‘Nanna’ll get yer some milk, sweet’eart,’ said Rose and, straightening up, turned to address Florrie. ‘Listen to me, Florrie Baxter. If yer looked after yer own business as well as yer poke yer nose into everyone else’s, then perhaps yer wouldn’t ’ave lost track of Winnie the way yer did.’
‘Well!’ was all the red-faced Florrie could say.
‘I may ’ave spoken out of turn, Florrie, an’ if I did, I’m sorry,’ said Rose plainly. ‘But I’ve only spoke the truth. Now, if yer don’t mind, I’d like to be left alone to get me granddaughter a drink.’
* * *
‘I used to go dancin’ in ’ere,’ said Jess, looking at the shabby Mission hut where they’d stopped. ‘Missed it for four weeks I did, so’s I could go down ’opping. Seems like a lifetime ago.’ She shook her head sadly. ‘Everything’s changed.’
‘And so have I, Jess. I’ve changed.’
‘I wasn’t talkin’ about you,’ she said coldly, running her hand slowly along the splintered wooden door. ‘I was thinkin’ about ’ow things used to be round ’ere. When I was a kid.’
‘I’ve not come to talk about the past, Jess.’
‘Oh no?’ she said sharply, spinning round to face him. ‘So what ’ave yer come ’ere to talk about then? Takin’ me daughter away from me?’
‘Why would you think that?’
‘Don’t play games with me.’
‘Jess, please. You’ve got me all wrong. I don’t want to hurt you.’
‘Aw no, course yer don’t. An’ yer can get yer ’ands off me an’ all.’
Robert dropped his hands to his sides. ‘I’m sorry.’
They stood there staring at each other. ‘Well, what do yer want then?’ Jess finally asked, unable to stand the silence any longer. ‘To beg for me forgiveness like Leonore reckons yer do?’
‘Partly, yes.’
‘Well, it ain’t that easy,’ she said, poking him in the chest, emboldened by anger and fear. ‘It wasn’t you what got stuck in no asylum with a baby. It was me. Me and Sylvia.’
‘I knew nothing about that, Jess, I swear I didn’t.’
‘Would it ’ave made any difference if yer ’ad’ve known? Would yer ’ave come rushin’ to get me out of there? Swept me off me feet an’ carried me away on yer big shiny ’orse? Well? Would yer?’
Robert bowed his head. ‘Probably not.’
‘Least yer honest,’ said Jess, turning away from him. She wouldn’t let him see the tears.
‘Let me finish, Jess. I meant probably not then. But I’ve changed now. Now I’m different.’
‘So yer keep sayin’.’
‘I understand things in a way I never did before.’
‘Oh yeh. What things are they then?’
‘That I want to marry you. That’s why I’m here.’
‘What?’ She faced him, unable to believe his audacity. ‘Yer the one ’oo belongs in the loony bin, not me, mate.’
‘Don’t mock me, Jess. Please. Won’t you even talk about it?’
‘What’s there to say? Yer stark ravin’ barmy.’
‘I’ve thought about this carefully, Jess,’ he said reasonably. He began counting off the items on his fingers as though he was detailing a campaign. ‘I can offer you a home. And security. It can’t be easy for you being alone with Sylvia. I can give her her father.’ He looked at her, eager for her response. It wasn’t what he’d hoped for.
‘Yer leave ’er out of this,’ she snapped back. ‘D’yer understand me?’
‘How can I leave her out of this, Jess?’ His voice became pleading. ‘She’s real. She exists. When I saw her I wanted to go over and scoop her up in my arms. Knowing that I have a living, breathing child is one of the most wonderful things that could have happened to me. And one of the few decent things I’ve ever achieved in my life.’
Jess looked at him contemptuously. ‘Yer ain’t got a clue, ’ave yer?’
‘I know that there are at least practical ways in which I can help. She has to be fed, needs clothes, schooling.’
‘She’s got all them, thanks.’
‘But she needs a father,’ he said simply.
‘She’s got on all right so far without one.’
He saw a hoped-for opening in her argument – and spoke rapidly, trying to convince her of the sense of what he was saying. ‘But that was during the war, Jess. When you were hiding away. Things are not the same any more. It’s going to get harder, not easier. Housing, work. They’ll both be a problem. I can help you. You have to admit there are things you’ll need. Think about it. I promise I’ll be good to you both. You won’t regret it, Jess.’
Jess’s chest rose and fell as she struggled to control herself. ‘Why don’t yer leave me alone?’ she demanded. Tears of anger and confusion were streaming down her face. ‘Why don’t yer just get out of ’ere, an’ leave us both alone?’
‘If that’s what you want, Jess,’ he said quietly, ‘I’ll go. But I’ll be back tomorrow and the day after that, and the day after that. I don’t intend losing you again, Jessie Fairleigh.’
‘Say I’m not ’ere when yer get back?’
‘Then I’ll come and find you. Wherever you are.’
Jess looked at him hard, trying to understand why he was saying all these things. ‘Yer mean it, don’t yer?’
‘I do, Jess. I really do.’
‘I’m goin’ back to the party. I ain’t standin’ ’ere talkin’ to yer no more. Yer gettin’ on me nerves.’
‘Fine. You go back and I will too. And I’ll come again tomorrow.’
‘’Ow can yer get back to Kent tonight? Yer still a bloody liar.’
‘I’m staying in London with my mother’s cousin.’
‘Aw yeh. Yer always did know a soft touch. Yer with Amelia, I suppose. Gettin’ round ’er with all yer lies.’
‘You know Amelia?’
‘Leonore told me about her.’ She raised an eyebrow, challenging him to disagree with her. She didn’t get the reaction she expected.
‘There’s so much I don’t know about you, Jess. So much I want to know. So much I have to learn. I mean no harm to you or to Sylvia, I promise. All I want to do, Jess, is to make amends, and to try and make you happy.’
‘I told yer. Don’t touch me.’
‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you. But, Jess.’
‘Yeh?’
‘I’ll ask you again tomorrow, you know. If you’ll marry me, I mean.’
‘Yeh. I suppose yer will.’
* * *
Jess walked slowly back to the party. She could hear the singing and laughter from the end of the street. Everyone was so happy. Even the ones who had lost their sons, husbands or lovers were relieved, as relieved as everybody else that it was all over at last. The war to end all wars had finished. There might be hard times ahead, but at least the world was at peace. If only Jess could be too.
‘An’ where do yer think yer’ve been?’ asked Lil, leering drunkenly at her friend. She had her arm round the shoulders of a young sailor who had got through almost as much beer as she had. ‘’E was a bit of all right, that officer an’ all. Looked familiar.’ She frowned into the middle distance, then shook her head. ‘Nah, too posh for round ’ere.’
‘Just a feller ’ome from the war,’ said Jess lightly.
‘Where is ’e then? Let’s meet ’im.’
‘’E ‘ad to go an’ see ’is aunt.’
‘Cor, yer was a bit slow there, gel. Probably ’ad a few quid, bloke like ’im. Still, ne’mind, Jess, plenty more fish in the sea.’ Lil thumped the sailor hard across his back. ‘That was a good ’un, more fish in the sea, an’ yer a sailor! Come on, Jack Tar, let’s ’ave a dance.’ Lil and her partner twirled unsteadily away from Jess into the crowd of dancers.
‘All right, Jess?’
Jess smiled at her little brother. ‘’Ello, Ted.’
‘Want anythin’?’
‘No, ta.’
Ted took a long draught from his glass. ‘
Look at our little Sylvie,’ he said, brushing the foam off his lips with the back of his hand. ‘She’s ’aving an ’igh old time. Taken to all the kids like she was born round ere.’
‘Yer’ve been good about all this, Ted.’
‘Me? ’Ow d’yer mean?’
‘Yer never judged me or nothin’. Just accepted I ’ad ’er, never asked no questions.’
‘Why should I ask questions? Yer me sister an’ she’s me niece. What else is there to know?’
‘Mum’s done a proper job bringin’ yer up, Ted, an’ no mistake. Give us a kiss.’
“Ow about ’avin’ a dance with yer little brother?’
‘I don’t feel much like dancin’.’
‘Don’t be like that, Jess. ’Ow often do we get to dance?’
‘Come on then.’
Jess and Ted slipped into a gap on the improvised dance floor and moved off into a waltz, Ted’s bad arm tucked safely between them.
‘Yer ain’t bad at this, Jessie,’ said Ted. ‘Blimey, nor are they. ’Ave a butcher’s over there.’
Jess looked in the direction in which Ted had nodded. There in the middle of the dancers were Rose and Joey Fuller, whirling in an elegant, effortless waltz.
‘I never knew she could dance like that, Jess.’
‘Nor did I, Ted, but I reckon there’s a lot of things we don’t know about a lot of people.’
* * *
The dancing continued until the revellers were finally driven towards The Star by the descending November fog. Some of the younger ones, including Sylvia, didn’t make it to the second stage of the celebrations in the pub; they had fallen asleep in someone’s arms and were being carried back to their beds.
‘D’yer want me to come back with yer?’
‘No thanks, Lil,’ said Jess. ‘Yer go an’ ’ave a good time. That sailor’s still got his eye on yer.’
‘D’yer think so?’
‘Yeh. ’E looks nice an’ all.’
‘Ain’t bad, is ’e? Do I look all right?’ Lil smoothed her crumpled frock down over her ample middle.
‘Yer look lovely, Lil. ’Ang on, let me put Sylvie indoors an’ I’ll pin yer ’air up again for yer.’
Jess came back out of Number 8 to find Rose talking to Lil on the doorstep. ‘’Ello, Mum, ain’t yer goin’ down The Star with the others?’
‘No, gel, I was sayin’ to Lil, I’ve danced me legs off tonight. Now all I want is a nice cup o’ tea.’
‘I’m gonna pin Lil’s ’air up, then I’ll be in. Do one for me, Mum.’
‘Goodnight then, Lil, an’ say ’ello to yer sailor boy for me,’ said Rose, stepping inside the passage.
‘Sod me,’ said Lil, ‘every bugger knows about me. I wouldn’t mind, I’ve only just met ’im tonight.’
‘It’s the twinkle in yer eye what we all saw,’ laughed Jess. ‘Sit on the step an’ I’ll do yer ’air up for yer.’
‘’E said I looked like a mermaid with all me ’air ’angin’ down,’ she sighed. ‘Good job I never ’ad it done short like all them other girls down the factory, eh?’ She twisted round, making Jess drop the handful of hair she had just managed to coax into the pins. ‘Yer know, I think I might ’ave a chance with this one, Jess.’
* * *
Rose was sitting in the kitchen with her legs stretched out towards the range. ‘’Ere yer are, Jess, sit down in the warm an’ drink yer tea. What with all that dancin’, I didn’t realise it was so cold out.’
‘’Ave a good time?’
‘Yeh, I did. Funny. When I got the letters about yer dad and about Sammy, God rest their souls, I didn’t think I’d ever ’ave a good time again. Then Ted come ’ome safe. An’ I ’ad yer an’ the baby with me. An’ knowin’ Charlie’s all right in Chicago… Well, life ’as to go on. Things ’ave to work out in the end, don’t they? An’ I really love ’aving Sylvia ’ere with me. Like yer dad always said, we should be grateful for what we’ve got. There’s plenty of ’em left with less round ’ere than I’ve got.’
‘I wish you ’adn’t said that, Mum.’
‘What?’
‘That yer like ’aving us ’ere.’ She tapped her thumbnail nervously against her teeth. ‘Mum, I might be goin’ away again.’
‘Jess,’ Rose stared at her daughter, ‘ain’t yer ’appy ’ere, darlin’?’
‘Course I am, Mum. I couldn’t be ’appier. ‘Cept if Dad and Sammy was still with us. But I’ve gotta go away. It’s Robert.’
‘Robert Worlington?’
Jess nodded.
‘’E knows yer ‘ere?’
‘Yeh.’ Jessie bowed her head.
‘’As ’e done somethin’ to yer?’ Rose jumped up from her seat, ignoring the cup she sent crashing to the floor.
‘Not exactly.’
‘What’s ’e done, Jessie?’ Rose’s voice was shaking. ‘If ’e’s so much as laid a finger on yer, I’ll… So ’elp me.’
‘No, Mum, nothin’ like that.’ Jess bent down and began picking up the smashed cup and saucer, mopping up the spilt tea with a rag. ‘Sit down, Mum.’
Rose sat down and stared into the range.
‘’E wants to marry me,’ said Jess calmly as she wrapped the broken china in a sheet of old newspaper.
‘Do what?’ Rose couldn’t take it in. ‘Yer gonna go off with ’im? With Robert Worlington?’
‘No. No, I’m gettin’ away from ’im.’
‘Jess, what’re yer talkin’ about, gel?’ Rose shook her head, disbelieving what she was hearing. ‘Yer’ve got me in a right two and eight.’
‘’E’s been writin’ to me, Mum.’
Rose looked at her daughter, but didn’t ask why she hadn’t told her before.
‘’E sent me these letters. Loads of ’em.’ Jess spoke slowly, avoiding looking directly at her mother. ‘I know it wasn’t right, keepin’ it from yer, rushin’ to the door every time I ’eard the postman coinin’ along the street, but I didn’t want yer to worry.’ She swallowed hard as though it was an effort to speak. ‘The letters all said ’ow ’e’d changed, an’ ’ow ’e never realised before about what ’e’d done to me. Over an’ over again. An’ that ’e’s a different man to the one ’oo went to Flanders an’ the war an’ that. An’ Leonore wrote an’ all. She said the same, an’… Aw, I dunno, Mum.’ Jess opened the back door, put the newspaper parcel of broken china in the bin in the back yard, then rinsed her hands under the tap. ‘Well, the upshot is,’ said Jess, drying her hands on her skirt, ‘’e turned up ’ere tonight.’
‘In Burton Street?’ Rose thought she must be going mad.
‘Yeh. We ’ad a talk. An’ that’s when ’e said ’e wants to marry me.’
‘What did yer say to ’im?’
‘I said I didn’t think ’e was tellin’ me the truth. That ’e was up to somethin’ again. I don’t remember it all. I was confused.’
‘Yer sure ’e was lyin’ to yer again?’
‘I dunno, Mum. I don’t know nothin’ no more. ’E did seem different somehow. A bit. But ’ow do I know ’e don’t wanna take Sylvia away from me?’
‘’E did ask yer to marry ’im, Jess. An’ yer could do worse for yerself. Yer’ve gotta be realistic, gel. Yer twenty-two an’ yer’ve got a kid to look after.’
‘Mum!’
‘Listen to me, Jess.’ Rose slammed her hand down on the table. Jess flinched at the unaccustomed anger in her mother’s voice.
‘What? Just like that? Yer sayin’ I should marry ’im?’
‘I said listen to me. When yer was younger yer never seemed to ’ave no interest in fellers.’
‘’Cept Jack. An’ look ’ow ’e let me down. Made a right idiot out of me.’
‘I ain’t talkin’ about ’im, Jess. An’ anyway, I think there’s more to that than yer realise. Perhaps one day we’ll be able to sort it all out.’
‘What yer sayin’? About Jack Barnes?’
‘Not now, Jess. I ain’t talkin’ about that now. Leave it. It’s what’s ’appenin�
�� now that matters. Yer’ve gotta see, if yer don’t get married life’s gonna get ’ard. Even ’arder than if yer do get married. ’Arder than yer might realise while yer’ve still got me around.’
‘That don’t make no sense.’ Whether it did or not, Jess didn’t want it to. Her only thought was to get away from Robert Worlington.
‘Listen to yer ol’ mum. I’ve always wanted to know yer was settled with a feller so’s I wouldn’t ’ave to worry about yer if anything ’appened to me, like.’ She looked down at her hands. ‘Jess, I think yer should marry ’im.’
Jess jutted out her chin. She was trembling. She had never spoken to her mother like this before, but she had to say it. ‘Aw, yeh. Tell me then, ’ow can I love a bloke what did that to me, eh? Left me like an ol’ worn-out boot to be chucked on the rubbish ’eap.’
‘I ain’t talkin’ about love,’ said Rose evenly. ‘I’m talkin’ about survivin’. Life ain’t easy. You of all people should ’ave learnt that by now.’
‘So why should I marry ’im? ’Im of all bloody people.’
‘I know yer upset, Jess. But don’t yer get lippy with me, gel.’
Jess turned her back on Rose. ‘Sorry, Mum,’ she said stiffly.
‘That’s all right. But yer listen to me, an’ yer listen good. Yer should marry Robert Worlington cos ’e can give yer, an’ the baby, a name. Respectable like. An’ cos ’e can give yer both a decent ’ome. An’ cos ’e’s the only one what’s asked yer.’
Jess spun round to face her mother, but Rose raised her hands, calming Jess before she had the chance to erupt.
‘There’s plenty of Florries in this world ’oo can make things very ’ard for someone in yer position, Jess. An’ I won’t always be around to look out for yer.’
Jess swallowed hard. ‘Don’t keep sayin’ things like that, Mum,’ she said quietly.
‘I told yer, Jess, I’m bein’ realistic. I mean, think of it, the landlord’s already askin’ if we can take someone in. There’s no ’omes for people now the war’s over, an’ soon there ain’t gonna be many jobs from what I can see. Women are gettin’ laid off from the factories round ’ere already. They’ve told Elsie she’s gotta take a cut in ’er money if she wants to stay on. Yer’ve gotta give Sylvie the chance to ’ave somethin’ better than all that.’
The Cockney Girl Page 32