by DK Andrews
both her husband and daughter in a car crash.” I look down and then up to search the faces of the people walking around the theater, trying to spot Nicole and Sophie.
“That’s so sad.”
“Indeed it is,” I say with a sigh.
Gabriel moves closer to me and puts his arm around me. I grit my teeth to avoid the urge to fight him off. He leans in close, trying to catch my eyes, but I keep them hidden. I’m nervous—very nervous. A tear falls down my cheek, and Gabriel gently catches it with his finger. He is now close enough that I can feel his breath on my skin. I finally look at him and see his lips approaching mine.
“I can’t do this!” I yell.
“Do what, Alina?” Gabriel stands up and tries to calm me down.
“This!”I say, gesturing wildly with my hands. “I mean, whatever you were trying to do. I’m not ready, I’m not ready!” I’m breathing hard and am short of breath.
“I’m so sorry, I must have gotten carried away,” he says. “I don’t know what happened.” He puts his hand on his forehead.
I feel terrible about my reaction, but I’m unable to control it. The fear of getting hurt is too strong.“I’m not like other girls, Gabriel,” I say, trying to sound calm.
“I know that,” Gabriel says.
“It’s not easy for me to relax. I’ve been—well, I just don’t like being touched.” I look at him.
“Right. Again, I’m sorry; it won’t happen again. I give you my word.” He sounds sincere.“All I wanted to do was comfort you. I truly meant you no harm. I thought you were upset about Nicole and clearly, I went too far.”
“Listen,” I say, putting my hand on his shoulder. “You can’t just attempt to kiss someone you’ve only known for a day.”
“Hey look!” he interrupts. “Is that Nicole and Sophie down there?” He points down the hill.
“Yes, it’s them!” I shout, greatly relieved to see them and also to lighten the mood. We run down the stairs side by side and head towards the theater.
“Hey there,” I say, picking up Sophie and giving her a big smooch on her beautiful rosy cheek. “Where have you been all day?”
“We were walking around, enjoying the city,” Nicole says.“What were you guys doing?”
I stutter. “We were—”
“—just talking,” Gabriel says, quickly cutting in to avoid an embarrassment.
Nicole looks at him and then over to me. “Gabriel, why don’t you take Sophie for a walk? We’ll catch up with you. I just need to discuss some girl stuff with Alina.” He shrugs and takes Sophie by the hand. Nicole grabs my arm and pulls me aside. I feel as if I’m in trouble.
“What the hell are you doing?” Nicole whispers.
“What do you mean?”
“What do I mean? You know what I mean: with Gabriel! What’s going on with you two?”
“Nothing.”
“Right.”
“Does he know who you are?”
“Who am I?”
“Oh, stop being foolish. He’s a Receiver, right? Does he know you’re a Dator?”
I bite my tongue.
“Well, does he?”
“No, I haven’t told him yet,” I say.
“Why not?” Nicole says, unimpressed.
“I can’t, not today, but I’ll tell him eventually.”
“I just hope it won’t be too late,” she warns.
“What do you mean?”
“I have a feeling it’s not going to end well.”
“Of course it’s not going to end well; I’m going to die.” I pull away from her and step forward.
“I’m sorry, Alina. I guess I’m just being a little over protective. But I can tell that he likes you.” Nicole says softly.
“Nonsense. In the short time that I’ve spent with him, I get the impression that he doesn’t like anyone but himself.”
“Why do you say that?” Nicole asks.
“He told me he was a selfish person, that he used people. Then he got sick, and all his friends turned their backs on him. According to him, that changed him; but I don’t believe it.”
“Why not? You’d be surprised how people can change. I know that for sure.” She looks over at Sophie.
“Do they?” I ask. “Will my mother ever change? My grandmother never changed, and she died a miserable and unhappy person.”
“People change,” Nicole says. “I know I’m changing. My outlook on things is gradually transforming. Too bad it’s just a little too late.” She grins ever so slightly. “Anyway, if you ask me, I think you should tell Gabriel who you are now, not later.”
“I’ll keep that in mind,” I say, clearly just trying to end this conversation. I walk two steps ahead of her towards Gabriel and Sophie.
“This all so bizarre,” Nicole mumbles under her breath as she walks behind me. “I still can’t believe we cheated our memories and somehow connected with Receivers.”
“Let’s meet around here tomorrow,” I suggest.
“That sounds good.” Nicole smiles.
I can’t help but think about Nicole’s words. I’m scared. What if Mentior doesn’t work? What if Gabriel and Sophie don’t actually receive new lives? How can I know if Sophie is receiving my life? Who is going to receive Nicole’s life? The life exchange is all based on money, not compatibility. If you can’t afford to pay for a long lifespan, you get an “older” life. In theory, it’s possible that Sophie might be getting Nicole’s life given Sophie’s comment about her parents not having anything anymore. How will I find out the truth?
I look over at Sophie, and she also doesn’t look ill—she looks perfectly healthy. She and Gabriel are creating their new reality, which must be why we met her at the amusement park and Gabriel at the University. Somehow, the Mentior has intertwined their alternative realities and Nicole and my memories.
Here we are, four of us, so carefree, walking into the sunset. The light display looks astonishing against the steel pylons of the stunning bridge. We all watch the sun sink into the horizon, and I stand next to Gabriel. I decide to release my fear and wrap my fingers around his right hand. The touching of skin creates an electric wave of excitement that runs through my body. I let myself feel the warmth of his fingers on my hand. I stand motionless. The world seems to stop turning.
“Will I see you tomorrow?” Gabriel says, looking straight into my eyes.
“Yes, I’ll meet you by the theater.”I catch his eyes glancing at my lips. He won’t try anything, though; he knows better now.
BROKEN FEAR
When I open my eyes, I feel Dr. Kismen’s cold hands on my temples. She silently removes my helmet. This is the quietest she’s been after a session. I’m hesitant to ask her what’s wrong since our last conversation didn’t go so well.
I reluctantly get off the bed and put on my shoes; still not saying a word, she leaves the glass room and walks out into the hall. I follow after.“Can I ask you something, Dr. Kismen?”
“Sure,” she sighs, obviously not in the mood to talk.
I look her in the eyes; they are not as puffy as they were this morning, but still show signs of sadness. “I was just wondering how everything is going with the preparation process. I mean, is everything working fine? Will the Receiver get my life?” I’m doing my best not to sound apprehensive.
“As I said the last time you asked, yes, everything is going well—we make sure of it.” She looks away as we enter the elevator together. An uncomfortable silence lingers over us.
“Look,” I say, hoping to break the tension, “if I’ve somehow offended you or said something I shouldn’t have, I apologize; I didn’t mean to.”
“Alina, it’s nothing to do with you, OK?” She exits the elevator and holds the door for me.
“All right, I get it,” I say. But I can’t let it go; I want to get into her head. I block the way to the office and ask, “So what is it, then?”
She’s clearly flustered and tries to walk around me. “What is this? Why are you asking me all thes
e questions?”
“Because I care about you,” I say without thinking.
“Well, you shouldn’t” she mutters.“I’m merely your doctor, and soon you’ll be gone.”
Her words cut deep. She’s right, of course—my days are numbered. Without saying anything, I turn and walk toward reception.
“No, Alina, wait, that’s not what I wanted to say.” Dr. Kismen rushes down the hall after me.
“It’s fine,” I say, holding back my tears. “You are just being honest. I shouldn’t pry. You clearly didn’t want to talk, and I kept grilling you.”I realize now that aside from Micah, I’ve never cared about how other people felt or what kind of mood they were in because I was only concerned with my own desolation. It’s as if my world is opening up and things are starting to change; I’m noticing the people around me.
“Alina, I apologize for my mood today. I should be more professional. It’s just, you know, today isn’t my day.”
“Not your day?”
“Right, I’m feeling particularly sad today.”
“Why?” I ask. I can’t help myself.
“It’s hard to explain, Alina. Plus, it’d be unprofessional to share it with you.” She looks at me, begging me with her eyes to back off. I shrug, and as I’m about to turn around, she continues, “You are such a pretty young girl, with so much to live for…”She takes a deep breath. “Why did you have to go and make this terrible decision?”
“What do you mean?” I’m petrified.
“Your decision to sell your life! You are a silly, silly girl” she turns around and heads back to her office.
I run to the exit, ignoring Dolores on my way out. I need to get some fresh air and think.
Why would she say that to me? It’s clearly