwise, what little dignity I had left would be dashed and I would beg and plead for him to take me back. The desperation clung to me or call it survival, whatever I was feeling was nothing but a pipedream at best. He had made it clear he didn’t want me or this baby. I’d been thoughtless and selfish only thinking of myself and I never really considered Ki’s perspective. He had come to me in Vegas and I had chucked it all away like it meant nothing. Like he meant nothing.
Ki knelt and brushed the hair off my sweaty face, then sat down on the floor next to me and pulled me onto his lap. As he wrapped his strong arms around me, I buried my face in his chest. My tears flowed uncontrollably, making a mess of his pristine shirt. It was funny. All I could think of was how I was ruining his shirt. God, why were women so concerned for others even when they cried?
“We’ll figure this out. I promise, Zo,” Ki murmured softly against my temple, stroking my hair. I was afraid to trust his words because everything was so uncertain and tenuous between us. I wanted to believe everything he was telling me but a part of me, a small part, was screaming at me to proceed with caution. After all, I wasn’t the only one at risk here—I needed to think for two now. The only support I could rely on would be from Ki financially, not emotionally and only once a paternity test revealed Ki was the father. A part of me was still insulted by the insinuation that he wasn’t the father of our child.
“This is not your problem, Ki. I’ll deal with it.” I withdrew from him. I had a moment of weakness. I guess we both did. Reality was beginning to invade my false sense of security being in back in Ki’s arms again. Nothing more than a momentary lapse of the old and familiar. For a short while, it all felt right.
“I meant what I said, angel.”
He cupped my face and thumbed away my tears. His simple gesture became my undoing. I pulled his lips to mine and our mouths collided in a fevered kiss. He drew me close against his hard length. My hands snaked around his neck, moving into the silky strands of his dark hair that curled around his shoulders. It was longer than normal, probably because of some superstition a lot of the players adhered too. Some grew beards, others had a particular way they dressed, or a specific drink or meal. Superstitions were a religion on the NHL. Ki was no exception to the rule.
All thoughts fled my mind when Ki lifted me up onto the sink, never breaking our kiss. We were panting and breathlessly consuming each other like two starved animals. His fingers ran up my leg and disappeared underneath my skirt, stopping short at the apex of my thighs. I inhaled at the unexpected sensation. His long-tapered fingers were rough against the softness of my inner thigh, wreaking havoc on my senses—teasing and tantalizing me with his touch. He knew every sensitive spot on my body and didn’t hesitate to use that knowledge to his advantage. Every stroke, caress, and kiss conveyed their own secret language. My hand ran over his hard length. He groaned into my mouth. We clawed at each other with a frantic need.
“Angel,” Ki sighed.
“I need you.” My eyes fluttered open an
d I held his dark penetrating gaze.
It took no further urging on my part. Ki fumbled with his fly before shoving my skirt up and pulling aside my panties. He sank into my depths with one swift thrust. I closed my eyes at the ecstasy of the moment. Ki thrusted into me over and over again, sending me to the brink and just as quickly pulled away, sending wave after wave of pleasurable ripples through my system. Every nerve and cell in my body was on fire. Ki was a man consumed by claiming what was his—my body. I arched into him and threw my head back as his body drilled into mine. He was all raw, primal, and animalistic. His hand wrapped my hips. He drew me down on him, anchoring me in place as he nipped and kissed the hollow of my neck. He knew all too well that turned me on more than anything else. I was left drenched and panting. The slickness of our bodies and sheen of perspiration dripping off Ki’s forehead trickled over my exposed breasts. He licked off the moisture with relish, then sucked on my nipples. My body was going into hyperdrive. When Ki rubbed my clit, I elicited a strangled mewling sound deep in my throat.
“Oh, my god, Ki,” I panted.
My senses were on high alert as the orgasm crashed over me like a rogue wave, flowing over me in a blend of pleasure and pain as I ascended to some higher plane. Ki thrusted three more times before a groan announced his eruption. I clenched around his cock as it pumped thick rivulets inside of me. Breathless, Ki leaned his forehead against mine. His breath was heavy against my cheek. He made no move to pull out, a simple act that was as intimate as it was endearing. I felt like I might break down at any moment. There was no place I rather wanted to be than in his arms. No two people could be closer than we were at that instant.
“Angel, what spell have you woven around my soul? You are the blood that pumps through my veins, the air I breathe, and my entire existence. Nothing compares to you. I don’t want to live without you, Zo. I just can’t do it anymore. I need you in my life.”
On Ice, A Hockey Romance Page 12