by V. Vaughn
I grab Daniel’s hand to lead him out of the park. “Did you have fun?”
“Yup. Griffin is funny. He made me laugh until my tummy hurt.”
“That’s good.” God, it’s hard to hear my boy talk about his father without knowing that he is. Not only do I have to explain myself to Griffin, but eventually to Daniel as well. Will he hate me for keeping his father from him?
When we get back home, I check in on Maria. I call her instead of going over there in case she’s sleeping. She answers her phone on the third ring, and I ask, “How are you feeling?”
“Better, thank you, dear. I think I just needed the day to rest and sleep.”
“I’m glad to hear it. We were worried about you.”
“Were you able to find a sitter?”
“No, I ended up taking Daniel to the diner with me, but it worked out well.”
There’s a pause on her end, and then she says, “Hon, are you okay? You sound like you have something on your mind.”
She’d be kind if I shared my distress, but I don’t need to talk. I need to deal with the mess I’ve made. “I’m fine, Maria. Really. Just tired. It was a long busy shift.”
“Okay, but just remember I’m here if you want to talk.”
“I know, and I appreciate that.”
After we hang up, I call Hillary. “Hey girl, what’s up?” she asks when she answers.
“I hate to ask, but I was wondering if you could look after Daniel for a couple of hours tonight. Maria is sick and I don’t—” I let out a heavy sigh.
“Is everything okay? You don’t sound like yourself.”
“It’s complicated.”
“Griffin?”
“Ah…”
“Alec had dinner with him last night, and Griffin said he was going to try to get you back.”
“Oh, I don’t know about that. I need to talk to him about Daniel being his son first.”
“Big stuff. You’ve got this, girl. It’s going to work out better than you think. I’m sure of it.”
I doubt that, if Griffin’s anger is any indicator, but I appreciate her vote of confidence. “Thanks.”
“Bring Daniel over any time. Baby Mia loves him. He always gets her giggling.”
“Great. You’re the best, Hill. Thanks so much. I’ll drop him off in about an hour.”
After I finish the call with Hillary, I text Griffin. I don’t want to hear the anger and disappointment in his voice right now. I’d like to have at least an hour’s reprieve from that before I have to face him. I suggest we meet at the gazebo in the park.
The gazebo used to be a special place for us. If either of us was having a bad day, we’d go hang out there. Griffin would often bring his guitar and sing to me. Something about the place felt magical and seemed to make everything better. I hope that magic still exists, because I think both of us need some.
I set my phone down on the kitchen table and sink into one of the chairs. I knew this day would come. It was inevitable. But I had hoped it would be on my terms. Now I feel completely lost and out of control, and I hate it. For the past six years I’ve managed to keep up with the demands of being a single mother. I’ve had help from neighbors and friends, but I’ve always paid my bills on time and figured out how to make ends meet. My fate was in my hands, but in a matter of seconds, that has changed.
I suppose, when I think about it, my fate changed the night I slept with Griffin in a hotel room in Vegas. Unknowingly, I tied us together for life, and now I’m about to find out what that life may be.
Chapter 12
GRIFFIN
My feet thud over the wood floor of the gazebo as I wear grooves into it from my pacing. I’ve experienced betrayal in life. It’s hard to avoid when you’re making big money. I caught my first manager embezzling, and I had an assistant who sold a tell-all article about me even though she’d signed a non-disclosure. As hurtful as those experiences were, they don’t begin to compare to the pain I’m experiencing over what Mandy has done.
It was easy to cut my assistant and my manager out of my life, and I learned to be more cautious about who I brought into my inner circle. But I can’t cut Mandy out of my life. She’s the mother of my son.
We’re a father! My panther cries out happily.
I know. I want to be joyful too. It’s a wonderful thing, but I’m still in shock and angry. So angry about what I’ve missed with Daniel.
When I spot Mandy walking across the park to the gazebo, my rage ramps up to a boil, but I find a way to keep it contained so I can hear her out. At least she has the good sense to look contrite. She’s biting her lip, and she gulps as she stands at the bottom of the stairs looking up at me.
“Is Daniel my son?”
“Yes.”
I blow out a long breath in an effort to stay calm.
“I wanted to tell you the moment I found out I was pregnant, but I didn’t know how you would react. I was afraid you’d think I’d planned Vegas to trap you. That you’d think I only hooked up with you to get a big payday. I—”
“No,” I say to cut her off. I don’t want to hear her lame excuses. “You had no right to keep Daniel a secret. Six years, Mandy! Six. Years!” My panther reacts to my distress, and my skin tingles with the urge to shift. But I need to be rational, so I give it a try. “You know, I can understand how you may have believed that about me at first. I was a jerk, rejecting you like I did in Vegas. But, Mandy…” I stop myself when I realize I’ve raised my voice, and then I continue in a softer tone. “You could have told me, say a year later, when you’d proven you could do it on your own. Or when he learned to walk or said his first word. Hell, how about when he was finally potty trained?” I’m not keeping my voice down any longer. “Was it really so damn hard to pick up the phone and tell me about my son?”
She folds her arms over her chest, like she has a right to be defensive. “And how would that conversation have gone? You made it clear to me in Vegas that you had no room for me in your life. How would a baby have fit in? God forbid that I derail your precious career. We would have been that ball and chain you wrote a song about.”
That was a gut punch, because I did write a song about being trapped in marriage just after we met in Vegas. It was pure guilt coming out in my lyrics covered up by justification.
She says, “Do you really think it would have been good for Daniel to know he had a famous father who didn’t have time for him? No way would I put him through the pain I went through, Griffin. He was better off without you.”
I flinch back from her stinging words. “I would never hurt Daniel, and you have no way of knowing if I’d have done that because you took that choice away from me.”
“I had a pretty good idea how you’d react. You hurt me so easily, and it’s not a stretch to think you’d have no trouble doing the same to Daniel.”
I throw up my hands in frustration. “That’s not the same!” I’m afraid my anger is getting the best of me, and even though Mandy’s reasoning is flawed, I don’t think she sees it. I doubt I’m going to get anywhere with this conversation.
The need to shift is strong, and because I need to get rid of some of my rage, I jump down off the gazebo. I soak up the impact easily with my cat reflexes and start to move across the grass toward the trees.
“Where are you going?” Mandy calls after me.
“I’m leaving. I can’t talk to you right now.”
“Griffin, we need to discuss this.”
I don’t respond. I can’t. I’ve let my panther take over, and I start running, tearing off my clothing as I go. By the time I reach the woods, I’m a sleek, black cat sprinting through the trees.
Charging through the trees as fast as I can, I don’t stop until my lungs beg for mercy. As I slow to a walk and catch my breath, I approach a clearing and spy a large oak tree. Stretching up as far as I can, I sink my claws into the trunk to scratch at the bark. Mauling the tree helps me get out some of my frustration, and finally my anger begins to fade.
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When I’ve had enough, I leap up into the branches and crouch down to peer out at the forest between oak leaves. I’m physically exhausted and calm, but my heart aches. I missed the first five years of my son’s life. There are so many important milestones I’ll never get back, all because Mandy didn’t think I could handle knowing I was a father.
But just like when I was robbed of money and my reputation, I need to find a way to accept what happened and move on. I have a son who will need me, and I have every intention of being here for him. To do that though, I need to have some kind of civil relationship with his mother.
My logical side says Mandy believed she had a good reason to keep Daniel a secret from me. She’s not a cruel or vindictive person. And while I don’t get it, I also realize that I may never fully comprehend what it was like for her to discover she was pregnant with a child by a man who told her he didn’t want her in his life.
I grimace when I realize Mandy’s pride and self-reliance is likely what kept her from coming to me. And then I sigh because a part of me understands now how she could fear that I might not react positively. I hate to admit it, but I might not have. Not at first anyway.
The bottom line, though, is that now that I know Daniel is mine, there is no way in hell I won’t be part of his life. And Mandy is going to have to find a way to deal with that.
Chapter 13
MANDY
I let out a groan of frustration as I watch Griffin run while stripping off his clothes. He’s in panther form by the time he gets to the trees and sprints into the forest. I’ve never seen him lose control of his cat like that before. He’s as angry as I feared, but I’m not willing to let him go without talking our situation through. I’ve waited six years to have this conversation, and now that it’s happening, I’m not about to leave any threads untied. I can’t spend another night wondering what Griffin plans to do about Daniel.
I walk over and retrieve Griffin’s clothing and fold it carefully before shedding my own and adding it to the pile of our things I leave on a bench near the woods. It’s a common sight in this park, where people respect others’ belongings and you know the items will be right where you left them when you return.
I crouch to shift into my wolf. It’s been a while since I’ve let her out, so when I start the transformation, it comes quickly. She loves to run, and I never seem to have time for her to get enough of it these days. I pad into the trees where I saw Griffin enter, and I sniff to pick up his scent. My animal senses are acute, and his musk fills my nose with a familiar odor that makes me nostalgic for a moment before I follow it deep into the woods.
I follow the trail into a clearing and see the tree he must have torn up. I smell that he’s close and glance up to see his green eyes. He’s glaring at me, and his chest rumbles as if he’s going to attack. I growl right back. His panther doesn’t scare me. In fact, my wolf wants to jump on him and bite at his neck to calm him down like pacifying a pup. I shift back to human before that can happen.
I know it’s dangerous to stand here naked in front of his panther, but I don’t think he’s going to hurt me, and I need to make it clear we have to talk without our animals getting involved. “Look,” I say. “I know you’re angry. I get it. You have a right to hate me for keeping our son a secret, but try to understand why I did.”
Griffin’s panther head tilts to the side as if he’s saying, ‘Go on, I’m listening.’
“You were always on tour. Do you know I attended three concerts before I could even get in touch with you? You didn’t answer my calls or reply to my texts. I had to rush the stage for you to even know I was there.”
He stretches his paw out to scratch at the tree. “I know, I realize now you changed your number. But was I supposed to stalk you again just to tell you? Do you have any idea how much a ticket to one of your concerts costs?”
He jumps down from his branch with barely a sound and then sits back on his haunches.
“And think about it. You wouldn’t have let me come backstage or even acknowledged me because you’d have thought I didn’t get the message the first time.”
Griffin’s nostrils flare as he gets up and turns to walk away like he’s pacing.
“Even if I’d gotten in touch with you, how much time would you have had to spend with a baby?”
He turns to look at me, and his chest rumbles.
I think he’s pissed right now because he knows I’m right. Well, I’m pissed off too. “Besides, I didn’t want you to think I wanted your damn money. I didn’t then, and I sure as hell don’t need it now.” I’m about to shift back into a wolf so I can run away, but I throw out one parting shot before I do. “If you think you can take Daniel away from me because you have the financial means, think again. I’ll slander your ass in any way I can to protect my son. I’ve got nothing to lose by saying you ignored Daniel for the last five years. What are you going to do? Take my car?” I chuckle at myself for that one. “When I’m done with you, no woman will ever think your stupid crooked smile is sexy. They’ll see a deadbeat dad. So just try me.”
I get down on the ground to shift, but when I hear Griffin shifting back to human form, I stop moving.
“Hold on, Mandy.” He walks over to stand close to me. “We really need to get you a new car.” He chuckles. “Yours is one pothole away from the junkyard.”
I give him a wry smile, glad he’s not so angry any longer. He’s so close that his musk is assaulting my senses, and I try really hard not to look him over. But jeez, a naked man I used to be with is standing before me, looking more perfect than I remember. I can’t help it.
His body is lean and roped with muscle. His six pack is sexy as hell, and I can’t stop staring, especially at the tattoo he has arched over his navel. It says HEARTLAND. He didn’t have it when we were together six years ago. I have to stop myself from reaching over and tracing the thick dark letters with the tips of my fingers.
I know it’s the worst possible time to be thinking about how good our sex life was, but I can’t help it. I remember too clearly how he can work his body over me, under me, and in any possible position, and we’ve tried them all. My cheeks redden picturing how his muscles rippled as he held me up against the wall of the hotel room.
I notice he’s not exactly looking at my eyes either. He catches my gaze and must see my blush because he smirks. “Trying to have a conversation this serious while we’re both naked might not be the best option.”
I nod. “You’re right. Let’s shift back and run to my house where we can talk.”
“Okay.”
We both quickly shift, and then we run side by side. When we get inside, I throw on the tank top and shorts I threw on my bed in my rush this morning, but since I don’t have anything big enough for Griffin, I grab a towel from the bathroom for him. “Here.”
He wraps it around his body, only covering up half of what makes me want to drool, but at least we can now have a reasonable conversation without my thoughts going all erotic and carnal. I lead us to the kitchen where I grab us each a beer from the refrigerator.
We’re quiet as I move about, and his throat working as he drinks seems unusually loud as I watch him chug the beer down. Shifting is thirsty work, but I think he’s drinking it more because of the conversation we need to have. My beer can is cool and damp in my fingers as I twirl it in my hands. I set my drink down on the counter without taking a sip and look at him.
I say, “I… I just wasn’t certain you’d want this child with me. At first, I was so afraid of what would happen if you didn’t, but then Maria, the lady next door, took me under her wing.” I give him a small smile. “Literally, she’s a hawk. She showed me I could do this with the help of people in this town, and in a strange way it was empowering.”
I shake my head as I recall how I went from being so afraid of what to do to feeling as if I was some badass mom doing it all. It made it easier to keep my secret and hold my ground when people asked who the father was. “I never told anyone
Daniel was yours. I didn’t want the media to find out that you had a child out there and ruin your reputation. The gossip mags would’ve had a field day with the story.”
He sighs. “I don’t care about the press. You didn’t give me a chance to. You don’t really believe I’d have been a deadbeat dad, do you? Wait—” He holds up his hand. “Let me answer that, because I suppose I might have been a little bit, but not moneywise.”
“Timewise, Griffin. Your career was taking off. Think how hard it would have been to have a son during that time.”
The beer can crumples in his hand as he crushes it, and it clatters on the counter where he tosses it. “I’d have found the time, Mandy. I can’t believe you kept this from me. I thought I knew you, but I had no idea you could be so deceitful and hurtful.”
His words cut me like a knife, and I gasp. “I was doing what was best for Daniel.” My voice shakes, and I blink back the tears threatening to fall.
“Don’t you get it? That wasn’t a choice you should have made by yourself. I’m his father. I had a right to know that.” He lets out a frustrated sigh as he splays his fingers out and then clenches them into fists. “I don’t care about any gossip magazines or what the press says about me. They never tell the truth. Ever.” He looks intently at me. “You were right about that.”
I swallow back my tears as I recall a conversation we had in high school. Griffin was talking about what it might be like if he got famous. He was worried the press might twist his words and how he could be made to look like a fool. I laughed and informed he’d better get used to the idea because reporters don’t tell the truth in those articles. I was such a damn know-it-all about it. And I’ve since read more than one fabricated story about how he got started to know I was right. “Yeah.”