by Jamie Knight
I told myself not to have such thoughts.
Plus, what I particularly liked about Anne was that she was as smart as a whip. I could tell by the way she formulated her words, selecting them carefully so that they almost had the lilt of songs.
I pressed a button on the treadmill to pick up the pace.
One thing I couldn’t understand, though, was with so much beauty, brains, personality, and an excellent career to boot, why didn’t she had a boyfriend or husband that she could have a baby with?
Surely, she could have had anyone that she wanted.
Or was there something that I was missing?
I was starting to break into a sweat and my breathing was becoming labored. I tried to focus on my workout more and on Anne McAllister less.
This wasn’t like me, to fantasize about patients. I had always been very professional, in spite of the nature of my work. But, for some reason now, my mind just kept going back to Anne.
I had spent so many years building my career and reputation. And as I looked around at what my buddies liked to jokingly refer to as my “man castle,” I knew that it had all paid off. I was a rich doctor whose claim to fame was starting up and running successful fertility clinics, and who was known for bringing back a technique that could work instead of or along with newer technological methods.
I had done countless speaking engagements, being interviewed and even teaching about IVF to those in the field as well as to students. I was well known and respected as one of the top doctors in the industry.
And it was largely due to my professionalism. I had seen other doctors come and go because they couldn’t keep their dicks in their pants and would get involved with a patient romantically. Or even just sexually.
So, I knew firsthand that getting involved with a patient would spell death to my practice and career. In fact, I usually wouldn’t even toy with the idea of dating a patient.
But, as hard as I tried to dismiss the thought, I kept thinking about Anne. I couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to go out with her on a date. I just knew that she would be interesting and sexy and…
What was wrong with me?
I had all the reasons in the world why I shouldn’t be thinking of her, but it seemed like she was all that I could think about at all. It was almost like I couldn’t help myself.
I pushed another button on the treadmill and slowed down to a halt. It didn’t seem like working out was helping me with distracting my mind. I walked back down the dark hallway to the living room, grabbed the TV remote, and sunk down into my leather couch.
Then I started flipping through the channels. But nothing was really catching my attention.
This was why I really didn’t watch much TV, I thought to myself, tossing the remote aside, then rubbing my temples and closing my eyes. Even with my eyes closed, I just kept picturing Anne’s face.
Is this really what all these years of being a bachelor has done to me?
One visit from a pretty woman at the practice and she’s all I can think about?
But I knew that wasn’t it. There had been tons of beautiful women who walked through our doors before and I had never had this reaction. In fact, I often found comfort in the fact that I was a bachelor because it had been my experience that dating was often more trouble than it was worth.
Some women seemed to be like vampires when it came to dating rich doctors. They always seemed to want to rush to the altar or, at the very least, seemed to want me to get them pregnant with one of my… what had Anne called it… my samples?
I couldn’t help but laugh out loud now that I thought again about how she’d said that. My laughter bounced off the walls of my house and landed back in my ears, sounding like tinny raucous. Anne had been so cute without even trying to be.
I had never been one for relationships. I was a player, through and through. Plus, most of the time, it was just easier and less trouble to focus on work. I’d had a lot of hook ups in the past but they were explicitly no-strings-attached relationships.
Still, meeting Anne made me feel a pang of something that I rarely ever felt: loneliness.
Sometimes, I wished that I had someone with whom I could share my joy and pain, a partner in crime, even though I usually quickly pushed those thoughts aside because I enjoyed a quick date and hook up instead of committed relationships.
But, for the first time almost ever, I started wondering what it might be like to raise a family with someone.
With Anne.
What the fuck, dude? I chided myself.
You just met her.
And she’s your patient.
I stood up quickly, starting to become afraid of my own thoughts.
Snap out of it, Ted, I now yelled at myself.
My career hadn’t taken off because of daydreams and fantasies. It was the result of hard work and discipline. All of which could be flushed down the toilet in a moment’s notice if I kept letting my teenage-like, lust-filled imagination run wild.
I slowly sat back down, took a deep breath in, and blew it all out. Being a single guy, I knew that loneliness happened, but the payoff was so great: money, an amazing career, and basically any woman for a night that I wanted to have.
I just had long ago decided that I value my peace more than anything else. It was a lot easier that way, in the long run.
Here I was only thinking about a woman and was about to commit career suicide in my thoughts.
There was no need for all that drama.
I would just keep focusing on work and leave love and relationships to everyone else.
Chapter Four - Anne
Nearly a month later, I was back at Dr. Roberts’ office and I felt a little sullen as I changed into the gown that the nurse had given me before she left the room.
For some reason, I just knew that this process was going to solve my problems and give me the happy family that I wanted. But when I took the home pregnancy tests (at least ten of them) and they all came back negative, I started losing heart.
The nurse had asked me if I felt any different, if my breasts felt tender, and other questions like those. All my answers came back as negative, just like all those damn pregnancy tests.
The office felt colder this time as I waited for the doctor to walk in. I almost hadn’t come in and had thought about just calling to tell them that I’d changed my mind and no longer needed their services.
But I think that part of me just wanted the official confirmation from the doctor that even my body couldn’t get with the program and give me the family that my heart had been so desperately wanting.
My parents had had me later in life and admitted that I was a complete “oopsie baby” because they hadn’t wanted children and had gotten permanent birth control that ended up failing. They were now elderly and were immersed in their own interests to the point of being rather self-absorbed.
They had never been particularly loving. Needless to say, I was an only child. At first, I had handled my loneliness by throwing myself into school and my career. I had wanted to find love and get married, but it just hadn’t worked out for me.
I so wanted to be able to have a baby of my own and make my own family for myself, since I didn’t want to settle for one of the man-babies I had tried to date. This was my chance, but it wasn’t working out as I had planned.
It was beginning to seem as though I would just have to stay lonely in life.
Within a few minutes, Dr. Roberts knocked softly and walked into the room, disrupting my depressed thoughts.
“How have you been feeling?” he asked, his loud voice cheerful, making me wonder if there was hope after all.
“Fine,” was all I could manage to say.
“Well, that’s good. Now, I have some bad news and some good news. The bad news is that, according to the test the nurse had you take prior to this appointment, which is clinic policy, you aren’t pregnant yet. The good news is that we still have plenty of time and opportunity to keep trying.”
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I tried to force myself to smile and say thank you, but I choked out a sob and hot tears started streaming down my face. When I tried to stop them, they just kept right on coming.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” said Dr. Roberts. “You have to understand, these things take time. You’re talking about bringing a brand-new life into the world in a different way than it’s biologically done. As I’ve said, we can move onto IVF if this doesn’t work but there is still time for this way to work; it was just the beginning. If you know anything about science…”
I could tell that he was about to go into a long lecture, so I waved his hand away.
“No, it’s isn’t that.” My voice came out whinier than I meant it to. “It’s just that I really hoped that I would be able to get pregnant right away. With everything that seems to be going so well in my life professionally, it just seems like when it comes to love and having a family, I’m the unluckiest person alive. I must have been lucky in one area of my life and not the other. I mean, what good is having an amazing career if you don’t have anyone else to share it with?”
Dr. Roberts looked like he had been punched in the gut. I hadn’t expected what I’d said to resonate with him so strongly. It was almost as if he identified with my words.
“I can understand that,” he said, nodding slowly, as if forcing himself to be professional rather than indulge in his personal issues like I had just done to him. “But don’t be so hard on yourself. It doesn’t always happen right away. After you’ve had your next cycle, we can try again and see if it works. At that time, you should call the clinic and make another appointment. But I want you to stay positive and don’t be so hard on yourself. The test results have shown no reason to assume you wouldn’t be able to get pregnant; it is just a process that takes time. And, like you said before, you’ve never even attempted pregnancy, right?”
“Right,” I confirmed, softly.
“So, what makes you so sure that the next time won’t be that magical chance that you’ve been waiting for?”
I thought about how my life had gone and even at my prior attempts at dating. They were complete nightmares. It was a large part of the reason why I had decided to skip the relationship part and just go straight for the baby.
I shuddered, thinking of the horrible guys that I had dated, which ranged the gamut from friends hooking me up and dating apps that others had suggested. It was enough to make any woman run for the hills.
One of them talked about his mom non-stop during our date. Another one seriously brought along his video game collection and thought I would want to try it out. When I said I wasn’t really into video games, he shrugged and proceeded to play them by himself.
And those were just the ones who were innocuously annoying. There were others who had been rude, insulting, or seemed like they could end up being abusers by their tone of voice and what they had said to me. Not to mention the creeps who seemed like they were about to try to commit date rape or would even stalk me after the date, refusing to accept that it hadn’t worked out and instead continuing to push for my attention.
I finally decided I must do something to accidentally attract this type of guy. Perhaps I didn’t know how to judge someone’s character or have healthy social interactions, since I had been raised by parents who would rather go golfing or do charity work than spend time with their only daughter. I had always been alone and lonely.
Sure, I’d had some friends at school, but they were always forced-together social relationships; much the same as I had with Judy. If she and I didn’t work together, we would have never had a reason to talk and I always felt awkward trying to strike up conversations with strangers or make new friends.
I told myself now was not the time to dissect my personal failings or unsuccessful dating life. Nevertheless, it was all I sometimes managed to be able to think about.
“I just have this sinking feeling that it just won’t work out,” I told Dr. Roberts. “Nothing like this ever goes the way that I hope it will. I just wanted to get pregnant and enjoy it. I wanted to be able to look forward to becoming a mother and just focus my energy on that. Now, I have nothing to even dream about. I figured that, if I couldn’t find love, at least I could have my baby. I was foolish, though, to think this would turn out any differently.”
I fought hard to hold in the tears that were welling up behind my eyes. Even though the hormones I’d been taking hadn’t made me conceive a baby, they definitely had worked to make me feel more emotional.
“There, there,” said Dr. Roberts, putting his hand on my bare shoulder again, just like he had done during my last visit to this office. “I can relate to your personal struggles. I too have always had more luck in my professional life than my personal life.”
I found that hard to believe, until he added, “Although it was probably more self-inflicted, in my case. I never thought I wanted any of this, but now I’m thinking maybe I do.”
It was a blunt admission, and he looked almost as surprised as I felt that he had blurted it out. But what was really amazing was the sensation I felt from his physical touch.
It was like a bolt of lightning had struck me when his fingers landed on my shoulder. I looked up at him and noticed him looking weaker, like he had felt the same surge of electricity that I did.
We both sat there, frozen, staring into each other’s eyes.
God, he was sexy.
Before I knew what I was doing, my legs sprung open, as if inviting him in. At the same time, I leaned my head forward a bit, wanting to kiss him, but thinking better of it.
It made no sense that I was acting this way. Other than the fact that I felt a strange attraction to him, and I had a feeling he felt the chemistry between us as well.
He glanced down at my bare pussy and sucked in a deep breath. I was so wet for him that I wondered if he could see any of my juices dripping out of it.
Then he seemed to give into the same temptation I had been feeling. I guess he’d been trying to fight it off, just like I had been.
He inched his hand down my body slowly, running his soft fingers along my inner thigh. I arched my back as I felt the tingling sensation racing through my body. He started slowly petting my pussy lips, making my clit harden and jump as I tried to contain my excitement.
I moaned as he slowly and carefully inserted his thick finger into my rippling wet pussy. I braced myself, grabbing a handful of his doctor’s coat as he pushed his finger all the way inside me, coating his finger with my slippery wetness.
It felt incredible. I could feel my pussy gripping his finger as he worked it in and out, again and again.
He leaned over and kissed me, his soft, supple lips caressing mine. He was an amazing kisser.
He kept pushing his finger in and out of me while he kissed me, making me crave even more of him. My hips circled and raised reflexively, responding to the slow pulsing of his fingers.
He started moving his finger faster and faster. He pushed his thick finger in and out of my juicy pussy that was growing wetter by the second.
I bit my lip, fighting to hold in the scream that threatened to escape as the walls of my pussy started to shudder, gripping his finger. My whole body seemed to sputter and shake as I felt a powerful wave building from my toes and coursing up my body until it reached the crown of my head.
What am I doing? I thought.
Was being fingered in a doctor’s office really going to give me the life that I had been hoping for: a great relationship and a family?
Or would it only lead to more disappointment, plus awkward weirdness between my fertility doctor and me?
With my luck, I knew it could only lead to trouble.
And I knew exactly what I had to do.
“I can’t do this,” I said, slowly pushing him away.
His finger came out of my pussy immediately, as if to let me know I didn’t have to say it twice.
Dr. Roberts looked frozen again, but this time, he also looked completely embarrassed.
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br /> “I know,” he said. “And you’re right. I’m really not quite sure what came over me. I usually never even think about doing anything like this with a patient, but you are just so incredibly sexy, and I got caught up in the moment and I couldn’t resist.”
“Yeah, it did seem irresistible,” I said.
My voice sounded more seductive than I had meant it to sound.
He paused and looked at me, as if wanting to do it again.
And so did I.
But we couldn’t.
“Okay, I’ll see about coming for another appointment,” I told him, sitting up and reaching for my clothes.
“Sounds good,” Dr. Roberts said, and started walking out of the room.
He looked back before he was completely gone, thought, as if he was second guessing himself.
I too wanted to jump right into his arms.
But I didn’t.
And then he left.
I had a feeling this might not be the end of things between us, though.
There was something about him that was incredibly sexy.
He had not been like any of the other guys I had tried to be with.
Now that I had had his finger in me, I couldn’t help but want more, even though I knew it was forbidden.
Chapter Five - Ted
Two weeks had passed, and I figured that that would have been enough time for me to forget about the encounter between Anne and me.
Fuck, was I ever wrong.
She was all that I could think about. Sometimes, if I closed my eyes tightly and went back to that day in my mind, I could almost smell her sweet, delicious aroma wafting up to my nose, making me crave her and think about her even more.
Unlike the string of nearly nameless, faceless women I’d hooked up with in the past and was easily able to forget about – usually without even trying – there was no getting Anne out of my mind. She seemed to have permanently taken up residence there.
When no amount of working out or TV watching could successfully distract me, I decided to pick back up with a hobby that was near and dear to my heart: woodworking.