by Ford, Mia
And my mouth never does. It gets me in to far more trouble than it should.
“Alexa Martin, you stop right where you are.” I do as he commands, much as this irritates me. “I do not expect to be spoken to like that from you. Never. I let you get away with so much…”
“Get away with?” Anger flashes through me. “You don’t let me get away with anything. You take whatever opportunity you can to belittle my choices just because they don’t quite fit your view…”
“I am not getting into this with you again.” His hands rest on his hips. This means business. “That is not what this conversation is about. I’m talking to you about a simple dinner tonight. A dinner with one of my friends. I am simply asking that you scrub up nice and behave. Do not embarrass me.”
“If I embarrass you so much, then maybe it will be better if I’m not there.”
“You are being ridiculous. I want you there. I just want you to behave, is that so hard?”
I already know where this will go, I have had this same argument a million times, and today I don’t really have the heart for it. My father is the Admiral, he never loses, and as long as I am under his roof, I need to just deal with it. It’s very fucking annoying, but I might as well just give in now.
“Fine, Dad.” I give him a sickly sweet fake smile. “What would you like me to wear?”
“Oh, don’t be so stupid. I’m not going to tell you what to wear.” He pulls out his cell phone and starts typing rapidly, ending the conversation in an incredibly hypocritical way… not that he will see that. “Just wear something that doesn’t make you look like you have just arrived from the homeless shelter.”
“Just because I’m in sweat pants, doesn’t mean they aren’t fancy…”
“Don’t get me started on the amount that you spend on clothes. That job isn’t good for you. You spend more in that store than you make each week. It’s crazy. So, if that’s something you want to talk about…”
“I’ll see you later on.” I carry on up the stairs, sulking like a sullen teenager. “Call me down for dinner.”
“You’re going to be in your pit until then? Fine, I would rather prefer you be there than out somewhere without me knowing when you’re going to come back. I don’t want you to mess up tonight.”
I would think that it’s someone important coming over for a meal tonight, but he acts like this whenever it’s anyone from work. He has to give off an impression like he has his whole life together. It’s as if he thinks that my behavior would impact on the way that people see him at work. Like I’m not allowed my own life. My own personality. The worst thing is I think his impression might be right. His friends all seem as judgy as him.
I grab my cell phone again as soon as I lock myself away in my room and I call the one person who I really think gets me. Rebecca. She was my BFF in high school and is one of the only other people who stuck around in this place. Everyone else left for college and jobs, but we didn’t want to go anywhere. I love her.
“Hey, bitch!” she cries with a giggle as she answers. “What’s going on?”
“Urgh, just my dad being a dick again.” I flop on the bed and roll on to my front. “So, no change there.”
“He is a douche bag, isn’t he? And I know for a fact that he doesn’t like me.”
“No, he thinks you are a bad influence on me, Rebecca. Can you imagine?”
“Me?” she exclaims, as if this is a shock to her. “You’re the bad influence.”
“I know, right?” I rake my fingers through my hair and laugh. If anything, she always finds a way to make me feel better when things are shit. “He has another one of his boring mates coming over for dinner tonight, so I have to dress and act like a lady. You know how much I hate that! It’s going to suck.”
“Too bad all his mates are old and boring. Otherwise it could be fun.”
I know what she’s thinking and the idea makes me blanche. “No, they are too terrible for words.”
“Shame. That would be a way to make it more interesting. Instead, you’ll just have to drink some good wine and get the hell through it. Then tomorrow night, we should hit up that new club to help you recover.”
“New club? What’s that? I haven’t heard of it.”
“It used to be The Ivy, but someone else has taken it over and called it something else. I can’t remember what though. Maybe The Bell? I don’t know, something shit like that. But it’s supposed to be amazing.”
I sigh and roll over onto my back. “Yes! That sounds amazing. I need a night out, it’s been ages.”
“It was last weekend, you freak!” she laughs. “But I know what you mean. I need it too. I have broken up with Dwayne and I need to find someone new. You know, to help me get over him.”
“You weren’t even with Dwayne, were you? I thought it was all casual.”
“Yes, and now it’s over so I need to move on. Obviously.”
“God, you make me laugh,” I reply smilingly. “So, what happened?”
“He was shit in bed, that’s all. I got bored of him.”
That sounds like my high school boyfriend, the only person I have ever really been with. In a relationship anyway. I loved him so much that I didn’t really know any better, but since he dumped me and left for college, I now know that he wasn’t worth it anyway. The next person I’m in a relationship with needs to blow my mind.
That’s why I prefer casual dating, like Rebecca. And like her, I always get what I want.
“Of course! Well that calls for a good night out then, doesn’t it?” I agree. “It will be fun.”
“Well, just think about it to get you through tonight. And as always, good luck with your dad and Mr. Boring.”
I was going to need it if I wanted to get through it with my head screwed on.
* * *
“Alexa, dinner!” I can tell from my dad’s kinder tone of voice that his guest is here. The show has begun.
I roll my eyes and yell back that I’m on my way. Then I check my reflection in the mirror. The navy blue dress shows off my slim figure in a way that won’t annoy my father, my bright blonde hair is scraped back in a very sensible looking pony tail, and my bright blue eyes are sparkling. He isn’t going to get better than this.
“Right, just do this,” I tell myself determinedly in the mirror. “Think about tomorrow. It will be a lot of fun.”
A sense of trepidation overcomes me as I walk down the stairs. I feel a bit like I’m heading into the lion’s den and there isn’t any way to escape. But I roll my shoulders back and I jut my chin out to look confident. I can fake it until I make it in that department. Wine will help me in that department.
“Ah, Alexa, you’re here,” my dad says warmly. “Reece, this is my daughter, Alexa.”
Holy shit! As soon as I meet the piercing green eyes of my dad’s guest, my heart skips a beat. He isn’t what I was expecting at all. He isn’t an old, boring looking guy. He’s young. Maybe thirty years old, and he’s hot too! He has a strong, muscular body, short brown hair, and a friendly looking face. He’s taller than me too, which is rare since I’m almost six foot. And I do love a man who’s taller than me.
“Hello, Reece.” Maybe tonight isn’t going to be so bad after all. “Nice to meet you.”
I let my eyes sparkle at him, I show him my predator side, I can’t seem to help myself. A part of me already wants him, and since I always get what I want, it doesn’t matter how complicated this could get with him working for my dad. But he darts his eyes away as if I’m of no interest to him at all. Well, that’s okay. I won’t let that stop me. I’ll have him eating out of the palm of my hand soon enough.
“Yeah, hi. Alexa, is it?” he asks, distractedly. “It’s good to meet you too.”
Oh, you have no idea how good. But you will, I think wickedly. You will!
Chapter Three
Reece
Urgh, that was a nightmare. I don’t know why I even agreed to it actually. Spending the evening with the ever uptig
ht Admiral and his bratty daughter was never going to be fun, was it? I should have just said no. But of course, I couldn’t say no because he helped me out so much. In my hour of need, he basically saved my life.
When I lost Christine, I thought that the whole world was ending. I didn’t know what the hell to do. But the most important thing at the top of that list was Oliver, my son. I needed him to be protected no matter what, and with my wife no longer in this world, I didn’t know what I could do. Sure, I have a nanny, but I couldn’t ask someone to look after him for most of his life. He needs his family. He needs me.
Well, he needs his mother really, but of course, that isn’t possible. Unfortunately.
So, I went to the Admiral with my head in my hands and I begged. He could see that I was at my lowest ebb and he assisted me in the best way possible. He got me a desk job at home, so I could be near my child to help raise him, and he assisted me with finding Valencia, the nanny, as well. I don’t know what I would have done without him. My head was all over the place, I couldn’t have done it alone…
Even a year later, I don’t know how I would get that all sorted without him. My head is in a better place now, I am doing okay, but still I am terribly gratefully for the way that he stuck his neck out for me.
So, I guess whenever he invites me to dinner, I will be there, irrespective if his daughter is annoying or not. I came from nothing, I always had to take care of myself, so seeing someone have everything and not even appreciate it, it irritates me. Alexa really is one of those people who only cares about how she looks and how many parties she has. Her father might try to act otherwise, and make her appear that way in front of other people, but I can see through it all. There’s no tricking me. She is bad news, not someone I want to waste an evening with.
And it doesn’t matter that she’s beautiful, because she knows it. She uses that to her advantage. I honestly think that if her father knew the truth about her, he would lose his shit. He’s usually a very observant person, so he must not see it purely because he doesn’t want to. It’s easier for him, I’m sure.
I shake my head as I step into my car, trying to block the whole evening out. The food was good, but the company was terrible. I would have rather spent the evening alone at home with my boy. That’s what I focus on all the way home, how wonderful it will be to be with Oliver again. I don’t know if I’m the father I dreamed I might be. I try, but parenting is hard. I also assumed then that I would have my wife by my side, so doing it alone is different. Still, I’m providing for him, I think he’s as happy as any one year old boy can be…
At least, that’s what I’d like to think, until I get back home again. I can hear the crying from all the way out here. He sounds terribly distressed, bless him. It’s a sound that bursts right through me, aching my soul. I need to stop it right away. I don’t know how Valencia sits right through it. It doesn’t seem to bother her at all.
I unlock the door and burst right through it, desperation coursing through my veins. I find Valencia sitting at the kitchen table, reading a magazine, without a care in the world. It irritates me actually. I don’t like to be annoyed by someone who has been around for the past ten months, but she does wind me up.
She doesn’t care about Oliver, I think spitefully to myself. Not like Christine would have done.
It doesn’t matter how many times I tell myself that. Of course, she doesn’t, since she isn’t his mother but I still get these bursts of anger towards her. It takes all that I have to stuff it down and push it away.
“Hi, Valencia,” I spit out. “I’m just going to check on Oliver, okay?”
She barely even looks up to acknowledge me, which only riles me up further. If I had any energy at all, I would fire her and find someone else myself, but the whole process just sounds exhausting. Especially since Valencia lives in with us so she’s always around for my son. That will be hard to replace. I can’t face it.
No, the situation is fine. There isn’t anything to worry about. I’m just extra annoyed today because I’ve had a long day at my desk job - which I’m grateful for, but isn’t what I signed up to be in the Navy for - followed by that terrible night. It isn’t Valencia’s fault. And she has been around for a long time. There’s no point in causing even more upheaval in Oliver’s life. I’m sure he’s mixed up enough as it is.
I bound up the stairs two at a time, and soon feel that flood of relief and love when I spot my son. He has the same raven colored hair and eyes as his mother, making me miss her even more. If only they had spotted the underlying heart condition sooner, they could have treated her, maybe, been even more careful while giving birth. I do try not to get caught up in ‘what if’s’ because the past can’t be changed now, but it isn’t always easy.
“Hey there, little man,” I coo as I pick my crying boy up. “What’s the matter, hey? Is it more teeth?”
He doesn’t answer me, not that he really has all of the words yet, he just leans his head against my shoulder and calms himself down a little bit. This is all he needs, just to know that someone is there.
“I’m here now, baby boy, you don’t need to worry anymore. I’m here for you.”
I pace the room with him, feeling him falling asleep against me, and I stop when I get to the picture of Christine. Even though I’m sure that he can’t understand me yet, I like to tell him stories about her, just so that he knows all about her when he grows up. I don’t want him to ever think that I’ve forgotten about her.
“You know, I met your mom when I was nineteen years old. I had come home on leave for a while, and I was out with Cody. We were just having a drink at the local bar, and I spotted her across the room.” A smile spreads across my lips. “She was dancing with her friends, and I was immediately struck by how beautiful she was.” A sigh comes out of my mouth. “I was fascinated with her, right away. I wanted to get to know her. Of course, I didn’t think that she would want to get to know me, because I wasn’t around much. I was with the Navy a lot. Working. But she did. She wanted to get to know me and our romance blossomed from there.”
I gulp my feelings down then, not wanting to show the sadness that encompasses me. Oliver doesn’t need to feel that. But it hits me hard as I share this with him. Maybe we should have known this would happen. After all, Caroline lost her mom just after she was born, and her father died of a heart condition later on in life. I never associated that before, but maybe there was nothing that we ever could have done to help her.
My parents aren’t around anymore either, but for a different reason. They left the country to live in Europe long ago. I’m not even sure where they are these days; Italy, I think?
“Anyway, it er, it sounds like you’re asleep now, little man, so let me lie you back down.”
When he’s asleep, that’s when I feel most alone. That’s when I miss having someone. I don’t have anyone to talk to, to share my life with, to gain any comfort from. I am lonely, and it sucks. Cody keeps telling me that I need to move on, that it’s time to find someone else, and I wonder if he’s right…
I don’t know if I’m ready or not. It’s a giant, scary step to take, but I will have to eventually. I can’t be on my own forever now, can I? It will slowly drive me insane. I’m not built to be by myself.
Once Oliver is down, I grab out my cell phone and I put in a call to Cody. Anything to avoid seeing Valencia again. I’m just not in the mood for her face right now. It’s better if I just keep out of the way.
“Hey, mate,” he says with a smile in his voice. “How’s it going?”
“Yeah good, although I’ve just had a night with the Admiral and his daughter.”
“Urgh, that sounds awful!” Cody gets it. He’s heard me moan enough. “You need to blow off some steam.”
“Hmm, you might be right about that one. I am feeling a bit… restless.”
“Ooh, that sounds promising. Like maybe you’re finally ready for a big blow out.”
“Big blow out?” I ask questioningly. “
What exactly do you mean by that?”
“You know, a big blow out where you go wild and have some fun. I do think you need it after the year you have had. I’ve been wanting to ask you about one for ages, but you haven’t seemed ready. I think you might be now though. I think it’s finally time. We should head out to that new club tomorrow night.”
“Club?” I groan back. “Don’t you think we’re too old to go to a club?”
“You aren’t even thirty years old yet. Don’t be so ridiculous. If anyone needs a night in a club, it’s you.”
I have a feeling that I’m not going to get out of this easily… and I don’t think I want to either. I can groan and moan about it all I like, but I do need to start getting back out into the real world somehow. It’s what Christine would have wanted anyway. She wouldn’t want me miserable and sad. Not a chance. And maybe a night club will be more fun than I think. It might actually be a laugh. It’ll be better than tonight anyway.
“Okay fine, why not?” I sigh. “Let’s do it.”
“That’s awesome, mate. I love that. It’s going to be epic. Why not come to mine at eight?”
“Eight? That seems a bit early if we’re going clubbing.”
“Pre drinks, dude.” He laughed loudly. “How long have you been out of the game?”
“Too long.” I shook my head and laughed, but then a horror filled thought struck me. “I don’t want you to expect too much of me. I will do my best though.”
“I know, I know, you’ve been through a lot. But we’ll make this good, don’t you worry about that.”
“Okay great, well I will see you tomorrow then.”
“Looking forward to it already. See ya.”
“Goodbye, Cody. See you soon.”
My heart pounded as I hung up the phone, I wasn’t sure if that was a mistake or not. I prayed it wasn’t. I did need something to go my way for a change, to get me out of this rut. I hoped this would be it.