Although the idea had been floating in my mind ever since I’d discovered she was gone, I recoiled when he said it aloud.
“Papá! I can’t call him and tell him I lost his dog! He trusted me! He …”
My chin was quivering, and Papi, who could never watch me cry, hugged me and said, “Once Mami is back from school, we’ll drive around and find her.”
“Can we call the shelter?” I asked. “Last time she got lost, Donovan said she ended up in the shelter because she keeps wiggling out of her collar and her microchip wasn’t working.”
Papi shivered. Mateo had taken his hat. “Okay, let’s go home and get warm, and then we’ll plan.”
The boys took hot bubble baths, but I couldn’t sit still knowing Cookie was out in this storm. My feet throbbed with the pain of coming back to normal room temperature, and I thought of her tender paws, unused to being out in the cold, and how confused she must be all alone.
After the boys were out of their baths, Papi started making lunch, and I took the chance to jump into a hot shower. I headed downstairs in time to see Mami walking in.
“I thought I’d never make it back!” she said, hugging me.
“But you’re home early!” I said.
Mami bit her lower lip and shook her head. “The students are used to snow here, but this was a blizzard. It’s a good thing no one showed up to class because I went through the tests one more time to make sure I’d squeezed in all the credit I could for the dear ones, and I realized there was a page missing from one. I can’t believe I lost it! I feel horrible.”
My heart jumped to my throat.
I had to tell Mami what had really happened.
My parents hadn’t really expected me to be perfect. All my life, they’d seen me make mistake after mistake. What they expected from me was to learn from my mistakes.
I took a deep breath and confessed. “Mami, last night I let Cookie sleep in my room. I closed the door, and I put my backpack in front of it, but she opened it anyway.” I couldn’t meet her eye yet. “This morning I saw she’d scattered your papers all over the place. I tried to put them in a pile so you wouldn’t notice, but I guess I missed one. It wasn’t your fault.”
Mami pressed her lips.
“The worst is that she’s gone, and it’s all because of me.” My voice cracked.
“But she had never left the house in the middle of the night when she was here,” Mami said in a soft voice. “Why would she run away, especially when a storm was coming?” I thought of my little Estrellita back home, who had done the same thing the night I got our life-changing news. It felt like more proof of the connection between my darling cat and this hyper pup who failed companion dog school.
“Have you called Donovan to ask if she’s there?” Mami asked.
“I’m scared,” I admitted.
Mami kissed my forehead. “I know it can be scary, but telling the truth is always the best policy, mi amor. Maybe you’re worried for nothing …”
“If she’s not there, would you drive me to the shelter? Remember that guy on the radio saying how many animals turn up in the county shelter after a storm?”
“Let’s call first,” she said. “The roads are a bedlam.”
I didn’t know the word bedlam, but the roads during this snow could only be chaos.
I was so nervous I couldn’t even eat, and when my parents were softly whispering in the family room, I headed to my own room to text Donovan from my mom’s phone. I didn’t dare call him in case he could hear the panic in my voice.
Hey, how are things? This storm is wild, no?
My heart pounded as I waited for a reply.
But when the seconds went on and on, I started worrying that Cookie had shown up and he was too mad to tell me anything.
I texted Tirzah and Beto too.
I’m catching up on schoolwork, Tirzah replied. See you tonight at practice? We can’t miss our last rehearsal.
I typed, Are you sure Donovan can make it? I texted him and he never replied.
She sent me a rolling eyes emoji and said, He’s shoveling snow in the neighborhood. His brother and Beto’s always did the driveways of the little old ladies around the corner.
So Donovan wasn’t avoiding me.
Still, I didn’t know what to do.
When I was getting ready for another round of looking for Cookie, Mami came into my room.
“Is she back?” I asked.
Mami made a pouty face. “No, I’m sorry.”
“Oh,” I said, my hopes deflating. “What is it, then?”
“Fantastic news,” she said, and sat on the bed next to me. “I found the missing page in my backpack. I’d never taken it out and almost missed it completely. It belongs to this girl, a student from Puerto Rico who’s been very homesick these last few weeks. I felt she wasn’t trying hard enough anymore. I didn’t know how else to encourage her to continue. Then I read her paper. It was so promising, but unfortunately, it ended without a conclusion. I wanted to know what her plans for the future are now that she found her reason for being.”
“That last page!” I said, dismayed.
Mami nodded. “I was so worried about what to do. I didn’t want to fail her. Not when her writing came straight from her heart and showed so much potential. But at the same time, I couldn’t give her a passing grade when she apparently hadn’t finished the assignment.”
That heaviness fell down to my stomach. “What if you never found the other page …” I couldn’t even complete the sentence. I felt so bad for that poor student.
“But I found it, and the rest of the essay is a song of triumph. She talks about finally letting her heart soar. About letting herself fail because, like a fledgling learning how to fly, it’s inevitable that you’ll fall at some point or another. But you’re not made to remain in the nest. You’re meant to beat your wings, open your beak, and offer your best squawk into the world. Isn’t that lovely?”
Mami’s face had become excited as she gesticulated with her hands.
I had a hunch the essay hadn’t only helped the student.
Then Mami’s eyes became velvety soft, and she said, “I’ve missed the voice of our pajarita …”
“But I sing all the time. Even in English, and you know I hate my accent.”
Mami was still smiling sadly. “Why would you hate that part of yourself? Did you know that even birds have accents? A nightingale in Europe sounds different from one in America, but it’s still the same beautiful song.”
“I hate my accent, and at the same time I’m scared of losing my accent in Spanish, Mami.” I’d finally confessed my greatest fear. “Or even losing my Spanish completely. Like Celestina’s family lost the Italian language.”
“We might have lost the Italian language, but we didn’t lose the music in it. Ever wondered why Argentines speak the way they do? We retained the music of the words. And even in Spanish, you can find words from the Arabic and the Indigenous people who live in Argentina. Languages evolve. They assimilate to changes. Remember, pajarita, even if you don’t know it, your heart sings in more than one language. Your blood roars in a multitude of voices, and although you don’t speak Italian like Celestina, or the languages of your other abuelas and abuelos, the mark of their voices is still in your soul.”
Maybe it was the truth in her words, or the love in her voice, or maybe it was that she understood my heart. Tears welled up in my eyes.
“Thank you, Mamá,” I said. “Now, I need to find Cookie, our band’s mascot, so we can win Battle of the Bands.”
I went out to look for Cookie one more time before I had to head to Donovan’s and confess I’d lost his brother’s dog and the band’s mascot. All I could see in my mind was the logo of Cookie with an astronaut bubble helmet around her head, her tongue lolling out.
I smiled through the tears, which hadn’t stopped now that they’d started. I didn’t know how to contain them, but a part of me was tired of pushing against a cracking dam anyway.
>
When I was about to turn back home, I heard someone call, “María Emilia!”
I recognized that voice.
The girl who’d cancel me without giving me the chance to say hi: Ashley Jane.
My knees started shaking. Not because I was scared of her, but because I couldn’t pretend I had it all together when I was in front of her.
She seemed to have X-ray vision, seeing through my filters, the pretension, the show I put on for everyone else. I’d been so good at pretending to be perfect, I’d even fooled my parents, who were the smartest people I knew. Maybe what I disliked most about Ashley Jane … was that I worried she was right.
And now we stood face-to-face, as the sun dipped behind the mountains and the frigid air snaked inside my soul despite Lela’s cozy scarf.
“Hi, Ashley Jane,” I said. This time, the j sound came out perfectly.
She couldn’t hide the look of surprise that passed over her face.
“Hi,” she said, and her voice was so soft. “I need to show you something.”
I didn’t know if I could trust her, but I wasn’t going to run away anymore.
There were so many things I wasn’t perfect at, but I’d always been brave, and I wasn’t about to break the streak now.
Ashley Jane was a girl just like I was. Why had I given her so much power over me?
I followed her. Quietly, we walked side by side to her house. My brothers had played here pretty much every day since we’d arrived, but I’d never even gone inside.
Ashley Jane led me through the side door. The house was warm and fragrant with the scent of cinnamon. My stomach growled, reminding me I hadn’t eaten anything all day. I’d been too worried about Cookie.
“There she is,” Ashley Jane said, and pointed to a nest made of big pillows and blankets in the corner of the den. In the center of the nest rested Cookie in the shape of a crescent.
I gasped and rushed over. “Is she okay?” I asked, kneeling in front of her and petting her head. She had a bandage around one of her back paws.
Cookie opened her eyes briefly and blinked at me, like my kitty used to do. She wiggled her little butt, like she was saying she was okay, but then went back to sleep.
“She’s okay, I think, but she was limping when I saw her earlier today.”
I turned to look at Ashley Jane. “When and where did you find her, and why didn’t you come get me immediately?”
Her face went a bright red, and she shrugged. “I saw her at the gas station, circling around like she was waiting for someone. I waited to see if you, Donovan, or any of your other friends was around, but then Alex, the gas station owner, said he hadn’t seen any of you. He said he got some of that Yoo-hoo stuff you guys love …” She rolled her eyes. “But Alex said he’d been feeling a little sad all day with the snowstorm and people getting stuck, and Cookie? Is that her name?” I nodded and she continued. “Cookie kept him company, even though he felt bad she didn’t have her collar on, and he couldn’t call you or Donovan. But when Cookie saw me, she wanted to come back with me.”
“Why didn’t you bring her to my house? I’ve been frantic with worry.”
Ashley Jane’s face was red again. “I didn’t want to bring her to you hurt. I brought her here to wrap up her paw first.”
“She’s not used to walking in the snow,” I said.
Ashley Jane nodded. “She sat at my feet and slept for a long time. Every time I wanted to go across the street to get you, she would pull me by my shirt and bring me back here to this room. My mom said that when she was done sleeping, the dog would come get you, but then … I heard you calling, and I was worried about you.”
Her words bounced between us for a while, until they finally sank in.
“You were worried about me? But I thought you hated me …” I said.
She didn’t deny it.
And in that moment, I realized I didn’t need her to apologize to me, but I needed to apologize to her. “I’m sorry that first day we met your mom gave me your favorite shirt,” I said. “I wanted to give it back and not have it turn into a mess like it eventually did. I’m so sorry.”
AJ shrugged. “I’m the one who messed everything up.” She looked down at her feet. “That shirt didn’t even fit me anymore, and I don’t know why I reacted the way I did. I was scared that you were hanging out with the coolest kids at school … I’m so sorry. I hope that you stay here in Red Ledges. I hope we have a chance to be friends, even after all that happened.”
She finally looked up at me, and I gave her a soft smile. “Thanks. I hope so too.”
And as if she’d been waiting for Ashley Jane and me to fix our issues, Cookie opened her eyes, yawned, stood on wobbly legs, and headed toward the door.
“Did she really orchestrate this whole thing?” Ashley Jane asked, sounding as awed as I felt.
I looked at this angel dog, this meteoric comet that had watched out for me since my first day here. I still didn’t know if she was the reincarnation of my dear cat, or if their angel souls were friends in heaven. Either way, they both wanted me to realize that love is all that matters.
Not perfection. Not appearances. Just love.
I looked at my watch. It was almost time for band practice. “I have to go now,” I said, “but will you be at the festival tomorrow?”
My heart pounded. No matter her answer, I’d done my part. I couldn’t judge her either way, but still, when she smiled and nodded, my heart soared.
“I will,” she said.
Beaming, I headed back to my house, Cookie trailing behind me.
Instead of telling Donovan the truth about Cookie’s disappearance, the first thing I did was share my decision about the song: that we should sing my original just as they’d thought. I shared the full song with them, as if I could delay telling the truth about Cookie.
The mountain is hard to climb
When you think you’re all alone.
In the darkness, the wind blowing,
The doubts are louder,
The fear is stronger.
Just extend your hand and you’ll find
Those you love are never far.
Across oceans, mountains, rivers,
Years or worlds apart,
In spite of death,
Love knows no end.
The bonds can stretch,
But they won’t break unless you forget
That those you love are never far.
After the rain,
The rainbow is always there
To remind you that those you love are never far.
Brighter days are on the way
And the tears of yesterday, like the rain,
Cleansed the path you walk today.
I wished upon a stray
Who came to me disguised as a star.
She reminded me that bonds can stretch,
Love can change even the most hardened heart,
Like the ocean or the wind
You can’t contain it.
Let it fly and reach the rainbow.
Don’t forget
That those you love are never far.
The last refrain stayed the same in each of the languages my bandmates added, and we practiced and practiced until each note synched perfectly, each chord rang true, and we could each play and sing with our eyes closed, assured we were in perfect harmony.
“I love the finished lyrics, Emilia!” Donovan said after we nailed a second rendition in a row.
If I closed my eyes, I could see the magic of our music still floating in the air. The song was a million times better when Tirzah, Donovan, and Beto added their refrain in Portuguese, Spanish, and Garifuna.
The rest of the band celebrated with the pupusas Beto’s grandma had sent, and although my stomach growled with hunger, I couldn’t eat. Guilt occupied the whole space in my belly. When it had been time for the chorus in Spanish, I took a deep breath, but I couldn’t do it. The words froze on my tongue.
But when Donovan asked abo
ut Cookie’s first night at my house, I knew there was no other choice but to tell the truth.
“Actually, the little stinker opened the front door and ran out. She wandered around the neighborhood, probably fulfilling wishes all night long. Then she ended up at Ashley Jane’s, so I went in the house and finally talked to her.”
Los Galácticos looked at me as if I’d grown a second head.
“You what?” Donovan asked.
I shook my head. “It’s all fixed between us. I mean, it doesn’t mean we’ll be best friends, but at least we don’t hate each other anymore.”
“No,” Donovan said. “You lost Cookie and you didn’t call me?”
My cheeks were flaming. “I’m sorry …”
He shook his head. “Listen, Emilia, I trusted you with my brother’s dog.”
Instead of accepting his accusations, I snapped. “You’ve lost her before. Don’t pretend like it hasn’t happened to you, okay?”
He shook his head and wouldn’t talk to me anymore. The magic of my song dissolved as I packed up my things.
Great. I had made my peace with Ashley Jane, and now Donovan and I would be estranged because of an accident?
* * *
All night long, I went over the fight with Donovan in my mind. I tried to concentrate on the song, but I was still scared, and I felt no peace because I’d let my friend down.
Before I was ready it was the morning of the show. I stayed in bed as long as I could, hoping to instead wake up on Sunday when it would all be over.
But Cookie came to get me, limping all the way upstairs, and looked at me with an expression that said that when we fall, we get up. When we let friends down, we fix it up.
I threw my covers aside and got ready for the show.
* * *
The community center was packed. Karina, Donovan’s mom, was at the ticket booth.
“We’re running out of tickets!” she said, her smile going from ear to ear. “I had to send Julián to get me more.”
“Julián is in town?” I said, my cheeks flaring at the thought of Cookie’s rightful owner, and the OG Los Galácticos creator, listening to us perform.
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