by Dawn Altieri
“This was not always all it was cracked up to be, either, you know,” he said.
But it was, really. The bumps in the road he’d experienced growing up were nothing compared to what some people lived through—compared to what she had overcome. He was in awe of what she’d accomplished with so little help, even if none of it was what she’d truly wanted. His family had by no means been wealthy, but they’d been comfortable, and they’d supported him. No one ever pressured him to do anything he didn’t want to do. He’d followed his gut and never worried about what anyone else thought, all under the nurturing guidance of his parents. Until his mother died, he’d had a damned near perfect life.
It was a hell of a legacy to live up to, a family life filled with love and understanding like Ted and Kathleen Quinn had given him. It was exactly what Emma wanted, what she deserved. Despite the shitty examples she’d had, she possessed the purest, most generous soul he’d ever known.
She’d done so much for him—sprucing up his yard, resurrecting the beach house as the home he remembered from his childhood. She’d given him patience and support while he struggled to find the bastard who was after her when he should have been the one giving those things to her. He had to figure out a way to keep her in his life. He’d been terrified of someday losing her, but the thought of not having her at all…now it seemed so much worse.
She sat quietly, studying him, contemplating something for a long moment. “What about your mom?”
His heart stopped for the briefest pause. “What about her?”
“Your dad mentioned something happened to your mom, but he wouldn’t explain. He said it wasn’t his story to tell.”
Jake let his gaze drift toward the fire. Why couldn’t his dad mind his own business? If and when Jake felt the need to talk about Katherine Quinn, he would, but not now, not when he needed to get Emma safely through this dangerous situation.
“That’s not something I want to get into.” He pulled his fingers away from her knee and looked up to her. “Some other time. Okay?”
She nodded, backing down, but he had a feeling she’d expect an answer at some point. He knew all her secrets. Why shouldn’t she know a few of his? But this was a secret he’d never been asked to share with anyone.
“Can I say something?” she asked, narrowing her eyes. “Promise you won’t be angry?”
He couldn’t imagine being angry with her. “You don’t have to watch what you say around me. You’ve had enough of that in your life. Say whatever you want.” Still, he felt the need to brace himself.
She sipped her wine, as though she needed the liquid courage for whatever she was about to say. “You seem like you grew up surrounded by love, but now, you seem so…alone. Your dad said it, too. It seems as though you don’t want that again.”
Jake leaned back against the sofa. Surrounded by love? Maybe he had grown up that way, but he’d taken it for granted and lost all but the memory of it. Now with Emma in his life, all he could think of was how much he did want it again. But it was too much to wish for, and the last thing he wanted was to explain to her just how undeserving he was of that kind of happiness.
“You have so much going for you,” she went on. “You’re loyal and intelligent. You’re a well-respected detective in one of the toughest police departments in the world, and yet you can be so kind and compassionate. You’re one of the most genuine people I’ve ever met. And you never ask for anything in return.”
He shifted uncomfortably and crossed one ankle over the other. He’d never thought of himself in those terms. “You really see all that?”
“Yes,” she said with a nod. “Believe me, you’re quite a catch. But you don’t seem to want to share yourself with anyone.”
He thought long and hard for a response, but he didn’t have one. None of the women he’d been with through the years had considered him to be a catch, although to be fair, he’d never given them any reason to. And as for sharing himself…there was only one person he could imagine sharing anything with, and right now he couldn’t have her. Not openly. As for the future…who knew if she’d even want him?
“I probably get it from my dad,” he said, inserting a slight glib tone to his voice. “He and I are alike in more ways than just looks. He’s really a loner, too, always grumbling and complaining all the time. The only thing that ever made him happy was my mom.”
“I would imagine it’s even worse, the grumbling and complaining, now that she’s gone.”
“Now that’s all he does. My mom’s not around to shut him up anymore.”
Emma laughed softly. It was Jake’s favorite sound in the world. Time to get back to the original subject. And more important, off this one.
“Your mom’s not around, either,” he said. “And I’m sorry for saying it, but neither is Justin. Nothing is keeping you stuck anymore. You could quit that job you can’t stand, forget all about that career you don’t want, and start over.”
She scoffed as if she didn’t believe it was possible. “As a landscape designer?”
“Why not? If that’s what you want. You have a solid education that you could use in so many different ways. There’s nothing stopping you from doing whatever you want to do, being whoever you want to be.”
Just do it with me, he silently pleaded.
Maybe he was too stubborn, maybe he was just plain stupid, but he couldn’t bring himself to say it out loud, to ask her to stay with him beyond the investigation. But the words were right there, taunting him, daring him to give them a voice.
She finished her drink and set the glass on the coffee table. He raised his glass. “More wine?”
“Sure.” She tried unsuccessfully to stifle a yawn. “Not like there’s anyplace we have to be in the morning, right?”
At least she still had her sense of humor. He crawled across the floor and kissed the tip of her nose before he refilled her glass. “So, you think you might be interested in the flower shop?”
“I don’t know. Maybe.” She leaned against the loveseat behind her and lifted her gaze toward the ceiling. “Can’t really do much about anything now, anyway.”
Right. How could he have forgotten? Just as the hope of a promotion loomed in front of him, her dream remained out of reach. It was one more reason for him to solve this damned case as soon as possible.
Chapter Fifty-One
“Baby, wake up.”
Emma rolled toward Jake’s voice, the fog of exhaustion clouding her head. Somehow they were upstairs in bed, but she had no recollection of getting there. She must have fallen asleep on the couch when Jake went to open a second bottle of wine. The rain had stopped, the sky was barely beginning to lighten, and she couldn’t fathom a reason why he’d be waking her.
“What’s wrong?” she asked.
“How do you feel?”
She narrowed her eyes. “Like it’s way too early to wake up.”
“No, it’s not. It’s the perfect time to get up. Come on.” He moved to the edge of the bed and pulled on a pair of shorts.
“What on earth are you doing?” she asked. When she sat up, she realized she was wearing nothing but her bra and panties. Not only had he gotten her upstairs without rousing her, he’d undressed her, as well.
He grabbed one of his T-shirts from the dresser, lifted her to a seated position, and tugged the shirt over her head. Turning so his back was facing her, he reached around to grab her and pull her onto him, piggyback style.
“Oh, this better be good, Detective,” she said as he lifted her up and headed for the stairs.
“Trust me, Ms. Sloane. It will be.” He carried her down to the lower level, through the kitchen and out the back door, ducking at the doorways so she wouldn’t bang her head. He continued across the yard and all the way to the end of the pier. The horizon over the bay glowed in a golden orange haze as he lowered her to the ground. He sat on the p
lanks of wood, still damp from the earlier rain, and pulled her into his lap as a gasp of awe escaped her. “Ever see a sunrise on the water?” He nuzzled his chin on her shoulder.
“No, actually, I haven’t.” She was astonished at the thought. Just another item on a long list of things she’d managed to miss out on so far.
“It’ll be a few minutes. I know you’re tired, but I didn’t want you to miss it. We can sleep in all day.” He brushed her hair off her cheek. The soft touch sent a tingle down her spine.
A seagull swooped low, landing on a piling at the far end of the pier like a guardian of the bay. “It’s so peaceful out here,” she said as the waves lapped at the posts beneath them.
“I know. Kevin and I used to sneak out here in the morning when we were kids. Well, when my dad wasn’t already out here fishing. You did not bother my dad while he was fishing.”
She chuckled as she leaned back against Jake’s chest.
“There’s something about watching the sun come up like this,” he murmured, “when everything’s all quiet and calm. It helps you put everything from yesterday behind you.” He kissed the top of her head. “I thought you needed that.”
She shifted on his lap to face him and saw the glow of the sky reflected in his eyes. She had a lot of yesterdays to put behind her, and he had convinced her she had the strength to do it.
“You’re right,” she whispered. “I do need that. Maybe we both do.”
He ran a finger down her cheek. “You’re not stuck, baby,” he whispered. “You just need to find your way. You deserve to have everything you want.”
She cupped his scruffy chin in her hand. “So do you.” She kissed him, melting into the softness of his lips, hoping he believed her.
He brushed his tongue tentatively against her mouth until she opened for him, inviting him in, and he snaked an arm up her back and gently twisted to ease her down on the pier.
“What are you doing? People will see.”
He hovered over her, propped up on his elbow. “Who’s looking?” His mouth moved to her jaw and down to her neck. “No one in their right mind is up at this hour.”
She laughed, settling against the damp wood beneath her as a cold chill traveled up her back. The warmth of his body soon chased it away. A soft moan escaped her as his hand roamed over her hip, down her thigh and back up again before sliding under the T-shirt. She stole a peek at the horizon and hurriedly pushed up onto her elbows. “Look. There it is.”
He followed her gaze. “Yup. There it is.”
The bright orange rays slowly rose from the water’s edge, growing stronger, their reflection reaching up and out across the calm waves of the ocean. “It’s beautiful,” she said on a breath, resting her temple against his chest. “I can’t believe I’ve never done this before.”
He ran his hand gently along her arm and kissed the top of her head.
“Jake,” she whispered. He looked down just as she lifted her face to his. “Make love to me.”
The edge of his mouth curled into his crooked grin as he eased her back down and shifted above her. “My pleasure.”
Chapter Fifty-Two
Jake stared at the evidence board before him.
It was his first day back at the precinct…and so far, a completely unproductive day. There’d been another press conference sharing screen shots from the footage inside Blue, and clips from the security cameras at Emma’s apartment. Pictures were on all the newscasts and in all the papers of that goddamned Yankees cap—apparently the most popular piece of team attire on the planet. And not one solid lead from any of it.
Since they’d ruled out Ben Windsor, Jake was back to square one. Marino had subpoenaed information from the victims’ Lovematch accounts, but going through it all was taking time, and there was no guarantee it would get them anywhere. Even if all the women had connected with the same Lovematch member, only a complete idiot would have used his real identity. Tracing that account would take time, too.
The whole thing was starting to piss Jake off.
For weeks, he and Mack had been poring over these crime scene photos. The bastard may have been aiming for poetic, but it turned out he was just a hack. The passages on the scraps of paper were some of the first results Jake got doing an internet search for “quotes on love and death.” No doubt the killer had selected them the same way and wasn’t all that up on literature, after all.
Emma had asked to see them, but Jake couldn’t bring himself to show them to her. They were nothing more than a bunch of fucked-up things to say about women this sociopathic asshole had just raped and murdered.
His stomach sank at having to keep things from her, but what was the alternative? As much as she may have thought she did, she didn’t really want to know the horrible details of the case, no more than he wanted to give them to her. As long as he kept her safe, she didn’t need to know everything.
At least he’d convinced her to stay at his place and not go back to her office yet. Having her safe in his home felt so…right. Christ, he’d even brought her to meet his dad and she’d held her own. Maybe it had been an unwitting test on his part, but she’d more than passed. And when they’d returned from the Island—almost as soon as they’d gotten through the door of his apartment—they’d fallen into each other’s arms and made love.
Made love.
That was what she’d called it that morning out on the pier, and it was the only way to describe it. This wasn’t just some fling he was going to be able to shake off once she was out of danger and free to live on her own again. She was like no one he’d ever been with. The sex was phenomenal—and he had quite a lot to compare it to, more than he cared to admit. But it wasn’t just the sex. The emotional connection he felt with her was powerful, even overwhelming. He wanted to curl up beside her with his arms around her and her fingers tangled in his hair, and stay there forever.
He had to convince her to let him.
“Are my eyes going bad,” Mack asked as he approached the board, “or did I see you’ve got a plus one for the gala next weekend?”
Jake shut down his computer. “I do, but I’m not sure I’m even going to go.”
“Should I ask who you were planning on bringing?” The air of suspicion and disapproval in Mack’s tone told Jake he already knew the answer.
Jake hadn’t mentioned the department’s yearly fund-raiser to Emma yet, and at this point, he probably wouldn’t. When he’d first considered inviting her to join him, he’d been certain he would’ve caught the killer before the night of the event. She’d be out of danger, and he’d be working with the prosecutor’s office, preparing for the trial that would hopefully end with that bastard on death row, or at least behind bars permanently. She and Jake would therefore be free to figure out what the hell was going on between them, and if they wanted it to continue. His stomach still lurched when he thought of what her decision might be.
He pushed out a breath. “I thought this case would be over by now. As things stand, it wouldn’t be safe for her to be out in public like that.”
“Practically the whole department will be there.”
“And then there’s that whole consideration,” Jake said with a brooding shake of his head and a roll of his eyes. “Another one of my monumentally stupid ideas.”
Mack clapped a broad hand on Jake’s shoulder. “Hang in there, buddy. With any luck, it’ll all be over soon.”
But with any luck, things wouldn’t be over between him and Emma.
“I’m gonna grab some lunch. You want anything?” he asked Mack.
“Bring me back the greasiest cheeseburger you can find,” Mack replied as he dropped into his chair.
Jake stood, gathered his keys and his cell from the desk, and walked to the spot where the Tahoe was parked on the street. He held out the key fob to unlock it just as an envelope on the windshield caught his eye. He gla
nced around, but he spotted no one unusual in the vicinity. The SUV had been parked there for hours, and the envelope could have been left at any time. A quick survey of the area revealed traffic cameras that might have caught something, but considering the way things had been going so far, it would be images of that damned baseball cap and little else.
He pulled out his phone and dialed Mack’s number. “Mack. I’m around the corner. Get me a forensics unit.”
Chapter Fifty-Three
Jake sat with Mack and Lieutenant O’Shea at the conference table, staring at the evidence report in the center of the table between them along with photos of the contents of the envelope from his windshield—more lilacs, and a message.
Welcome back to the city. Don’t ever take my girl away again.
“So he knows you left the city,” O’Shea said.
“I swear to God, he didn’t follow me.” Jake thought back to his drive down the Long Island Expressway doing roughly ninety with Adam struggling to keep up. He would’ve spotted another vehicle trailing him. “There’s no fucking way.”
“But he knows you left,” Mack said. “And he knows you took Emma with you. Now he knows you’re back. He’s keeping an eye on you. This is good.”
Jake hung his head between his slumped shoulders as he leaned over the table. “He’s not keeping an eye on me. He’s keeping an eye on Emma. How the hell is that good?”
“He can’t get to her,” Mack said.
O’Shea glanced back and forth between him and Mack. “Exactly where is she?”
Jake glared at O’Shea. “She’s at my place with Markowitz while he’s off duty. It was the only way I could make sure she was safe.”
O’Shea eyed him suspiciously for a long moment. “Fine. I’ll get you a couple of uniforms.”
“Thank you,” Jake barked back at him.
“So maybe the creep knows she’s in your apartment,” Mack said, obviously trying to diffuse the tension, “maybe he doesn’t. He can’t get to her there, right?”