by McLean, Jay
I kiss each breast, over her dress, and move down her stomach. Her fingers lace through my hair, her body writhing beneath me.
I stand up and remove my jeans and boxers in one swift move. Then I remain at the side of the bed and eye her from head-to-toe. “Your turn.”
She sits up on her knees and smiles. “You do it.”
I smile back, taking a step forward and slowly lifting her dress over her head and then removing her bra. I lean down, taking her nipple into my mouth while my thumb skims over the other. She pushes me away after a long moment and scoots back on the bed so her head’s resting on a pillow. “I need you.”
“You’ll have me,” I assure her, “as soon as I finish worshipping you.” I climb between her legs again, where I plan on finishing what I started. Her fingers find my hair the same time my tongue finds her clit.
“Oh God…”
I flatten my tongue at her entrance and do something I know drives her insane. Slowly, softly, I lick all the way from the bottom to the top.
She pants, her hips thrusting, matching the sounds. I reach up and push a single finger into her. “Ky!”
I pull out my finger, replace it with two, and match the rhythm of her thrusts. “Stop,” she pants. “Please. It’s too much… I can’t… I’m going… fuck!”
Her hips lift, her fingers gripping my hair tighter. Her thighs tense… “Oh…oh…OH!” She moans through every single wave of her orgasm. “Holy shit.” Then she collapses, her phenomenal breasts heaving as she tries to catch her breath, her entire body covered in a sheen of sweat. I kiss her mound one more time before making my way up, wiping my mouth as I do. Then I kiss her stomach, each breast, and all the way up her neck and to her ear, my cock resting at her entrance. “Are you sure, Maddy?”
Her hands run down the center of my back and rest on my hips. She doesn’t respond with words, but she raises her hips and grips mine, pulling me inside her.
My mouth clamps around her shoulder, muffling the moan that escapes me, then I lean up on my elbows, resting them on either side of her head. Her eyes lock on my lips as she licks hers. Then she leans up, pressing her tongue against my lips. I open my mouth for her, reveling in the feel of her tongue against mine, tasting her own pleasure.
I pull back quickly. “Condom,” I pant. “Shit, I forgot.” I start to pull out but she stops me.
“I’m protected.”
My gaze flicks between her eyes and her lips. “Are you sure?”
She nods.
I pull almost all the way out, and then I slowly push back in.
Her eyes roll before they close.
So I do it again.
And again.
And again.
I keep doing it until her whispers of my name turn to moans and I can no longer hold out.
And then she says it. “I love you, Kyler.”
And I fall over the edge.
Physically.
Emotionally.
And wholeheartedly.
Chapter 28
I sit on the couch after training the next morning, phone in hand.
Madison and I spent the entire night naked and in each other’s arms. She fell asleep right away. I stayed up most of the night, lost in a sea of my own thoughts.
I was still like that when I fumbled my way through this morning’s sparring session. She’d sent me a text and told me she was at Debbie’s and would be home about an hour after I got here. And for the first time since I met her, I’m grateful she isn’t around.
I stare at Jackson’s number, palms sweaty and heart racing at the thought of how he’ll react to what I’m about to tell him. I flake out at the last second and dial Christine’s number instead. She answers, but she doesn’t speak.
“Ma?”
“I just wanted to hear you say it again,” she says, and I can actually hear the smile in her voice. “How are you, Ky?”
I sigh loudly and rest my head on the back of the couch.
“What’s wrong?” she asks.
“How do you know something’s wrong?”
“Kyler.”
I clear my throat. “I’m in love, Ma.”
“No shit.”
I laugh.
“So… what’s the problem?” she asks.
I swallow down the knot in my throat; the revelation of the truth feels like a vice surrounding my heart. “I don’t feel worthy of her, or love, in general.”
“Shut up, Ky!”
“Ma—”
“No. You listen, and you listen good. I will not let you sit there and talk nonsense. Do you hear me?” Her voice is strained, like she’s holding back tears. “I will not listen to you talk about yourself like that. After everything you’ve been though, Kyler, that night when you fell through my back door, bleeding and pleading for help… I thank God every day that you chose me. That you let me help you, because Lord knows you needed help. Those people that raised you—those monsters—they’ll rot in hell for what they did, for the way they treated that poor, poor boy you used to be. How you—” She chokes on a sob but recovers quickly. “How you got out alive… I’ll never know. But fate was on your side, and on ours, and you became a blessing in all our lives. So don’t you dare—” Another sob. “Don’t you dare ever, ever,” she grinds out, “believe that you aren’t worthy of every great possibility this world has to offer. And Madison—she sees that. And she appreciates you for everything that you are. And she loves you for everything that you’ve accomplished and the man you’ve turned out to be.” She pauses to take a few calming breaths. “Don’t live in the past, Kyler; dream about the future. You and Madison—you can have a future. You can have it all.”
“Like you and Jeff?” I whisper.
“Better. Because you, more than anyone, know how quickly life can change. You’ll know not to take it for granted. Every sense. Every step. Every breath, Ky. There’s so much of everything—”
“And all I have to do is exist,” I finish for her.
She laughs through her tears. “Yes, Ky. Exactly.”
“I love you, Ma.”
“I love you, too, son.”
“I’ll come by soon, okay?”
“You bring that girl of yours with you.”
“Of course. It’s hard to be without her.”
* * *
I stare at my phone long after we hang up. Then I blow out a heavy breath—Christine’s words the final push I need to gain the courage.
I call Jackson.
“You okay?” he says in greeting.
“Yeah…” I settle my hand on my knee to stop it from bouncing uncontrollably. “Actually, no,” I admit.
“What’s going on? Are you hurt?”
“No, I’m fine,” I say quickly.
I hear him release what I assume is a relieved breath.
“But I did want to talk to you, and I just want you to hear me out.”
“Okay?”
Rubbing my eyes, I curse under my breath.
“Just say it, Ky.”
“Remember how you said that if I ever wanted out, to say the word?”
“Yeah?”
“Word.”
Silence.
Followed by more silence.
I stand quickly, my head spinning from the sudden movement.
“Say something, Jax.”
“I’m coming over.”
* * *
Ten minutes later he shows up, loosening his tie as he walks through my door. “Where’s Madison?” he asks, searching for her.
“She’s working over at Debbie’s Flowers.”
“Beer?”
“Fridge. Aren’t you on duty?”
“Fuck it.”
I move to the kitchen and rest against the counter opposite him while he pulls out a beer from the fridge and takes a swig, his eyes never leaving mine. When he’s done, he swallows loudly and crosses his arms. “Is this about Madison? Does she know?”
“No! Of course not. I wouldn’t tell her.”
I shrug.
He rubs his hand across his face, then places the beer on the counter. “You want to know why I became a cop?”
I nod.
“Because of you, Ky.”
“What?”
“Because I wanted to find a way to protect kids in the same situation as you. I wanted to find a way to ruin the people who think it’s okay to beat on defenseless kids. I wanted to take them down. Destroy them.” He clears his throat before adding, “You were my best friend, Ky, and then you became my brother. Maybe you didn’t see it—or maybe I didn’t let it show—but your pain, your anguish, your anger—I felt all of that.”
“Jax, it wasn’t your burden to carry.”
“You think you’d be saying that if it were the other way around?”
“No.”
He pushes off the counter and starts to pace. “You know at the beginning, I had this vendetta… child abusers, molesters, traffickers, I wanted to ruin them all. And I did. For a while… and it felt good, you know? I felt like I was making a difference. And I felt like, somehow, I was getting justice for you. Wherever the hell you were in the world, I felt like I was making you proud.”
I keep my head down so he won’t see the tears welling in my eyes.
He sniffs, then lets a chuckle escape him. “And then, I don’t know… maybe I lost my way. Maybe I felt like it wasn’t enough. So I started looking up the night Steve died—for you, Ky. Because I wanted that for you. That closure—or revenge—or whatever the fuck you want to call it. I became a detective so I could get closer to the case. So I could find the people responsible.”
I inhale deeply and finally face him. He’s still pacing, his head lowered. “Maybe it’s not important to you—and I get that—”
“Of course it’s important,” I cut in. “But will it change anything? No. No one put a gun to Steve’s head and made him take it.”
Jax stops in his tracks, his eyes snapping to mine.
“Don’t get me wrong. I appreciate what you did, what you do, who you are…” My shoulders slump with my sigh. “I just need to move on, Jax. And maybe you do, too. I need to stop living there—in the past—holding on to the same guilt and regret I’ve felt for the last five years. I want to move forward.”
“So you’re done?”
I shake my head. “I’ll fight tomorrow, see what I can find out about the actual night you think the handover will happen. If I find anything and it leads us somewhere, then no, I won’t be done. I just need to know there’s an end in sight. I can’t do this forever. It’s not fair on me or—”
“Madison?” he cuts in, eyebrows raised.
I nod.
“I don’t know what to say, Ky.”
“You’re mad?”
“No.”
“Disappointed?”
“No.”
“Then what?”
“I’m kind of in shock.”
“What?”
The front door opens and Madison steps in. Neither of us greets her. We’re too busy focusing on each other. She comes up next to me and kisses my cheek. “Hey, babe.”
“Hey,” I reply, finally switching my attention to her. “How was work?”
“It was good.” She glances at Jackson quickly. “Did I interrupt something?”
“No,” Jax says, backing away from us. “Did I hear it’s your birthday soon, Maddy?”
She shakes her head, her eyes narrowed as she looks between us. “No. Not until April.”
“Oh yeah?” Jax asks. “Sixteenth, right?”
“No. Twenty-third.” She looks back at me. “Why?”
“Ky was trying to organize a trip as a surprise. He said he didn’t know when your birthday was—thought I’d save him the embarrassment of asking you.” Jackson fakes a laugh, though Madison wouldn’t know it’s fake. “I’ll let myself out. You guys have a good night.”
Chapter 29
I twist a strand of Madison’s hair that’s lying over my chest while we lay in bed. “So I have something I need to do tomorrow night,” I say, trying to be as casual as possible.
“Oh yeah? Where are we going?”
“Yeah. About that… you can’t come.”
She tilts her head and looks up at me, eyebrows drawn. “Why not?”
“You know all that training I’ve been doing?”
“Yeah?”
“So… don’t get mad, but I’m fighting tomorrow. Like, in an organized event.”
“Why?” she asks, more out of curiosity than anger.
I shrug and give her a half-truth. “I just want to see if I’m any good.”
“So why can’t I go with you?”
“Because you’d be a distraction. I wouldn’t be able to concentrate knowing you were there watching me, worried about me. And that doesn’t even count the amount of times I’d be looking over at you making sure no assholes were making moves on you.”
She smiles, but it’s sad. “Do you have to?”
“It’s not a big deal, Maddy. It’s all legit. They have doctors—”
“No,” she cuts it. “That’s not—” She kisses my chest before looking up at the ceiling. “Never mind. I just don’t want anything to happen to you.”
I kiss the top of her head. “I promise you, nothing will happen. I’ll tap out as soon as I feel the need. Like I said, it’s not about the victory or whatever… I’m just curious.”
“Just make sure you come out alive, okay?”
I don’t go too hard at training in the morning so I can rest up for the fight. I’d love to say that I’m confident about the win, but after researching James Hayden online, I know I have a decent fight on my hands.
But the fight isn’t what’s making me anxious—it’s my word to Jackson. I’ll do what I can to find out as much information as possible. Truthfully, I want to find something, anything that’s substantial enough for Jackson to use. Then we’d both be happy—or at the least, satisfied.
Madison looks up from behind the counter of Debbie’s Flowers when I step in, a huge smile on her face. She straightens her arms on the counter and pushes up, her eyes closed and lips puckered and waiting. I wipe the sweat off my face and make my way over to her, kissing her quickly—just once. Then I go in for another, and another, and another and when I pull back, her smile’s still in place. “Another one?” she asks.
“Hey! That’s my line.”
She laughs.
I give her another one.
“You want to see what I’ve been working on?” she asks, rocking on her heels.
“Of course.” I drop my gym bag and wait while she goes to the back room, and I take the time to check my phone.
Jackson: Call me. It’s urgent.
She returns a second later holding something behind her back.
“Ready?”
“For you? Always.”
“Ta da!” she says, revealing a bouquet of flowers. Half white lilies, half Madisons. “You like?”
“I love.”
“You think Christine will like them? I’m getting them delivered to her.”
“Really?” I can’t help but smile. “You don’t have to do that.”
With a shrug, she says, “I want to.” Then she reaches behind the counter for a pen, just as Debbie appears from the storeroom.
“Oh good, Kyler’s here,” she sings. She rises to her toes and picks up an old Polaroid camera from the shelf behind the counter.
“They still make those?” I ask her.
“Nothing will ever replace instant memories,” she says.
She stands behind the counter and fiddles with it while mumbling, “We can send a picture of you two holding it when it gets delivered. It’s more personal that way. This damn thing…”
I chuckle as Madison wraps her arm around my waist. “You’re sticky and smelly,” she whispers.
“And you love it,” I tease.
She scrunches her nose.
“Okay!” Debbie shouts like
we’re in another room. “Make it a good one,” she says, lifting the camera to her eye.
I look down at Madison, but she’s already watching me, contentment in her eyes that I’m sure matches mine.
I feel like a teenager experiencing love for the first time. Like the world has never shown me an ounce of sadness or regret. Madison—she makes everything feel like the first time. “I love you,” she mouths.
“I love you, too,” I say, before I close my eyes, lean down and press my lips to hers.
I hear the bell above the door chime.
The click-whoosh of the Polaroid camera.
Then Debbie’s gasp, followed by a deathly shriek.
My eyes shoot open and snap to her, but she’s no longer standing there. She’s sitting behind the counter, knees raised and her hands covering her head, shielding herself.
My heart stops. “Debbie?”
“Oh my God,” Madison whispers, and I turn to her quickly. She’s facing the front of the store, all color drained from her face.
I follow her gaze.
“Nate,” she whispers, just as he comes into my vision.
But the man before me isn’t the Nate DeLuca I’ve always seen.
There’s no calm in his eyes.
No intimidation in his stance.
His cap’s pulled low, his hoodie covering it.
His arms are at his sides, one hand loosely gripping his gun.
I pull Madison behind me, my heart thumping against my chest.
DeLuca steps closer, wiping his face with his sleeve.
I think it’s sweat, but the closer he comes, the clearer I see him.
His body shakes, his hand trembling as he wipes at the tears filling his eyes.
I hear Tiny’s voice. “Boss Man, don’t do this.”
Madison’s grip on the back of my shirt tightens.