I opened my eyes to the safety of my bedroom. Damon’s arms were wrapped around me as I shook profusely. I saw Benny’s outline in the light just inside our bedroom door.
“Momma’s okay, Benny. You can go back to sleep.” Damon said softly as he continued to embrace me.
My son didn’t listen as he ran towards me and climbed into the bed. He wrapped his arms around me and pushed his little head against my shoulder. I was still trembling in his little arms, and I suddenly realized I was drenched in sweat.
“I’m okay,” I said softly as I tried to force a smile. “I’m just not feeling well,” I said as I tried to stop from shaking.
“Are you sick, Momma?” he asked sweetly.
“Yes, baby,” I’m sick. “Go back to bed so Daddy can take care of me.”
Benny nodded his head and started back to his room.
As soon as Benny was gone Damon said, “Miranda, what is going on? I am terrified for you.”
“I don’t know,” I said. “The nightmares are getting worse.”
“Miranda, you were calling out for Ben...screaming for him. You were so loud you woke little Benny. I’m really worried about you Miranda. You need to see a healing fairy or Dr. Glintin.”
“I’m okay Damon...just still a bit traumatized by what happened.”
“If you won’t let me use magic on you, you need to talk to someone...or maybe you need to try some medication...just at night.”
I shook my head, “I’m okay Damon. It’s just bad dreams.”
Damon looked upset and shook his head, “I can’t stand seeing you like this Miranda. It kills me every time.”
“I’m sorry,” I said, “I just keep reliving Ben’s death...over and over again.”
“Don’t be sorry. This isn’t your fault. I just want you to be okay.”
Damon began to rub my shoulders as I lay back in bed. I instantly felt a warming sensation as my skin penetrated his calming magic. Within moments I was sound asleep.
When I awoke the next morning, I sensed it was late in the day, and I bolted out of bed. I immediately ran out of the room to see who was home. No one was in the kitchen, and when I looked at the clock, I saw it was one in the afternoon. I had slept in extremely late. I headed to the sitting room to find Damon, Benny and Luke playing on the floor.
“Good Morning sweetie,” Damon said. “Are you feeling better?”
I nodded my head.
“Your mom wanted to say goodbye, but she needed to return to Pine Lake. Your father is still here with Taylor. He plans to stay awhile. I told him you weren’t feeling well this morning.”
“I’m fine Damon,” I said as I went to kiss my boys.
“We’re just worried about you,” Damon said as he frowned deeply.
“I’m worried about you, Momma,” Benny said sweetly.
I held Benny tight and said, “You never need to worry about me, Benny.” But a look of concern was pasted across Benny’s little face.
Damon looked at Benny, “Can you watch Luke for a few minutes son, I need to talk to your mom.”
Benny nodded his head and began waving a truck through the air, pretending it was flying as he cried, “zoooooooom zoom zoom.” Luke gave a tiny giggle as he batted at the truck from his pumpkin seat. I smiled as Damon and I walked away.
Damon and I headed to the other room. As soon as we were to the kitchen, Damon said, “Miranda, I would feel better if you checked in with the healing fairy today. Your dad and I can handle Taylor. Emerlee said the magic is going very smooth and we may be done early...maybe even tomorrow.”
I lifted my eyebrows, but said, “Is Taylor doing okay?”
“He’s conscious again, but he’s not well. I checked in on him this morning. He’s just lying in bed staring into space. The healing fairy hooked a saline drip to him. He’s bleeding some and vomiting a bit…but he’s going to be okay.”
I nodded my head. “I’ll see him later,” I said and began to walk away.
Damon reached out and gently took hold of my arm, “Miranda, please go to the infirmary. I know your suffering.”
I shook my head, “Damon, they’re dreams.”
Damon gazed towards the ground and shook his head. He didn’t know what else to say. He softly released his grip and allowed me to walk away.
When I went to visit Taylor, he was just as Damon had described. He was conscious, but staring into space as if he were brain dead. Roger had been taking care of him the last several hours, but to my surprise, Roger was alone in the cell with only two vampire guards. The fairies were no longer performing magic over Taylor.
“Why did they stop the magic?” I asked with my voice full of concern.
“We’re done!” Roger cried happily as he quickly wiped a drop of blood from Taylor’s nose.
“Seriously?” I asked excited, but surprised.
“The fairies worked hard, and they were able to do the magic quite fast! It’s going to take a few days for him to recover, but he’s full human.”
I smiled and looked towards Taylor. I was thrilled that the magic had worked, but Taylor was motionless as he continued to stare at the wall, occasionally blinking. He didn’t seem to notice we were talking about him, and if he did, he didn’t care.
“Miranda,” Roger suddenly said with a concerning look upon his face, “I need to speak with you. Can we step outside the cell for a moment?”
“Yeah, that’s fine.” I looked at one of the vampire guards, “Can you keep an eye on him for a moment?”
The vampire nodded his head, and Roger and I stepped away from Taylor’s cell.
As soon as the two of us had some privacy, Roger said, “Miranda, I need to tell you something...and I don’t want to upset you...but it’s important.”
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
Roger sighed as he took a deep breath in, then he said, “I’m having some weird dreams.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well...they’re about Ben.”
“Seriously?” I cried, suddenly unsure how to feel.
“Yeah...please don’t get upset. Damon said you’re having a hard time...and I don’t want to get you more upset...but Miranda these dreams are…are so weird.”
“Roger, please tell me about your dreams. I have been having some strange dreams too.”
“Well, they are just strange. Images and sounds of Ben float through my mind...nothing really that makes sense. What’s so strange is how real they seem. It’s like he’s whispering in my ear...reaching out to touch me...shaking me.”
“Can you make any of his words out?” I asked.
“Not really...but I think he said help a few times,” he lifted his eyebrows, “and Benny.” He tapped his fingers against his forehead, “I’m sorry Miranda, that is all I can remember. Usually everything is such a blur. At first I wasn’t going to tell you...but I have been having these dreams for weeks. Every night I dream of Ben...and I don’t understand it.”
“Roger...I am freaking out.”
“Oh sweetie,” he wrapped his arm around me, “I’m sorry...oh dear...I never should have told you this.”
“It’s not that...I’ve just been having dreams about Ben too. They’re very realistic and strange as well. I’ve been waking up drenched in sweat, screaming and shaking. Damon is a mess over it. I woke up Benny the other day even.”
“Sweetie...you know you can talk to me about them if you need to. But it is strange, we’re both having dreams about Ben...strange and realistic.”
“I know,” I said. “I have been having nightmares about his death for the last eight years...but the last week...they have been different.” I didn’t tell Roger some of my dreams were sexual, but I said, “Not only are they so realistic, but he keeps telling me to protect Benny…keep him safe. Roger...something isn’t right. I’m worried about Benny. What if these dreams mean something?”
Roger looked puzzled and nervous, and I saw a bead of sweat drip from his brow. “I’m a bit concerned too...
but don’t you worry Miranda. It’s probably just a coincidence. Just dreams.” The shaky tone of his voice did not provide me with the confidence I was in great need of.
“I just think something is going on,” I said, “Maybe we should try to talk to Emerlee. She knows a lot about this stuff.”
“That’s a good idea...but I think you need to tell Damon what’s going on. He’s worried about you.”
“All right,” I said, but I wasn’t sure how much I could reveal to Damon. I was still deeply in love with Ben, and it would break Damon’s heart if he knew the way Ben’s love still ran thick through my veins. “I can look out for Taylor for awhile if you need a break.”
“Thanks Miranda. I’ll send Damon down later. Emerlee should be by soon with food, and you can ask her about the dreams. If anything knows about dream magic, it would be her. We’re going to try to get Taylor to eat today so we can take him off the IV.”
I nodded my head and thanked Roger for his help as I headed into Taylor’s cell. When I was back in the cell, Taylor was still lying still in his bed, looking very out of character. The vampire guard was wiping blood from his nose.
I took a seat in the chair next to his bed and said, “I can take care of him. Thank you for the help.”
I sat in the chair quietly for some time, with only my thoughts running through my mind. The guards were silent, and Taylor was completely lifeless. As I sat, I thought about my dreams with Ben and everything Roger had told me. Why would the two of us both be having such vivid dreams about Ben? I thought my dreams were just from the trauma I had experienced, but something about my dreams changed the last week, and now Roger was having dreams too.
Suddenly I heard the sound of clinking metal as Taylor’s cell door opened, and I jumped from my chair in surprise.
“I’m sorry!” Emerlee cried.
“It’s okay,” I laughed, “I was deep in thought.”
Emerlee smiled and set a tray of food on Taylor’s desk. “Try to get him to eat,” she said. “The healing fairy wants to take him off the IV.”
I nodded my head. Then I said, “Emerlee, can I ask you something real quick?”
“Sure!”
“If Roger and I are both having dreams about the same person...and they’re really vivid. Does that mean anything?”
Emerlee thought for a moment. Finally she said, “May I ask who the dream is about?”
I paused. “Ben,” I said softly as I looked down.
Emerlee tapped her finger against her cheek for a few minutes as she thought. Finally she said, “Maybe I’m wrong...but I wonder if Ben is trying to contact you through the veil.”
My heart stopped. Ben was reaching out to me, was all I could think. “How?” was all I could respond.
“Hmm…” she said as she continued to tap her cheek, “If Ben is trying to contact you, he would need another fairy on his side of the veil. Since Roger is the fairy of the death, he can be used as a...medium. If I’m right...a fairy on the other side of the veil is projecting messages from Ben’s mind through Roger to you.”
“But why do they appear as dreams?”
“Dreams are the easiest way for supernaturals to communicate subconsciously.”
“That makes sense,” I said. Then I wondered why the dreams were so twisted and confusing. Why would Ben project the two of us making love as I had dreamed? Ben would never send such an intimate though through two others. Why would he send me horrifying dreams reminding me of his death? It still didn’t make complete sense. So I asked, “Why are the dreams so twisted and make such little sense?”
“Well,” Emerlee said, “he isn’t sending you dreams exactly...just messages—and the veil is thick. If he’s lucky, Ben might be able to transfer a few words and thoughts. The rest of the dream is all you...your subconscious thoughts…desires…fears.”
It made sense now—my twisted, strange, yet realistic dreams about Ben. I had been having nightmares for so long, but they suddenly changed last week because Ben was actually communicating with me. It wasn’t my subconscious thoughts alone; Ben was speaking to me.
I felt a tear fall from my eye, but I quickly wiped it away. Then I asked, “Can I respond? Can I talk to him?”
“I’m sorry Miranda. It would be impossible with Roger being on this side of the veil. The only way you could communicate with Ben is if Roger was on Ben’s side.”
I nodded my head in understanding. My dreams were beginning to make sense, but why would Ben contact me now after eight years. It seemed as if he was calling out to warm me about something. He was warning me to watch out for our son, but why?
“Can you watch Taylor for a bit?” I asked Emerlee. I had a horrible gut feeling, and I needed to check on my son.
Chapter 4
I dashed out of Taylor’s cell and ran to the portal as fast as I could. I stepped inside the portal and pressed the button to hall 1. I grew anxious and hit the button repeatedly as the portal doors seemed to linger. The portal finally raced off, and the moment the portal stopped, I sprinted to our suite and threw open the door. Damon and my father were sitting inside the living room playing with Benny and Luke. The moment I stopped, I began to pant and realized I was completely out of breath.
“Are you okay?” Damon cried as he stood up and came to my side.
I realized my face was hot, and sweat was dripping from my forehead. I panted for a moment and said, “I’m okay. I was just in a hurry.”
Damon looked very concerned and said, “Do you want to lay down for a bit?”
“No I’m fine. But can we talk for a minute...in private.”
Damon nodded and we headed to the bedroom. As soon as we reached the bedroom, we sat down and I told him everything Emerlee had told me about Ben communicating with me through dreams. Damon listened carefully to everything I had to say, but when I was finished, he didn’t seem convinced.
“Miranda. I think you are traumatized from his death. I wish you would talk to someone or let me use my magic to help you sleep. Benny is fine. He’s safe. Everyone on Sidhe loves him. The only threat in the entire realm is Taylor and he is guarded around the clock. If it makes you feel better, we could send him to earth and have the warriors watch him.”
“No Damon. I don’t think it’s Taylor. Taylor is pathetic right now. He hasn’t hardly spoke or moved since we started the magic. Something else is going on...I feel it Damon. I have a gut instinct...a bad feeling.”
“Oh honey, you have been through so much. You’re just worried. Maybe Emerlee is right; maybe Ben is contacting you. Maybe he just misses you and Benny and wants you to know he’s thinking about you—”
“Damon...no, that isn’t it. I just have this bad feeling.”
“But Miranda, the Queen is dead. Who else would want to hurt our little boy...an eight year old?” He softly wrapped his arm around me, but I stiffened by his touch. “I think we should send Taylor to earth and send your dad with him. You know your dad won’t put up with his crap.”
“I just don’t think it’s Taylor,” I said. “He’s human now, and he’s in bad shape.” I shook my head. I was beginning to feel quite frustrated with my husband. He wasn’t listening to me. He didn’t believe me, and he blamed everything on my traumatic experience. I sighed and said hastily, “Forget it.” A tear fell from my eye but I quickly wiped it away.
“Oh Miranda,” he said as he pulled me in closer.
I quickly pulled away, “Just leave me alone,” I cried.
Damon’s eyes grew wide as we rarely fought, and I never yelled at him. He gazed down at his lap and rubbed his fingertips against his forehead. “I don’t know what to do,” he said softly.
“I love you so much,” he said, “but you have been screaming Ben’s name in your sleep for eight years, and all you do is push me away. It’s all you have ever done. Why did you sleep with me? Why did you marry me! Why did you have a child with me?” he cried. I could see tears were beginning to fall from his eyes. Damon rarely cried.
“Damon...please. I’m sorry,” I said. “I do love you! I do!”
“Then why do you push me away!” He cried as tears streamed from his eyes.
“I don’t know…” I lied. I could never tell him I was still in love with Ben. “It just hurts still,” I said softly, “It all hurts.” I wiped another tear away.
For the next few weeks I continued to check on Taylor and take care of him a few hours each day. Each day he seemed to grow stronger as he began to eat solids and mutter a few words. Although he was physically growing stronger, his personality seemed to die with his vile. He spoke very little and when he did, his speech was very plain. He only moved from his bed to go to the bathroom or eat, otherwise he slept or stared at the wall. Taylor’s change in personality had me quite concerned, but Roger assured me with time, he would get better.
I continued having nightmares about Ben every single night. Although they varied some, they were generally the same every night. Occasionally Ben and I made love or kissed passionately, and in those moments I never wanted my dream to end. With the pleasure always brought pain, and each time, my dream ended with Ben’s heart being ripped from his chest by the Queen. Each dream, I could hear the whisper of Ben’s voice—crying out for help and whispering our son’s name. Each dream I woke up screaming and shaking in fear.
Damon and I grew apart as I called out for Ben each night. My screaming occasionally woke my son as it had before. Each time I woke, if Benny wasn’t already by my side, I ran to his room to see if he was okay. But to my surprise, each time, Benny was safe in his bed and sound asleep.
During the day, I never wanted to leave Benny’s side. I stopped checking in on Taylor and asked Roger or Emerlee to fill me in. I stopped going to council meetings, and Damon took over Sidhe in my absence. If I couldn’t be by Benny’s side, I made sure my father or Damon was with him. My father and Damon continued to grow worried about my mental health and sanity; even Benny showed great concern for my well being. My mom remained at Pine Lake to run the town, but my father refused to leave Sidhe until I was doing better.
The dreams went on for weeks, and Damon and my father were terrified for my mental health. Roger came to visit me quite frequently and he told me his dreams had not stopped either. As time continued on, I began to feel that Roger was the only person I could talk to, as my husband and father thought I was going crazy. For weeks, the two of us continued having strange dreams about Ben, but neither of us could untangle the message he was trying to send.
The Portal to Sidhe: Book 2 Page 4