by Iona Rose
The movements were too frantic. Bianca’s were smooth and unrushed. Startled, I reached down and gripped the hand tightly, pulling it away from my cock.
“Connor, relax, it’s me,” Samantha’s voice said.
I dropped her hand and sat up. “Samantha, what are you doing?”
“Just having a bit of fun. We’re both adults and your girlfriend doesn’t have to know. Let’s have a wild night together,” she said and sat up too.
As my eyes adjusted to the semi darkness, I could make out her face. “I’m not that kind of man Samantha. I love Bianca and I’m committed to her. I would never do anything to jeopardize what we have. I’m sorry but I can’t be that person.”
She was silent for a few seconds. “I don’t get it. What’s the big deal? We’ll just be two adults pleasuring each other. I know you find me attractive.”
It dawned on me that anything I said would be a waste of time. She wasn’t listening. “Please go back to your bed.”
“You really mean that?” she said and when I didn’t respond, she got up and looked down at me. “You’re a fool Connor. I could open so many doors for you. Help you get to the pinnacle of your career. All you have to do is do a few things for me too. Like being there for me when I’m lonely. Like now.”
It took me aback to hear her speak so openly about the arrangement she wanted us to have. It was such a turn off and nausea swirled in my belly. “I can’t.”
“Fine. Don’t complain if and when someone else in the company takes the opportunities I would have given you,” she said.
I was ambitious but not so much that I would swap my dignity and my morals for opportunities. Even if I wasn’t with Bianca, I still wouldn’t have taken up her offer. I respected myself and believed in my abilities. I was going to be successful, with or without Samantha.
“I won’t,” I said.
Bianca
“I’m told by your mother that you girls are doing very well in your jewelry business,” my father said, shifting his glance from me to Eva.
My mother had invited Eva, Jeremy and me to dinner to celebrate the rekindling of their love, as she’d put it. My first reaction had been to say no but Eva had convinced me otherwise. It also helped that Connor was out of town and I had nothing else to do.
“Yes, it’s going very well,” Eva said. “Bianca and I are thinking of getting an office space.”
“That’s wonderful and I’m very proud of you,” my father said.
He was a handsome man with all his dark hair intact and his green eyes still shining with youthful energy. I could see why women flocked to him and why my mother still looked at him as if he was dessert. What I didn’t understand was why she believed that he had changed and would suddenly make a good husband.
“Thank you,” Eva said and I murmured the same.
It was an uncomfortable dinner and I missed Connor. I pulled my phone from my purse to check if he had texted me. Nothing.
“Are you still with the nice boyfriend I found at your place?” my mother asked.
“Yes,” I said, my face heating up.
“He seems like a nice young man. Have you met him, Jeremy?” my mother said.
“No I haven’t but I’m sure we’ll meet soon.” Jeremy winked at me.
Awkward silences filled the table as we ate. We were a family only in name. Too many years had passed by for us to bridge the gap that had sprouted between us. Jeremy tried and so did mother. Eva and I didn’t make an effort and after a while, neither did dad.
When it was time to leave, we were all relieved to part ways. I got a ride home with Jeremy and Eva.
“Well, that was awkward,” Eva said from the front passenger seat.
“Tell me about it,” I said.
“I think it went well for a first-time dinner after so many years,” Jeremy said, ever the optimist.
Eva and I didn’t respond. I hopped out when we got to my building and waved goodbye. The first thing I did was check my phone for a missed call or a message. Crushing disappointment came over me.
What was Connor doing that he couldn’t call or text? I inhaled deeply and told myself to calm down. There was a perfectly good reason why he hadn’t texted. I was too tightly wound up to sleep so I changed into comfortable shorts and a t-shirt and went to the studio to work.
Soon I was lost in my work and all my worries over Connor had disappeared from my mind. I worked for a solid two hours and when I went to bed, I was tired enough to fall asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.
The following morning, I woke up with a new resolution. I was not going to spend the day sneaking glances at my phone to check if Connor had texted. In fact, I wasn’t going to check my phone before showering and getting ready for the day.
Feeling good about myself, I padded to the bathroom and got into the shower. Without warning, my mind wandered to Connor. It was six and the conference program was starting at eight. Was he still asleep or was he checking his email messages on the phone as he did every morning?
If he was on his phone, why then hadn’t he texted me? Then I remembered that I hadn’t checked my phone. A frantic feeling came over me. My phone was on silent mode. What if he had tried calling me and was now sick with worry?
I quickly rinsed off the soap from my body and grabbed a towel. Before I was completely dry, I hurried back into my room and grabbed my phone.
I stared at it in disbelief. Nothing. Not a message and not a missed call. Unable to help myself, I found Connor’s number and hit call. It went straight to voice mail.
I desperately needed to hear his voice. I dressed quickly and grabbed my phone again. I found the hotel number and called. Knowing the privacy issues most hotels had with regards to their guests, I quickly contorted a story why I didn’t have his room number.
I was lucky. The woman who answered the phone spoke hurriedly with a touch of urgency. She couldn’t wait to get off the call and she quickly put me through to Connor’s room.
Relief surged through me when the phone rang. My face relaxed and I even managed a smile in anticipation of hearing his voice. I should have just called or texted him the previous night instead of torturing myself waiting for him to make the first move.
He was my boyfriend and I had a right to get in touch with him.
The ringing sound stopped as the phone was answered.
“Connor?”
“Hello, who is it?” a female husky voice said.
My heart beat like a drum in my chest. “This is Bianca.”
I inhaled deeply. It was clearly a mistake of room numbers getting mixed up. There was no way Connor had a woman in his room. He wouldn’t, would he? Then I remembered the previous night, when I’d waited for him to text or call and he did neither. A sick feeling came over me.
Connor wouldn’t do that, a small voice in my head said. How long had I known him for to speak with conviction over what he would or wouldn’t do? My hands shook so badly, I thought I would drop the phone.
“Hold on,” she said in a voice of someone who was still in bed. She held the phone away but I could still hear her voice. “Connor honey?”
My breath froze. This was not happening to me. A sob rose up my throat and I clamped a hand on my mouth to stem it. I couldn’t speak to him. What was there to say? I disconnected the call and sank on my bed.
Pain rumbled through me. What kind of sick game was Connor playing? If he didn’t want to be with me, all he had to do was say so. I wasn’t forcing him to be in a relationship with me. I trusted him for fucksake! How could he do something so cruel? I wrapped my hands around myself and rocked back and forth. It felt as if someone had ripped my heart out of my chest.
How was it possible to be so happy in one moment and so devastated in the next? I should have known that it wouldn’t work. I had bad luck when it came to relationships. Except that Connor had seemed so different, so grounded.
The ache in my chest became a stabbing pain. I lay on the bed and curled myself into a fe
tal position. Then the sobs came, wracking my body. I thought the pain would never stop but when my tears ended, the pain was less.
A key sounded on the door. I quickly scrambled to my feet and hurried to the bathroom to clean my face. Back in the bedroom, I applied some make up with shaky hands.
By the time I went to the studio, Eva was already there with our mugs of coffee. She looked up from her computer.
“Are you wearing make up?” she said. “Wait a minute, were you crying?”
Just that was enough to get me crying again. I lost control and bawled like a baby. Eva jumped to her feet and in a second, she was by my side, with her arm draped around me.
“Tell me, what happened?” she said.
The whole story came tumbling out amid fresh tears. I visualized Connor with another woman in his arms and it felt as if I had fallen into a deep, dark hole.
“Bastard,” she said ferociously. “He fooled all of us. He’d better not show his gorgeous face here again.”
I giggled amidst my tears. “You can’t call a cheater gorgeous.”
Eva hugged me tightly. “I’m sorry sweetheart,” she said. “We’ll get through this.”
“I’m a fool,” I said. I’d given away my heart to Connor so fast without taking the time to know him.
“No, you’re not. You just want love just like everyone else,” Eva said.
Connor
I’d been trying to get hold of Bianca all of the previous day and that morning. On the flight, a cold feeling of dread had settled in the pit of my stomach. What if something had happened to her? I wasn’t a person who behaved irrationally and I didn’t want to go down that road.
“Give my proposal some thought,” Samantha said as she entered her car. She had offered me a ride home but I’d lied and told her a friend was picking me up.
“I will,” I said just to be rid of her. I desperately wanted to be on my way.
She finally entered her car and I banged the door shut after her. I requested an Uber and it appeared in minutes. I’d given Bianca’s address and thankfully the traffic wasn’t so bad. I got there in twenty minutes flat. It was eleven in the morning and if she was home, she was busy at work in the studio.
I rang her buzzer but no one answered. The feeling of dread came back in full force. I got my apartment keys and found hers in the bunch. I let myself into the building and rode the elevator up. My mouth tasted of bile as a thousand thoughts raced through my brain.
I took a deep breath and inserted the key but before I could twist it, the door flew open. It took several seconds to tell that the person standing there was Eva, not Bianca. She didn’t look happy to see me. As a matter of fact, she reminded me of the time I came to pick up Bianca to go to Colorado with me.
“Hey Eva,” I said, attempting a smile.
She folded her arms across her chest. “What do you want?”
“What?” I said. What the fuck was going on? “I want to see Bianca. I’ve just got back from San Francisco and I’ve come here straight from the airport.”
“She doesn’t want to see you. Ever. In fact, her exact words were, ‘tell him to go to hell’.”
I shook my head. “I don’t get it. Why would she say that? Have I done something wrong?”
“Of course not Connor! You’re the perfect boyfriend, aren’t you? What are you worried about then?” Eva said, in a voice dripping with sarcasm. Then she changed her tone. “Just go, will you? Bianca is done with you and with men in general. She doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you. Please go. You’ve done enough damage. Please.”
It was her pleading tone that did it. I stepped back. “Fine, I’ll go.”
“Wait!” Eva said. “Give me the key.”
I twisted it from my key holder and gave it to her.
Eva being Eva banged the door shut with more force than necessary. I stood staring at the door before I roused myself and walked back to the elevator. What had happened back there?
Eva’s words rang in my mind. She doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you.
If that was the case, why couldn’t Bianca tell me herself? Why behave as if we were enemies. None of it made sense and no matter how hard I tried to reason it out, I simply didn’t know what was going on.
I grabbed an Uber to my apartment. As soon as I got in my apartment, my cell phone rang and my hope rose. Maybe it was Bianca with an explanation. I reached for my phone and glanced at the screen. My sister. I didn’t want to speak to anyone who wasn’t Bianca.
I answered. “Hey, what’s up?”
“Hi big bro! Just checking on you,” she said.
I paced my living room, impatience grabbing me by the throat. “I’m good thanks.”
“No you’re not,” Sarah said. “How’s Bianca?”
My impatience exploded. “You’re going to have to ask her that question since she won’t answer my calls or come to her door.” I could have punched myself for blurting out all that to Sarah.
“She’s not talking to you?”
“No and she won’t say why. Her sister said that she’s done with me and she doesn’t want to be in a relationship,” I snapped. It wasn’t Sarah’s fault and I felt bad for snapping at her.
“You’re not telling me the whole story. You must have done something Connor,” she said.
“I didn’t. How could I when I just got back today from a two day conference.”
“Conference? So you were out of town?”
“Yes,” I said.
“Who were you with?” she said.
“Samantha. My boss. The one I was telling you about.”
“The one who’s been hitting on you,” Sarah said.
“The very same.” There was something about my sister that made me tell her things even when I hadn’t planned to. I found myself telling her about the room situation.
“That must be it you idiot! She must have found out somehow,” Sarah said.
My blood went cold. “No, she couldn’t have. How would she have found out?”
“I don’t know but I can bet a year’s salary that she found out.”
I groaned. Sarah seemed so sure. The more I also thought about it, the more I started to believe it. Nothing else made any sense. We had been on good terms when I left. “You might be right.”
“You have to talk to her, explain why you made the stupid decision to sleep in the same hotel room as you boss. Men are so stupid!”
“Yeah, I get the point.” I had another problem. “She’s not going to let me into her apartment. And Eva asked me for the key back.”
“I love that woman. When I become a millionaire, remind me to hire her as my bodyguard.”
“Sarah!”
“Okay. Back on track. You can’t get into her apartment building? Then use your creativity! That’s what you do all day at work right?”
Bianca
I had done the right thing in sending Connor away. So why did I feel so horrible. I should have done it myself though, not sent Eva to do my dirty deed for me. Maybe even let him know that I knew and hear what he had to say about it.
“Your concentration is shit!” Eva said and then quickly added. “Understandably so.”
“I can’t help wishing I’d spoken to him myself,” I said feeling teary. “Get some kind of closure.”
“Let’s go out for lunch. You need to get out of this apartment and your own head,” Eva said.
It did feel as if the air in my apartment was stifled. “Yeah, let’s go. Give me a few minutes to change into some decent clothes.”
God, I missed him. I felt twenty years older as I changed into decent pants and a blouse. As if all my energy had been sucked out of me. Was it possible to be with a man every day for months and not know that side of him?
Snippets of our conversations came to me.
If I was tired of a woman, I’d simply tell her. I’m not a cheater.
He had said that with so much conviction that I’d believed him. What about the year I ha
d known him? Those evenings when he, Mathew and Tony came to the cocktail bar? He had never come with a date or hit on other women even though his girlfriend was never there.
But what other explanation could there be for a man having a woman in his room at half past six in the morning?
Eva and I left the apartment shortly after and walked down the block to the salad bar that was part bakery. Delicious smells wafted up my nose and my belly growled as we entered. It was nice to lose myself in picking the biggest sandwich I could find.
“This is nice,” I said to Eva as we sat down. I stared at her sandwich and whistled. “And I thought mine was gigantic.”
She looked at me sheepishly then patted her rounded belly. “It’s the baby who is hungry.”
“How is she doing in there?” I said.
“She’s good,” Eva said and then told me about her last visit with her doctor.
From the corner of my eye, I saw Connor enter the sandwich bar. I whipped around and half stood. “Conno—” I sat back down. It wasn’t Connor. Feeling Eva’s stare I turned to her. “I thought it was Connor.”
Eva looked at me like I’d lost my mind. “He doesn’t even look like Connor.”
I swallowed hard. “He has the same color hair.”
Eva shook her head. “Let’s eat before you see another Connor. I have a feeling this will happen again and again.”
We ate but I did keep checking the door, which was stupid because Connor didn’t frequent this salad bar. It was a relief to finish eating and leave. Outside, couples holding hands were everywhere and it wasn’t even a weekend.
When we left for lunch, I’d desperately needed to leave my apartment and now, I desperately needed to be home. As we strolled down the street and then turned a corner, a food truck was reversing near my apartment block.
“What the heck is that?” Eva said.
“What?” I asked. She was still staring at the truck. I trained my eyes on it and saw large wordings on the back of it. Then a man got out of the passenger side. He looked like Connor but I was too embarrassed to say it aloud.