by Cara Carnes
“He threatened her. Told her to get us to back off.”
“Or?”
Dylan’s jaw twitched. Anger spiked within his face—red tinged his cheeks as his lips thinned, eyes flashing with unspent rage.
“Or?” Jesse repeated as he took a step forward.
“There’s video footage,” Dylan whispered. “We don’t know of what, but Ellie’s terrified of it getting out.”
“I should’ve killed Phil at the rest stop.” Jesse ran a hand through his hair and paced.
He’d known Ellie had been abused by her bastard ex-husband. Videos.
“We’ll find and destroy them, man. You know we’ve got her back on this,” Dylan said.
“Yeah. We’ll find and destroy them.” Jesse glanced back at the hall.
“Marshall, Nolan, and I have been thinking. We’d like to switch things up around here and expand operations,” Dylan said. “I have a proposition for you.”
“I’m listening.”
“The women need more help with strategic operations, and we need a full-time presence in training and skill development. We need operatives more diversified in field tactics than they are,” Dylan said. “You interested?”
“You want me out of the field.” Jesse fisted his hands and looked away. “I’ll get my shit under control.”
Silence ticked by as they faced off.
“First, I wasn’t aware your shit wasn’t under control. From what I’ve heard, you’re having nightmares and occasional flashbacks like we all have. If I benched every operative with those problems, we wouldn’t have anyone in the field,” Dylan said. “Second, this isn’t just for you.”
Ellie.
“She held it together well, but she’s not an operative or handler, man. You fought like hell to come home. I’m thinking it’s time we make it so you don’t have to leave.”
“I’m an operative. That’s what I do,” Jesse argued.
“Think on it.” Dylan pushed off from the island. “You’re one of the best soldiers I’ve ever worked with, but you’re my brother above all else. That woman back there’s ripping herself apart trying to figure out how to fix you, how to make sure she never loses you again.”
“Something happened.”
“Mary was taking Jessie to her checkup with Logan,” Dylan commented. “She overheard a few things.”
“The journals.” Jesse ran his hand through his hair. “I shouldn’t have given them to her.”
“I’m glad you did. It’ll help having her in your corner, listening to the stuff you can’t share with people.”
“You talk like you know something about it.”
“I do,” Dylan admitted. “We all came home with our own rucksack of skeletons. Yours are a fuckload heavier than mine, but mine weighed me down. Mary’s had her share, too. I promised her I’d have a word.”
“She talked to Ellie?”
“Not yet. That’ll likely happen soon, though. She’s a momma bear ready to adopt anyone who smells like they need her.” Dylan grinned. “She’s a hell of a mom.”
“Pleased for you, brother. You set the bar high with her.”
“No.” Dylan smiled. “Ellie set it first by knocking Nolan on his ass for you back when we were kids. I’m glad she’s fighting her way back into your corner. I’ll do whatever I can to get her there, man.”
Jesse picked up the plate of food and continued to eat as his brother left. He rinsed the dish off, then went back into the bedroom. He’d only intended to peek in on her, make sure she was sleeping okay. Hearing she’d had troubles while he was away left him anxious.
“Jesse?”
“Hey. I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“I’m glad you did.” She sat up and flipped on the lamp.
Breath swooshed from his lungs. Her hair was in disarray. Pink tinted her cheeks a rosy shade that matched her full lips. Her generous breasts peeked out from the thin, spaghetti-strap top she wore.
Vanilla.
The scent filled the room.
He glanced over and noticed the candle near her bed. She’d wanted her bedroom to smell like vanilla. For him?
“Lie with me?” She scooted over and patted the bed beside her.
Jesse had no business agreeing, but was sprawled out with her pressed against him before he realized what was happening. He kicked his boots off and swallowed as she settled into the same position she’d been in in the hospital bed.
He’d thought about that time a lot the past couple of days. Having her pressed against him felt right, like a part of him had been returned after a long absence.
“Are you okay?” she whispered.
“I am now, Peanut. Thanks for the cookies and the meatloaf,” he whispered. “Your macaroni and cheese was so good I almost licked the plate.”
She giggled and splayed her hand out on him. Ellie had always been full contact—a fact he didn’t mind, even though everyone else’s touch bothered him. He stroked her hair and relaxed deeper into the bed.
“The girl?”
“Safe with her sister. Gage and his team remained behind with the rescued college students to coordinate with the FBI. It’s a freaking media circus.” Although Jesse didn’t want to ruin the moment, he needed to know she was okay. “You did lots of baking.”
She tightened against him. “I’ve watched you leave on tons of missions before, but this time was different. I don’t know why. It just was.”
He caressed her face. “Because we’re starting something good, Ellie, and got interrupted.”
“We did.” Her eyelids fluttered shut.
Anticipation ignited within his pulse as their mouths met. Her taste was a drug he craved. He shifted so she was beneath him. The soft moan she emitted quickened his heartbeat.
“You’re beautiful, Ellie.” He nibbled her earlobe and ran his hands along her sides.
It’d been too long since he’d made out with a woman. Nervousness crawled through him, just beneath his skin like an itch he wouldn’t ever scratch. Ellie claimed his mouth once more as she ground herself against him. Legs wrapped around him, she was lost in the moment.
Shame consumed him. He couldn’t give her what she wanted, but he could give her the release she needed. He kissed a fiery trail down her neck and along the swell of her breasts. The thin barrier spotlighted her hardened nipples. He licked and scraped his teeth across one tiny bud. Rising up, he dragged the thin chemise off of her and threw it to the ground beside the bed.
His pulse thundered in his ears.
Fiery need shone in her gaze. Pupils dilated, breathing labored, Ellie was in the throes of passion.
Shame consumed him a moment, but Ellie drew him closer and took his mouth. Her soft caress moved along his arms, then beneath his shirt.
Tension coiled within him when she started dragging the material over his head. She didn’t need to see the ugly scars.
“Jesse,” she whispered against his mouth. “Let me love you.”
He’d once vowed to give Ellie anything her heart ever desired. His eyes burned as a rush of emotions assailed him. Love. Anger. Remorse. Yearning. Fear.
Why couldn’t one of them be lust or arousal?
The T-shirt he’d worn fell beside him on the bed. His heartbeat accelerated as he watched. Waited for her gaze to roam the minefield of scars along his torso. Moisture pooled within her eyes as she traced each scar. Heat spread through him with each kiss against his skin. Her tongue was a fiery whip that traveled along each wound.
A burn resonated in his gut. The need to take control rode him hard. He claimed her mouth and cupped her breasts. Her nipples hardened more beneath his touch. He licked and sucked each one. She tasted sweeter than honey and smelled like the vanilla he’d craved so goddamn long.
Tears burned his eyes and spilled out down his cheeks.
“Ellie.” The name was a plea and a cry for help rolled inside of a whisper.
Goosebumps formed along her skin wherever he touched. Kissed.
&nbs
p; He lifted her up with one hand on her hip and removed the small shorts she wore.
Fuck.
She was more beautiful than he remembered.
“Jesse.”
“I thought about tasting you every day, Peanut,” he whispered against her stomach. He rested between her thighs, inhaled her arousal and the soft skin of her thighs against his cheek. He grazed her slit with his fingertips and relished in the wetness.
She wanted him.
Scars and all, Ellie needed him.
“So fucking beautiful,” he whispered.
He slid two fingers into the wet heat and imagined it was his dick, like it’d once been before. She’d be tight around his shaft and so lost in pleasure she’d squeeze tight. Soft moans filled the room as he feasted on her, alternating between his fingers and mouth as he teased her clit and fucked her slow and sweet with his fingers.
Her arousal was ambrosia he’d imagined savoring. Ellie tightened around his fingers and cried out as an orgasm overtook her.
Jesse hung on and continued feasting, so desperate to sate the carnal desire he remembered from before that he couldn’t stop. Not yet.
Moans turned into screams as he brought her over the edge once more.
When her entire body quivered from the releases he’d given her, he kissed his way up her body until he claimed her mouth.
Home.
“That was amazing,” Ellie whispered, breathless.
Jesse situated them back into position. “I love you, Ellie.”
“I love you, too, Jesse.”
But was that enough? Jesse kept the worry to himself. Would what they did be enough to keep her? He hoped to hell so because he couldn’t imagine a life without her in it.
“Dylan told me about the videos, Peanut. We’ll find and destroy them. Phil isn’t going to hurt you ever again,” he whispered.
Ellie tightened against him. “I didn’t know he’d recorded those things. Jesse, promise me you’ll never watch them.”
“Nothing on them will change the fact that I love you, Ellie.”
“Promise me.”
“I swear.”
20
Blood dripped from an open wound along Jesse’s eyebrow. His gaze clouded with every other blink, likely thanks to the blows he’d been dealt earlier.
Five days.
He’d gone five days without a session.
Why?
The chains rattled as he shifted so the blisters along his wrists didn’t scrape against the cuffs. Footsteps echoed, but he continued the physical inventory. His back burned, but not as bad as it once had. The nerve endings had died long ago. Too bad the rest of him hadn’t followed suit.
His chest was no better.
And his dick…
Anger rolled through him.
The footsteps halted a couple feet away. Jesse lifted his head to glare at the bastards as he always did, but shock overcame him.
Marine.
“It’s unfortunate I’m going to have to do this myself,” the man said. “Everyone always breaks. You messed up my routine, Army.”
The bastard snapped on a pair of gloves. This wasn’t happening. He was injured in the hole and locked in a night terror. It’d happened before.
“Last chance to give us something before I get creative.”
Jesse remained silent and closed his eyes. As long as he had Peanut, he could withstand anything. Maybe Marine would finally be the one to end the pain. Jesse craved death almost more than he craved one last day with Ellie.
A scream ripped from his throat as the lash struck his groin.
A feral scream punctured the night. Ellie woke. Heart thundering in her chest, a scream escaped her when pain exploded along her upper cheek and eye.
“I’ll kill you, Marine!” Jesse shouted.
Nightmare. The word ricocheted within her mind as she rolled off the bed and away from the man thrashing about. She dragged on a T-shirt and a pair of shorts. The angered shouts continued, but she couldn’t understand his words.
Jesse had punched her.
Fear struck her a moment. She’d survived physical confrontations with Phil many times, but Jesse wasn’t her bastard ex-husband. She clung to the facts she knew. Each one melted away a bit more of the terror freezing her into place.
Jesse was the best man she’d ever met.
Brave.
Kind.
Jesse Mason loved her.
He was locked in a nightmare, and she needed to rescue him from whatever horror had him within its clutches.
“Jesse! Wake up.” Ellie approached the bed, but vaulted backward when he lunged for her.
Jesse flung himself back and forth and screamed. The raw pain within the sound was unlike anything she’d ever heard. “No! No! Marine, no!”
Jesse jerked off the bed and landed on the floor. He punched and kicked. The lamp on the bedside table crashed to the ground, but he continued the violent brawl with his past. How had Levi handled it the last time?
They’d fought.
“Ellie-belly?”
“Stay in the hall, Mom. It’s okay. Jesse’s having a nightmare.”
“I’ll call Logan.”
“I’ll kill you for this, Marine!” Jesse screamed as he doubled over so his knees touched his chest. And he sobbed.
“No, I’ve got this.” Determination overrode the fear and shock. Ellie had read the journals, yet had never read anything about someone named Marine. She grabbed the candle that’d fallen to the floor when he struck the bedside table. The lighter was beside Jesse.
She lit the candle, then grabbed another. And another.
If someone walked in, they would’ve likely thought she was attempting an exorcism. In a way, she was. She waited a couple minutes for the scent to permeate the immediate area, then she shook Jesse. He struck out, but she moved back.
“Jesse, wake up.” She kept her voice low and imploring rather than a shout. “Wake up, Jesse. Wake up.”
She touched his face when he started rocking back and forth. He froze. His eyes opened as he tensed.
“You’re okay, Jesse. Take a deep breath.” Ellie curled up on the floor beside him so she was the only thing he’d see. “You’re safe. They aren’t ever going to hurt you again.”
“Peanut?”
“I’m here.” She ran a hand down his arm. A sheen of sweat coated his entire body, but it was the confusion in his gaze that broke her heart. “I love you, Jesse. You’re okay. You’re safe.”
“Where’s Levi? He can’t leave you alone with me,” Jesse said. “Fuck. I fell asleep, didn’t I?”
“You’re okay.”
He clasped her face gently and angled her head to the side so the pale shafts of light from the downed lamp spotlighted the pained area.
“I hurt you.” The horrified pain in his voice made Ellie tear up.
“It wasn’t your fault,” she defended. “I’m okay.”
“I hurt you,” he repeated, his voice rawer than before. He stood. Tense silence blanketed the area as he assessed the damage to the room. Then he leaned down and picked her up in his arms.
“What are you doing?”
Jesse remained silent and headed into the living room. He set her on the sofa, then headed into the kitchen. Ellie forced deep, even breaths, despite the rapid pounding of her heart.
He crouched in front of her as he placed a bag of frozen corn against her face with one hand and pushed a button on his phone with another. “Yeah, I need you at Ellie’s cottage.”
The cellphone landed on the sofa beside her. “I’m okay, Jesse.”
“To hell you are,” he growled. “I hit you, Peanut. You have a head injury, and I hit you.”
“Ellie-belly? Are you okay?”
She nodded, unsure how to explain things to her mom, who’d followed them into the living room.
“Logan will be here soon,” Jesse said.
“I don’t need a doctor, Jesse,” she whispered.
“You do. I hit y
ou.”
She cupped his face and peered into his teary eyes. “Are you okay?”
Sweat dampened his exposed chest. His breaths came out in labored pants as his gaze continued sweeping the room. Was he fully here, or was a part of him still trapped in the nightmare?
His journal.
Ellie rose.
“Sit down,” he ordered.
“You need to journal, Jesse. The sooner you do it afterward, the better, right?”
“Can we maybe make sure you aren’t bleeding inside your brain from the blow you just took first?” Jesse clipped. “You don’t get to worry about me right now.”
She narrowed her gaze and put her hand atop his as he gripped the corn bag. Her other stroked his face. “I’m okay, Jesse. I’m not made of glass.”
“Never should’ve fallen asleep,” he muttered. “This can’t work, Peanut.”
“No. You aren’t running from this, Jesse. You aren’t running from me.”
“I hurt you,” he repeated, this time low and terrified.
“There’s no war we can’t win together, Jesse. You’re helping me with my troubles. Please let me help with yours.” Ellie wasn’t an idiot. She recognized and accepted the risks because she’d read everything Cord had provided. She’d done her own research. But there was no way in hell she was giving Jesse an inch to escape. “Breathe deep. I’ve got you.”
Ellie rested her forehead against his. The door opened, but she kept her focus on Jesse. His entire body vibrated, as if he was ready to bolt if given half a chance.
He severed contact and rose. “Doc.”
Logan stood a couple feet away. His gaze slid from Ellie to Jesse, then to her mom, who’d sat in her recliner.
“Let me get you back to bed, Mom. You need your rest.”
“Don’t worry about me, Ellie-belly. You’d best let the doc tend to you so Jesse knows you’re okay.”
Right. Okay, that made a lot of sense. Jesse would relax once he realized she was okay. No harm done. She’d figure out a better way to handle the nightmare episodes. Levi would have tips.
Logan, too. She looked at the doctor warily. He’d yet to offer a comment or an assurance, as he remained a couple feet away. Then she noted Jesse’s defensive stance in front of her. His hands fisted, then opened. Fisted again.