by DK Andrews
happy.”
I stop by the reception desk to chat with Dolores.
“Hello there, honey. Aren’t you glowing!” she says. Clearly, I’m in a totally different mood than usual. She eyes me with suspicion. “What’s going on, Alina?”
“Nothing, absolutely nothing,” I say, turning around and heading to the exit.“Just another day.”
Why can’t I stop thinking about Gabriel? I thought that I was immune to any feelings towards men, especially after what happened to me. I can still feel the sensation of Gabriel’s fingers on my hand. “Hey! Are you getting on or what?” the bus driver shouts, awakening me from my daydream. I hadn’t even noticed the bus driving up.
“I’m sorry,” I say, making my way onto the bus. I sit by a window.
Am I dreaming? I look out the window and notice that the road leading to the city is not as depressing as I always thought it was. We pass trees and small ponds that I’ve never noticed before but now do. It’s as if a veil has been lifted from my eyes. I reach for my headphones, and for the first time I can remember, I want to listen to something happy, and not depressing. I breathe on the window to fog it up. I want to draw something, but I know it’s just a silly thing to do, so I rub the window clear. Gabriel’s face keeps flashing in front of me. I want it to stop, but I’m afraid it won’t. I need to forget about him; I don’t want to get hurt.
Suddenly I realize how ridiculous that sounds. I’m going to die soon I thought my brain and heart knew that already.
I need to stop trying to justify my actions and feelings. I must leave my fear behind, and not dwell on the past. But I keep asking myself who Gabriel is? How did he end up my memories? Is he really one of us? Is he a Dator? Or is he a Receiver? Why did he ask who was paying for my life?
I get to Christina’s house just in time for dessert. At the table, she asks, “Any luck with job interviews? Did you hear back from Ground Control?” She forks a piece of pie into her mouth. “Your face is just gleaming, by the way; I haven’t seen you looking so excited before.”
“Yeah, I think I got the job at Ground Control.” Without thinking, I say, “Do you mind if I borrow another dress for tomorrow?” I bite my tongue in anticipation
“You need a dress to wear to work at a coffee shop?” Christina asks.
“Oh, I just meant…”
“I’m just playing with you,” Christina laughs. “You can borrow any dress from my closet you’d like.”
“Really? I mean, I don’t start work at Ground Control for another week or so, and I’m planning on still looking in case something better comes along.” I say, adding to the unnecessary web of lies that I’ll need to keep tabs on.
“Jeez…you sound like a woman who’s looking for a husband.”
My face freezes in a disgusted grimace.
“I’m just kidding” Christina laughs.
Micah is sitting next to me, struggling with his pie. I cut it into small pieces for him and grin.
“Thank you, Lina,” he says. Seeing Micah, he's so cute, it overwhelms me. I can’t resist and reach out and draw him to me in a big bear hug. His fork falls from his hand onto the floor.
“I love you, Micah.”
“I love you too Lina!” He tries to set himself free from my clingy embrace. “If it’s OK with you, can I eat now? I need a new fork.”
“I’ll bring you one,” Christina says, getting up from her chair. “So, Alina, I really want to know what happened this afternoon that’s got you into such a good mood. Something magical, I bet.”
Sort of true, it is all a bit magical, how the four of us have met in Mentior, how we all have come to together. I know for a fact that this is not how the preparation process is supposed to go. I’m supposed to be suffering, not smiling and glowing. All I know so far is that Nicole is real and she’s a Dator. Is it possible that Sophie and Gabriel are just the creations of our sore and broken minds? Even if that’s the case, it’s not going to change my destiny in any way.
“I have a dress in mind for you for tomorrow,” Christina says with a wink.
After dinner, she lays out a beautiful royal blue dress on the bed for me to try on, together with a white cardigan to cover up my scars.“There you go! What do you think of that outfit?”
“It’s perfect!” I say, hugging Christina. “Thank you very much.”
“No problem. I hope your interviewers will like it.”
I blush. I hate that I’m lying to her.
“Listen,” she says, “you and Micah can stay here again tonight and tomorrow. Then, since we’re going camping, could you house-sit for us over the weekend? What do you think?”
I’m ready to start jumping up and down from joy! Time spent without Gloria being in the picture is a pure blessing!
“That would be awesome!” I say, clapping my hands together with joy. “I’ll stop by our house tomorrow and pick up a few things for Micah so that he will be all ready for the weekend.” How could I have gotten so lucky? Christina is a saint.
“Excellent! Let me know how tomorrow goes.”
Back at Ultima, Dr. Kismen looks like a mess. Her black lab coat is incorrectly buttoned, and her red shirt is peeking out in small bunches between the gaping buttons. The makeup is gone from her face, and her hair is frizzy. Her eyes are puffy, red and sunken; her smile is broken in two.
“Are you OK?” I ask.
“Fine,” she says sharply, “I’m fine.
“You don’t seem fine,” I say while sitting down on the bed to get ready for my session.
Deanna sighs heavily.“Honestly, I’m fine. Let’s just begin the session.”
I can’t help but press. “I’m only asking—maybe I can help somehow.”
She looks at me with her heavy eyes and says, “Oh Alina, you are the last person I would ask for help.” She moves her eyes more slowly like they are heavy, an effort to move.
That hurt.
It’s clear she doesn’t want to talk. “Come on, let’s start,” she says, as I lie down and she connects the Mentior.
The transparent visor of the helmet comes down, and I close my eyes. The tingling feeling rushes through my temples. I feel my heart beating, a great pounding, a strong pressure. What awaits me next in the Mentior?
When I open my eyes, I look down at my feet and recognize the dry grass of my high school grounds. Soon I would be sitting in a classroom, the center of mockery for all of the students and even the teacher.
Unless, of course, I run.
I put all my energy into running back to the Theater. I want to see Nicole, Sophie, and Gabriel again. I want to be around people who care about me. As I sprint, my legs burn. I stop to catch my breath and see a bus approaching. I recognize the bus number; it should get me to the city center pretty quickly. I hop on. The anticipation is killing me, and I keep shifting around in my seat.
Finally, the beautiful white theater appears ahead of me. I have arrived. My eyes dart around, trying to locate my friends.
I hear a male’s voice from a distance.“Alina!”
It’s definitely Gabriel! He found me! I turn and see him approaching. He looks handsome in his blue jeans and black shirt. He’s holding a bouquet of white flowers.
“Hello,” I say in a deep voice.
“Hi, Alina!” Gabriel goes in for a hug, but for some reason I once again find myself pulling back.
“Oh,” Gabriel says, scratching his head. “These are for you.” He hands me the flowers.
“What are these for?” I ask. I gather from his reaction that I’m supposed to be excited about the flowers.
“That’s an interesting reaction,” he says. “Usually, it’s more along the lines of ‘thank you.’”
“Thank you,” I say, dryly, and my lack of gratitude is obvious.
“They are white lilies,” Gabriel continues, seeking something positive in my response.“They reminded me of you.”
I don’t have any positivity to give. All my happy, positive emotions are buried under a thic
k layer of anxiety and depression. “Have you seen Sophie and Nicole today?” I ask, looking around hoping to see them walking toward me.
“No, I haven’t seen them yet. I’m sure they’ll turn up soon. Do you want to take a walk in the gardens while we wait?”
I’m curious to know if Gabriel exists in real life. Right now, his presence is as real to me as my own breath. As we walk toward the gardens, he asks,
“Tell me Alina, who are you? Are you a Receiver?”
“I’m sorry?”My heart drops, I don’t want to talk about this, not right now, not on this perfect day.
“I’m just wondering if you are a Receiver.” he says again.
I awkwardly change the subject. “Where could Nicole and Sophie be?”
“I understand if you don’t want to answer me, but maybe you can at least tell me who Sophie and Nicole are?”
I let out a sigh. “Sophie is one of the Receivers or at least Nicole, and I think so.”
“And you? Are you also a Receiver? I mean, yesterday I just assumed you were, but I never actually asked.”
He renders me speechless. I stand as if paralyzed from the neck up. I can’t bring myself to answer truthfully and instead find myself nodding yes.
“I see,” he says.
“What about you?” I finally ask.
“Yes, I am too.”
I feel as though I have betrayed him and must come clean. “Well, actually, I… actually I’m a Da—”
“Look!” Gabriel shouts, interrupting my confession, “Isn't that Sophie and Nicole over there?” He points at a woman and a little girl who resemble Sophie and Nicole.
“No, that’s not them,” I say. I start to think perhaps today is not the day