by Jamie Knight
I still don’t get up right away, though. I look around to see if anyone else has finished. It’s a bit high school of me— not wanting to be the first person to stand up and declare that I’m done— but I guess I’m self-conscious like that.
No one else seems to be finished. All I see is a sea of downturned faces and furiously writing hands.
I keep looking until my eyes fall on Robert Miller, who’s sitting next to me. I’m surprised he took that seat; Robert doesn’t seem to like me and usually he sits as far away from me as possible.
Maybe he took it because it was one of the last ones open, and he was late.
I don’t mean for them to, but my eyes get stuck on him. He really is a good-looking guy: dark brown hair, deep brown eyes and an incredible body with broad shoulders.
Oddly, I’ve never seen him date anyone. Maybe he’s just busy with med school. I’m kind of in the same boat— I don’t really date much, either.
Robert might have even less spare time than I do. He’s at Pacific Day University on a scholarship that I know comes with stipulations. I think he has a job, too.
Given that my dad pays for everything, I don’t have to worry about money like he does. It’s really impressive that he manages his time so well.
I’ve tried talking to him a few times— I always thought I was being nice— but he seems so cold, and I have no idea why. Hate may be too strong of a word, but he definitely does not like me.
He hasn’t said anything particularly nasty or mean to me— I don’t think he’s the type of person that randomly yells at someone— it’s just that he’s very brusque and formal. He likes to give me one-word answers and he’s always looking anywhere but my eyes. I know I can’t make him like me, but… I don’t know. I’d like him to like me.
I’ve tried to remember if I’d ever done anything to offend him. I don’t think I have. It feels as if from the first day I said hello to him, he’s been put off by me. It’s unfortunate because I did— and I still do— think he’s cute.
I’m not saying I want to date him or something like that; I just— I don’t know. I guess I’m upset that I don’t know why he dislikes me so much.
Sure, I’m a bit miffed that he seems to be the one straight guy on campus who doesn’t want to date me. I won’t pretend that doesn’t hurt my ego a bit and confuse me even more. But it’s even more than that— he doesn’t have to want to date me, but why doesn’t he seem to even want to talk to me?
He’d probably be a really good study buddy. He always does really well on the tests, and it would be nice to have more friends in the class. I don’t have the richest social life— ironic, I know. But I’ve been burned before by people who only care that I come from money, and I find it easier to protect myself. I’m rather shy, too— which some people confuse with being snobby.
Robert must notice me staring, which I hadn’t realized I was doing, because he quickly turns his test to the side, making sure I can’t see it. I roll my eyes and laugh in my head, because I would ever cheat off him.
I would never cheat in general. I don’t need to do anything like that in order to get through med school and I would never take a risk like that. Medical schools will throw you out without a second thought if you’re caught cheating and, even if I wasn’t caught, I’d just feel guilty about it.
I guess it was a little weird that I was just looking at him, though. I can give him that. I don’t even know why I was staring at him with such an intensity. No wonder he thinks something’s up.
I look down at my desk, so that I’m not looking at him anymore. I lazily stare at my test until I hear someone else moving around nearby.
I look up to see my good friend Nicole, who’s on the other side of Robert, get up. I already knew her from before we both started med school, because her dad works with Landon and my dad. They gave her a good recommendation when she was applying.
She walks over to my desk.
“Do you want me to take up your test?” she asks.
“Yeah, sure.”
I pick up my paper and give it to her. I think it’s really sweet of Nicole to ask; she must have noticed me just sitting there waiting for someone else to finish. It’s kind of a habit of mine.
She and others have tried to convince me that no one cares about things like that, but I’m still irrationally stuck on it. I probably will be for a while. Because that’s just how I am.
Nicole turns to Robert.
“I can take yours up, too, if you want.”
He looks up at her and then down at his test before handing it over. It’s more of a super quick skim and then he lets it go.
“Thanks,” he tells her.
I don’t think he and Nicole are friends, but he is generally nicer to her than he is to me, whenever they interact.
Nicole leaves with our exams to give to the professor. Still feeling quite pleased with myself about my test performance, I turn back to look at Robert some more.
He really is quite handsome. Hiss dark hair and dark eyes make him look mysterious. Maybe he has some deep, dark secrets he’s trying to hide. I want to know more about him, and I don’t know why. Maybe because he’s not so forthcoming with me. He’s like a bit of a puzzle, and I like solving puzzles.
I’ve seen Robert running with his friend around campus in the mornings. I think his friend’s name is Brent and that he’s also in this class.
All that running seems to have paid off because Robert looks rather fit. He also looks really good when he’s all sweaty.
Maybe once or twice, my driver has passed by his route. I actually saw him this morning, but it looked like he was headed back home. He probably takes long showers afterwards, the water running down his muscled back. I could just feel him up, run my hands up and down his chest.
I’m sure he’d make for a good fuck. A one-night stand with him would probably be amazing. It’s been some time since I’ve had sex with anyone and I’m sure Robert could scratch that itch and do a few other things if I asked.
Maybe we’d be able to work through whatever negative feelings he has towards me. It might even make the sex hotter and I’d finally get to know him better. He’d probably be a bit bossy— he seems the type. Maybe I’d be the type who likes being told what to do.
I’d definitely want to suck him off. I love the look in a man’s eyes when I’ve got him in the palm of my hand like that. It’s a weird dynamic of control I like to play off of.
God, I want to make this man come. I hadn’t realized how much until now.
I thought he was just another hot guy that I maybe liked starring at and also that I’m crazy horny due to my extended dry spell, but there’s something about Robert that makes me want him.
Maybe if I ever get the chance, I’ll be able to push past this fixation. Maybe find someone who actually likes me.
I see Robert make an unpleasant face and then he slowly twists his head towards me. His mouth is in a hard line as he glares at me. I must have made him uncomfortable. I didn’t want to do that— I just got a little carried away with my fantasies and whatnot— but now I’m getting an eyeful.
Even with that distasteful look on his face, he still looks sexy.
I know I should probably be embarrassed because I was just having a vivid sexual fantasy about him while unabashedly staring at him, but I’m feeling rather bold today. I keep telling myself to look away, but I don’t want to. And Robert’s holding his own. It’s like his eyes are on fire.
To ease some of the tension, I stick my tongue out at him like we’re five. His eyes go wide, as if he can’t believe I’d do something so childish. I almost can’t believe I did it, either.
Unfortunately, that does not create any ease. Instead, I think it adds to the discomfort.
Well, great.
I want to fuck him but instead I just made him look at me as if I have three heads.
That was so not the effect I was going for.
And it’s the reason I never try to interact w
ith most people— I know I’ll just inevitably find some way to mess it up.
Chapter Five - Robert
Savannah keeps staring at me.
After I gave my test to Nicole, I noticed she was looking at me like I was some exhibit in a museum. She makes me so uncomfortable. It can’t all be chalked up to the fact that I had a sex dream about her just this morning, although that sure isn’t fucking helping.
No, there are other things adding to my discomfort. She’s so fucking beautiful and— if I’m going to be honest— this morning’s dream wasn’t the first time I’d had sexual thoughts about her. I feel like shit every time afterwards, because then I always remember how stuck-up she is.
Savannah’s so full of herself. She thinks she’s something special because her dad has money and the two of them look down on those of us who don’t. She doesn’t even remember that the two of us met when we were kids! And it wasn’t some quick two-minute meeting— we spent a significant amount of time together, but I guess someone like me isn’t worth remembering, for someone like her.
I hate to admit that I’m bitter about it, but I am— just a little. I try not to be, but it’s not that easy.
And, now, I don’t know how to get out of this extended staring contest we seem to have one another locked in. She just had to start this nonsense and then go and make that dumb face. Who sticks their tongue out at people? We’re literal adults, not a couple of toddlers on the playground.
She aggravates me so much and I hate it. I can’t tell if she’s trying to challenge me or something. I don’t know what she wants.
Why she won’t just leave me alone?
If she left me alone, I’d leave her alone.
I feel someone come up next to me, but I refuse to look away.
“Hey, man.”
It sounds like Brent. He probably saw Savannah and me doing whatever it is we’re doing, and he knows how stubborn I can get.
“Are you ready to go?”
“Yeah, let me just grab my stuff.”
I keep glaring at Savannah as I pick up my bag. I feel like I look super confused right now, which is unfortunate, because I don’t want to appear as if my demeanor is slipping.
Her expression is unchanged, but clearly amused. I don’t know what to do with her. I finally look away, leaving the classroom with Brent.
“What was that about?” Brent asks, as we walk out the door.
“What?”
“That whole thing with Savannah. Why were you guys staring at each another?”
“I don’t know. She was just looking at me and it kind of just happened. She wouldn’t look away, so I felt like I couldn’t look away, either.”
“She really gets under your skin, huh?”
Brent is obviously very highly amused. He smiles at me.
“Yeah, I guess.”
I wish I could just let this go, but I’m having trouble with it.
“Have you ever thought about dating her?” Brent asks. “It seems like she wants you to like her.”
I stop walking and stand frozen in place.
Date her?
I could never.
She’s just too… annoying.
We’re just too… different.
I shake my head.
“She doesn’t care about what I think of her. Why would she?”
We’ve barely spoken. There were a few times when she said hi, but after I realized she didn’t remember me, coupled with what her dad did to my family, I knew that she wasn’t someone I wanted to be associated with.
“I don’t know.” Brent laughs and pulls me forward. “Maybe she likes you, maybe she thinks she you’re cute, maybe she wants to get some notes from class. Who knows? I don’t know. You would know, though, if you asked her. The two of you clearly have… something going on, so I think it’d be a good idea to pursue whatever that is. You’re single, she’s single, you’ve got similar lifestyles in terms of schedules because you’re both in med school. So, why not?”
Brent’s layout sounds logical, but he’s taken away all the nuance. I look at him and frown.
“First off, she’s in a whole other universe, totally removed from me. Sure, we’re both trying to be doctors, but Savannah’s a rich snob who only cares about herself. She’s probably just doing this to please her dad, and doesn’t even want to be here. Plus, we have nothing in common. How could we?”
Brent stops walking. “What about us?”
I look at my friend and sigh because I don’t know why he’s pushing this so much. He’s usually not so talkative when it comes to my romantic life or lack thereof.
“What about us, Brent?”
“Well, I’m at the same level as Savannah in terms of how much money we have and we’re friends, you and me. I’m married to your sister; I feel pretty accepted into your family. How come you treat Savannah so differently?”
I shrug and look away.
“It’s because she is different. You’re actually a good person, whereas she’s… just not. Or something. I don’t know how else to explain it.”
I hate having to explain myself about something that even I don’t completely understand. And I never even fucking realized how little I understand about it until now.
No one has ever tried to have me break down why I don’t like Savannah before. It’s not something I want to keep doing.
“Maybe you’re just old fashioned and don’t like the idea of your girlfriend making more money than you do,” Brent suggests.
I make a noise that emanates from my throat and sounds unpleasant. It’s like a scoff, but a little more distasteful. I’d like to know why Brent is being so adamant about this, but I’d also like to drop this entire conversation.
“I just don’t like her. It’s simple and I will never date her. It just wouldn’t work.”
Brent shrugs and finally drops the whole thing, thankfully. I don’t know how much longer I could go on about this. I don’t want to get mad at my friend, because I know he’s well-meaning, but he’s barking up the wrong tree.
After a few more minutes of walking, we reach the outside of the campus. Pacific Day is in the middle of a small town that shares the same name. It’s an easy walk from our classes to the downtown area where there are a lot of small restaurants to eat at.
A man walking towards us catches my eye and I realize he has a familiar face. It’s Seth, a childhood friend from back home. We grew up together in the small town of Greenlake, about half a day’s drive from here.
I’m shocked to see him. He doesn’t go to school here, so seeing him in town is odd.
I wave my hands and get his attention. He breaks into a smile and walks up to us.
“Seth! It’s good to see you,” I tell him. “What are you doing here?”
I give him a quick handshake and Brent does the same. They have met quite a few times in the past, when Brent went with me to visit my family. Also, Seth’s wife Tina is one of my little sister Lindsay’s best friends.
“Tina and I moved here after I switched schools,” Seth explains. “I’m in the business school at Pacific Day now. Plus, I got a new job offer in town here, so it kind of all just fell into place.”
“Where are you working? And how is it going?”
“I’m working for a local businessman, Landon Price,” Seth responds. “I heard he’s a bit of a big name, but you probably wouldn’t know him. You never seemed to like the business world.”
Seth knows a little bit about what happened with the auto parts plant back when we were kids. His dad had also worked there. It was a bit of a clusterfuck for the town, since a lot of people were employed there.
Luckily, another plant moved into town a few years later and both our dads got hired there, so their involuntary unemployment didn’t last forever. But Savannah’s dad did a lot more damage than he possibly could have known.
Thankfully, a lot of us bounced back, though. It just took some time.
“Actually,” Brent jumps in, “I somewhat know L
andon. We’re not friends or anything, but the two of us grew up in similar circles.”
I’m guessing that by that, Brent means richer circles. Brent also grew up around Savannah, so maybe that’s why he was trying to get me to ask her out. He has a different view of her, maybe because they grew up in each other’s peripheries.
I don’t know exactly what his motives are. Maybe I’ll ask him later.
“Do you like him?” Brent asks.
I’d never heard of this guy, which isn’t totally crazy. Like Seth said, I’m not big into the world of business.
Seth shrugs. “I don’t know. I haven’t spent a lot of time around him, so I can’t say for sure, but, on first impression— he kind of rubs me the wrong way. I’m not sure why. I’m hoping my impression of him improves because the job is really great, so I’m just doing my best.”
Brent makes a sort of ‘hmm’ noise. It doesn’t sound particularly negative or positive, but just like he’s digesting what Seth told him. I don’t know what all of this means for him, but it doesn’t appear to have anything to do with me, so I decide that I’m not going to dive into it unless he offers up the information.
“What are you doing now?” I ask Seth.
“Nothing. I just got off work. I’m on half days until I finish classes.”
“Do you want to come to lunch with us?”
Seth checks his watch really quick and then nods.
“Yeah, I’d like that. Are you guys going somewhere nearby, or do we need to take our cars?”
“We’re just going to the diner that’s about a block away. We’ll be able to walk back here afterwards.”
It’s probably the best diner in the area. A lot of people who go to this university eat there, since it’s cheap and delicious food. Lucia’s Diner is the name.
As the three of us start to walk over, Seth and I start catching up, him letting me know about some of the things that have been happening in his life. It sounds like he’s gotten into the business because he wants to run things a little more ethically, something I can more than appreciate. He also tells us about his wife and personal life.