by Jen Luerssen
When the last piece of mail is sorted my phone rings and I can see it’s Peyton.
“Hey, Daddy, I am finishing up with my office organization but I swear I’ll be home for dinner,” I say knowing he’s calling to see when I’ll be home.
“That’s great, Bunny, but I’m calling because we got some mail today and I think you should come home as soon as possible,” he says and I can hear the worry in his voice.
“What kind of mail, Daddy?” I ask, my finger smoothing over the letter for Sebastian.
“Well Papa and I got one letter and you got one too. Ours is from a law firm in Napa called Graf, Mango, and La. It’s a family law office.” My heart sinks into my stomach and my hands start to sweat a little. The envelope in front of me has those exact same names.
“What does the letter say?”
“I think you should come home and then we can go over it together, talk it out before anyone gets worked up,” he says and I know it’s bad.
“Daddy, tell me what’s in the letter,” I say through my teeth.
“Like I said, it’s complicated but it appears to be from Sebastian’s lawyer and it’s about custody,” he says and I’m stunned into silence.
“Bunny? You there?” he asks.
I grunt out an affirmative and hang up the phone. The letter is now clutched in my hand and I’m hurt, angry and frankly, surprised. I know I don’t have all the information, but for him to go to a lawyer on his own without discussing any of it with us beforehand just pisses me off.
Standing up quickly, the chair falls back and clatters on the floor. With the letter still clutched in my hand, I walk from my office in the big building to the tavern, where Sebastian’s office is. His door is closed so I knock three times without hesitation.
“Come in,” he calls and I do and then slam the door.
“Hey, Chaton, you look hot today,” he says with a sexy smile, stupid smile. “You done for the day?”
He must realize my face is not a happy face so he rises and walks around his desk to me.
“You okay?” he asks reaching for my hand. He takes the one with the letter in it and I drop it.
We both bend down to pick up the letter but he gets to it first. I see him read the envelope and then place it on his desk like it’s any piece of ordinary mail, not something that could rip us apart.
“Peyton just called and said we got letters from your lawyers today. What the hell, Sebastian? We’re going through lawyers? That’s how we’re dealing with this? I thought we were beyond any of this bullshit,” I rant. I know, it’s silly for me to be this mad without seeing what’s in the letters first, but I’m in a panic. There’s no stopping my interrogation or my irritation with it.
He takes a deep breath and picks up the letter he just put down. “Kit, it’s not like that. I called a lawyer that Joe recommended a few weeks ago, just to see what my options are. I’d never go forward with anything without discussing it with you and your dads first.”
“Then why are we getting certified letters in the mail about custody?” I ask, throwing my hands in the air.
He opens the letter I brought and reads it to himself. “This just explains that in order to represent me they need to survey all parties in the custody circle. It’s not a threat or anything to be worried about, it’s just a survey.”
Just a fucking survey? “Are you kidding? I don’t care if it’s a fucking word search, why do we have lawyers in this situation AT ALL!” I shout the last part because now I’m raging.
“I can see this has been the wrong way to handle this and that it seems like I’m going behind your back. I’m not. I’m just trying to see how we can all come together as a family and how I can provide for you and Bea while also being able to be her dad.” His eyes are pleading for me to understand but I just don’t.
“I trusted you, and you clearly still don’t trust me,” I say my finger in his face. “A fucking lawyer, Sebastian? I’m shaking right now, I’m so angry and terrified. Tell me what you’d think if I sent you something like this.” I grab the letter and crumple it. I didn’t say I was mature.
“Again, Kit, I made a mistake, please talk to me,” he says holding on to my finger still in the air. “Chaton, I love you. I trust you completely.”
I pick up his phone from his desk and hand it to him. “Then call the lawyers now and tell them they are fired.”
He takes the phone and just holds it. “I think we should talk first.”
I smack it out of his hand, turn and walk out. I know, I’m having a bad tantrum and I deserve any criticism you may send my way, but this is my daughter and when I feel threatened, I lash out and become a toddler.
“Kit!” I hear him calling me as I run out to my car. When I reach it, I turn and he’s not far behind me. “Wait,” he calls.
I don’t wait, I get in my car, gun it in reverse then tear down the driveway throwing dust in my wake. The minute I pull on to the road I start to cry.
Salty Groveling
Sebastian
Fuck.
I’m an idiot.
When I called a lawyer almost two weeks ago, I was sure it was the right, adult thing to do. I spoke with one of the partners, Lisane Mango and she told me our case seems pretty cut and dry from what I related to her. My hope was that we could all talk about it together but the holidays happened and I was so happy. I forgot there was a deadline for them to send out the survey.
I call Peyton once I see Kit’s truck peel out.
“Hey, Sebastian,” he says and his tone is a tad unfriendly.
“Hi, Peyton, listen, I’m sorry about the somewhat official looking lawyer letters. I meant to discuss all of this before you received anything. It is a misunderstanding. I’m not looking to do anything but have someone to look over documents when the time comes. I’m not suing or looking to disrupt Bea’s life in any way.” I take a breath.
“Sebastian, I believe you. I was taken aback by the formalness but I get it. We are a little sensitive because technically, there’s plenty of ammunition to use against us,” he says and my heart drops.
“Oh, God, I’m so sorry. Can I talk to Sig?”
“That is not the best idea right now. He’s in the yard with Bea and he’s as upset as I imagine Kit is. They have very similar feelings about lawyers.”
I take another deep breath. “Please let them know there’s no threat, no distrust. Just a stupid mistake in communication,” I say. “Please, Peyton.”
“I’ll try but I make no promises,” he says. “Come tomorrow at 4pm. Bea has her music class and Kit was planning on taking her. We will have a talk and figure it all out. Try not to worry, I believe you are sincere and I’m sure they will realize it once their mama and papa bear instincts settle down.”
“Thank you, Peyton, I owe you.”
“You most certainly do, and I will take chocolate as my consolation.” He hangs up and I stare at my phone.
Because I can’t leave it alone, I text Kit.
Me: Please think about hearing me out. I love and respect you and would never do anything to try to take Bea from you! You know me and I know you.
Chaton: I thought I knew you.
Me: That’s not fair. I hired the lawyer so we will all be protected, so everything can be clear and legal.
Chaton: It would have been without the lawyers. Now I’m not sure.
Me: Don’t text something you might regret.
Charon: You’re right. I’m done with all of it.
Me: I love you, Chaton. I love Bea. I love your dads. Just concentrate on that.
I leave the tavern, and walk to my house. I’m way too antsy to drive and I need to think. I feel helpless yet I did this to myself. On the way, I call the law office.
The receptionist puts me through to Ms. Mango. “Mr. Simeon, nice to hear from you. I’m assuming you got our survey?”
“Yes, I did, so did The Beckers. I thought you’d let me know when you were sending anything to them. We have a good rel
ationship but the fact that I hired a lawyer and didn’t mention it has thrown a wrench into it.”
“I’m sorry, we notified you in the letter we sent you, theirs was mailed two days later,” she says and I hear papers rustling. “Let me double check. I do apologize, you were supposed to receive a phone call as well. I’ll reduce your billable hours.”
I sigh and stop along the gravel road staring at the rows of chardonnay grapes. “I’m sorry, this is not your fault. I should have told them right away. I just got excited to hammer out the details and make us a family.”
“I’m sure that will still happen, Mr. Simeon. The survey is very basic and isn’t meant to cause any extra conflict.”
“I’m sure you’re right. Thank you,” I say and disconnect. Speaking with someone who doesn’t care about my family isn’t helping.
When I arrive at home, I pace the living area then move to the kitchen and pour myself some wine. Then I pace the dining room while holding my wine glass. I take my phone out and call Frank.
“Hey, Sebass, what’s up man?” Frank answers.
“Hey, I need your help,” I say.
“Well, I’ll be there tomorrow so I’ll be at your service,” he says. “Wait, except anything wine related. Mikey doesn’t want me touching her vines and I am not crossing her right now.”
“It’s nothing wine related, it’s me being an epic fuck-up related,” I say.
“Huh, now that I can relate too,” he mumbles. “Tell me more.”
I tell him all of it and we brainstorm ideas. When we hang up I feel slightly better about things. I refill my glass and sit on my couch in the living room. The envelope has been burning a hole in my pocket so I take it out and open it. There are two pieces of cream-colored heavy stock paper with the official law office letterhead. The top sheet is a letter including the information Lisane told me earlier, that they were sending their separate letters with the survey and the included text of the letters they sent to Kit and her dads. In a nutshell, the letter says that they represent me and are interested in gathering as much information about all family members as possible so all parties’ needs are taken into consideration. The language is specifically non-threatening.
I feel a minuscule bit of relief but know I have my work cut out for me.
***
After a restless night of sleep, I put a few hours of work in at the office. I work on some financials for City Monkey, look into a possible spinoff winery opportunity for Kit. Wishful thinking, I know. What hasn’t happened all day is a text or call from Kit. I’m honoring my promise to let her be for a while but it’s difficult.
Frank and Mikey show up around noon and we have lunch and work on my strategy to get back in Kit’s good graces. It starts with her dads. We hammer out the details and again I feel better after talking with my friends.
When I pull up to the gate, I wait to be buzzed in instead of letting myself in. Next to me in the passenger seat is the manila envelope with the letter I wrote them along with the custody plan, painting, poem and financial information. There is also a case of our reserve sparkling wine because I’m not above buying favor.
The gate opens and I pull in next to the house. Before I step out of the car, I make sure to scan the area for Simon. That fucker has it out for me. Wouldn’t put it past Sig to shoo him out here so he hassles me.
Once I feel like the coast is clear, I grab the envelope and the case of wine and swiftly walk up the porch and ring the doorbell.
The door opens to Sig and Peyton together. They don’t look like they want to kill me just yet, but I’ve seen more welcoming faces.
“Sig, Peyton, good to see you two,” I say and I mean it. I haven’t seen them or Bea in a few days and I miss their company. “I brought you some of our reserve sparkling wine.”
Sig takes the case from me and carries it to the kitchen. Peyton and I follow and we sit around the kitchen island. Place the envelope down and slide it to them.
“After my day at the holiday fair with Kit and Bea, I did two things. One was to call a lawyer. It was never meant as a threatening move but as a willingness to do things legally without hidden agendas. I want you both to trust me with Bea and with Kit. I love them both so much.” I stumble over the last words, choking up a little.
“Sebastian, can I get you tea or water?” Peyton asks.
I shake my head.
“Okay then, we are here to listen so tell us what you came to say and then if we have questions we’ll wait ’til you’re done,” he says and reaches over to squeeze my hand.
“Okay, I thank you for that,” I clear my throat. “The other thing I did was make this packet for you. It includes a letter telling you how strongly I feel for you and your family. A small painting I did of Bea, and a poem. I also worked out a custody plan that I thought might at least be a jumping off plan for all of us to work with or tweak. Finally, I included my bank statements, tax returns and some stock information so you know I’m financially stable and can care for both Kit and Bea maybe not as well as you can, but close. It should also put your mind at ease that I’m not remotely in this for the money. I know that may not have entered your mind but I wanted to make sure you knew how serious I am.”
I stand and walk to the sink. I grab a clean cup from the cabinet and fill it with water. “Is that everything?” Sig asks sternly.
“No,” I say shaking my head again. “I want to apologize for not bringing up the lawyer before now. They told me they’d notify me before sending you anything and they did but it got mixed up so instead you and Kit got the survey before I could warn you. It’s no excuse, I should have told you sooner but to be honest I had the best Christmas and New Years of my life with you, Kit, Bea and my family. It wasn’t something I wanted to mess with by bringing up lawyers and custody.”
“When you say that, it sounds like you knew it would be s point of contention,” Sig says, arms folded. Scary Viking face engaged.
“It did cross my mind that you wouldn’t be thrilled, but I thought it would mostly be because I wanted shared custody,” I say then swallow down more water. “I want to be sensitive to you and to Kit and especially Bea. At the same time, I’ve lost almost two years with her that you all had. I know that was no fault of yours but it still hurts.” I rub my chest over my heart because it does sting a little still even though my time with Bea has been amazing.
“You’re right, that wasn’t fair, and maybe Sig and I could have done more to find you. We have the means to hire a private investigator but chose to not go that route,” Peyton says and I’m surprised.
“It would have been near impossible to find me, I’d imagine. Kit didn’t even know I was staying at the same hotel, and we didn’t know we were at the same convention,” I reply.
He shrugs. “It wasn’t impossible. We accept your apology for not telling us about the lawyer before, I understand not wanting to ruin family time with possibly awkward news. It is also good to hear that you are in love with our daughter. Also, the wine bribe was effective,” he says and we all laugh a little.
“What Peyton is trying to say is we are on board with however you want this to play out as long as Kit and Bea are happy and safe. You have a plan?” Sig asks, still in Viking fight position.
“I have a plan, and I need your help,” I say and they both smile.
Salty Brings It
Kit
When I was a little girl, my dads were very good at shielding me from heartache. If a parent of a friend didn’t approve of their relationship, they would agree to only let me play at their house, despite how it made them feel. I had a huge aquarium with a few fish and when one died it would be replaced quickly so I wouldn’t notice. If I was having a hard time because I was a girl with no mother, they’d step up every time to make sure it didn’t matter. Once I started dating it was much harder to keep me from feeling some heartbreak.
In 10th grade, Joey Diaz told me we couldn’t go out anymore because I was too much of a prude. My dads were the
re with a stern call to his parents about teaching their son consent and how not to be a sexist, and with a tub of ice cream for all of us to share while we watched Harry Potter movie marathons.
My high school boyfriend of two years, John Reilly, broke up with me the day after graduation. He said since I was traveling he wouldn’t expect me to be faithful, so he was giving me my freedom. I mean, project much? Sig canceled a trip to Milan to stay with me since Peyton was away in New York. He told me the best revenge was living well, and to sleep with as many European men as possible. I know, my fathers are odd. When I scoffed at the idea, Sig told me that European men know what they are doing and would help me know what I like. Let’s just say he wasn’t wrong.
They’ve been there for me through every heartbreak, including this third one with Sebastian. I know, I’m a bit of a drama queen but when you’re raised by two gay men it’s likely to happen. The first heartbreak was when I found out I was pregnant. Sure, I was nervous about having a baby but I also mourned not being able to share it with the man who got me that way. We may have only known each other for about 16 hours but I knew in my heart he would have stepped up and been there for me and for our child. I was right.
When I thought I lost him because I waited to tell him about Bea, that was difficult but it was a wakeup call really. I put Bea first for once, and that was long overdue. We’ve made so much progress since then and I’ve been feeling positive about our family and the direction we were headed.
He had to fuck it up. Maybe you think I’m being hard on him, but it hurt all the way to my toes that he didn’t trust me enough to work things out. Hiring a lawyer feels like a slap in the face. Sig and Peyton say it was a smart decision and that he was looking out for all of us. That seems like the rational explanation but I still feel like he betrayed what we were building. I love him, and I want to get past this, but I feel shitty about the whole thing.