by Lillie Jayne
He lowers his gaze to my lips now; the anticipation of what’s to come ramping up the tension in the room.
I remember we have company, so I break our gaze and step back a little, covertly adjusting myself. Finn seems to recover, too, as he looks at Jared, whose eyes blaze with…lust?
“No, I…um, haven’t had a chance yet. Jared and I had a few drinks at the bar after you left, then we came back here for the night. I thought we would talk in the morning and I’d find a new place to live.” He moves over to where Jared is now standing and reaches for his hand.
A wave of nausea crashes over me and stokes a fire in my belly. I’m fucking jealous as hell, and words rush out of me in a panic. “You don’t have to move out, Finn. We can fix this. Time is all we need.”
“We’ll discuss it in the morning, Theo. After watching Thalia search for your fucking tonsils, I don’t feel up to talking anymore. Jared and I are going to bed,” he states in a blunt manner as he pulls Jared in toward his room.
“Finn…”
“Goodnight, Theo,” Jared says, a little too seductive while ogling my chest, as he follows Finn.
The door closes and a huge shuddering breath escapes me. I make my way to my room on shaky legs, close my door and get into bed. Melancholy weighs me down while I listen to them laughing through the wall, wishing it was me with Finn, rather than Jared.
God, this is brutal. I’m too late.
The walls of our flat aren’t thick by any means, so I can hear Finn playing soft music on his guitar, I can pick up the giggles as they laugh, and worst of all, I can hear the bed creak every time they move.
With my hands over my ears, I squirm around in my bed, trying not to hear any of it. I’m ready to tell Finn I love him and want a relationship with him, and now I have to endure this. Realising this was how Finn felt while he listened to me is even worse. He endured it for years.
I’m a total, utter bastard, and now karma has come knocking on my door.
When I hear them laugh once more, I shoot out of bed, fling open my door, and barge straight into Finn’s room, without giving him the courtesy of knocking.
Yeah, now I’m not just a bastard, I’m a rude bastard. I don’t give a shit.
Finn and Jared are on the bed wearing only their tight boxer briefs, making out like a pair of teenagers. Once Finn senses my presence in the room, he springs off the bed like a gazelle, leaving a smiling Jared looking like he’s won the jackpot.
“Theo, what the bloody hell? Are you insane? Ever heard of privacy?” Finn shouts, while I note the lack of arousal in his underpants.
“Is this what you want, Finn?” I yell back, gesturing to Jared, who’s still smiling like a smug prick. “Is this what you really fucking want? Because I thought you wanted something different!”
Before Finn can answer, Jared gets to his knees on the bed and shuffles toward me, his erection unmistakable. He places a hand on my bare chest and gives me a sultry look.
“Wanna join in, Theo? I don’t mind. You guys have shared before,” he croons in a low voice.
Finn looks at him, stunned. I catch his turbulent gaze, not mistaking the desire in his eyes at Jared’s suggestion. We’ve both reached an impasse. When Finn doesn’t speak, I turn my head slowly to look at Jared.
I can feel the lust oozing from his smooth, lithe body, saturating the room with testosterone. I look back at Finn, who is now, surprise surprise, semi-hard, then turn back to Jared and take his mouth with mine.
Finn sucks in a sharp breath as Jared kisses me back, our tongues duelling for dominance, neither one giving up control. He’s a good kisser, I must hand it to him, but he lacks Finn’s finesse. His hands find their way into my hair and I feel Finn’s body heat as he gravitates closer.
I pull away from Jared and look at Finn, silently asking the forbidden question. Finn moves his head toward mine, and I await the feel of his lips at long last. I’ll do this for him if it’s what he needs.
Before Finn can reach me, Jared kisses my neck and moves his hand to my boxers.
I’m hard as rock, but not for Jared. It’s all for Finn. I also see that Finn, himself, is now sporting an impressive erection. Well, well.
Finn pulls back before our mouths make contact, gasping for breath.
“Jared, I need you to leave,” he tells the man in a quiet voice, never taking his eyes from mine.
“What? But we were just—” Jared stammers, shocked at being kicked out.
Finn turns to Jared with a challenging stare. “Jared, go.”
“Is this a fucking joke?” Jared fumes as he dresses.
I turn to him and get up in his face. “Don’t make me throw you out of here by force. You heard Finn. He wants you to leave, and so do I.”
Aware of the anger in my voice, he throws me a venomous look and marches out of the flat, slamming the door behind him. I turn back to Finn, who is now pacing the floor.
“Finn…”
“What the fuck was that all about, Theo?” he yells, clenching his hands into fists. “Why did you fucking kiss him? Why?”
“Did you listen to the song, Sunshine?”
“What the hell has the song got to do with this?”
“It has everything to do with this, and if you had listened to it, you would know why I fucking did this,” I shoot back, needing him to understand. To understand why I’m willing to kiss another man just to get close to him.
We’re both breathing hard and furious with each other. The situation is fucked up, and neither one of us knows how to proceed.
“Listen to the song, Finn, and maybe you’ll understand. Then, we’ll continue this.”
I leave his room, slamming the door behind me.
Chapter 21
FINN
After fumbling with my phone in haste, I find the song, “Everything I Do I Do It For You” by Bryan Adams, and pay attention to the vocals. It’s an old nineties song, but I vaguely remember it. The room overflows with the soft melody and heartfelt lyrics. It isn’t a declaration of love per se…or is it? I remember what Theo said and feel the words, and…
Oh my God. He does wants me. Theo wants me. I’m sure of it.
When I reflect on those heated moments that passed between us before I took off; those subtle glances, the little touches and that kiss, the one when we were kids. He assumed I hadn’t noticed his erection that night, but I fucking had; my body pressed up against his in the dark, how could I not?
And last night, in the bar, when he cleansed his soul to me through his music. I knew it then, but I didn’t dare believe. Then it all went wrong. But tonight, he kissed Jared hoping to get closer to me. He did for me.
Theo wants me.
Disbelief nudges my insecurities, but I can’t bear to believe I have it wrong. So, I listen to the song a few more times, just to be certain. Then, I go to him. I can’t breathe without him nearby. My body aches for his.
He’s my other half.
His back to me, he looks out of his bedroom window, shaky hands gripping the sill for dear life. He wears only white boxer briefs. The moonlight highlights his sculpted back, every dip and ridge on tantalising display.
“Did you listen to it?” Theo pivots to face me. The anger has left his face, replaced by something else. Something I’m not sure he’s ready to say.
My speech is husky as he moves closer until we’re an inch apart, both of us breathing heavy. “Yes, I listened to it. And I did what you said. I felt the words. I know what you’re trying to tell me, Theo.”
“You do?” His tender voice washes over my lips, and I lick mine in response.
He rests his warm hands on my waist.
“Yes, I do, but I need you to say it. I need to hear the words from your mouth.”
I inhale his shallow breaths like a starving man. My heart is fit to burst out of my ribcage, both with adrenalin and my love for him. I need him to tell me, to expel what’s in his soul. I slide my hands onto his naked chest and inhale his addictive scent
while I gaze into his sparkling blue eyes.
“What about Jared?” he asks, throwing a bucket of frigid water over us, breaking the spell. I pause, still wearing my lust goggles, and ghost my lips over his to feel the warmth waiting for me.
“Finn, what about Jared?”
Fuck, I forgot about Jared.
I snap out of my trance and back away, adjusting myself discreetly, but my erection is unmistakable.
“Yes,” I grate out and clear my larynx. “Yes, I need to consider Jared. Here I am telling you I’ve been in love with you since I was sixteen, while my new guy sits at home wondering why the hell I kicked him out. God, I’m such a dickhead.” I stumble along the hallway toward my room, where I throw my clothes on and head for the front door.
Theo catches up with me in seconds. “Wait, Finn, where are you going? We haven’t finished talking yet.”
I step out of the door. I don’t want to go, but my thing with Jared is a complication standing in our path. I’ve also consumed a lot of alcohol tonight, and I want to do this sober.
Don’t leave, Finn. He’s right here, waiting…
Despite that, I have a choice to make. The best place for that is at my hotel, without distraction. Theo is right. I have Jared to think of, and even though we aren’t anything other than a few dates, I still owe it to the guy to finish it before I start something with Theo.
I owe it to Theo, too. I don’t want to be cheating on Jared with Theo or cheating on Theo with Jared. My head is about to bloody implode.
My confusion is disconcerting making me brain dizzy, along with the tequila. Jared is a nice guy, but his earlier jealousy pissed me off. There’s also zero sexual chemistry between us, on my part, anyway. And the fact he’s willing to have a threesome with Theo? No fucking way.
Then there’s Theo. The guy I’ve been best friends with my whole life and in love with for most of it. Now he’s here, wanting me. He goddamn wants me.
He’d been as hard as me just now. I also noted the lust in his eyes…lust for me, and, God, if that didn’t make my whole body flip over. It’s what I’ve dreamed about—waited for—but still I doubt him.
It’s the trust issue with Theo. What if this is just a one-time thing? I might lose my chance at building something with Jared. Is it worth the risk?
Yes, Finn, you know damn well it’s worth the risk.
Do I choose someone who wants to work toward commitment, but who I have no sexual desire for, or do I choose the only guy I can get hard for, who I love unequivocally, who is now wanting me back? It’s a no-brainer. I want Theo. I have to go with my heart.
Opening my hotel room door, I’m glad to have one more night here to think, since it’s already paid for. It gives me space to mull over tonight’s events and sober up.
Jared claimed me in public because he was envious of Theo. Theo turned up to meet me but disappeared when he caught Jared kissing me. Thalia jumped Theo, but he sent her packing, then he kissed Jared for me and declared his feelings in a song.
I pick up my phone and press call on the selected contact.
“Hi, Jared. I know it’s late, but I’m calling you about what happened tonight. I need to apologise for kicking you out the way I did, but things got kind of crazy.”
“Finn, I’m glad to hear your voice. I was just thinking about you. Listen, I was hoping we could put tonight behind us. I was a little drunk, and I acted like an idiot.”
“Yeah, well, the thing is…as much as I like you, and you’re a great guy, I don’t think we should see each other anymore. I’m sorry, Jared, but it’s not working for me.”
“It’s Theo, isn’t it? Everything was fine with us until he came back on the scene. He’s straight, Finn. It won’t ever work between you two. Please don’t do this. I like you a lot,” he pleads, but my decision stands.
“No, Jared, it wasn’t working between us. I feel nothing for you other than friendship and that’s the truth. There’s no spark. Like I said, you’re a great guy, but the jealousy would have been an issue for me, anyway. I’m sure there’s someone else out there you’re more suited to, but that isn’t me. I’m sorry.” I really hope he’ll get the message so I can end this call. It’s always awkward breaking up with someone, even after only a few dates.
“Finn, I can change that. I’ll be better.”
“Jared, no, I don’t want you to change who you are. Just because you aren’t right for me doesn’t mean you aren’t perfect for someone else. I have a lot of issues I’m dealing with right now, and I’ll end up hurting you.”
“You’re making a mistake, Finn.”
“Well, then, that’s my mistake to make, and I’ll live with the consequences. Goodnight, Jared.” I hang up like a shot before he can continue.
Shit, my life is complicated.
I have a quick shower and climb into bed naked after towelling off. The smooth sheets are refreshing against my clean skin. Snatching a heavy breath, I blow it out in a slow exhale, along with the stress of the day. My body is weary, my mind still broken, but I feel better after seeing Theo, regardless of what took place with Jared. It’s incredible to know Theo wants me, desires me. It still seems like a dream, and I’m trying not to dwell on the ramifications a relationship with him will bring.
I imagine lying next to him, both of us naked under the sheets, facing each other. We’ll look into each other’s eyes, each knowing what the other wants. I’ll reach out and caress the smooth skin on his hip, then slip my hand lower, toward…
The phone rings.
Who the hell is calling me after midnight? If that’s Jared, I’ll…
Theo is video calling me. I sit up startled, the phone still ringing in my grip.
I’m about to hyperventilate.
I tap to accept, and Theo’s handsome face fills the screen. I smile like a shy schoolboy, even blushing a little.
“Theo, what’s with the midnight video call?”
“Hey, Sunshine. You took off in a hurry, and we didn’t get much time to talk about what happened. I also needed to check that you’re safely tucked up in bed,” he admits, his cheeks flushing.
“Well, as you can see”—I move the phone around to show him the room, and me in bed—“I’m tucked up in my hotel room, safe and sound.”
“Alone?” There’s a trace of trepidation in his tone.
I raise an eyebrow. “Of course, I’m alone. Why wouldn’t I be? Look.” I pan around again to the empty side of the bed, then on myself.
“You left worrying about Jared, and I thought maybe you and he…” He trails off and bites his bottom lip in that adorable, provocative way that always makes me hard. Thank fuck my dick works again.
“Are you jealous, Theo?” I’m incredulous at the irony. Theo Worthington doesn’t do jealousy, ever.
He snorts and licks his lips. “No, I’m not jealous, Finn, because you hate jealousy in a person. You find it intolerable. So, no, I am absolutely not jealous.”
“You’re right. I do, indeed, find jealousy intolerable. It’s a human trait I cannot stand. That being said, I find it rather endearing coming from you.” It’s true. I hated it in Jared, yet Theo’s green-eyed monster is hot, and my body smoulders with desire.
“Okay, so Jared’s not with you. Now I feel like an imbecile.” He chuckles and blushes.
Aww, bashful Theo is so sweet. And sexy as hell.
“Well, don’t…and you needn’t worry about Jared. I finished it with him tonight.”
“Finn, don’t end it if it’s what you want. You were at the start of something good until I fucked up tonight by barging into your room. I shouldn’t have done that. I just want you to be happy. I mean, yeah, it will kill me if you don’t choose me, but as long as you’re happy, that’s all I’ve ever wanted.” He’s so sincere, he takes my breath away, and I know he means every word.
“I didn’t. I mean, I did, but not only because of you. There was no chemistry between Jared and me. Well, not on my side, anyway. I only brought him with m
e tonight because I couldn’t shake him off. I called him up, though, and ended it the polite way.”
“Good. As much as I despise the guy for laying his lips on you, I still wouldn’t want you to text dump him. No one deserves that.”
Be still my over-beating heart. He was jealous of Jared kissing me.
“So…does this mean we’re both on the same page, Finn?”
I study his angular face, now a slight shade of red, worry lines crinkling his usually smooth forehead, and realise he’s anxious for my answer.
“Yes, Doc. We’re definitely on the same page. Just give me the rest of tonight to get my head around everything, and we’ll talk in the morning…when I come home.”
His face brightens, his forehead smooth once again, and his mouth curves up into the most infectious smile. I’m grinning right back. I can’t help it.
“Okay, until morning. Goodnight, Finn,” he murmurs, biting his bottom lip.
“Goodnight, Theo. Sleep tight.”
I smile and disconnect the call, desperate for sleep so morning can come and I can go home.
Back to Theo, where I belong.
Chapter 22
THEO
Last night was confusing and weird, but, thankfully, ended on a high.
I still haven’t come out and told Finn exactly how I feel about him, only that we’re on the same page. Vulnerability makes me weak. This is Finn, though, not some random bloke I met over Tinder. But I’m also afraid I’ll fuck up the best thing in my whole existence.
My nerves are firing on all cylinders at the anticipation and excitement of seeing him again with no barriers between us. No phones, no people, and no more excuses.
My ear catches the click of his key turning in the lock, then the door opens, and Finn walks in like an exquisite angel, not a hair out of place. Not even his rogue curl that I love. He’s wearing ripped jeans and a blue fitted t-shirt, which shows off his gorgeous toned body. His leather jacket is the icing on the cake, enough to make me salivate.