Which she absolutely was. She couldn’t believe she’d been so close to the big Kindred—that she’d been intimate with him. Or rather, let him be so intimate with her, she thought, blushing as she remembered the massage he’d given her with not one but two happy endings. What if he had turned into that huge beast while he was massaging her? He would have ripped her apart! Just the thought made her shiver.
“We’ll be folding space for you shortly,” Commander Sylvan was telling Kalis. “Stand by.”
“We’ll be waiting. Oh, and Commander? Could you please make certain there’s a healer nearby when we land? My Mistress has been through a lot today—she may need to be checked out,” Kalis told him.
“I’ll have Dr. Olivia come with me to meet you both at the Docking Bay,” Commander Sylvan promised. “We’ll be seeing you in just a few minutes.”
“Thank you.” Kalis nodded gratefully. “I look forward to meeting in person.”
“As do I, Brother.” Commander Sylvan nodded and then the viewscreen went blank.
“Well, Mistress—here we go,” Kalis rumbled, looking over at her. “I can tell you’re awake,” he added. “So you might as well open your eyes.”
Jillian was ashamed to admit she had been pretending to still be asleep or unconscious—it seemed easier that way. After all, she had no idea what to say to the huge Kindred. After seeing what he had become, she was scared of him. And also embarrassed when she remembered the way she’d let him touch her and make her come. It was just too many confusing emotions to deal with all at once and she felt completely overloaded at the moment.
But it seemed there was no escaping this conversation so she sat up in her seat and scooted a little farther away from the big Kindred, as subtly as she could.
“You, er, have two hands again,” she said, nodding at the way he was gripping the steering yoke with both hands.
“I do.” He nodded gravely. “I’m able to regrow lost body parts when I change to my other form. I didn’t want to change in front of you,” he added, casting a sidelong glance in her direction. “I was afraid that seeing my Ursus—my other form—would frighten you, the same way it scared Mistress Douchenbag.”
Well, you were certainly right about that, Jillian thought, but didn’t say out loud.
“Um…” To be honest, she didn’t know what to say. What could you say to a man who had massaged you and given you the best orgasms of your life, then rescued you from a Trollox, gone to court with you, gotten his hand cut off for you…and then turned into a giant green Grizzly bear and was still insisting that you owned him? There were just…no words. It was too, too much.
“You all right, little Mistress?” Kalis rumbled, raising an eyebrow at her. “Something you want to say?”
Surprisingly, Jillian found that there was something she wanted to say, after all.
“Yes—I’m not your Mistress,” she said firmly. She hoped this wouldn’t make him angry enough to come after her in his beast form, but she needed to get it out there. “Now that we’re going to the Mother Ship, you’re free of me—at least as far as I’m concerned,” she told the big Kindred.
Kalis frowned.
“What if I don’t want to be free of you, Mistress?”
Jillian shot him a “surely you must be kidding” look.
“You don’t mean to tell me you want to remain enslaved, do you?” she demanded.
He shrugged.
“Been a bodyslave longer than I’ve been free at this point. Suppose I’m used to it.”
“Well, I’m not used to it—having a bodyslave, I mean,” Jillian said firmly. “And I’m sorry, but I don’t have any room in my life right now for a relationship. Not that I’m not really grateful for what you did for me,” she added quickly, feeling bad. She started talking more quickly—almost babbling in her haste to get the words out. “I mean, you rescued me literally just in time and then you went to court with me and you even let yourself get maimed for me! But I just can’t…I mean, I’m running a restaurant and I have this big VIP dinner coming up tomorrow night that I haven’t even begun prepping for yet and now is just not a good time so—”
“This is about my beast—my Ursus—isn’t it?” Kalis rumbled softly.
“Of course not!” Jillian denied at once, but she found she couldn’t meet his eyes as she spoke. “It has nothing to do with the fact that you turn into a, uh, gigantic green Grizzly bear! It’s just that I recently got out of a really bad relationship and I’m trying to work on getting my life back in order and besides I can’t own another person—I just can’t.”
He frowned.
“So this is about you not wanting to be my Mistress?”
“Partially,” Jillian admitted. “I mean, I’m sorry if that, uh, hurts your feelings but I just can’t…oh look—we’re going through the fold in space!”
She pointed to the huge red gash in the blackness of space, relieved to be talking about anything besides the reasons she couldn’t have a relationship with Kalis. Because she absolutely couldn’t for so many reasons—not the least of which was the fact that he turned into a terrifying monster when he got angry.
They flew through the fold in silence and when they came out the other side, the Mother Ship was waiting—shining like a pure white pearl in the velvety blackness of space. It orbited the Earth’s moon and Jillian thought she had never been more happy to see it.
“Oh my God, it’s so good to get home,” she sighed. “The first thing I want is a long, hot shower.” She looked down at her grimy bra and jeans distastefully.
“I’m covered in massage oil and dirt.”
“Forgive me for using so much oil on you, Mistress,” Kalis rumbled softly. “If the massage had gone as planned, I would have bathed you in the bubble fountain and washed it away from your lovely curves at the end.”
Jillian felt her cheeks getting hot as she remembered, in detail, the feeling of his big hands caressing and massaging her bare body. But then she also remembered the huge Grizzly bear—its head bigger than her entire torso with its blazing red eyes and steak knife teeth—roaring in her face. At that mental image, the heat in her cheeks turned into a shiver that ran down her back.
“Mistress?” Kalis murmured, making her name a question.
“Please, don’t call me that,” Jillian said, looking away. “Please, I’m not…I can’t be your Mistress. You’re free now, Kalis—try to enjoy your freedom, okay?”
“What if I don’t want to be free?” he asked and she felt his eyes on her.
“Kalis—”
He raised a hand to stop her.
“No, never mind, I understand that you’re frightened of me right now—frightened of my beast.”
“I never said that!” Jillian denied quickly.
“You didn’t have to,” he rumbled, and she thought she heard bitterness in his deep voice. “I saw the look in your eyes when I changed to my other form. I just want you to know it was never my intention to frighten you.”
“Okay,” Jillian agreed quickly.
Though honestly, how did he expect to not frighten someone when he turned into a 13-foot-tall Grizzly? The beast inside him was mind-numbingly terrifying and every instinct inside her told her she needed to run away from it as fast as possible. And since it resided inside the big Kindred, it therefore followed that she needed to get away from him.
“Beginning landing procedure,” Kalis said neutrally. Though the shuttle was programmed to fly itself, he had apparently taken over. Which seemed fine—he seemed to know what he was doing.
Which makes one of us, anyway, Jillian thought miserably. She felt like an ass—the big Kindred had rescued her, protected her—Hell, he’d even let his hand be chopped off for her—and she was basically cutting him loose and telling him she couldn’t have any kind of relationship with him.
But what else can I do? she thought, casting him a sidelong glance. He turns into a freaking monster! I’d be insane to want anything to do with him, wouldn’t I?
The obvious answer was “yes,” but it didn’t explain why she couldn’t meet Kalis’s eyes as he landed the little silver shuttle neatly in the Docking Bay. Or the wretched feeling of guilt she had as she said a stiff goodbye to him and left him with Commander Sylvan, as she went with the female doctor who had come to examine her.
24
“It’s good to meet you in person, Brother,” Commander Sylvan said, offering his arm for a warrior’s clasp.
“Good to meet you as well.” Kalis nodded and took the other male’s arm, but his eyes were following Jillian as she and the female doctor walked away.
Sylvan’s gaze followed his own and he frowned.
“Is there a problem? Are you worried about Ms. Marks?”
“About Jillian?” Kalis shrugged. “No problem on my end. But she’s been through a lot today and…” he hesitated, hating to admit it. “Er…”
“And what?” Commander Sylvan prompted gently.
“And she saw me in my other form,” Kalis said heavily.
He hated to admit it, but as many times as the little female denied it, he knew she feared his Ursus—he could smell the terror on her when she talked about it.
“I didn’t want to change in front of her,” he told Sylvan. “But I had to fight for her—a fucking Trollox had claimed her and another was holding her for the first. I had no choice.”
“It sounds like you couldn’t help it,” Sylvan said sympathetically. “But am I right in guessing that she fears you now?”
Kalis sighed morosely.
“Just like my last Mistress,” he admitted. “She saw me change and then she couldn’t wait to get rid of me.” He shook his head. “Only I hadn’t been dreaming of my last Mistress for two years. When I saw Jillian today—finally saw her in person—well…” He shook his head. “I knew I’d do anything for her—anything to protect her—but now she fears me and doesn’t want to be anywhere near me.”
“Do you know if she’s been dreaming of you, too?” Sylvan asked. “Or was it a one-way Dream Sharing? Such a thing is rare, but not unheard of.”
Kalis shook his head.
“Don’t know. I told her I had dreamed of her, but she never said anything about dreaming of me, so one-way is possible, I guess.”
“Or she might not be the type to remember her dreams,” Sylvan said thoughtfully. “My advice would be to just give her a little time and space. You said that she’s been through a lot today—she’ll need to process everything before she can really understand how she feels.”
Kalis shook his head.
“She already knows how she feels—she doesn’t want me anywhere near her ever again.”
“Give her time,” Sylvan counseled again. “You know, before we were Joined, I foreswore my own mate, Sophia, at one point, because she feared me so much. Well, I should more accurately say she feared my fangs,” he added, smiling to reveal the sharp, double set of fangs all Blood Kindred had on either side of his mouth.
“Feared your fangs?” Kalis looked at the other male in surprise. “If she feared to be bitten, how did you ever bond her to you?” He knew that biting was an intricate and essential part of bonding sex for Blood Kindred.
“The Goddess had a hand in it,” Sylvan told him. “And since she’s been sending you dreams of Jillian for the last two years, I believe she’ll take a hand in your situation as well.”
Kalis sighed.
“I can only hope and pray you’re right about that. In the meantime, do you have a place where I could bathe and change?” He nodded down to the too-tight uniform clothes he was wearing. “I had to change into these, which I found in the back of the shuttle, before we flew here, because I burst out of my other clothing during the shift to my other form.”
Sylvan grinned.
“Those are a bit small for you, but never fear—we’ll find you some that fit. Come on, I’ll take you to a guest suite and get you something more your size along the way.”
“Thanks, Brother.” Kalis nodded, more grateful for the hospitality than he could say. It had been years since he’d lived in the company of his own kind and he had to admit, boarding the Mother Ship felt like coming home.
It had also been years since he had been free, with no Mistress to answer to, but Kalis found that didn’t make him nearly as happy as he had once thought it would. He missed Jillian fiercely—though he had only known the curvy little Elite in person for one day, he’d been dreaming of her for years.
Never thought that once she got to know me, she’d want nothing more to do with me, he thought morosely. Still, maybe Commander Sylvan was right and she just needed some time.
Kalis prayed it was so, for Jillian Marks held his heart in her hands. He only hoped that in time, she would be willing to give him another chance to explain that his other half would never hurt her and that he wanted only to make her happy.
25
“Jilly! Oh my god, I’m so glad you’re all right! Dr. Liv called and told me what happened and I just can’t believe it! You were abducted at the Buy-All-Sell-All?”
Suzanne came rushing into the exam room, talking about a mile a minute and threw her arms around Jillian in a big hug.
Jillian winced—she was sore from being dragged around by both Trolloxes—but it felt wonderful to have her friend’s arms around her.
“Yes, I was abducted,” she admitted in a low voice. “But it was my own stupid fault…”
And before she knew it, she was spilling the entire, twisted story of her horrible day into her friend’s lap. Dr. Liv listened as well, a concerned look on her pretty face.
“So you accidentally bought a Kindred bodyslave from a Yonnite Mistress and then he saved your life twice but you basically told him you never wanted to see him again?” Suzanne asked, when she finally finished.
Jillian stared at her in disbelief.
“Out of everything I just told you, that’s what you picked up on? Did you not hear the part about how he turns into a massive, terrifying Grizzly-thing?”
“Did his beast actually attack you?” Liv asked, speaking up for the first time.
Jillian frowned.
“Well…I mean, no, but I was sure he was going to. He came right at me and roared so loud it’s amazing my eardrums didn’t burst!”
“But I thought you said a Trollox was holding you hostage,” Suzanne pointed out, frowning. “Are you sure he wasn’t roaring at him?”
“Probably,” Jillian admitted. “But you don’t understand, Suzanne—having that creature so close to me was terrifying. I thought I was going to die. It reminded me of…of something that happened when I was just a little kid.”
“What?” Dr. Live asked. “What happened to you?”
“It’s hard to talk about.” Jillian shook her head. “But it traumatized me. I just…don’t trust big animals—don’t trust predators. And this thing he turned into was pretty much the biggest, meanest, most terrifying predator I’ve ever seen.”
“You poor thing! I’m so sorry,” Suzanne said contritely and hugged her again. “It’s just that after Brad was such a bastard to you, I’ve been hoping you’d meet a nice Kindred who would treat you right. And this guy sounds like he was really devoted to you.”
Jillian sighed.
“He was, I guess. But I’m not ready for that kind of devotion, Suzanne. I guess…I guess it boils down to the fact that I’m not ready to trust again.” She shook her head. “I don’t think I’ll ever be ready, after Brad.”
“Listen, Brad wouldn’t have let somebody cut off the tip of his pinky finger to save you—let alone his entire hand,” Suzanne pointed out. “Even if he knew he could regrow it later.”
“I know all that and I hate to sound like a coward.” Jillian rubbed a hand over her dirty face. “It’s just been such a long, horrible day and I haven’t done a bit of prep work for the VIP dinner tomorrow night! I just can’t deal with this right now!”
She realized she had begun to cry and she put a hand over he
r face to try and hide the tears.
“Oh, Jilly honey—I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to push you!” Suzanne exclaimed. “And I don’t want you to worry about the dinner, either. I can ask Commander Sylvan if we can postpone it or maybe he can give it to another restaurant. Under the circumstances, I’m sure he’ll understand.”
Jillian swiped at her tears and glared at her friend and former sous chef.
“Don’t you dare. You know perfectly well I’ve never let down my standards when it comes to a VIP dinner!”
“I know that, but serving high-rollers at The Palms is different from catering to finicky alien ambassadors who want ingredients we’ve never even heard of before!” Suzanne protested.
But Jillian shook her head.
“I’ll be just fine in the morning—I only need a hot shower and a good night’s sleep,” she said firmly. “In fact, I need to get back into the kitchen—it’ll ground me and help me get over all the craziness from today.”
Suzanne looked at her closely.
“Are you sure? I don’t want to send you into some kind of breakdown from all the stress.”
“You know me,” Jillian told her. “I thrive on stress—as long as it comes in the form of food and cooking.” She gave a little laugh. “I’m actually looking forward to making that crazy jumja soup for the Nebrian ambassador—now that we have the thaelite and an ion-scoop to cut it with.” She frowned. “Although I’m going to have to ask you to send either Hard or Kind to bring the thaelite brick from the shuttle to the kitchen—it’s still in the anti-gravity compartment and there’s no way I can handle it myself.”
“I’ll send Hard and then I’ll come help you prep myself,” Suzanne promised. “The babies are over their croup now, so Kind can handle them all by himself—at least for a little while.”
“Thanks.” Jillian gave her a grateful smile. “I’d love to cook with you again.”
“You know I love motherhood, but I really miss being your sous chef sometimes,” Suzanne said, grinning back at her. “Tomorrow is going to be just like old times at The Palms—you’ll see.”
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