by Lillie Jayne
“Together, always, Finn. I love you, man.”
“I love you, too, Theo,” he replies in a gentle voice.
A familiar fluttering fills my chest hearing those words. A caged feeling that has broken free, entering a world where it isn’t welcome. But no matter how hard I try to lock it down, it keeps escaping. Like a butterfly snared in its cocoon, it’s too big, too beautiful to be held captive forever. Eventually that butterfly wants freedom to flourish. How the hell can I deny it? But how can I allow it to thrive? It would perish at the hands of Teddy Worthington.
There must be a way out of my deal with the devil.
Chapter 3
FINN
“Thank God this week is over.” Theo sighs with relief as he flops onto our grey sofa. “I’m knackered.”
Yawning loudly and kicking off his shoes, he leaves them in the middle of the floor. I hate disorder, and he damn well knows it. Sometimes he does it to push my buttons and irritate me. Just as well I love the bones of him.
I lift my head and study him from my cushioned window seat, my electric guitar resting on one leg, while I strum a quiet ballad. He lets his head drop back and closes his eyes, listening to me play. Those long, chestnut curls fall back from his face, exposing his handsome features. I could look at him all day and never tire of it.
Theo yawns again and swallows. My eyes track the way his Adam’s apple slides up and down, showcasing his long, muscular neck. His square chin and chiseled jaw are covered with stubble I want to touch. Those lips, both pouty and plump, beg to be kissed and sucked until they are swollen and wet.
A perfect nose graces his face—not too wide but not too narrow, either, like it was sculpted for him. Just a few freckles dot the bridge. Lids with thick, dark eyelashes cover those crystal blue irises I love gazing at far too much. Like a clear blue sky on a cloudless day. I often lose myself in those hypnotic blue eyes.
Too bad he’s straight.
He lifts his head and appraises me, shaking me from my musings. Embarrassed he caught me ogling him, I clear my throat and fidget, my erection prodding me in the leg. I discreetly pull at my joggers, hoping to nudge it into a more comfortable position.
Stupid dick.
Getting aroused over my flatmate, who is also my best friend of twenty-nine years, is a bad move. A very bad move.
I fidget, again, while clearing my throat. “Had a bad day, Doc? You’re finished early for a Friday. It’s only four pm,” I croak, glancing at my watch. “I didn’t expect you until, at least, maybe eight?”
He studies me carefully, his forehead wrinkling in the middle.
“Are you okay, Sunshine?” he questions. “You seem twitchy. Have you been eating too much sugar again? You know that shit will mess with your body.”
“Yeah, I’m perfectly fine, Theo.” I smile. “You just surprised me, that’s all. What pissed you off anyway?” I ramble on, hoping to deflate my bloody erection.
He throws his hands in the air before he begins. “Where the hell do I start? Mr. Wilson’s Persian got stuck in a very large glass vase and refused to come out, which meant sedating her if I couldn’t coax her out somehow. I tried tipping the vase upside down, laying down cat food, toys and such, but, oh no, she wasn’t having any of that. She just rammed herself further into that vase and glared at me with death rays coming from her eyes.”
I try to stifle a laugh as he rants. I love it when he gets passionate and animated.
“Then, just as I was putting my hand into the vase to sedate her, she jumped at my arm and clung to the sleeve, digging her claws into me, which hurt like a bitch, by the way. After pulling my arm out, with Muffin attached like Freddy Krueger, then prising her off, which took three of us, Mr. Wilson went mental with me, saying I was scaring his cat and that she would end up with PTSD from the trauma. Thanks for the gratitude, you old bastard,” he mutters, while my shoulders shake from suppressed laughter.
“That was only this morning. This afternoon, after finding a caterpillar grazing on my salad from the deli over the road, a new client brought his dog in for a knee operation. Along with his Bernese mountain dog called ‘Pixie’ came a framed family photo that played a recorded message from the client to his dog. He didn’t want Pixie to miss him and be lonely while she was in hospital and thought it might help her recover quicker if we played it to her every hour.”
Now I’m outwardly laughing. Even Theo’s lips are twitching.
“Then, to top off my stupendous day, old Mrs. Peterson from the flat above caught me coming out of the lift. She asked if I had a girlfriend yet, told me she was still available, and that she was open to a threesome. She even pinched my arse when I told her I wasn’t the settling-down type.” He shudders, rubbing the offended butt cheek.
I’m laughing so hard by the end of his rant, there are tears in my eyes and my sides are hurting. At least my erectile problem has sorted itself out.
“Oh, my, Theo. Old Mrs. Peterson has taken a shine to you, my friend. You know, if you want the place to yourself, all you have to do is say the word or hang a hat on the door handle. I can take my butt somewhere else,” I mock.
“Laugh it up, Finn, all you want, because I will be the one laughing when she pinches your arse and suggests a threesome,” he counters, while removing his dark blue tie and loosening the top two buttons of his light blue button-up shirt. The movement draws my gaze to the few dark chest hairs peeking out.
No, Finn…must not look, must not look…okay I looked. Dammit!
I shake my head and laugh again. “Nope, never gonna happen, Theo. She thinks I’m one hundred percent gay, thank goodness. If word got out that I am actually bisexual, she would never leave me alone, and don’t you dare tell her. You can have her all to yourself. I know how much you lust after cougars.”
“Ha ha…funny fucker. That woman is at least a hundred years old. She walks with a metal frame, man. Have a heart?” he pleads, pouting his full bottom lip. My poor unrequited dick twitches again.
I throw my head back and laugh again as I rise from the window seat, placing my guitar on the stand. It’s where I like to sit and make notes for songs I’ve been working on. Looking out of our window and watching the world go by helps, often inspiring my song writing when I feel blocked. It helps me relax and think.
We live in a two-bedroom apartment in London, which Theo bought once he had access to the trust fund his grandfather left for him. It’s a corner apartment, which overlooks a park and is light and cheerful, thanks to the numerous floor-to-ceiling windows. There’s a hallway from the front door, leading to a large reception room and a medium-sized kitchen.
It’s a stunning flat, and I consider myself lucky being a struggling session guitarist with little money in my bank account. Theo refuses to take rent from me, which I am not comfortable with, but he insists. I do, however, record my own daily vlogs and teach guitar lessons, which earns some extra money, so I insist on buying the weekly groceries. Just because my best friend is wealthy doesn’t mean I want him to pay for everything. I have my pride and won’t take advantage of him like that.
“Why don’t I make dinner while you shower? You must be starving after such an eventful day. Fighting off Mrs. Peterson must have really done you in. That takes some stamina,” I taunt, my cheeks aching from laughing so hard.
He smirks while I watch him from my spot at the kitchen island. He’s a stunning guy. It should be a crime to be that good looking and be a great person, too. Theo has a huge heart which he wears proudly on his sleeve, and charisma to match.
His elegant hands slide through his hair, and he smiles at me in awe, like I’ve just given him the moon. My stomach flips, as usual.
“Okay, if you’re sure you don’t need any help? A relaxing shower would be amazing.” He sighs, a melodic sound which rushes straight to my groin.
“Absolutely. I can manage just fine. I’m only making a chicken casserole tonight, and I prepped the veggies earlier. The work is done. You go.” I shoo him
out of the living room and covertly watch his sexy arse as he walks down the hall to his bedroom.
Will I ever get over this obsession with him? I’ve been in love with him since we were sixteen years old and we went to our first ever house party. Jesus, that was a night to remember…for me, anyway.
“Okay, dude, it’s party time,” Theo announced as we approached the door. “Bring it on.”
Theo oozed confidence. He wasn’t afraid of anything. Ever the social butterfly, he was the life and soul of the party and seemed to be a magnet to anything in a skirt…and anything in pants.
I, on the other hand, was a little more reserved. I was by no means a wallflower, but I was more selective with my friends and played my cards closer to my chest. I was also going through an awkward, confused stage in my life.
Confused about my sexuality.
I knew I liked girls, no question, but I was now wondering if I liked guys, too. No one knew this, though, least of all Theo.
We were best friends, but recently, I had noticed small things about him I hadn’t before. Like how nice he always smelled, and how I felt warm and fuzzy when he touched me. I was hoping tonight would help me sort my head out a little.
We rang the doorbell, and our host answered.“Hello, boys. Come in, hurry up,” Violet demanded, ushering us into the family room, where loud music played and people from school congregated. There was also a bunch of older kids drinking beer and smoking.
Violet turned to us and smiled, showing her braces. “I’m waiting for two more people, then we can start the games. I’m sure you’ll have a laugh.”
“Oh, I know we will. Thanks for the invitation.” Theo winked at me and smiled a cheeky smile.
It was right at that moment I had a funny feeling in my lower gut, like nerves or butterflies—a sense that something would happen tonight that would be monumentally life changing for me.
“No problem. Go and grab a drink. Nothing is off-limits, so make yourself at home,” she said with a sly smile as she sashayed away.
We entered the huge kitchen and nabbed a bottle of beer each, never having drunk alcohol before. It worried me that we weren’t eighteen and legal.
“Do you really think we should be drinking? Our parents will crucify us if they find out. I don’t wanna be at the mercy of your dad’s wrath…or my mum’s. That woman is like The Hulk when she’s angry,” I said, agitated as hell.
Theo turned to me and rubbed my arm. “Look, Finn, we don’t have to drink alcohol if you really don’t want to, but it’s here in front of us. When will we get another chance? Probably when we turn eighteen knowing our parents. Just know I am with you, whatever you decide. Remember our best friend motto?”
“Together, always; everything together unless one of us refuses to do it.” I repeated the motto we made when we were eleven years old.
“Exactly. Together, always,” he repeated. “Okay, what about trying just one beer each and see how we go? Our parents will never know. We’re sleeping over at my house, anyway. My bedroom is in the opposite wing, but if you say no, then soft drinks only. No pressure, dude.”
His gorgeous face lit up with a huge smile, and my heart melted into goo. Even though I knew he was entirely serious, I couldn’t deny him. “Okay, one beer each, and that’s it,”
We quickly grabbed our beers, and joined the party in the main room. I opened my bottle and took my very first taste of real alcohol.
“Well, it’s not awful, but I expected it to taste better. Still, it’s drinkable, I suppose,” I muttered, shrugging my shoulders.
“I agree.” Theo laughed, taking a hearty swig. “It must get better, though. People drink it all the time.”
“Yeah, they drink it to get drunk, dude, not for the taste.” I grimaced.
“You never know. We might get drunk and have our first hangover tomorrow,” he said, excited, and patted my back. “You might even want to kiss Millicent Mulvaney after a few bottles of this.”
I choked and snorted beer out of my nose.
He roared at that, and at me covered in beer. Some of it still dripped from my nostrils, so Theo snapped a picture on his phone.
“Dude, that’s not attractive to the ladies. You’ve got a little something.” He gestured to my nose. I swiped it away with the back of my hand, laughing.
“I meant to do that,” I declared, unconvincingly.
“Sure you did, Finn,” he teased. “Seriously, I believe you. So does Santa and his little elves who are busy making toys in the workshop, next to the Tooth Fairy.”
“Ha ha, funny twat.”
He laughed and flung his arm around me in a side hug. He often did this. Theo was a tactile guy, which was one thing I loved about him. He wasn’t afraid to be affectionate. I put my arm around his waist to side hug him back, feeling the fuzzy feeling again. It was a little dizzying. Maybe it was the beer.
“You know I love you, really.”
“Yeah, I love you, too, dude,” I responded, my voice quiet.
We locked eyes at that moment, something different passing between us. There had been no time to second-guess it, however, as Violet appeared with Millicent and her friend Sable, both looking around the room with hungry eyes.
Theo and I exchanged a quick glance, which screamed “don’t look” as we tried to focus our attention on our beer bottles, or the window, or anything but Millicent.
Violet turned the music down and clapped her hands to get everyone’s attention. “Okay, people, everyone is here. Let’s kick off the party with my favourite game, ‘Kiss or Dare.’ It’s very simple. The girls’ names are drawn from a hat by each guy in turn, and he must kiss the girl on the slip of paper. If a guy refuses to kiss the girl he’s picked, I will issue a dare instead. Be warned, though, boys…my dares aren’t pretty. My girls really want kissed tonight.”
There was a group murmur of affirmation from the girls and some whistling and catcalling from the guys. We all knew, though, whoever was unfortunate enough to pick Millicent was doomed to one hell of a dare as no one, and I mean no one, wanted to kiss Millicent. Her halitosis alone could have powered the National Grid, and the tales of what she did with her abnormally large tongue? It was too vile to think about. I inwardly shuddered.
The game began in good spirits, with a few mean dares here and there, but it was mostly loud, sloppy kissing.
“Okay, it’s Theo’s turn. Theo, step up and pick your girl, ”Violet ordered, as Theo grinned and took a slip of paper out of the hat.
I knew Theo would go through with the kiss, whoever he picked. He was a daredevil anyway, but we were onto our second beer and feeling nicely relaxed. He opened the small slip of paper, his face giving nothing away, just that arrogant smirk he always wore.
“What will my dare be if I refuse?” he challenged Violet.
“Hmm, tell me which girl you’ve picked first, and I’ll tell you your dare. Then you can choose…the kiss or the dare,” she counter-challenged.
“Okay, my chosen girl is…Millicent Mulvaney.”
Audible gasps echoed around the room and some guys from school even took a few steps back, just in case they got collared instead. Millicent was vibrating with excitement. Theo’s expression still hadn’t wavered, and Violet looked ecstatic.
My eyes were on stalks and my heart dropped for poor Theo. I quickly knocked back the rest of my beer in a show of moral support. Theo would handle this a lot better than me.
Violet drummed her fingers on her lips, pretending to think. “Okay, Theo, if you refuse to kiss Millicent, I dare you to…” She paused for effect and I wanted to insert a drumroll. I settled for rolling my eyes behind Theo’s back, but she caught me.
“I dare you to kiss Finn instead. And a proper kiss, not just a peck on the lips. It has to be the real thing, tongues and everything.”
Violet smiled in victory and I heard more gasps from the crowd, along with catcalls and whistling. Someone shouted out “gay boys” and others laughed. How original. Millicent was bea
ming. She assumed Theo would never pick me. Theo and I looked at each other, and I saw a barely imperceptible nod. I thought I had imagined it at the time, and I didn’t really understand what it was for.
He turned back to the girls. “Okay, I choose…” He paused, the anticipation making me perspire slightly. “…Finn. I choose Finn. Sorry, Millicent, but he’s my bro, you know?”
Wide-eyed, my mouth dropped open from shock. My heart was re-enacting The Great Escape out of my chest and I was trembling. Fucking hell, his choice had been impossible, sure, but why did he take the dare?
Oh, God.
“What the hell, man?” I whispered as he came to stand next to me.
“Relax, dude, we can do this. We’re comfortable with each other and it doesn’t have to last long. You afraid I might bite you?” he rasped in my ear as Violet clapped her hands once again. My belly did this weird flip-flop.
“Okay, Finn and Theo, I will add something extra to make this a little more romantic.” The crowd giggled.
She gestured to us to follow her into the hall where she opened the door to an empty coat cupboard.
Oh, no…no, no.
“You guys have to stay in here for seven minutes while you kiss. Remember, though. Do it properly, or you’ll get extra time, and we will check, right, guys?” she yelled, as cheers went up.
I looked at Theo, and he just shrugged, still grinning and looking unfazed. I wished I had even an ounce of his confidence. Violet pushed us into the cupboard and shut the door, plunging the world into complete darkness.
“Oh, and, boys, I forgot to mention I broke the light,” she yelled through the door laughing. “Get used to the dark and enjoy yourselves.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat and could feel Theo’s warm breath on my face. I could also hear his deep, throaty laugh. I was about to enter panic mode.