“My chessboard!” Yahweh cried, hugging it.
I arched a brow.
Namah smiled. “Commander Raith wants you to practice. Maybe you’ll be able to beat him when you return.”
Yahweh pouted. “I’ve never beaten him.”
“Sorry to interrupt your family reunion,” I interjected. “But can we get to the inspection? I’m supposed to be at work.”
Namah pulled a stethoscope and auriscope from his pockets. He checked Yahweh’s breathing and looked inside his ears. After that he looked inside of his mouth, and for some reason he flashed a light in the kid’s eyes.
“My father sent you to give me a check-up?” asked Yahweh, slightly amused.
“Silly, I know. Has the Commandant fed you regularly?”
“Yes.”
“How is the quality of food that you are given?”
“Spicy, but fair.”
“Does he let you bathe?”
“Three times a week. Not quite as much as I’d like.”
Namah wrote his answers down on a type-set document. It looked like a survey. From his seemingly bottomless pockets, he pulled out two bottles of medication. “I’ll leave these with you. I’m sure you know how to take them.”
“No,” I said. “Those are coming with me.”
“Qaira thinks I’m suicidal,” said Yahweh.
Namah handed me the bottles, frowning. “It was good seeing you again, Dr. Telei. I’ll let the Commander know that you’re in good health.”
“Tell him I said thank you for the chessboard.”
As we left, Yahweh sat on his bed and started placing figurines across the board.
“What now?” I asked the white when we stepped into the hall.
“Now I head to Crylle and let Commander Raith know that his son is healthy.”
“Crylle?”
“If you haven’t noticed, I’m a physician. Since you kidnapped Crylle’s only doctor, I’ve been assigned there in his place.”
I glared at him. “Am I taking you to Crylle?”
“You’re the one who wanted to pick me up at the rendezvous.”
“Your Commander failed to mention that I’d have to be your chauffeur.”
“Intentionally, I’m sure.”
That devious fuck. “Lt. Eltruan and Fedaz, meet me at the port. I need you to escort our angel visitor to Crylle.”
“Commandant,” Ara responded, “can’t one of the Sanctum guards do that?”
“… I’m sorry, Lt. Eltruan, but did you just question my order?”
There was a moment of silence.
“No, sir.”
* * *
The rest of the day flew by.
After an hour-long press conference and several meetings with Sanctum chairmen, it was already time to leave. On a normal day I would have flung myself from my office and cartwheeled all the way to the port.
But it wasn’t a normal day. Today was the day that I’d punched my infirm father in the face, and then bailed on my sister. I didn’t want to face the music.
I ignored my growling stomach and found other things to do around the office. An hour later, Leid was staring at me.
“Are we ever leaving? It’s getting late.”
“In a minute,” I said. “I have a few deadlines I didn’t make today.”
“What happened this morning?” she asked, clearly suspicious. She knew the end of the day was fuck-this-o’clock for me, no matter how many deadlines I’d missed.
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Well are you planning on staying here all night? Because I don’t want to stay here all night. And I’m hungry.”
Sigh. Listening to her whine almost made facing Tae sound like fun. But I was hungry, too. “Want to go out for dinner?”
Leid stood by the door, crossing her arms. “Are you avoiding your family?”
“No,” I lied. “I just feel like I need to step outside of my life for a little while. Can you stop interrogating me?”
Her frown melted and she grabbed my briefcase from the chair. “Alright, fine. Where are we going?”
XIV
DIVULGENCE
I TOOK LEID TO A SMALLER RESTAURANT AT the western edge of Upper Sanctum, one with very few customers on weeknights.
The Red Curtain was near Sanctum’s Aeroway port and not particularly close to any neighborhoods. No one traveled much during the week, so it came as no surprise when there were only a handful of customers scattered amid a gymnasium-sized dining hall.
Our server seated us at the very back of the hall, out of direct view of other customers. Spectacular service was one of the only perks of being an Eltruan in public.
We were given menus and wine. Long after I’d decided on what I wanted, Leid sat there with a disgruntled frown, like she was having trouble again.
“What is it with you and menus?”
“This place doesn’t serve leriza.”
I rolled my eyes. “The world isn’t going to end if you try another form of meat. In fact everything is better than leriza.”
“What are you getting?”
“Secca. It’s on the second page.”
“Pain-fried bluta with sautéed greens on a bed of white rice,” she read aloud, wrinkling her nose. “What’s bluta?”
“Fish.”
“Is it good?”
“No, it’s terrible. Totally disgusting. That’s why I’m ordering it.”
“Order me the same,” she said, pouring some wine.
The waiter took our menus away a few minutes later. We didn’t talk for a while. Leid kept shooting me looks, like she was waiting for me to tell her why we were here instead of at home. I pretended not to notice them.
“The craft shell should be finished this evening,” she mentioned. “Tomorrow we’ll start working on the engine. That’ll be the most challenging part. Judging by the way things are going, we should be finished the prototype in a week; maybe two if we run into any snags.”
“Sounds good.”
“How did the inspection go today?”
I smirked, having forgotten all about it until now. “We ended up flying that white all the way to Crylle. He was in transit to replace Yahweh as their practicing physician.”
“A doctor?” Leid asked, arching her brows.
“Yeah, his name was Namah or something.”
There was a change in her expression, but only momentary. Before I could ask about it, she said, “Tae wants to take me shopping.”
“Have fun with that.”
“I don’t really want to go, but it would have been rude to decline. I want your family to like me.”
“Join the club.”
Leid tilted her head. “What?”
“Nothing.”
The waiter returned with our wine. I downed the first glass in two gulps. Leid watched me with a brow raised.
By the time dinner showed up, I was loaded.
Leid kept going on and on about tax cuts and other crap I didn’t care about, and then I realized there was food in front of me. It took two tries to grab a fork.
“Alcohol is an addictive drug, Qaira. By raising the price of it, you’re only condemning the drunks to further poverty. They’ll pay any amount to drink.”
I was extremely thankful to be shitfaced right now, otherwise I would have shoved my fork into her head. “Can we please talk about something other than work?”
“Fine, but seriously, you’re going to lose money by cutting fuel taxes. You should have just given in and cut the taxes on education so that—”
“Leid.”
She slumped in her seat, sulking.
We ate the rest of our dinner in silence. I finished first and pushed the plate aside, pouring myself another glass of wine. The bottle was nearly empty, so I refilled Leid’s glass with the rest of it. The food had sobered me up a bit.
“Are you getting desert?” she asked.
“No. Do you want any?”
“Not really.”
“Okay. I might order some more wine, though.” Anything to stall for time.
She eyed me, but didn’t comment. I wasn’t a heavy drinker, and Leid knew that.
“Qaira, are you there?”
It was Ara. I’d forgotten to unclip the radio from my belt.
“Yeah,” I muttered.
“Why haven’t you come home yet? Tae is worried sick about you.”
“Leid and I are eating out.”
“Are you planning to come home tonight? I heard about what happened and—”
And there he went, blowing my cover. “I’m not alone, you retarded fuck!”
Ara was quiet for a second. Leid was staring at me.
“Fine, just come home soon. Tae isn’t going to bed until you speak to her, so don’t make her stay up all night.”
I hung up on him and turned my radio off. Leid kept staring at me. That was it; now I had to talk about it.
“I hit my father this morning.”
Leid didn’t even bat an eye. “Why?”
“He was having one of his… episodes, and said something that I…” I hesitated, trying to figure out how to explain it to her. I couldn’t, so I just got to the point. “I lost it.”
“What did he say to you?”
“It isn’t important. He didn’t mean it, but at the time…”
I glanced away, saying nothing else.
Leid didn’t press, and resumed picking at her plate. “It isn’t a secret how his illness affects you. Do you miss him?”
“What?”
“Do you miss the man he was before?”
“I don’t know. He used to be my counsel. Whenever things got really, really bad, he was there to fix them. Now things get really bad and I don’t have anyone to talk to.”
“You don’t need anyone to talk to. Time has forced your right of passage. Your father prepared you for everything you’ll have to face, and now you hold the torch. Instead of being bitter about the fact that he can’t provide you with any more advice, remember what he taught you.”
I looked at my empty plate, unable to come up with a response.
“People get old and become useless, Qaira. That’s just how life is.”
That actually made me laugh. “I never took my father’s advice. Our worldviews are very different.”
“Yes, I’ve noticed. That isn’t necessarily a bad thing.”
“Oh?”
“Your father’s benevolence for the angels anchored their belief that they have a chance at a permanent life on The Atrium. He didn’t persuade them to move on like he should have.”
That was pretty surprising to hear, considering how often she criticized my tactics.
“Sanctum needs a Regent with a stern hand. In this way, I think you’re more suitable for the position.”
“Tell that to the Eye of Akul.”
“They’re upset because you aren’t as easy to manipulate as your father was. But although I think your sternness is suitable for war, I think you need to be less stern with your own people.”
I hesitated, sharpening my stare. “What do you mean?”
Her eyes gleamed with condescension. “Must I give you a recent example?”
She was talking about Gia. I looked away, confirming that we were on the same wavelength.
“I doubt you’d be surprised if I told you that you have an issue with rage.”
I wasn’t.
“And though I don’t know the specific events of your life that led you down this path—and I don’t mean to judge you at all—but the future Regent of Sanctum should show a little empathy.”
“Are you done?” I asked, icing over. “I don’t need you pointing out my flaws. I’m already aware of them.”
Leid took a sip of wine. “What do you plan on doing about them?”
“I don’t know. Why don’t we revisit that topic when I’m actually the Regent?”
“I fear by then it will be too late. You’ll be too far gone.”
I’d had enough of this. “Come on, we’re leaving.”
It was raining, and after paying our waiter I found Leid lingering in the lobby, sulking at the storm from the window. She hadn’t brought a jacket, and although I would have loved to watch her get rained on, I decided to be the better man and removed my coat. When I draped it over her shoulders, she looked up at me in surprise.
“There,” I said, opening the door, “is that empathetic enough for you?”
* * *
Tae was waiting for me in the dining room when we arrived home. Leid left to her room before I’d made it there, knowing my sister and I would want a word alone. We planned to meet later on that evening at the research lab, but for now, I was stranded.
My sister and I stared at each other in silence, until I plopped on to a chair across from her, looking like a child about to be scolded.
Tae sniffed the air, wrinkling her nose. “Have you been drinking?”
“Yeah, but I’m not drunk. Anymore.”
“What could possibly be going on in your head to make you want to hit our father?” she demanded, diving right in.
While I couldn’t even count all the shit going on in my head, I said, “Nothing.”
“He didn’t mean what he said.”
“I know.”
“The doctors told us that there were going to be times when Dad would say rotten things, and we mustn’t—”
“I know, Tae. I was there.”
“Then why did you…” She paused, her face filling with revelation. “You don’t actually believe what he said, do you?”
I looked away, guilty as charged.
She paid me a sad frown. I didn’t like the pity behind her gaze. “It wasn’t your fault, Qaira.”
“Yes it was.”
“You were just a child. You had no idea what you were doing.”
“Doesn’t mean it wasn’t my fault.”
Tae sat there, staring at me. My gaze fell.
“It’s alright,” I said. “I just don’t like hearing about it, that’s all.”
“Qaira, look at me.”
I did, reluctantly.
“Dad doesn’t blame you. He loves you. He’s done nothing but love you, even after Mom died.”
“Yeah,” I said, placidly.
“You don’t seem like yourself. I feel like I don’t even know you right now.”
She’d never known me; not the real me. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t say that to me. You need to say that to Dad.”
“Does he even remember what happened?”
“No, he doesn’t remember that you hit him. He’s asked several times about the bruise on his jaw and I…” She looked away, ashamed. “I told him that he fell.”
I massaged my forehead, sighing.
“Even if he doesn’t remember what happened—or your apology for that matter, I’m certain you’ll feel better if you talk to him.”
“I’ll do it in the morning,” I said, conceding. “I don’t want to wake him up.”
“I’m going to bed,” Tae announced, getting out of her seat. That was my cue.
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” I said, heading for the hall.
“Where are you going?”
“Leid and I need to work on the prototype.”
“My dear brother; do you ever sleep?”
“I’ll sleep when I’m dead.”
My sister murmured a goodnight while I left our residence, heading for the Commons.
XV
WHAT COMES WITH LOSS
MY EYES OPENED AND I STARED AT my closet mirror. There was a heavy feeling in my chest, making it hard to breathe. If I’d been dreaming, I couldn’t remember it. But my room felt ominous and unfamiliar. Maybe I was still asleep.
I glanced at the clock, finding I had woken up three minutes before my alarm. I sat up and yawned, a tear of exhaustion trickling down the side of my left cheek. I felt like shit, and couldn’t remember the last time I’d had more than four hours of sleep.
/>
I threw off my blankets and forced myself to my feet, heading to the closet to fetch a suit. I pulled off the shirt I’d slept in and then Leid barged in without knocking.
She froze several steps in, staring at me. Or more specifically, at my chest.
“I didn’t realize you were inked anywhere but your face,” she remarked, filling a syringe with malay. Leid had never seen me without a shirt before.
Nehelian scripture covered me from collarbone to ribs, spreading and wrapping around my biceps. She’d filled my ink before, but I hadn’t told her about all of it. As a consequence most of it had faded, yet was still prominent enough to read. For some reason ink stayed longer on your body than your face.
Along with a form of identification, the Nehel believed that ink gave you power depending on what you wrote. My father believed I was the reincarnation of King Malkhet from the epic Kelkrah (Nehelian for retribution), and to honor his belief I wore its passages. Kelkrah was the story of a warrior whose wife is killed in battle. His sorrow and lust for revenge immortalizes him, and he kills his way through the rival army, leaving a blood-soaked trail all the way to their king. Even though I wasn’t very superstitious, I actually liked that epic and thought the story was worth wearing.
“Most Nehelian men ink their bodies,” I said, throwing on a shirt. I sat beside her on the bed and rolled up my sleeve, watching her tiny fingers curl around my forearm. Everything about Leid was little, except for her attitude.
Surprisingly, she administered the malay on the first try.
“I’ll see you at breakfast,” she said, heading for the hall.
I had decided against a shower, as I’d taken one last night. But I was groggy and a shower was the only thing that could wake me up, so I headed out. Halfway there I remembered my discussion with Tae, and I made a detour to my father’s bedroom. I didn’t really want to wake him, but who knew when I was coming home tonight?
I knocked on his door. There was no answer, but I wasn’t surprised. My father could sleep through a nuke.
When I cracked his door, an interesting odor of stale liquor and cologne wafted into the hall. I stepped inside, fumbling for the lamp on his dresser.
“Dad?” I whispered.
The Antithesis- The Complete Pentalogy Page 34