by Gina Azzi
“All right, you enjoy your wine. I was just calling to check in on you, and you’ve passed with flying colors.”
“I’ve always been an overachiever.”
“I know, which is why your overachieving ass needs to get back to Nashville in one more month. At the latest.” Addison’s tone is stern, adding weight to the reality that I can’t hide from my life forever. “Everly?”
“I heard you. One month.”
“Enjoy your wine.” She clicks off.
Opening my eyes, I study the delicious salad I ordered and lift my fork. But Addison’s reminder has muddled my appetite. One month.
I’m happy. I’m zen. I’m in a good place.
And damn, I really wanted it to last more than one measly month.
Denial.
It’s clearly something I excel at. It’s an incredible tool for blocking out the present, reality, what I know to be true, and convincing myself of something else entirely.
I’ve done it for years with Corey.
He loves me. He wants the best for me. He means well.
It’s my fault. I caused this. I don’t understand him.
Clearly, it’s bullshit.
But now, I’m wading into that pool all over again.
I can do casual. It’s just sex (ha!). I don’t need more.
But damn, do I want more. I want everything with Aaron; I always have.
My time here has been infused with a lightness, one that colors my outlook. I can see myself here, calling this place home, embracing Aaron and Olivia as my family. An old dance, one I remember the steps to but haven’t done in a long time, spins around me like a web, wrapping me up in a bliss I don’t want to sacrifice again.
Everything between Aaron and me is natural, organic, and easy. Too easy. The type of easy that has my qualms rising and doubts creeping in. Because deep down I know, better than most, that if something seems too good to be true, it is. Things like this never last, and eventually my past will find me.
I haven’t heard from Corey once in the two months I’ve been in Scotland. The more time that passes has me suspended between a relief that maybe he has moved on and a fear that he’s plotting something that will blindside me when it occurs.
I know I have to return to Nashville to start my tour. Addison’s reminder hangs like a rain cloud, but I know how to hold an umbrella. I swore I would never compromise my career for a man again. It’s the one thing I have that is mine alone. Music is my passion, and touring pays my bills. I can’t sacrifice my passion or my financial independence for any man, not even one as incredible as Aaron Anderson.
But right now, in the moments where I detect Aaron’s cologne clinging to my bedsheets or spot the coffee he likes in a shop, I know it’s hopeless. That I won’t be able to walk away until the very end, until I’m forced to let go by forces greater than me, him, us. Whether my heart shatters a second time is irrelevant. Whether I’m left so broken I’ll never fly again isn’t important.
Because all I can see when I look at Aaron is respect and sincerity. He views me the way I want to, the way I strive to. He sees the real me, the strong me, the resilient me I’ve been slowly rebuilding. And I can’t let her go, not when I’m finally healing.
So I stay, and I fall harder, and I enjoy every second.
Knowing that when the end comes, it will obliterate me.
When he pops by my apartment on Tuesday evening with a brown paper bag filled with takeout, I fling the door wide open and kiss him with reckless abandon.
“How was your day?” he asks, as he steps inside my apartment and places the takeout bags on my kitchen island.
“Pretty great. I started working on a new song. Two songs, actually. It was really productive. I love writing at all the coffee shops or sitting outside and enjoying the beginning of autumn. It’s not this cold yet back home, and I’m sure I’m going to miss it.”
Even though his back is still to me, I don’t miss the way his body tenses. The muscles in his back clench, his neck stiffening in response to my words.
He turns, leaning his lower back against the kitchen island. “Are you going back soon?”
“In a month or so.” Out of habit, I shuffle back a step.
Aaron takes a step toward me, his hand outstretched.
I retreat. Two steps. Three steps.
Aaron’s eyebrows bend, his mouth flattening. “Why are you backing away?” His tone is calm, gentle even, and the breath I didn’t realize I was holding leaks out.
“Are you mad?” I ask.
“Mad? That you’re going on tour for your incredible album?” He grins, shaking his head. “Of course I’m not mad, Lee. I’m so bloody proud of you it isn’t even funny.” He steps closer now, and for the first time, I don’t back away.
Once he’s near enough to lace my fingers through his, he wraps our joined hands around his waist until I’m flush against his chest. Dropping a kiss to the top of my head, he whispers, “But I’m definitely going to miss you this time around.”
I smile against the fabric of his lightweight sweater. “You didn’t miss me the first time?”
Since my ear is pressed against his chest, I hear the rumble of his chuckle as it reverberates through his body. “The first time, I mourned you. I never thought I’d see you again. That our paths would cross, that this”—I glance up to find him peering down at me—“would ever happen.”
“And now?”
“Now, I’ll miss you properly. Because I know I’ll see you again, Everly. Whatever this is between us, we can call it anything we want, but the only thing I know for sure is that it’s not goodbye. It will never be goodbye when it comes to you.”
Reaching up on my tippy toes, I place my lips against Aaron’s and kiss him hard, with purpose and intent, and a million words I want to say but don’t know how.
Denial be damned.
Thursday, September 14, 3:41PM
Aaron: Hi love, hope you’re having the best day. Are you free on Friday night? Come to family dinner at my Aunt Jenni’s?
Me: Hey you. I’d love to, thanks. What can I bring?
Aaron: Just yourself. I’ll pick you up at 6PM.
Me: I’ll be waiting.
Thursday, September 14, 7:11PM
Aaron: Miss you.
Me: One more day.
Aaron: What are you doing tonight?
Me: Grabbing a quick bite with Dan and then working. You?
Aaron: When can I hear your new song? Having a tea party with Livvy and getting my nails done. She wants to know if you’ll do her toes next time you’re here.
Me: (laughing face emoji) Send a photo! As soon as the song is completed, you can hear it. Don’t forget—pinkies up. And, I’d love to do pedicures with my fave girl.
Aaron: (kissing face emoji) Chat later, love.
Thursday, September 14, 10:22 PM
Me: How was the tea party?
Aaron: (image of tea party, Aaron dressed up in purple boa, yellow star-shaped sunglasses, a blue teacup in hand)
Me: Love this!
Aaron: We had fun. How was your song writing?
Me: Productive.
Aaron: Almost done?
Me: Desperate to hear it?
Aaron: You have no idea. But more desperate to see you.
Me: Tomorrow. Sweet dreams, Aar.
Aaron: Night, Lee.
11
Aaron
“You okay there, boss man?” Daisy asks, popping into my office and taking the chair opposite my desk.
“Hm? Yeah, I’m fine.” I look up from my email. “What are you up to?”
She holds up a mug of coffee, placing it next to my keyboard. Next, she waves a blue folder and adds it to a pile on my desk. “For the Jones account. Here are some concept mock-ups. Cameron has a ton of great ideas he wants to go over, too. Can we all meet early next week?”
I nod, pulling up my calendar. “Tuesday around ten?”
“Perfect.”
“Okay. I’ll send
you and Cameron meeting invites. Thanks for the coffee.”
A few seconds tick by as Daisy continues to stare at me.
“Can I help you with something, Dais?” I grin at her. Daisy has been with Anderson for nearly ten months now, and in such a short amount of time, she’s become my point person on several projects. With her attention to detail, creative thinking, and engaging personality, we work really well together. Better than Finn and I ever did.
“You’re seriously not going to tell me?”
“Tell you what?”
“About you and Everly.” She leans forward in her chair, her eyes widening. “I had to hear about her from Livvy. Why else would I bring you coffee?”
“You know, that did catch me by surprise, but I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it in hopes that you would continue to do so.”
“Spill it, Aaron.”
“We used to date.”
“Something I can’t believe you withheld from me. You do know I hardcore fan-girl over her, right?”
“Dais, I didn’t withhold anything. I didn’t know she became a singer.”
Daisy shakes her head at me, disappointment written all over her expression. “Sometimes, I feel like I don’t even know you.”
“Okay, fan-girl. Name one of her songs.”
“‘Mending Broken.’ It’s her new single. It’s bomb. You should listen to it.”
“I will. And because you’re the best, I’ll fill you in on some news.”
“I’m listening.” Daisy leans closer.
“Everly is coming to dinner tonight.”
“Shut up!” Daisy claps her hands together, her face beaming. “You’re serious? You’re not just pranking me? Because I was super disappointed that Finn met her at The Fringe and I didn’t. And, I will point out, that I was the only one invested in making sure Livvy saw a children’s show, so it was pretty messed up that everyone except me met Everly. Olivia is practically replacing me with her, with all this chat about ice cream dates and pedicures.”
“Tonight is your chance, Dais.”
“You have officially redeemed yourself.”
“I didn’t even realize I was on your shit list.”
“It was a brief moment in time. Now that you’ve invited my idol to dinner, you’re forgiven.”
“Thank God, I was wondering how I was going to get through the rest of the day.”
“Shut it. I’ll see you at dinner tonight.”
I nod, picking up the coffee mug and taking a sip. “Daisy, this is cold.”
She shrugs, her hand hovering on the door handle. “I’ve gotten what I came for, Aaron. The coffee’s on you.” She steps out, closing the door after her, and I laugh.
Looking back at my computer screen, I pull up YouTube and type in “Mending Broken.” The official video pops up and I click play.
Turning up the volume, I listen to her melodious voice as it pours through the speakers, throaty and husky and sexy as sin. My eyes drink her in, clad in a long, flowy dress, her eyes bright and gleaming, filled with so much soul and emotion. Her hair wraps around her shoulders in beach waves, the feather tattoo on her hand winking as she grips the microphone. Her entire being embraces the music.
But after the first few lines, I lean closer to my screen, studying Everly. An undercurrent in her voice pulls at me, tugs at something I can’t put my finger on. On screen, a guitar is smashed, a tumbler of whisky flung against the wall, the glass shattering, the shards falling to the floor in slow motion. Lee’s eyes bleed pain, her petite frame melting with anguish.
The first time I saw you,
My heart soared the skies above.
The first time you kissed me,
My mind was thinking love.
And we danced and laughed,
Dared destiny and courted fate.
We dreamed and we loved
Until love turned to hate.
Because you broke me down
with words that cut too deep to heal.
You crushed my spirit
Until I couldn’t even feel.
The bite of your teeth against my neck,
Your fingers digging into my skin.
The bruise of your unyielding kiss,
the scent of your cologne pure gin.
And we danced and laughed,
Dared destiny and courted fate.
We dreamed and we loved
Until love turned to hate.
You’ve stripped away my confidence,
Stomped on my pride.
Stolen all of my self-worth,
And now I can’t confide
In the friends who still reach out
And call from time to time.
What you’ve done to me
surely is a crime.
And we danced and laughed,
Dared destiny and courted fate.
We dreamed and we loved
Until love turned to hate.
I used to believe in fairytales
Until you rewrote our ending.
Now, I don’t believe in anything,
And baby it’s a blessing.
And we danced and laughed,
Dared destiny and courted fate.
We dreamed and we loved
Until love turned to hate.
Until love turned to hate.
The song ends and I sit still, confusion rocking through me. But the greatest emotion, the one that eats all the others for breakfast, is fear.
What the fuck? Who is she talking about? An ex? Corey Hughes? No one? Just a fictional character written by someone else to make a hit song?
Recalling the concerned doctor in the emergency room, the way he slipped Everly his card, I listen to the song two more times. Even though I can’t prove anything, something serious nags at me.
Did someone hurt Everly? Is that the real reason she’s here in Edinburgh, alone?
Ignoring the fact that the coffee is cold, I take a large gulp, just for something to do with my hands.
No, that doesn’t make any sense. She would tell someone, confide in her friends. Right?
Oh God, what if this is her telling someone? Telling the whole fucking world and no one understands, no one reaches out.
Simmer down, mate. You’re making a hell of a lot of assumptions.
But what about the scars on her hip? The way she backed away when she thought I was angry?
My body tightens until my limbs literally ache from the tension. The thought of someone putting his hands on her, hurting her, it rips me up from the inside out. A violent shudder runs through me and I see red, my mind concocting the worst scenarios. The type that nightmares are made of.
What did she say to me her first day here?
She’s “hiding out.”
What if she really is?
What if she’s crying out for help, and no one, not even me, is listening?
“Hey superstar,” I greet Everly as she slides into the passenger seat of my car.
Leaning over the center console, she kisses my cheek. “Hey yourself.” She holds up a pastry bag. “I brought dessert.”
“You didn’t have to bring anything.” I reach over, placing a hand on her thigh. Underneath my touch, she stiffens, a ripple of something flashing across her face. But in the next breath, she relaxes, her expression composed once more.
Am I just imagining things now? Or did she really panic for a second when I touched her? Am I searching for signs?
Just ask her about the song.
Pulling onto the main street, I grip the steering wheel. “I need to warn you, or prepare you is probably a better word, but Daisy, Finn’s girlfriend, referred to herself as one of your fan-girls.”
Everly laughs. “I’m flattered.”
“Aye, well, I’m not sure the rest of my family even knows who you are other than a girl I dated in uni, so don’t get a big head about it.”
“I wouldn’t dream of it.”
“Daisy’s favorite song is ‘Mending Broken.’” I
toss out as a feeler, glancing at Everly.
She turns to look out the window, and my fingers tighten around the steering wheel.
“It was a lucrative single.” Her voice is steady, her tone disinterested.
“Did you write it?”
“Bits and pieces. It was more of a collaboration.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah. Hey, where’s Livvy?” She turns to look in the backseat. “I got some new polish colors for her to try out.”
“Aunt Jenni picked her up from school today, so Liv could help her with dinner. I think Aunt Jenni just really misses her since Liv was in Paris all of July, and Aunt Jenni was in New York for August visiting Sierra and the baby.”
Everly relaxes into the passenger seat, turning her attention to me once more. “That’s nice that they’re so close.”
“It’s a blessing, that’s what it is. Olivia could really use a strong female presence; someone she could look up to as a role model.”
“I’m glad she has your Aunt Jenni.” Is her tone sharper than usual?
“Me too.”
“Are any of your cousins going to be at dinner? I feel like I know them, even though we’ve never met. Your stories from way back when were quite vivid with all of your pranks and goofing off.”
I grin, thinking about Lachlan, Callum, and Liam. “Honestly, I’m not sure. Liam is at boarding school in Glasgow. Since the term just started, he probably won’t be around, but he sometimes surprises his mum. And Lachlan and Callum both work out of the London office. If they were in Edinburgh, they would have come by work today, but you never know.”
“Got it.”
“But I promise you Daisy will make enough of a splash that it will feel like more people.”
“I can’t wait to meet her.”
“Famous last words.”
“I can’t believe it’s really you!” Daisy pulls the door to Aunt Jenni’s house wide open, as if she was standing at the entrance and peering out the window, awaiting our arrival.
“I’m happy to meet you, Daisy.” Everly steps forward and envelops Daisy in a hug.
Over Everly’s shoulder, Daisy widens her eyes at me, her body going completely still. For a moment, I think she’s going to cry.