by Jessa James
“That belly of yours is getting bigger every day,” Remy said affectionately to Ashleigh.
“Don’t I know it!” Ashleigh replied. “Pretty soon I’m gonna need to send out a search party just to find my feet.”
Marilee exclaimed, “God! See now, that’s another reason Arlo just has to live! He has to see that baby born!” Then she dissolved into a fresh set of tears. Remy and Ashleigh exchanged looks, then moved closer to Marilee, while Rose murmured comforting things to her.
The brothers huddled together and traded worried glances. Arlo could be a real sonofabitch, but he was still their father.
A petite, dark-haired doctor in bright blue scrubs came through the swinging doors. She looked down at her clipboard, then scanned the waiting room. Every person in the room looked at her expectantly.
She shook her head apologetically at another family and said, “Not yet,” then walked briskly over to Arlo’s family.
“Hello everyone. I’m Doctor Stenersen. I can tell this is Mr. Roman’s family because you gentleman all look just like my patient,” she said cheerfully, prompting three identical smiles from the brothers.
The doctor’s soft brown eyes crinkled around the corners with amusement, offsetting the fatigue lines that ran across her forehead and next to her mouth. Colt, recognizing that expression from seeing it on Rose after a long day at the veterinary practice, trusted her immediately.
“We managed to stabilize him,” the doctor continued, “but Arlo has had a very serious cardiac event. I had to run a stent up through his femoral artery and into the heart to clear the blockage. In addition, we’ve put him on some anti-coagulants and medicines to help with the plaques built up in that area. We haven’t ruled out the need for future surgery, but for right now, he’s stable.”
Everyone breathed audible, relieved sighs. Marilee sank back into the chair with her hand over her own heart.
“He’s stable,” she repeated, “but the strain this kind of event puts on the body is enormous. He’s very weak and he needs to rest. Arlo has a very long recovery process in front of him. So, I’m sorry to be a hardass, but I’m only going to let visitors in one at a time, and you have to do your best not to wake him up, okay?”
Everyone nodded obediently, spellbound by this tiny woman’s authority.
“She would have done great in the military,” Colt whispered to Sawyer.
“That’s the truth,” Sawyer whispered back.
Dr. Stenerson walked over to where Marilee was sitting in the chair, still crying, and gently took her hand.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa! This is good news, ok? Here, let me take you to see your husband. You’ll feel better once you see him, I promise. You just have to stop sobbing, or else you’ll wake him and everyone else in the ward!”
Marilee laughed and wiped her eyes.
“Just take a few deep breaths,” Dr. Stenerson instructed, putting two fingers on the pulse point on Marilee’s wrist. “Really deep, and hold it for a few seconds before you release it.” The doctor inhaled and held her breath in to demonstrate.
Marilee obediently began to breathe deeply, her eyes locked on the doctor’s, who was nodding encouragingly as she counted her pulse. Slowly, her crying faded, and she seemed to regain some sense of calm - calm for Marilee, anyway.
“There now, that’s better. I was worried I’d have another cardiac patient on my hands for a moment there!” Dr. Stenerson said cheerfully.
“I’m sorry. I felt like I couldn’t even breathe,” Marilee said.
“Panic attacks can be nasty things, but you got through it like a champ. Are you ready to go see Arlo now?”
Marilee nodded meekly. The doctor led Marilee from the room, talking to her in a low, soothing tone.
Ashleigh stared after the doctor with an astonished look on her face. She looked at Remy and Rose with wide eyes.
“Did you see that?” she asked incredulously.
Remy snorted. “I know, it was like the Marilee Whisperer. I wonder if she gives lessons?”
Ashleigh laughed. “I’d pay for those!”
Rose nodded. “She’s got the touch.”
Walker, Colt, and Sawyer were all still standing by the window, lost in their thoughts.
Colt thought of what the doctor had said about them all looking like Arlo. That was true. It was also true that they all looked like each other. Sometimes it startled Colt to look at one of his brothers and see a human mirror reflecting back his own looks, gestures, and even way of speaking. If they got into arguments, he’d see his own stubborn look on his brothers’ faces. They were, undeniably, family.
“Well,” Walker said, breaking the contemplative mood, “I’m glad the old bastard isn’t dead.”
They all laughed.
For what felt like the first time hours, Colt took a deep breath and felt his heart rate slow down to normal. Damn. He’d felt adrenaline before all right, but this was another thing entirely; fear, cold and crushing, had been pressing down on him from the minute he’d gotten the phone call. It had surprised him how strongly he felt.
Maybe it was because he had so much to lose now. They all did. More now than ever before.
Colt looked at Rose, Ashleigh, and Remy - these incredible women who loved Roman men so well - and he felt his heart squeeze with happiness. He loved Rose and Emmy so much, even more than he thought he ever could love anyone. When he woke up each morning, he couldn’t wait to see what the day would bring with them.
Colt also loved Ashleigh and Remy, too, for who they were, of course, but above all for the joy they brought his brothers. It was nice to see everyone settled down and in love. He knew they took care of his brothers, knew they were always cheering for them, pushing them to be more, and kicking their asses when they needed it, too.
Arlo’s heart attack had only highlighted how much they all loved each other.
Colt walked up to Rose and pulled her into his arms.They stood like that for a few minutes, not talking, just holding each other and enjoying the familiar feeling of their bodies being together. Emmy cooed happily as they included her in the embrace, and Colt felt another surge of love.
After today, Colt vowed, he’d never take that feeling for granted again.
3
Sawyer was already wide awake when dawn broke the next morning. Normally, he’d be grouchy that he’d needlessly woken up so early. Since becoming a parent, sleep had become a precious commodity, something to never be wasted. A chance to sleep in was something he fantasized about.
However, after Arlo’s heart attack yesterday, he had a new perspective. This morning, Sawyer was just glad to wake up at all, and he was glad to wake up next to Remy. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt this good.
Although he had been in many dangerous situations before, Sawyer had to admit he hadn’t really thought about his own mortality. Not truly. Maybe that was what allowed him to take so many risks, what kept him going for so long as a SEAL. Most of his adult life had been him moving from one high-risk situation to the next, with no thought beyond the next mission or the next woman he wanted to sleep with.
Yesterday had changed that. As he’d stood next to his brothers in the hospital waiting room, he’d looked around at the whole clan, gathered to keep watch over Arlo. Sawyer had realized for the first time how much he had in life - and how much he could lose.
He was suddenly very aware of how valuable his life was, and afraid to die. Not so much for himself, but for all he’d miss if he did.
Before, when he’d risked his life, he’d done if for his country. He was supported by the idea that he would be sacrificing it for something noble. Over time, though, Sawyer had become addicted to that adrenaline. He needed to feel its surge again and again, so he kept going, always looking for more action, never slowing down to ask himself if there was something more he needed.
He fucked and fought his way through life. He had thought that was happiness, until he came back to town and saw Remy again.
Sawyer looked over at Remy, who was still sleeping soundly next to him. He watched as the soft light of dawn washed over her beautiful form, illuminating her blonde tresses and golden skin. She gorgeous even now, fast asleep and without a trace of makeup on.
It didn’t hurt that she was wearing a filmy, peach satin nightgown, which perfectly displayed the curves of her body. Sawyer felt his heartbeat quicken. He had to stop himself from pulling her close to him, reminding himself that she deserved sleep after the day they had yesterday. Still, the urge was there.
Sawyer knew almost everything about this woman. He knew what position she slept in, knew her favorite colors and foods, knew her history and her dreams. He could tell, without her saying a word, when she was upset by the almost invisible lines that appeared on her forehead. She had fought her way through family conflict to be by his side and mothered two of his children.
After all they’d been through, and all he knew of her, Remy still took his breath away.
It was all the little things. Like how Remy went to bed wearing satin nightgowns or matching pajamas, not just any old t-shirt and shorts. How, each morning, he could still smell the green tea-scented moisturizer she put on every night right before bed. How patient and gentle she was with their children. The way she smiled at him when she first woke up, even, still squeezed his heart.
She wasn’t afraid to tell him off, either, if she was angry or if he’d done something she didn’t agree with. Her fierce attitude, take-it-or-leave-it attitude was one reason he’d fallen in love with her to begin with. She didn’t let him roll over her or paint her into a corner.
Sawyer had been with a lot of women, but not many women had slammed a door in his face like Remy had once. He had to admit, that spark of hers was a big turn on.
Sawyer thought how lucky he was to have not just one, but two chances with Remy. He hadn’t appreciated her the first time they’d been together, too caught up in his life of hunting down bad guys and fast women.
A settled life in a small town had been the farthest thing from his mind, and by the time Sawyer had realized how much he wanted Remy, how much he needed her, it had almost been too late. She had been raising their son without him even knowing it, and she wasn’t ready to let Sawyer back into their lives. She told him later how hard it had been to fight her attraction to him, but at the time, he’d only seen her flaming anger and hurt.
Then there had been the whole thing with his family...they had threatened to ruin her life if she told him about Shiloh. Remy was tough, though - tougher even than the Romans, Sawyer thought.
It was a minor miracle that they had ended up together, considering all the circumstances. But they had, and it was incredible. Now, after Arlo’s heart attack, it felt like Sawyer was getting a new, fresh perspective; he was lucky in love, and lucky to know it. He knew not many people had the luck or good sense to have the first, or to realize the last.
He felt a surge of love so strong that he couldn’t resist gently kissing on her neck. He buried his head in her hair, smelling the intoxicating scent of her, needing to feel her body against his for just a second or two.
In response, Remy moaned softly and rolled over, pulling the covers over her face.
“Just a few more minutes,” she mumbled as she curled herself into a fetal position under the covers.
Sawyer smiled. She must be exhausted. He would take care of the kids this morning, and let her sleep in.
Sawyer quietly got out of bed and padded into the kids’ bedroom. Shiloh was still asleep in his room, but Harper was awake in hers, standing in her crib. She wasn’t crying or fussing, just waiting patiently, in her sweet way, for someone to come get her.
Her big eyes widened happily when she saw Sawyer appear in the doorway. She smiled broadly and lifted up her arms in an invitation to be picked up. Sawyer picked her up and hugged her tight, inhaling the fragrance of her baby head and admiring how much she looked like his beautiful Remy.
“You look like your pretty mama. Yes, you do! Did you know that? Did you?” he cooed to Harper out in the hallway, keeping his voice low so as not to wake Shiloh.
She rewarded him with a gap-toothed baby smile, then buried her head in his shoulder.
For a minute, he stood in front of a mirror, looking at his reflection and letting Harper get to know hers. The pediatrician had recommended this, and once he tried it, Sawyer was hooked. He liked doing this; every few days, he could spot some change in Harper, some small growth or new skill learned. He liked seeing her delight as she reached out to touch his reflection or her own, or how she giggled if he’d tickle her fat, baby feet.
When he’d had his fill of baby mirror time, Sawyer carried Harper into the kitchen and popped her into her high chair. He handed her a toy to play with, started the coffeemaker, and began to heat her bottle, all while she gurgled happily at him.
The phone rang, startling him so that he almost dropped the bottle he was carrying.
Sawyer grimaced. It had to be family, at this hour. Damn. He’d hoped to at least have a chance to get a cup of coffee before having to deal with reality. He thought wistfully of Remy in her peach satin nightgown. If he was being honest, he’d been hoping for a little more than coffee...sleep wasn’t the only thing parents of young kids missed in their lives.
The phone kept ringing. Sawyer gave in to reality, propped Harper on his hip and picked up the phone with his free hand.
“Hello?” he asked in a gravelly, early morning voice.
“Hey Sawyer, baby!”
* * *
It was Marilee, calling way too early, but at least, Sawyer noted, she sounded better than yesterday. Not a very high bar, but still.
Sawyer gulped down a bit of coffee, then said, “Hey, mama. I’m just heating up Harper’s bottle so Remy can sleep in. How are you feeling?”
“That’s sweet of you. That’s the kind of thing that makes a marriage work,” Marilee replied, “and I’m feeling a lot better! How are the babies doing?”
“Shy is still sleeping, but Harper’s up and at it. Happy as always. You know how she is in the mornings,” Sawyer responded.
“She’s a sweetie pie,” Marilee said, and continued, “Listen, Arlo is awake today and talking.”
“That’s great news. Really great,” Sawyer said.
He didn’t sound as enthusiastic as he felt, but he figured Marilee knew it was because it was early and not from a lack of actual feeling.
“Yeah,” Marilee answered, “and he wants to talk to you three. He’s got something on his mind. He says it’s important. Can you come today, maybe around noon?”
“Sure, I’ll come,” he agreed.
It was hardly even 7:30. He would have plenty of time to get the baby fed, Shiloh up and dressed, and maybe even get to enjoy a cup of coffee in bed with his wife. Maybe something more...
Harper began to stir restlessly in his arms. He tried to quiet her with the bottle, but she was having none of it. He’d have to get off the phone soon.
“Any idea what this is about?” Sawyer asked.
“No, baby. You know how Arlo is, he didn’t tell me much. He just told me to make sure you all come, and when I asked by, he said ‘Because.’ That’s all the answer I got out of him.”
That figured. Even a heart attack couldn’t kick the stubborn out of his father.
“Harper’s beginning to fuss, so I gotta go. Uh, but wait, do you know what he wants to talk about?”
“You go take care of Harper now. Love you.” Marilee responded.
“Love you too,” Sawyer said, and then he hung up. “And I’m getting to you, Miss Fussy,” he said to Harper.
Sawyer pulled the bottle from the warmer, settled Harper on the rug in front of the tv, put on a cartoon program she liked, and gave her the bottle. She had recently, and very proudly, learned to hold her own bottle - even if she spilled half of what was in it. At first, Sawyer had been reluctant to cede control of the bottle, thinking she must be too young, but Remy had e
xplained that different babies became independent at different times.
“Harper is stubborn and she wants to do things on her own,” Remy had gently chided Sawyer, adding, “So I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree on that one.”
“Yeah, but from which tree?” Sawyer had fired back, causing Remy to cackle and choke on the iced tea she’d been sipping.
Sawyer smiled at the memory. He never expected to find so much joy in discussing stuff like bottle feeding schedules, or in watching his wife spew tea across the table, for that matter. He never expected to willingly, happily sacrifice sleep just to get a chance to hug his children the minute they woke up.
Sawyer knew plenty of guys who only looked as far as the next notch on their belt and viewed domestic life the same way they’d view a scorpion. He’d run across that overly-macho type all the time in the military. Hell, he used to be that type, before he’d fallen in love with Remy.
Years ago, Sawyer had a friend, Greg, whose baby was born premature. Greg had described how the baby rarely slept and was fussy all the time, so he and his wife often stayed up through the night to be with her.
“That must be awful,” Sawyer had said, trying to be sympathetic.
“To be honest, I kind of love it. I’m exhausted, but I get to spend just hours with the baby, watching her sleep or holding her. It’s like an addiction, man. If she wasn’t a preemie, I don’t know that I’d get to spend so much time with her,” Greg had responded.
Sawyer had not understood that at the time, but when he and Remy had Harper, he came to know exactly what Greg had meant. Having a family was chaos and stress, but it was also all those incredible, small, sweet moments of love, bonding, and care. The moments were even sweeter with young kids because they grew so quickly. If you blinked, you’d miss them.
Yeah, his life had changed a lot since he’d come back to this small town. At one point, he wouldn’t have even considered moving back here. A quiet, boring life with one woman? Yeah, right. Sawyer was happiest flying from country to country, adding endless notches to his bedpost in between SEAL missions.