“You knew this while you were pregnant?”
“Yes. It was picked up on a scan.”
He suppressed an oath. He wished she had contacted him at that point, but she had not. There was no sense in labouring that particular point now.
“And when he was born?”
She nodded. “Because of his condition, I had a scheduled caesarean section. We didn’t know for sure what his little body could handle. It was better for him not to get his heart rate too elevated.”
Kiral moved into Will’s seat. “And?”
Her smile trembled. “I loved him so much. Right from the moment I met him, he came out all pink and chubby with this thick dark hair and really, really big hands.” She laughed. “He had very long fingers for a baby.”
His smile was wistful. He held his hand aloft, remembering the first afternoon they’d met. Walking down the snow-covered streets of New York when Abigail had presumed him to be a humble musician because of his own long fingers.
“He was perfect.” Her words were now barely more than a whisper. “He is perfect.”
“And then? What was his illness like for you?”
She screwed her lips together as she thought of the best way to describe her life. “A rollercoaster,” she said finally. “When he was well, he was so delightful, but I never knew how long that would last. I began to live in a state of permanent anxiety. When would his next Turn happen?” She crossed her legs and pretended fascination with an ornate tapestry that hung on the wall. “Over the years, I realised there were certain signs that indicated he was in a state of decline.”
“Such as?” He prompted.
Abi arched a brow. “You really want to know this stuff?”
“I’m his father,” he intoned flatly.
“Of course.” She swallowed but her throat was thick and dry. “Well, it’s not especially glamorous, but he would get sick. As in vomit everywhere. It was always the beginning of an … event.”
“Vomit?”
She nodded. “Yeah. It’s quite common with children like him. Adults, too.”
The sheer weight of knowledge he didn't have was suffocating him. “And money?”
“Money?”
“Yes. Money. How did you live? Were you comfortable?”
She expelled a sigh. “You know that. It was hard. Maybe if he’d been a healthy baby, I could have worked more. But it was too much of a burden to leave him with mom for long periods of time. I didn’t want her to have that responsibility; and in truth, I didn’t want to relinquish it to anyone. Even my mom. He’s my baby; mine to protect and to love and to keep safe.” She stared at him with a measure of wildness he hadn’t seen in her eyes for years. “I married you to keep him safe. There is nothing I would not do for my child.”
Kiral nodded; comprehension wasn’t dawning, it was sledging him from all angles. “But if there’d been another option before you?”
She narrowed her eyes; her heart was hammering inside her chest. Was it possible that Kiral was looking for a way out of their marriage? Her skin paled and her gaze couldn’t meet his.
How could she admit that marrying him, even under the circumstances, had felt so right? Right when it should have been wrong; and perfect when it should have been painful?
She couldn’t. Such an admission would have given him too much power over her; and he already wielded so much.
She shrugged. “It’s impossible to say,” she hedged uncomfortably.
“I do not agree.” He lifted a hand to her cheek. She was still so young, and yet her life had been harder than any person should have to endure these past three years. At nineteen, the world had been at her feet. Now? She was his prisoner. True, her cage was gilded with diamonds and she had an army of servants at her disposal, but she was a prisoner still. Their marriage formed invisible bars and their son was a lock that could never give way.
He stroked her soft flesh, his eyes drawn to her mesmerising lips. When he spoke, his words were an earnest whisper. “If I could unwrap time and change the events of our meeting, I would. I should never have wanted you. I should never have pursued you. I should never have possessed you.” He dropped his hand away and her skin felt instantly ice-cold. “Because of me, your life derailed.”
“You gave me Michael. And you fixed Michael,” she whispered, though his words had seared her soul. She knew she would never, in her whole life, forget the way his words had rung with regret.
“Perhaps.” He stood once more and prowled across the room. “But I broke you.”
The analogy was imperfect. “No,” she shook her head. “I will always be grateful to you for arranging his operation—.”
“Grateful?” He interrupted, his word ringing with disapproval and anger. “Do you think this is something I care for?”
She flinched at his tone. The words slapped against her with violent force.
“What do you want then?” She returned, with a degree of calm composure she had not realised she would be capable of in the circumstances. “I have done everything you’ve asked of me with barely any complaint. So what more is there?”
“It is not in your reach to give it to me,” he said darkly. “You are as unable to change the past as I.”
More gut-wrenching fear lanced her heart. Did he so greatly regret their marriage that he truly wished they’d never met, and never made love? And never made their Michael?
“We’re married now,” she said fatalistically. “So this is all a moot point.”
Their son had to be raised in Delani. There was no other option. His people were unlikely to accept the child if he and Abigail were not married.
They had done what the situation required of them.
So why did he wish now that he could have offered her an alternative?
It was guilt, he acknowledged angrily. Guilt that he had desired her, taken her virginity and left her pregnant and alone. Guilt that he had used her worries to enjoy one last session in bed with her, despite the fact she’d come to him begging for help. Guilt made him sag with disgust. Who had he become? And how could he ever expect his wife to forgive him?
“How true that is.” His words were hollow. He could barely look at her. “Excuse me.”
He left the room and took with him the last of Abigail’s emotional equilibrium. Her eyes shimmered with unshed tears and her chest moved in rapid rises and falls while she struggled to breathe.
Abigail sat heavily in the chair, staring out towards the distant ocean, her mind spinning and hear chest aching, until the sun began to dip down low in the sky and the night birds began to twitter and squawk.
Finally, she walked slowly back to her apartment. She had doubted she would ever feel comfortable in such grandeur but the palace had become more familiar to her already. She knew the main corridors as well as anyone, and every day she was learning a new little spot to explore.
“Abi.” Lilah smiled brightly when Abigail walked in. She was hovering over Michael despite the fact his nanny was on hand.
“Hi,” Abi forced an answering smile to her lips, but it felt false.
“You just missed Ki,” Lilah said with an apologetic smile. “He was here to go through the plans with me. What a terrific idea this is!”
“It is?” Abi asked wearily. What idea? Her brain was numb.
“Of course!” She responded with a grin. “You will adore the city palace. It is modern and beautiful, with a private beach and lovely light-filled rooms.”
“The city palace?” Abi repeated with a small frown.
“It will be good for Michael, too. He can swim every day and build sandcastles. Shall we leave first thing tomorrow?”
Abi was stunned, but she managed to conceal it after a moment. “Just you and me?”
Lilah’s laugh was like sunshine. “You, me, Michael, and about forty attendants.”
“Oh.” Abi dropped her gaze; her pulse was firing through her body. She recognised the emotion.
Disappointment.
&nb
sp; Disappointment that Kiral would not be joining them.
“Do not worry about the servants,” Lilah said, misunderstanding Abi’s reaction. “You will not notice them, just as you don’t here.”
Abi did, in fact, still feel the presence of the constant army of attentive helpers. But she nodded, hoping to give the impression that her fears had been placated.
In fact, they’d been framed and enlarged.
Kiral was all but shipping her off. But for what reason? It made no sense. “Alain.” She found the Sheikh’s trusted servant waiting outside Kiral’s office. Even the ante-room was the definition of luxury. “Alain, where is my husband?” She softened the rushed question with a terse smile.
Alain checked his wristwatch. “His flight left moments ago, your highness.”
“His flight?”
“To Assing, Madam.”
Her heart fell. “I see. Of course.” She spun away, her blood pounding through her body faster and angrier than she’d ever known it to. To Assing? The country the beautiful Melania heralded from?
Was it a coincidence? What did it mean? Her skin flushed in her cheeks, brightening them to a rosy shade of pink.
Everything in Abigail’s life had been swiftly upgraded since coming to Delani. The trusty, cracked iPhone she’d used for years was nowhere to be seen. In its place she had a golden device that matched Kiral’s. She swished it to life and loaded an empty text message. Her fingers flew over the keyboard, finding it easier to say in writing what her mouth hadn’t been able to express.
I don’t understand what’s happening. Why are Michael and I being sent to another palace? Are you going to meet us there?
But he didn’t reply. Not for several long hours. By the time her phone buzzed in response, Abi was settling Michael into yet another new bedroom, this one overlooking the sparkling ocean that stretched below the city palace.
It is better that we be apart for now. I’ll contact you soon.
12
The water was warm. It lapped against her waist and she felt happiness whisper incantations through her. For the first time since leaving the palace almost a week earlier, a spontaneous smile breathed across Abi’s lips.
The sun was high overhead; her skin would probably burn. But she didn’t care. Lilah was somewhere on the beach, but Abi had swum out far enough that her sister-in-law’s figure was almost impossible to make out.
Michael laughed, and Abi turned her attention back to her little boy. “What’s that, my young water baby? You’ve always loved swimming,” she said, pinching his chin in her fingers. His sturdy little body was held safe in an inflatable ring, and Abi kept a hand on his so that he stayed close to her. There were no waves in the cove; just perfect, gently rocking, aquamarine water. It stretched far into the distance. On both sides the water was guarded by rocky outcrops covered in clumps of grass. She squinted as something briefly glinted on the edge of one of the cliffs. She kept her eyes focussed on it but could see nothing. She surmised after a moment that it was one of the many security measures that were in place around the royal family.
“Wa-ter cold,” Michael called her attention back with a gurgling sound of pleasure, splashing his hands against its surface. It reminded her - briefly - of the conversation she’d had with Ki on the last day she’d seen him. She’d spoken then of Michael’s long fingers. She lifted one of his hands to her lips and kissed it.
“It’s a bit cold. But on such a hot day that feels kind of nice, don’t you think?” She murmured, kicking onto her back and keeping her hand on his safety ring. The sky was a crisp shade of blue; deep and thirst-quenching. She stared up at its expanse of nothingness, and meditated only on the feeling of the water lapping against her sides. She didn’t think about Kiral. She couldn’t.
For one week she had wondered what had happened.
She had wondered why he’d sent her away, and what he was doing. She had pretended to Lilah that everything was fine when inside she was waging a constant battle for sanity and calm. It is better that we be apart for now. I’ll contact you soon.
He had sent her away and Abigail should have been glad. Wasn’t she getting what she wanted? Her son was healthy. And if she had to live without Kiral then she was no worse off than she had been only a month earlier, before coming to Delani to beg for his help.
The enormous diamond ring she wore mocked her. She was married, but she was no one’s wife. She was an Emira to a people who didn’t want her. She was a mother to a child who was of great value to all but perhaps loved truly by only her.
Even Kiral had let Michael go; for all his protestations of wanting to raise his own son, Abi was starting to realise that he should have said he wanted control of his son.
He wanted Michael here, in Delani, where he was a visible heir. But he didn’t want to be his father.
She kicked back into an upright position and tread water for a little while longer, before a movement on the shore caught her attention. She saw Lilah waving her hands overhead and sighed softly.
“Time to get back to reality, little man,” she said under her breath.
“No! More swim! NO!” His face puckered into a belligerent frown that reminded her so much of Kiral’s she had to laugh.
“Yes, we’ll definitely come back later. I promise.” She ruffled his curls and began to pull him towards the shore.
The tantrum seemed to come easily to him. He flailed his arms and his face crumpled into a scream and his eyes seemed to spurt hot, angry tears. Abigail stared at him for a second in complete shock, but then her maternal instincts kicked in.
Calmly, she said, “I know you’re having fun, but it’s time to go now. We’ll come back again soon.”
Michael was not satisfied with that, and he showed it by increasing the pitch of his wail.
Abi sighed. As soon as she could stand comfortably, she lifted him from the safety ring and clutched him to her side. The physical removal from the water only made Michael angrier. He pushed a hand against Abi’s chest, his face determined, his eyes furious.
Though Abi had never known him to have a temper such as this, she knew that she had to remain calm. She could not yield control to her toddler. And so she didn’t visibly react, but said softly, “That is not acceptable behaviour. When mommy says it’s time to go, it’s time to go.”
“No! No go!” He demanded, throwing his head back so that Abi had to grip him with both hands to stop him from dropping to the water. She gritted her teeth together and moved faster.
Lilah was watching the scene with a sense of bemusement. “He is not too happy about something.”
“I think he’d stay in the water all day, if I let him.”
Lilah smiled at her nephew. “He reminds me of Kiral.”
“Me too. Especially when he strops like this.”
They burst out laughing, despite Michael’s tantrum. The little boy didn’t like that either. He pushed his hand into Abi’s shoulder again but this time, Abi caught it and stroked it gently.
“I think he’s tired, too,” she said apologetically.
“That is why I was calling you. I wondered if perhaps you didn’t realise how late it is.”
“Is it? What’s the time?”
Lilah held her wrist watch up - it was after five in the afternoon.
“Goodness,” Abi said. “We’ve been here for hours!”
“Yes, but you were having such fun in the water, I didn’t want to ruin it.”
“Thank you,” Abi said honestly. “But I had no intention of wasting so much of our day …”
“What is wasted?” Lilah contradicted with a bemused shake of her head. “We are here so that you might relax and slowly immerse yourself in Delani lifestyle.”
Was that why? Had Kiral sent her away out of concern for her? Abi tilted her head to miss an angry little hand. “I had better get this little guy inside,” she said.
“Yes.” Lilah frowned as she studied her sister-in-law. “You look tired, Abigail.”
“Do I?” Abi’s eyes didn’t meet Lilah’s. “I guess after years of waking up several times a night I can’t kick the habit.”
Lilah nodded, because it was not the time to disagree, but it was blatantly obvious there was more going on.
“The nanny can take him,” she said gently. “Why don’t you have a few nights away from him?”
“I can’t,” Abi demurred instantly. She took a step back towards the beachfront palace. It was a mansion that loomed high against the crisp blue sky.
As Abigail took a step towards it, Lilah reached out and gently curled her fingers around Abi’s wrists; Abi spun around. Her expression showed her impatience, but she quickly tamed it. “I mean, I don’t want to. I know that might not make sense, but he has enough to get used to here without me disappearing again.”
“He seems to be taking to his new role with great aplomb. Well, other than right this minute, of course.”
Abi’s smile was distracted. “He seems like he is, I know, but this has been a huge change for him.”
“And for you,” Lilah intuited gently.
“Yes.” Abi nodded. She had to end the conversation; too much kindness would bring the dreaded tears back and she was making such progress at fending them off. “I’ll see you inside.”
“We will do something fun tonight,” Lilah called to the Emira’s retreating back. She had to lift a hand and cup her mouth to amplify her voice. “A movie. Some disgusting junk food. Your choice.”
Abi heard but didn’t risk turning around. Michael’s cries were amplifying by the second, so that by the time she reached the house, the little boy was almost red with anger.
“Darling,” she whispered, her eyes scanning his face with concern. “This isn’t like you.”
Clare Connelly Pairs II Page 28