by A. L. Knorr
Mom and I shared an incredulous look and she burst out laughing, sounding almost giddy. I let out the breath I didn't even realize I had been holding. The realization that he hadn't betrayed us flooded my whole body with relief. We were safe. I held a hand over my heart in an effort to steady the pounding and then joined in the applause.
We hadn't gotten very far. We moved back to our seats and sat down along with the rest of the guests at our table as the applause died away. I glanced around, relieved to see that no one had even noticed that we'd been about to abandon ship.
As my heart calmed, I looked at the bronze artifact which my mom had told me had never been found. The bell had a crack in it but looked otherwise whole. There was an inscription along the base, which I couldn't read from this distance but I knew it would be inscribed with the date The Sybellen had been built.
Everyone was chatting about the beautiful bell. A few people from tables that were further away got up from their chairs and approached to have a better look. People were kneeling down beside the bell and taking photographs with it.
"How did you not know that they found the bell?" I whispered to my mother over the general murmur in the room.
She shook her head, baffled. "I had no idea." She leaned towards Simon, on her other side, and asked him about it.
He nodded and said, "We found it less than three hundred metres from the wreck. You weren't there because it was a Saturday."
She whacked him across the arm and he made a show of cowering against her mock fury. "And you didn't tell me? How could you not tell me?"
He held his hands wide. "I thought you knew. I thought for sure one of the guys had told you."
She turned back to me and rolled her eyes. "No one tells me anything."
Eric had watched the exchange with a smug look. He'd enjoyed keeping a secret from the team superstar. It was a testament to how poor my mother's relationships with her colleagues were that not a single one had bothered to tell her about the bell, not even Micah.
It was good that nothing her colleagues did could hurt my mom's feelings, but I was offended enough for both of us. I shot Eric a hard look but he didn't have the decency to look ashamed. He looked back at me as if to say, what are you going to do about it?
As the din died down and everyone settled into their seats again, I looked at Martinius to see if maybe he would look in our direction. Had he known that the rolling out of the identical preservation box would put us into a panic? Did he realize that my mother didn't know about the bell?
As though she knew what I was thinking she leaned over and said quietly, "Don't blame him, he doesn't know that my colleagues hate me. I'm sure he thought I knew about it. Its one thing they've found without my help for once. Let them have it."
She said it without any self pity whatsoever but in that moment my heart broke for my mother. Once again I was reminded of the sacrifice that she had been making for me and just how miserable her work life was. My lower lip trembled and I took a sip of champagne to cover it. Now that I was a mermaid too what excuse did I have to continue to let her suffer?
As the first course of dinner, a gourmet salad, was laid out in front of us, I looked down at it and frowned. I no longer had an appetite.
Mom noticed that I was pushing radicchio around on my plate and asked, "What's wrong, Targa? I cannot believe that you aren't as starved as I am."
I forced a smile and speared a few leaves, putting them in my mouth and chewing. They tasted as bitter as I felt. If I didn't at least pretend to enjoy the meal my mother would know that something was up and I didn't want to spoil this night for her.
So, I chewed and swallowed, chewed and swallowed, until the bitter feeling began to subside. Dinner was six courses plus coffee. I was stuffed by the fourth and felt sleepy by the time the video presentation came on during dessert.
The video was well made, and included interviews of people from Novak as well as the Bluejacket team. Animation showed the condition of the wreck and demonstrated how artifacts were removed from the site safely. Even the animated version of the ship had no figurehead. Martinius had been true to his word.
My mother didn't have any speaking presence in the video but I saw her in the background in some of the clips. In one, she was working on the deck of The Brygida in her diving gear and in another she bobbed in the water next to the ship and looked up as she spoke with Simon, kneeling on the deck next to her and giving instruction. Or maybe he was taking instruction from her, I couldn't be sure.
She never acknowledged the camera and never smiled. I could tell she was miserable and even saw her pulling at the neck of her diving gear uncomfortably while she worked. She looked like someone who hated her job. No, worse than that, she looked like someone who hated her life.
I looked over at her in the dim light and wondered what she thought about how she looked. She caught my eye and I'm sure she knew what I was thinking. She gave the tiniest shrug in response and took a swallow of coffee. She looked bored throughout the whole presentation.
After the video ended, the orchestra started up again and the sconces illuminated the room. In no time a few older couples were waltzing prettily across the dance floor. What was it with this generation? They all knew how to ballroom dance. My generation knew how to gyrate, not how to float across the floor like kings and queens. I felt like I'd gone back in time. I realized that I hadn't taken any pictures so I took my phone out of my clutch and snapped some photos of the dancers, the orchestra and the room.
I texted a few of the images to our group, letting them know where we were and that we were celebrating the close of the project. I sent a caption along with one of the photos of the people waltzing.
My mom's wind-up party is like a fairy-tale.
I put my phone to vibrate and it buzzed less than an hour later.
Saxony: Holy crap, Targa. Why wasn't I invited?
Georjayna: What are you wearing? Send a pic of you and your mom.
I asked Simon to take a photo of my mom and I standing in front of the ship's bell and he obliged. My mom hated posing for photos but she tolerated it for me. She even smiled. I texted it to the group.
Georjayna: Aaaaaaawwwwwww! You guys look amazing.
Saxony: Bella ragazza!
My phone went quiet for a while, but about ten minutes later it vibrated again.
Akiko: Hi guys. Nice pix, Targa.
Saxony: Who is this?!
Georjayna: SHE LIVES
Akiko: Very funny.
Me: Everything ok? We've been wondering when we'd hear from you.
Akiko: All ok. Gotta run. Sorry, I only have a few seconds.
Saxony: Wait!
Me: What are you doing, intelligence work for a secret agency in Japan or something?
But she was already gone. Whatever stories she was going to tell us when we got back had better be good.
Mom and I were soon both yawning and she leaned over and asked me when I wanted to leave. There was a prepaid cab service available to deliver people to their homes and hotels as needed and it had now started up.
I was about to answer that I was ready to go when Mom's gaze focused on something or someone behind me.
I turned and looked up into Antoni's face. He held out his hand. "How about that dance?"
I swallowed my yawn. "Sure.” I put my hand in his and stood up.
"Try not to look so excited," he laughed as he led me to the dance floor. "I promise to let you go home to bed after this. Seriously, what are you, eighty?"
As soon as he put his hand on my waist and pulled me close I cursed my mother. His scent surrounded me and my thoughts no longer came in words or communicable ideas, only amorphous feelings and desires. I gripped his hand tightly and inhaled, revelling in the feeling of his palm against my back. It felt so natural there. I closed my eyes and moved closer to him. I lay my head on his chest and heard his beating heart, slow and steady. Heat radiated from him and enveloped me. I felt dizzy with longing and closed my
eyes.
"Be careful, people are watching," he said so that only I could hear, but not unkindly. He stepped back from me to re-establish a respectable dancing distance for this company.
My eyes snapped open and I stood up straight. I fought for control. I envisioned the fingers of my mind fumbling to keep hold of a slippery, twisting thing; a wet eel otherwise known as rational thought.
As we danced along the outer edge of the dance floor I stopped us when we were close to my table. "I'm so sorry Antoni, I can't." I reached up and kissed his cheek just to show anyone who might be watching that we weren't having an argument. The last thing I wanted was to create drama for him. But it took effort to tear myself away; I wanted so much to leave my lips against his warm skin.
For just a moment, as I turned to walk away from him, I saw the confusion and disappointment on his face. I'd hurt him, again. My heart ached but I couldn't stay in his arms. I was bound to get him in trouble. I made my way to our table where my mom was already standing and holding out my wrap.
"You ok?" she asked, quietly.
I nodded tightly. "Let's go."
She put an arm around me and we slipped along the side of the ballroom towards the exit. I felt Antoni's eyes following us to the door.
Chapter 30
Our gear had been loaded and all that remained, with less than twenty minutes to take off, was to board the plane. It was a clear day for flying; hot, sunny, and cloudless. Most of the Novak team had turned up to see us off. There were a lot of handshakes, a few resounding backslaps among the men, even the odd brotherly embrace.
Mom shook hands with people in a perfunctory manner. It was interesting to see the dynamics working between her and the almost entirely male Novak team. They would shake hands with her and then linger by her awkwardly until they realized that she really was done saying goodbye to them, and then they'd move on looking a bit sheepish.
Martinius was there of course, thanking everyone graciously. He lingered with me and my mom for a long time. When there was a break in the men swirling around us, he said, "I have a gift for you," He pulled an envelope from his breast pocket and handed it to me. "I had an excerpt from Aleksandra Novak's diary translated for you. The section to do with Sybellen and the wreck."
I gasped and took the thick envelope, stunned at his thoughtfulness. "Wow, Martinius," I said, opening the envelope and peeking in. "Thank you. How did you know that I was wishing I could read it?"
He smiled. "I would if I were you. You'll be sure to let Antoni know when you've arrived back in Canada safely?"
I looked at him in surprise, wondering how much he knew about Antoni and I. "Of course I will.”
He nodded, his hand gripping his cane tightly. We watched my mother as she said goodbye to a few other people.
"Promise an old man that you and your mother will come back one day," his eyes on my mother's back.
"I don't know if I can make that promise, Martinius," I answered. "But I can tell you that I would like that very much." I meant every word.
I fought against stealing a look at Antoni every half minute as he moved through the crowd talking and laughing, shaking hands and wishing people luck.
I was distracted when I saw a dark-haired, broad shouldered man from the Novak team approach my mother. He was sort of a rough looking character with a week's worth of black beard and hair that curled around his ears. He was deeply tanned and weather worn, but fit and strong. I couldn't recall seeing him at the party so my guess was that he was a crewman from one of the Novak vessels. Those guys worked outside all day long and had very tough jobs, according to Antoni. I wondered how he and my mom came to know each other.
I watched him approach her and she gave him a warm smile which immediately made me suspicious. I watched them talk, their heads bent low towards each other. Then, shock of all shocks, they hugged. Mom hadn't hugged anyone, even Martinius. Who was this guy? I had been so preoccupied with my own life this summer that I had failed to ask my mother about what was going on in hers. I felt ashamed of how selfish I'd been. As they broke apart and finished their goodbye I moved through the crowd towards her, my curiosity getting the best of me.
I lost my train of thought completely when Antoni's scent hit me. Half a second later he took my hand and pulled me around to face him. "Hi," he said, smiling down at me but not standing too close.
I gently pulled my hand away. "Hi," I said as I tucked my loose hair behind my ears and crossed my arms over my chest.
"So, I guess it's really happening. You're leaving," he murmured.
I nodded. "We always knew I would."
"Yeah, but somehow..." He looked past me, blinking in the sun. He shook his head and a wry smile touched his mouth. "I don't know, I thought maybe..."
"What? That I would give up my life, my school, my friends, my family, my language and my country and move to Poland to be with you?" I regretted it even as it was pouring out of my mouth. Was that the siren bluntness or just my own bitterness talking? My mood soured. It wasn't fair. There was too much weighing on me. I was supposed to be thinking about finishing high school and choosing a university, not trying to figure out if I was about to make a huge mistake and walk away from the love of my life. I wanted to disappear into the ocean where all this stuff didn't matter and life was simple.
He blinked in surprise. "Well, no. More like..." He paused and his eyes passed over my face. "...I'd give up mine."
He'd winded me. That was not what I had been expecting. I wanted to slap him and hug him. I'd never let him give up everything he had here to come and be with me, that would be insanity. But my heart melted at the thought anyway.
We had both frozen, looking into each other's faces, until I couldn't look at him anymore and dropped my gaze to the centre of his chest.
"I'm sorry," he said.
I blinked in surprise. “For what?"
"For whatever I did that offended you."
"No, Antoni. You didn't do anything." I was mortified that he was apologizing when he'd always been so perfect with me. "You just don't understand..."
"Yeah, yeah," he interrupted, "it's not me it's you." He said it with a smile but I could also detect his pain.
"It's true," I said, lamely.
"Right," he said, disbelieving.
I didn't know where to go from there, how could I explain to him how I felt without telling him what I was? So, I extended my hand to him the same way I'd seen my mom do, perfunctorily. "Good luck to you. I wish you all the best and I hope that you get what you want in life. Really I do, Antoni." I dropped my eyes again. I couldn't look at his face.
My hand was stuck out in space all by itself for an uncomfortable moment. Finally, he took it but he didn't shake it, he just held it. "Send me a text when you get home, Targa. Please?" He was always so kind. No matter how abrupt I was with him he never failed to be kind. And then... it wasn't even a whisper, he just mouthed the words, "I love you." I was sure that he hadn't meant me to hear them. But with my siren ears I heard his mouth form the words out of the air, loud and clear. I swallowed hard.
Then he was gone; lost in the crowd.
With his scent and presence gone I let out a long breath. I shoved thoughts of Antoni into the back of my mind to deal with later and resumed searching for my mom. The crowd was dispersing and the Bluejackets were boarding the jet. She was on the step leading up to the doorway and looking back at me with concern. She beckoned me to hurry up. She mouthed 'You ok?' I nodded.
I fell into line behind Eric, who was in a less surly mood than usual. He chatted with Simon and the two of them chuckled. Weird, they had barely gotten along all summer. Why were they all chummy now? I tuned in to them. There was something forceful in Eric's voice, something just a little bit desperate.
"Just imagine..." he was saying as we entered the plane in single file and started throwing bags under seats and into overhead bins. "A billion dollars. It's just sitting there, all lonely and waiting to be rescued."
Simon laughed and said to Jeff, "Am I the only one who finds it ironic that the guy who is supposed to keep us out of danger is trying to convince us to go straight into it?" He shook his head. "It's a fool's errand.” He slapped Eric on the back. "I think you've had a little too much of that Polish wodka this summer, Eric."
Eric faked a laugh along with them as they settled themselves into their seats.
Repeating Simon's sentiment in my head, was I the only one who could tell that Eric was just acting?
We were on the same jet as the one we'd arrived on, and Mom had also chosen the same seats. I looked around and saw that everyone had gone back to their original seats, too. We were still a few rows behind Jeff and Eric. I made my way back to Mom and I noticed that Micah had his head cocked towards Eric as though he was listening. A frown creased his brow.
I took the seat beside my mom, "Did you hear what Eric was saying?" I sat and moved the safety buckle out from under my bum.
"Yeah, I heard," my mom said.
"What's he talking about?"
She shook her head. "Damned if I know." She yawned. "Seems like he's always on about some kind of foolishness these days."
I studied my mom more closely and noticed the line between her brows and the tightness around her mouth. "You alright, Mom? Can I get you anything?"
"I'll survive, lovey," she replied. "Thanks for asking. I've got lots of water, earplugs, an eyeshade and a pillow. Unless you have a horse tranquilizer, I'm good to go. How are you?"
"Good. Ready to go home. I guess."
"Don't want to leave?"
"I don't know." And I really didn't. I was both sad and relieved.
"I know what you mean.” She looked out the window at the distant line of blue. "I like the Baltic. It's peaceful."
"Yeah. Me too.” I looked around to make sure no one was listening in and then leaned in. "Martinius gave me an amazing gift."
"Oh really?" She said, softening her tone to match mine.