by Jamie Knight
I can see the confusion in her eyes. She opens her mouth to ask a question but is interrupted by the waiter. "Here are your salads, and your meals will be right out,” he says, putting plates down in front of each of us.
"Wonderful, thank you."
The waiter nods and leaves.
"Well, this looks delicious," she says, “Shall we?”
We both start to eat, and the food gives us a momentary reprieve from conversation or awkward silence. Honestly, I don't know why I started talking about such a serious subject. I'm really not ready to delve into that topic of conversation.
I never should have brought it up in the first place. I just couldn't help myself. Maybe I’m just a bitter asshole who wanted to crush her idealistic belief in love as a fairytale.
Now that I think about it, I definitely feel like an asshole. I guess I'm just not used to being around such innocence. I sigh as we eat our food. I don't want to spoil the night, but maybe I can change the subject or something. I look up at her and ask, "Are you enjoying your dinner?"
She chews and swallows before answering "Yes. You’ve made good calls so far,” she says with a shy smile, holding up her wine glass to punctuate the words, “Everything tastes wonderful.”
As if we’ve summoned him, the waiter returns with our entrees, and as we dig in , the look on Lorelai’s face is rapturous and I’m pleased to see that I made another good call with the food.
Well, at least I know I didn't ruin our dinner. Now it should be easier to have a conversation. I just need to remind myself not to bring up something so serious if I'm not ready to talk about it.
Still, she believes in true love and happy endings. That's cute, yet it makes me feel a little protective. She’s a grown woman, so I’m sure she realizes that there are people who can take advantage of that kind of innocence, but I don't want her to ever run across anyone like that.
Lorelai looks at me, and those shy hazel eyes and soft freckled face make something in my chest constrict. She deserves that fairytale happiness, and even if I want to protect her and keep her for myself, I’m the furthest thing from Prince Charming.
Chapter 8 - Lorelai
This is truly a magical evening. It feels like a dream, honestly. I never imagined that I would be dining in the most expensive or romantic restaurant in town. I look over at Gabriel. I just never thought the Prince who swept me off my feet would be so aloof and distant.
Can I even call him that? I mean, he’s made it pretty clear that he’s not after romance. But then…why me?
Our dinner plates are swept away and replaced by dessert and coffee. Again, the conversation is minimal, pertaining to the food or the restaurant. After we finish and our plates are cleared away once more, I think about what he said earlier.
I find it strange that he doesn't believe in love. I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who didn’t believe in love, I didn’t know it was possible not to.
What happened to him to cause him to feel this way? I know I shouldn't, but I decide to ask him anyways. Not only am I curious, my heart goes out to him. Everyone has another half out there and deserves a chance at love.
Before the check arrives, I gather my courage and blurt: "What did you mean earlier? Why don't you believe in love anymore?"
He freezes for a moment, then sighs deeply. He surprises me by suddenly ordering another bottle of wine. Our glasses are refilled. He takes a long sip before he starts talking.
"It all started with my high school sweetheart. She was my first love,” he begins, "We were inseparable and deeply in love. We even went away to college together. Those years of us being alone together were magical. It was like our life had already started.”
The bitter scowl turning down the corners of Gabriel’s lips tells me things were not so sunny for long, but I stay silent and listen.
“I remember it was two weeks before our college graduation. I’d had this idea in my head for a long time already, but it felt like now was the perfect moment. I was so sure I wanted to be with her forever. There was no other woman for me, so I decided to propose to her on the night of our graduation. I thought it would be the perfect way to start our future together. I had the ring and everything. I was so excited, and I couldn’t wait, I had to tell somebody. So I decided to stop by my best friend’s dorm… " he stops talking long enough to sip his wine.
I have a sneaking suspicion I know where this is going, and my stomach roils with dread.
"I get to his dorm room, and I knock and walk in. That’s just how we were, we barged into each other’s places all the time. Besides, he never locked his door.”
He takes another sip of wine, clearly steeling himself for the next part of the story. “I walked in on them together. Naked. I'll never forget that. I don't even know if they tried to apologize, I just turned and walked away. That image of them together is forever burned in my memory."
He's staring past me as he speaks, draining the glass of wine when he finishes.
I realize I'm crying and hurry to wipe my eyes, embarrassed. My heart breaks for him after hearing his story. "I know what it’s like to be cheated on. It's happened to me twice," I find myself saying.
He looks at me in shock. "Really?"
So I continue talking. "But it wasn't that big of a deal. Neither relationship was serious. And it wasn’t my best friend, either, I can’t imagine that kind of betrayal on top of everything else," I feel a little embarrassed saying these things, but the way he is looking at me urges me to keep talking.
"I’ve dated and had relationships before, but it was never really serious, like I said. Maybe that's why they never worked out. I have no idea. I'm even still friends with one of my exes. I recently helped him plan his wedding to his new boyfriend." I reply with a sheepish little laugh.
His jaw drops and he pours us one more glass of wine. We both take a sip. I can see that he is trying to process our entire conversation. "How can you still be so optimistic after that, though?” he asks incredulously.
I smile to myself as I answer. "I saw so much love growing up. How could I not believe in it? My grandfather died before I was born, but the way my grandmother talked about him made it pretty clear he was her soulmate. And my parents were inseparable. Maybe it’s wishful thinking or silly, but I honestly believe that there is someone out there for everyone."
The waiter walks by with our check, bringing an end to our conversation. "Shall we?" Gabriel asks me as he pays the check.
He opens the door for me again as we walk out of the restaurant. He's quiet again, but I'm happy that I have gotten to know a little more about him. As we are walking to his car, I realize I don't want the night to end. Before we reach the car I ask, "Do you mind if we take a little detour?"
We stop walking and he looks at me, an eyebrow lifted in surprise. "Sure, what do you have in mind?"
"I know a little garden down the street from here where we can keep walking," I suggest.
He nods and we turn and walk in the opposite direction on the sidewalk. A little thrill races through me. I’m surprised that I decided to be bold like this, but I couldn't stop myself. I like spending time with him, despite how intimidating he may seem. I know that might sound silly, but it makes tonight seem a little more exciting.
I hope he doesn't mind the walk. Fortunately, though, he seems to be enjoying it. I try to think of other things that we can talk about. At least I know why he doesn't believe in love. I can’t imagine how much that must have hurt.
Each person reacts differently to it, though. When I got cheated on, I’d taken it as a lesson. I guess his response was to shut it and all his emotions out and throw himself into his work.
Chapter 9 - Gabriel
I follow as Lorelai leads the way down the sidewalk. Her red hair is still gleaming brightly, even in the dim moonlight. I wonder if I can still see her freckles? I shake my head and tell myself to get a grip. No time to get mushy or romantic now.
I'm thrilled that she wanted to spend more
time with me, but I'm worried that we might be trespassing. It doesn't look as if this garden is open to the public, especially at night. I'm all for taking risks, but it seems a little out of character for sweet, innocent Lorelai to trespass.
Come to think of it, I have never noticed this garden before. I guess I’ve never had a reason to until now.
"Are you sure we should be doing this?" I ask her.
She opens the gate and lets us inside. "It's fine. I'm here all hours all the time,” she assures me.
After a few seconds she lets out a giggle. “What's so funny?" I ask her.
She turns to explain to me. "One time I did get in trouble for being here. But I explained to them that I owned a bridal shop and was scouting locations for pictures and events."
I’m a little shocked and impressed. It's such an innocent lie, but it's still a bold, unexpected move from her. It’s fascinating to listen to her talk. I get the sense that she doesn't do this very often. It’s actually refreshing, the shameless honesty she’s shown so far.
She’s shared personal things, serious, heavy stuff, which is vastly different than the usual women I'm out with. All they talk about, if they ever get around to it, is their possessions or money. I suppose I kind of open myself up to that with the auctions, but I guess I didn’t realize before now how sick of it I am.
I'm enjoying this. Aside from Tim, and my ex, I don't think I’ve ever had such a genuine conversation with someone. Without all the flattery and pickup lines, it’s actually quite nice. We’re so wrapped up in our conversation that I didn't even notice that we’re inside the garden already. I stop talking and turn to look around. It really is beautiful, especially in moonlight. I've never seen anything like this.
She leaves my side and walks around the garden. Her delicate hands touch different flowers, pointing them out to me. "Gardenias,” she murmurs, trailing her fingertips over a lush white blossom, "Stargazer lilies, and over there are some peonies. And here’s a tiger lily…”
I hurry to walk behind her, looking at the ones she just named. They’re all lovely, even if they don’t hold a candle to her. "How do you know about all these different types of flowers? Is it just that you’re here a lot?”
She keeps walking, but slows her pace. She half turns to me so we can talk better as we walk. "Well, it's funny but, I always wanted to own a flower shop. Naturally I had taken courses in botany and design, but I just never got around to pursuing that. So the knowledge is still there, it just collects dust most of the time.”
Wow, I never would have expected to have attended college. She still looks young, maybe only a few years out of high school. That's what gives her that innocent look, I suppose. I wonder briefly what she was like in school?
I tell myself to stop thinking that and get back into reality. I can't get more deeply involved with her than I already am. That's ridiculous. That's not what I set out to do tonight, yet it feels like that's what's happening. I need to fight these feelings.
Against my better judgement, though, I look at her. I want her to keep talking. Her voice is soft, but entrancing. I feel like it’s drawing me in. Making me want to hear more about her. To know her even more. Or maybe that's just her very essence, magnetic and making me crave more. Her eyes still manage to light up in the moonlight as she looks at the flowers. She obviously cares about everything that she does.
She starts talking again and I eagerly listen, "I’ve always kind of dreamed of expanding my shop and adding floral services to it as well. That's only a dream, though. It would be way too expensive to make it happen, trust me I've looked into it."
We keep walking and she points out more flowers. "These are hydrangeas, and sweet peas. And those little ones there are lantana.”
She tells me a little more about each plant, almost like anecdotes about friends. Her knowledge astounds me. I'm starting to notice more about her than just her figure. She has a brain on her. Paired with her looks, it’s a lethal combination. I'm finding it more enjoyable than I thought.
She stops walking suddenly and turns around to look at me. I can see her cheeks turn pink in the moonlight and it’s absolutely adorable. "I'm so sorry for rambling. I forget not everyone likes flowers as much as I do. I must be boring you."
I walk the few steps towards her and cup her chin gently in my hand. Her eyes slowly meet mine, I can see the moonlight shimmering in them. I can’t stop staring at her. Her innocent beauty is something I'm not used to. It cuts through me, it stuns me, it's something that I can't get enough of. That scares me. I'm attracted to every part of her, body and mind. That hasn't happened to me in a long time, and while my first instinct is to flee, I can’t. I don't know how to deal with this, but I can't stop myself.
She lets out a soft gasp of surprise when she realizes how close my face is to hers. be honest, I'm surprised myself. I don't know if I can control myself around her. "Let me assure you, Lorelai, that every word that has fallen from your mouth tonight has utterly captivated me," I reply softly.
I watch her eyes widen. I can't tell if it's with surprise or delight, or a combination of both. I don't know what's come over me, but I can’t let her go. "There's just something about you." I murmur softly as I study every inch of her face.
Suddenly I lean forward and kiss her. There’s a sweetness, a tenderness to it, but it’s laced with pure, fiery passion beneath. I don't want to let go, and that is the scariest feeling of all. How much I don't want this moment or these feelings to end. We hold tightly to each other as she kisses me back.
I realize suddenly that this is the first kiss that I’ve initiated since my ex. With this kiss, I feel different, like the whole world is suddenly shifting underneath my feet. I feel something and I'm not sure if that's frightening or what.
I mean, the women I’ve hooked up with at auctions before have kissed me. The initiative was all on their part, though. I felt nothing, had no feelings or attachments to them. But being here now and kissing her, I can feel things moving in my soul that I didn't know existed anymore. It feels so new and strange, and suddenly I’m overwhelmed.
I quickly break the kiss and pull away from her. We both breathe heavily in the night air. Our eyes lock, but my fear forces me to look away from her.
Even so, the image of those sparkling hazel eyes is burned into my memory as if seared by a brand. Her face looks even more innocent and sweet by moonlight. I'm overwhelmed by so many different feelings. Guilt, because I never wanted to be involved in a relationship. I feel like I might be leading this poor girl on, but I’m also torn by confusion because I could easily end up falling for her.
It's the depth of these feelings that is frightening me a little. They are so new and unbelievably fast. Every time I have gone to an auction it was just meaningless sex with a woman. There was a reason I kept it that way. I keep looking at her face, and I don't know if I can fight off these feelings. It's like I'm standing at the edge of a cliff and I don't know whether to run back to safety or jump.
I'm sure other people who are looking for love are used to feeling this way, this terrifying uncertainty, but I’m used to knowing what to expect. I’m used to predictable. I'm not sure where to go from here, or what to think next. I have to take a few deep breaths to calm myself.
"Is everything ok?" She asks me softly.
I struggle to regain my composure before I finally nod. "Yeah, I’m fine. That was just intense,” I say, flashing her a smile.
Her cheeks color and she smiles. “Yeah, it was,” she murmurs.
We finish our walk around the garden, but I'm unable to concentrate on the rest of our conversation.
"I should take you home now. It’s getting late." I tell her reluctantly when we make our way back to the gate.
She looks up at me in surprise (and maybe it’s my imagination, but I think I see disappointment, too) before nodding her head in agreement. I walk her back to the car and open her door for her.
Can you just drop me off where the auction was? M
y car is still there."
I nod in response. I'm too much on edge to say anything right now. We sit in quiet the whole car ride over there, and I want to say something, but I’m too tangled in my own emotions.
When we arrive, she points me towards her car and I pull up beside it. She reaches for the door handle, then hesitates. "Thank you for a wonderful night."
“You're welcome. I'm glad you enjoyed it,” I choke out.
She surprises us both by asking, "Maybe we can do it again sometime?"
I look down and see her leave one of her business cards on the passenger seat. My eyes widen in shock. "Um yes. I'll call you and let you know."
I watch her get into her car and pull out of her spot, and after a moment’s pause, I head out myself. When I stop at a red light, I look down at the card with her number. For some reason, I start to sweat. I force myself to think about something else, not wanting to get lost in my feelings or emotions. I don't like feeling scared or confused.
The light turns green and I speed away. I want to put as much distance as I can between me and everything right now. I don't know how else to process or deal with the tornado of emotions. I'm not much of a talker, so there's no one I share this with. I have a variety of methods that I use to block out my mind, but right now I just need to keep concentrating on the road.
When I get home, I take a long, hot, shower, then head to bed, trying to keep a certain redhead from drifting into my thoughts.
Chapter 10 - Lorelai
I wake up early in the morning feeling restless and anxious. After hurrying through my routine of showering and dressing for the day, I decide to distract myself from what's bothering me by cooking breakfast.
While I eat, I try to watch the news, but it doesn't really hold my attention. I'm halfway through my meal, and I'm back to worrying. I can't keep Gabriel off my mind. The other night is constantly in my head. It's the most powerful thought or memory that I have right now. It's also the most exciting thing to happen to me in a very long time.