by Lila Felix
***
“No, Mrs. Ramsey, please. I will burst if I eat ice cream.”
Theo chimed in. “I thought it was all mind over matter.”
“Not wanting ice cream has nothing to do with traveling; it has to do with my stomach being on the verge of bursting.”
Everyone around the table laughed at my expense. The only ammunition I had were the cookies on the plate in front of me. I reached out to get one and Theo grinned, thinking he’d won the game.
Until I chucked the cookie at his smug ass.
“Hey!” He tossed it back, hitting me directly in the mouth.
“Ouch, damn it, Theo!”
He was up and hovering over me before I could blink. “Querida, I’m sorry.” He was examining me left and right, placing first aid, in the form of kisses, all over my mouth. I laughed at his attentions to a cookie-chucking accident. His eyes were so trusting, so concerned over the littlest things. He’d always been that attentive. But I loved how it continued to shock me over and over again how deeply in love I was with him.
“You two finally gave in?” His father’s voice broke us out of our world and back into reality.
Theo blinked and recoiled from our coupling, grinning like a stockbroker who’d just swindled a poor man out of his life savings. “Not you two, just her. She’s had my heart all along.”
I rolled my eyes. He was back. The guy who so gallantly vowed his devotion to me for all to know.
“Our family is back whole again. We weren’t quite complete without you, Colby.” I blushed under Theo’s father’s acceptance. But his mother didn’t seem to feel the same. She met my eyes. “I’m sorry, Colby, it’s not you. I just wish Torrent was here. He would’ve been so happy to see you two back together again.”
Theo’s father comforted his wife across the table with his hand on hers, “I’m sorry dear, I shouldn’t have said such a thing.”
“No, it’s fine. I just wish we could talk about him more. When we don’t, I feel like I’m the only one who remembers him.”
A text came through on my phone, and I excused myself from the table. Theo and his father both were now comforting Hazel and it felt wrong for me to just sit there and be their audience. It felt like an intrusion.
The text was from the Synod—again. What could they possibly have to tell me that they didn’t already tell me before?
And for the first time in my life, I ignored the summons.
“Hey, you didn’t have to leave. She’s okay.”
I tucked my phone back in my pocket. “I thought maybe the three of you needed a moment.”
“We did.” His eyebrows pulsed. “Thank you. That was thoughtful.”
“You’ve got a little,” I said and dabbled at the side of my mouth, “shock all over your face.”
“I’m not shocked. What would I be shocked at? That you were thoughtful? Okay, maybe a little.”
I laughed. “Yeah, it’s this new thing I’m trying out. It’s called manners.”
He sat down on the couch beside me and pulled me onto his lap. “You know, I’ve heard of manners.”
“I’m pretty sure you wrote the book, Eidolon.”
One of my eyebrows cocked as I called him that title for the first time. I wanted to try it out—see how it felt and how he felt about it. In all honesty, I expected his trademark smug attitude about it. Instead, his whole demeanor changed. A despair—almost a loneliness washed over his features and drew his mouth downward.
“It was so weird being called that today. But it’s time I got used to it. If the Eidolon was anyone else and showed up in front of me, I wouldn’t hesitate to call him by anything but that name. I didn’t ask for this. Either way, I have to learn to accept it.” He turned me to face him and tipped my chin up with his forefinger. “But you, meu Amada, I only want you to call me by my name please. If everyone begins to look at me differently—I need you to look at me like you are right now.”
My fingers threaded through his hair. It needed to be cut. He’d obviously had other things on his mind the past few weeks. “How?”
“How do you look at me?”
“Yes. I don’t know. I mean, I know how I mean to look at you, but I…”
He chuckled and the motion rocked us both. I took the moment, while he did that thing where he overthought every single word, to really amend the way I looked at him. Memories of us flooded my mind. Theo and Colby before there was talk of Eidolon or flashing. Theo and Colby before the world and its demands got in the way.
“Tell me what that is. Tell me what you are thinking about right this second.”
“Me and you. It’s always been me and you. No matter how stubborn I am, no matter how hard I fight you. Even when I push you as far away as I can and when it’s not far enough, I cross the planet to get away from you. No matter what, it will always be me and you.”
He brought his face as close to mine as he could. Chocolate chip cookies laced his breath, and what girl in her right mind doesn’t want to be kissed by a boy who tastes like chocolate? His eyes danced around my face before landing on my lips. It wasn’t his eyes I wanted on my mouth. His eyes and mouth rose simultaneously in a smile. “Took you long enough.”
And then he got smacked in the arm.
“Will you make me a promise?” He sobered.
“Of course.”
“If things get weird or too much for you to handle, can you remember me like this?”
The air thickened in my throat. Invisible hands clutched my lungs and wrung them out until nothing was left of them or the rest of my chest. A solidly monotone ringing began between my ears and blocked out everything he was saying. His mouth was moving, but nothing could be heard but the alarm. No, this couldn’t happen. This wasn’t about me.
Like a vacuum, the selfishness was sucked away and replaced with my responsibility to Theo, once again. Maybe one day I wouldn’t have to remember to not be selfish.
Was that too much to ask of myself?
“Colby, I’m sorry.” Those were the first words I heard after crawling out of myself.
“No.” I pulled him forward, gripping the collar of his shirt like it was the last raft in a raging ocean. “No matter what. No matter how hard it gets. This time it’s going to be me who stands firm. This time, unless you want me gone, then you are stuck with me forever.”
Tears welled in his eyes, and I realized that I’d never seen Theo cry, even after his brother disappeared.
“Sounds like bonding rights to me,” a baritone voice entered our cocoon, uninvited.
“Is that what that was?” Theo questioned me in jest, attempting to tickle my sides to drive his point in. But there was no jest in my intentions.
“I think that’s what it was,” I poured every ounce of intensity I owned into those words. If he didn’t believe me, no blame would be placed.
“If you speak those words, you shouldn’t think—you should know.”
“Then I know.”
Hazel entered the room next, and I realized how much I missed our privacy. Bonding ceremonies weren’t like human engagements. Males didn’t save up for extravagant rings and plan grandiose promenades of affection. They happened naturally and freely. And it made them more beautiful and honest than the most detailed, planned out proposal. Males didn’t have to ask for the father’s permission or jump through hoops. It was simply accepted that when a female chose her mate—then that was the end of it. Formal vows were often exchanged later on, but that one intimate moment could never quite be recaptured.
A female’s choice in a mate was never questioned.
And once their choice was made—it was solidified for life.
“There should be no formal vows exchanged without Rebekah and Sable present. Don’t make me go up against the Prophetess and be forced to explain why we allowed this. I’ve seen that woman in action. She is like a vicious little dragon.”
Hazel’s honesty broke through the seriousness and we all laughed in comedy and joy
.
“We will go tomorrow and speak to her before we return to Collin and whoever else is waiting for us.”
“That’s an excellent plan and congratulations.” His parents mentioned before taking their exit.