by Ford, Mia
Chapter Sixteen
Alexa
The music is so loud that it racks my bones. I can almost feel myself rattling with each and every beat, which is good. I need this volume to attempt to shut my brain off. I can’t seem to stop thinking about Reece, no matter what I do, no matter how much I drink, so I’m hoping that dancing and having the bones in my body shattering will do the damn trick. I need that face out of my mind if I’m going to really enjoy myself.
Rebecca says something to me and I nod and laugh even though I have no idea what she’s saying. Even if she leaned right up and spoke in to my ear, I don’t think I’d be able to make out any of the words.
I’m having fun, I try my hardest to convince myself. I am, this is what I like to do.
But even as I shake my hips in time to the music, the empty hole in my chest doesn’t fill. I don’t feel right, like this is where I belong. I’m pretty sure everyone can tell how little fun I’m having…
Although maybe not this guy. As he grinds up against my butt, trying to wrap his hands around me, I realize that I’m out. I can’t do this, I can’t be in a place where guys… boys, think that it’s okay to touch me in an unwelcome way. I have to make it clear every single time that I’m out, and it’s so annoying.
Urgh, I miss Reece. That thought pops unhelpfully in to my brain. I would rather be with him than here.
Even after the way that he over reacted at my house, even knowing that we shouldn’t ever see one another again, I can’t help but want him. I yearn for him badly. Maybe even worse than before.
As Rebecca flirts with who I assume is her new victim, and he smiles and laughs like I was only moments before, I make my escape. Even though the chances of us meeting in the same place twice is very unlikely, there’s still a teeny tiny glimmer of hope, and while that’s there, I want to harness it. I don’t even know what I’ll say if I do see him, it’s definitely going to be awkward, but he’s worth it. I know that he’s worth the risk… I just need to find a way to make him see that I am as well. Or I could be, if he’d let me. Just no more pushing the limits, kissing him in my father’s house where I guess it would be awful if we got caught. I suppose, if I think about it sensibly, it’s hit job on the line, which is his home and his son’s life as well. I shouldn’t be selfish.
I decide to call him. Even if he doesn’t answer, I need to give it a try. So, I pull my cell phone from my bag and I head towards the exit. Only I don’t quite make it before I realize that I have a missed call. From him.
This is good, I think to myself excitedly. This means that he wants to speak to me too.
Hope blooms like a flower in my chest and I push myself even harder, but it’s hard. This place is so busy tonight. Busier than the last time that I was here. I’m pretty sure that it’s too busy, they have over crowded the place. I really need to get out before I get crushed as well as everything else.
“He’s calling again!” I cry out excitedly, my voice getting lost in the music. “I need to answer. Hello?”
I can’t hear him. Even as I press my finger in the other ear, I can’t hear him. I try yelling out his name over and over again, but I don’t know if he can hear my voice either. I try to get out, but the crowds won’t let me. It’s almost as if the world is pushing back against me, trying to stop us from getting together.
“I’m coming, Reece. I’m going to come to you. To see you. So, we can talk face to face. I will get out of this nightmare and come to yours now. I think… yeah, I think that might be for the best.”
I don’t know if that message gets through, but I have to hope that it does. I hang up the phone and make sure I get through the crowds. I duck and dive, even pushing some of the time, to make sure I find the exit. The moment I do, I gasp in so much air I finally start to feel back to normal. A least, sort of.
Alexa: Hey, Rebecca, I had to get out of there. Too crowded. See you soon. Love ya xx
I don’t get a reply and I don’t expect to. I’m sure she has her tongue half the way down some guy’s throat by now. She really isn’t bothered what I’m doing, which leaves me with absolutely no guilt whatsoever as I flag down a ca and I reel off Reece’s address. I don’t know what I’ll find at his house, what mood he’s going to be in, but I need to find out. If there’s even the slightest chance of this working out.
Should I text him? I wonder as the car speeds along the road. Or should I leave it as a surprise?
It might not be a surprise anyway. Just because I didn’t hear him, doesn’t mean that he couldn’t hear me. He might be at home now, waiting for me to come. With that delicious smile on his face…
I lean against the window, grinning to myself as I think about him. He makes me happy in a way that no other guy ever could. The deep thrill in my body when I even think about him says it all.
I throw some notes at the driver as he pulls up outside Reece’s home, and I leap out the car. My excitement to see him completely overshadows everything else. I don’t even care if I look totally uncool. I race to the door and knock quietly against it, still aware through all the happiness that Valencia might be there. She would seriously kill the mood right now. Her bitchy face smirking as she catches me out.
No one comes. Not Valencia, not Reece. I peer through the glass and wait, but my impatience gets the better of me. Perhaps he didn’t hear me after all and he doesn’t know that I’m coming… although as I turn the door knob experimentally, it does open which suggests he is happy for me to just walk inside. Right?
Everything pounds with fear as I tip toe through the house. Without Reece here, it isn’t funny, just terrifying. The idea that I could so easily be caught really gets to me. Perhaps this is how Reece felt earlier, all night throughout the dinner, which is why he over reacted and panicked when he thought my dad had seen us…
“Reece?” I whisper as I peer into his bedroom. “Reece, are you here?”
He doesn’t answer and his bedroom is empty. The sheets on his bed have been moved around, he’s obviously been in the bed at some point, but he isn’t there now. I hope he hasn’t gone out to look for me…
“Reece? If you aren’t in then I’m just going to leave, okay?”
I notice the small whimpers of a baby crying. Not hysterically, but there’s a sadness there. I remember Reece telling me that Valencia doesn’t do anything with Oliver at night, which means he might be with his boy. I know he isn’t ready for me to meet his child yet, which is absolutely fair enough, but I could just pop my head in and let him know that I’m here, couldn’t I? It feels a bit weird being here without him knowing.
I curl my fingers around the door frame of what I presume is the nursery, and I slowly peep around. There I find Reece with a young boy in his arms. He looks like a completely different person with his child. Softer, sweeter, yet more predatory as well. Like he would rip the head off anyone who tried to hurt his son.
Wow. My heart skips about ten beats. I thought this sight would be scary. I assumed it would remind me of commitment and responsibility, but my womb aches with need. He looks even better like this. I actually clutch my hands to my chest, a warmth over coming me. All I want to do is hold him tight…
“Oh.” His eyes widen in surprise as he spins and sees me. “Alexa, you’re here.”
“Yes, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come in uninvited. I just thought that you might have heard me on the phone… and then the door was unlocked and I just wanted to come in and speak to you. I’m sorry.”
“No, it’s okay.” He gives me a genuine smile. “I’m glad that you’re here. Let me just get Oliver down…”
“Sure, I’ll be in your room, waiting for you…”
“Sounds good. I’ll try not to be too long. Oliver must be tired soon.”
“No, no. You take as long as you need. You can’t force this little man to sleep when he doesn’t want to.”
I glance my eyes down to the baby, who’s staring at me with fascination. I smile at him, almost as an automatic reaction
, and he grins back at me. The sight of this lovely little lad, who looks so much like his father it’s incredible, smiling at me makes me melt in to a puddle. He’s absolutely adorable.
“Hello, little guy,” I coo. “How are you doing? Up late. Bit of a party animal, are you?”
Oliver reaches out for my finger then and I give it to him willingly. As he curls those small little fingers around my one big one, I feel a big shift in me. There’s a love for this little lad that I didn’t know was possible.
“Oh, you are just lovely, aren’t you?” I continue. “Even if you are trouble for your dad.”
He reaches his arms out to me then, as if he wants to hug me. I kinda want that too, but I have to look at Reece for permission. This is his child after all, and he didn’t exactly want us to meet.
“Do you want to?” he asks, with shining eyes.
“I do.” I gulp fearfully. I do but I don’t know if I’m ready for it yet. “Yeah, I do.”
He shifts Oliver’s weight and hands him to me. I’m scared as all hell, worried about so many things. The boy might decide that he hates me once he’s in my arms, I could drop him, Reece could scream at me… but somehow, none of that happens. Oliver wraps his arms around me and he giggles sweetly.
“Oh wow, he seems to really like you,” Reece observes. “He usually takes a little longer to get used to people.”
“He does?” I smile at Oliver. “Well, I’m glad that you like me, sweetheart. Because I like you too. A lot actually, you’re really sweet. The most handsome little guy that I’ve ever seen. Even better than your daddy.”
I bounce him up and down on my hip and sing a little song to him. I didn’t even think that I could remember any nursery rhymes, but it seems that I have one buried right down inside of me. Oliver continues to laugh as I sing, he has a smile on his face the entire time, and I can’t help but notice that Reece is grinning too.
This is going so well, I think with glee. So much better than I ever could have hoped.
Chapter Seventeen
Reece
I’m absolutely blown away. Watching Alexa with my boy is something else. She really is incredible. I don’t know what I was thinking earlier, I went right back to judging her for no reason whatsoever. I hurt her, no wonder she went out with her friend to blow off some steam, because it’s utterly clear to me now that I was a douche bag.
“He’s happier with you than I have ever seen him be with Valencia,” I comment idly. “I think she might actually make him really miserable. I’m sure that it was a mistake hiring her.”
“I’ll say.” She rolls her eyes and laughs. “I wouldn’t be happy with her either.”
“Dare I ask?” I joke. “Some long running feud between the pair of you?”
“Not so much. More she just really hates me for some reason and I don’t much care for her.”
She shrugs, proving that it isn’t really a big deal which is probably for the best. I don’t need to add more drama to my already very dramatic life. Instead, I would much prefer to watch Alexa make my boy smile. She seems to have a real knack with him that I haven’t seen anyone else have. He adores her. I can see it in his loving gaze towards her. I was scared about this moment, I probably would have put it off forever, never making it happen because I’m not sure how serious me and Alexa can ever be, but I’m glad it’s happened now. This is so nice!
“I always thought that Oliver wasn’t happy because his mother wasn’t around, but now I’m wondering if it is Valencia. I mean, when I see her, she isn’t doing much with him, but what’s happening when I’m not around?”
“Are you thinking of firing her? Because I personally do think that she’s a very toxic person.”
“Hmm, yeah, I guess so. It’s something that I’ve been considering for a while now. I just haven’t gotten around to it, because hiring another live in nanny will be a nightmare. I’d ask you, if your heart didn’t lie in fashion.”
“Oh, and I would love to as well.” She plays a little peek a boo with him and Oliver loves it. “But I don’t think I’m exactly qualified for the job. You probably want someone a little better than me.”
As she says those words, all I can think is that as far as I can see, there isn’t anyone better in the whole damn world than her. Qualified or not, I would hire her in an instant… but this situation is already complicated enough.
“I’m sure I will work it out anyway. And when I do, I hope I get someone who actually cares about my son. Who puts him first, because he’s already been through enough. He doesn’t need a shitty nanny as well.”
“I agree. I had a nanny for a little while when I was younger because I didn’t have my mom around and my dad was at work a lot, so I know how important it is to have one that cares about you. It makes such a difference.”
I almost forgot that Alexa has that understanding. She knows even better than I do what Oliver is experiencing, or will experience as he grows older anyway. If - and I’m not saying that this will definitely be the case - but if she was still to be around when he was older… well that could only be helpful, couldn’t it?
“Yep, you’ve convinced me. I definitely need to do something about it. Maybe I will start the process in the morning.” I sigh heavily, knowing this won’t be an easy task. “That should be a laugh.”
“Oh, don’t worry about it too much. And I’m not just saying this because I’m not keen on her. If she isn’t doing her job properly, then she shouldn’t be getting paid for it. You could do better.”
Somehow, through all of this conversation, Oliver manages to fall asleep in Alexa’s arms. I don’t know if she’s noticed or not, but she continues to rock him in an expert way regardless.
“Do you want me to take him from you?” I ask with a smile. “Lay him down.”
“Oh yeah, you better do that part. I don’t know if I’m ready for that just yet.”
She hands Oliver to me and I get him in to bed. I remain by his side for just a moment, stroking his cheek, checking that he doesn’t wake up again. Maybe some people would criticize me for going to him when he cries at night, I know that a lot of people believe in sleep training and leaving their children to cry so they can eventually self soothe, but that boy has already got enough to weep about. If I can comfort him, I will.
“Is that it now?” Alexa whispers. “Is he asleep?”
“I think so.” I nod at her. “Thanks to you, he wasn’t settling with me at all. I think that he could sense my stress and it was getting him all worked up. I don’t know what would have happened if you didn’t come.”
Not just to him, but to me as well. I’ve spent every second since leaving her home absolutely torturing myself. There would have been two males in this house not getting a single scrap of sleep.
“Come on, let’s go to my room. We can talk a little more there.”
I slip my fingers through hers, and thankfully, she doesn’t resist. Even though I’ve been an asshole and I’ve completely embarrassed myself, she’s still here, holding my hand. She still wants to know me which says a whole lot about her. This wonderful woman is worth so much more than she knows.
I actually think that Christine might approve… once she got to know Alexa, of course. At first, she would see the same thing that I did. A young hot airhead party girl who doesn’t really have a care in the world. But soon she would get to see what I do. That Alexa is mature and wonderful. With an inner beauty that matches and even surpasses her outer beauty. Once Christine saw her with our son, she would love her too.
What a shame that will never happen. They’ll never know each other.
“So, I’m sorry about today,” I announce the moment we get in to my room. “I know I was a complete idiot and I feel terrible. The dinner was just a bad plan. Especially because I knew that there was going to be some talk about my job as well. I was on edge before I even got to your house, so it just exploded…”
“No, I’m the one who should be sorry. I wasn’t understanding and I
should have been. Plus, you’re right. It was a risk to act that way when my father was in the house. I don’t know what I was thinking.”
We both perch on the edge of my bed, looking at one another intently. So many questions flow between us, I can see us both wondering what this means for us, but neither of us ask. We should figure it out, it would be smart to work out what our future holds before either of us dive in to this further, plunging our hearts even deeper in to something that could implode at any given moment, but neither of us speak. We’re scared to find out that it can’t work. I know I am, especially after seeing that little display with Oliver before.
I can’t lose her, I think determinedly. Not now anyway.
“You have a very handsome look when you’re thoughtful,” Alexa comments while gently touching my cheek. “I always think that when you furrow your brows like that. I always want to kiss you.”
Ah, now this is safe. This isn’t delving too deep in to anything about the future, which I can handle. So, I scoop my hands around her butt and I drag her to me. “Well, you can kiss me now if you want.”
She presses her lips lightly to mine, sending tingles all over my lips. I can already sense this isn’t going anywhere tonight, a kiss will be all that I get because we’re both emotionally exhausted from the long, roller coaster of a day, but the kiss is enough. It’s like a fire, or maybe fireworks, all over my face.
“I hope you know by now that I think you’re very beautiful too,” I say quietly. “All the time.”
“Oh yeah? Well not right now.” She laughs. “I didn’t exactly get dressed up for tonight.” I glance down, confused by her very fancy outfit. “Oh, I meant more that my hair is a mess and I have no makeup on.”
I kiss the tip of her nose lightly. “I think you look stunning, with or without make up. However, that lovely outfit doesn’t look like it’s the most comfortable to sleep in, so would you like a tee shirt?”