by Cathryn Fox
I crawl out from under him and turn my back. I can feel his eyes on my body as I shed my clothes and when I hear him make an agonized noise, a deep groan low in his wolf throat, I know he’s looking at the scars marring the length of my spine.
Seconds before I morph, I feel him move in close. I shudder as he runs his muzzle over my flesh, his fur tickling my skin and shredding my defenses. His big beefy paws trail along my shoulder, going all the way to the small of my back, but his touch isn’t meant to hurt, it’s meant to soothe.
Completely rattled, I gulp air and when he lets loose a howl, I inch away and call on my wolf. Once my transformation is complete I gather my composure, turn to him and nip at his shoulder.
“Okay, okay,” he says trying to lighten my mood. “Did you forget that I’m the alpha?”
He shifts and as I look at the naked boy before me, all sinewy muscle and power, my heart gallops. Oh no, there is no way I could ever forget this boy is an alpha. As the warm, familiar scent of him fills my nostrils I gesture toward his clothes and force myself not to show a reaction as I take in his nakedness.
With the cool air biting his flesh, he hurries into his pants, sweater, and coat but when his glance meets mine again, I can see the deep lines beneath his eyes. My heart tightens when I realize how tired he is and I can’t help but feel a little guilty for sleeping so long while he stayed awake to protect us.
I nip him again, and when he curls up, I snuggle down next to his body. When he puts his arm around me, a strange wave of warmth moves through me. I flinch, a little uncomfortable with the way he’s holding me, but stay close enough to offer him my heat.
“Get some rest, Logan,” I growl and even though I know he can’t hear me, I’m pretty sure he understands.
His eyes slip shut and a smile touches his mouth as he pulls me against him, anchoring my wolf body to his. This time I don’t move and a few moments later I hear his soft breathing noises. Once he’s asleep, my wolf senses go on high alert, listening for possible threats and enemies as Logan takes his turn to rest.
He doesn’t sleep long, just enough to take the edge off and when he wakes, he spends a long time looking over my wolf. As he brushes down my matted fur, grooming it back into place, I can’t help but think how horrible I must look, and how much I’d love to have a hot shower to clean myself up.
He speaks to me, but I don’t know what he’s saying, so I turn my back and shift into my human form. He stays quiet as I pull my clothes on and I can’t help but feel a little awkward as he watches me dress.
“How do you feel?” I ask to break the profound silence, which is making me feel completely self-conscious.
“Good. You?”
“I could use a shower.”
He laughs. “That makes two of us. Maybe we can find a lake after we go hunting.”
As I think about hunting I bite the inside of my mouth to hide my unease. “Okay.”
Logan takes off his boots and hands them to me. I get ready to protest but he cuts me off and says, “We’ll take turns. Besides I have these socks to keep me warm.”
I pull on the boots and we step outside. The mid morning sun shines down on us as we stretch out our stiff, overworked bodies. We instinctively understand each other as we exchange a look and knowing we both have a job to do, Logan sniffs the air for game while I sniff it for danger.
“Anything?” he asks.
“No, you?”
He gestures with his head. “Down there.”
I take a step forward, but Logan stops me. “Why don’t you tell me which direction the wind is coming from?”
I stick my tongue out and taste the air, understanding today’s lesson has already begun. “That way,” I say pointing west.
“Good. So we need to get downwind, so the animal doesn’t smell us first.”
“Right.”
Walking quietly, we make our way around the towering trees, and before we reach a small clearing, I see a herd of deer grazing. My wolf yelps, eager to give chase.
We stop near a large tree, and Logan unzips his coat. “Look them over, and tell me which one we should go for.”
Never having hunted wild game before, I spot the biggest, meatiest buck and while my wolf stirs restlessly, eager to go for the juiciest steak, I’m a hunter at heart so I point to the smaller one at the back of the pack. “That one.”
Logan smiles and as I watch him remove his coat and shirt I feel like I passed some sort of test. “My dad would have liked you.” I don’t know why, but hearing him say that about his dad has me feeling all strange inside. Logan reaches for his pants and nods toward my clothes. “Get yourself ready.”
As I move away from him and begin to peel my clothes off my body he says, “We attack from behind and go for the hind leg.”
I run over the information. “I can do that.”
“I’ll be there with you, Pride, but I’m going to let you take the lead on this. It’s the way my dad taught me.”
I nod, hoping my bloodlust will guide my actions and I don’t screw this up. Once I’m naked, I fold my clothes and place them near the tree before I shift. Logan is ready and waiting for me.
“Let’s go.”
My wolf growls and we stay low, crouching on our bellies as we carefully close the distance between us and the herd. Instincts sharpened, I let my wolf take over and inch toward the grazing animals, which so far seem oblivious to us. I zero in on the one I want, and when I see the flick of its white tail, I make a move toward it. Unfortunately, my wolf is so eager to take chase she doesn’t notice the branch beneath her paws. As the sound cracks the quiet, the deer lifts its head, sniffs the air and signals the others before bolting.
When they begin to run, I dart from my position and take off after them. Advancing with purpose, my wolf growls low in her throat and continues to take chase, but when I go for the deer’s ankle the animal changes direction. My teeth clash and I fly through the air. A moment later I land with a painful thud and my empty stomach growls as I watch the game dart away.
Logan comes up beside me and nudges me with his muzzle. “You did good.”
“No, I didn’t,” I shoot back, angered and embarrassed that I couldn’t bring down one small deer. I jump to all fours and snarl at him. “If I did good, we’d be feasting right now.”
Logan shakes his head, the pewter in his eyes darkening. “I’ve never met a wolf who was so hard on herself.”
“Then I guess I’m not like the other wolves you know,” I remind him, because I hate failure, of any kind.
He goes down on his haunches and looks at me longer than is comfortable. “You’re right, Pride. You’re not like any wolf I know.”
The fur along my back quivers when I hear something in his voice, something that sounds deep, dark and edgy. He steps closer, until he’s standing beside me. His fur brushes mine and I feel a quick flash of heat inside me.
As this alpha overwhelms my wolf, my thoughts cloud over and I quickly try shaking the fog away. I’m small and inexperienced and if I want to make it out here in this unforgiving terrain, I have to have all my wits about me.
“What did I do wrong?”
“You didn’t account for the deer’s speed. It’s easy to miscalculate on your first try. I bet you won’t do it again.”
“You’re right, I won’t.”
“Just remember, you’re smart and you’re fast.” He gives me a hard nudge with his muzzle as if to make sure I’m listening. “A girl like you should never be underestimated.”
Restless and edgy I play his words over in my head and consider how he always refers to me as a girl instead of a wolf. I give a quick flick of my tail as I turn and canter back to my clothes.
I realize that beating Stone in an obstacle course is one thing, but I’m smart enough to know that my sharp instincts will only take me so far. Out here in the wild, I really have a lot to learn. I stop to think and wonder how far I would have made it without Logan. I also begin to think that maybe I need
this skilled alpha a lot more than he needs me.
So why would Logan want to keep an inexperienced runt around? Aren’t I slowing him down?
“Want to try again?” he asks.
“Yes,” I say, and this time I vow to get it right.
10
So much for getting it right.
After a day of hunting, our bodies are dirty, our clothes are torn and our stomachs are still grumbling from lack of real food.
As if sensing I’ve had enough for one day, Logan turns to me, eyes me carefully and says, “Let’s pick some berries and go get a drink.”
Discouraged and in a foul mood, I nod in agreement. I take my dark disposition to the placid lake and as I stare at my reflection, taking in my messed hair, the dark smudges on my face and the grime that will never come out of my skin, Logan disappears into the woods.
Despite the cold temperature, the water calls out to me and I’d like nothing better than to get naked and climb in. I long to shed these soiled, oversized clothes and scrub my flesh clean but I have no idea how long Logan will be gone. The last thing I want is for him to come back and catch me stark naked in the lake.
I dip my hands into the frigid water, splash my face, then smooth my long hair down. I work the knots out with my fingers and gingerly tuck it behind my ears. It’s the least I can do to appear somewhat presentable, not that I’m trying to look presentable for anyone. I’m not. But it makes me feel a little more human and less animalistic.
After I finish grooming myself, I go back on my haunches, wrap my arms around my legs and listen to the forest noises around me. Animals scurry about and wind whistles a soft tune as it whips around the trees, carrying the fresh aroma of summer sunshine with it.
As I decipher the unfamiliar sounds and breathe in the invigorating scents, I try not to think about the emptiness mushrooming inside me, emptiness for food, and emptiness for those I call family.
Needing something familiar, I grab a small twig and scrape it through the dirt. As I sketch a picture of the ocean, I continue to sift through all the scents and keep my ears perked for danger. Out here in the wild any kind of carelessness will only get us killed. And if there is one thing I know, I have to stop letting my attention stray to the boy who both fascinates and impresses me with each passing minute.
It isn’t long before I hear the snap of branches and lift my head at the sound. I don’t need to turn to know it’s Logan. I can feel his penetrating eyes on me as he comes closer and once again my body quakes in that familiar way it does when he’s near. Fighting the urge to squirm, I square my shoulders and take a moment to gather myself.
When I don’t turn, he questions, “How did you know it was me?”
Once again I feel like I’m being tested. I know after our uneasy truce we’re supposed to have each other’s backs and can’t help but wonder if his uncertainty has something do with last night, and how close, due to my carelessness, those hunters actually came to finding us.
“You’re not very stealthy,” I blurt out to cover the sting I can’t help but feel.
“I prefer to travel in wolf form.”
I hear something in Logan’s voice that I’ve never heard before. When I turn and see him frowning, I get the sense I’ve touched on a sore spot.
“I didn’t mean—”
“It’s okay.” He briskly waves his hands over his frame and I hear a hint of embarrassment in his voice when he says. “It’s this body. Sometimes it doesn’t allow me to move the way I want. It can be awkward.”
My heart gives an extra beat as I look him over and think his body is anything but awkward. Then I think of my own size, and how I wish I was bigger, and stronger, like him. I lower my head and scratch at the dirt with my stick.
“I know what you mean.”
“Really?” he challenges as he hovers over me.
My head jerks up with a start and I watch the way his dark hair falls forward, shadowing his features. It makes him look both rugged and mysterious. His glance rakes over me and his frown deepens.
He drives one hand into his pocket. “How could you possibly know what I mean?”
I open my mouth to argue but he waves his other hand toward the trees and cuts me off. “You move through these woods like a ghost, Pride, whether you’re in wolf form or human form. I wish I was so skilled.”
I stare at him, dumbfounded. “Are you kidding me?”
“No. You’re lucky you’re small. Don’t think I haven’t noticed how your size gives you agility and allows you to do things I can’t.”
Humor lights his eyes and I watch, transfixed as he pulls his hair off his forehead to expose fresh scratches and dents. “Does this happen to you?”
A strange noise crawls out of my throat. It’s not a laugh because I don’t know how to laugh, but it’s as close to one as I’ve ever come.
“I hardly think a few bumps and bruises would make you want to be a runt.”
He shakes his head. “I already told you you’re not a runt.” When I give him a dubious look he says, “Let me tell you what you are.” He holds his hands out and starts counting on his fingers. “One, you’re light on your feet, two you’re able to hide easier than I can and three you can move through these woods like a lightning bolt. Unlike me, you’re a much harder target.”
As I think about that and recall the awkward way he trekked through the thick foliage, I feel something flourishing inside me, some strange sense of pleasure that I’ve never felt before.
I purse my lips and the tight knot I always carry around in my stomach loosens a tiny bit. My words come out low, soft spoken. “I guess I never thought of my size as an advantage before.”
Logan drops onto one knee beside me. His glance collides with mine and there isn’t a trace of humor left on his face when he says, “Pride, you’re one of the smartest wolves I know and when you start thinking of your size as a strength instead of a weakness, you’re going to be one heck of a formidable hunter.” He stops to glance around. “Out here, sometimes it pays to be small.”
I think of his strength and power, his ability to run without tiring and the control he has when taking down a deer. “Sometimes it pays to be big, too.”
He grins. “I guess we make quite the team then, don’t we?”
Instead of answering, I shrug. This pack of solidarity with an alpha I barely know makes me feel uncertain.
Logan sits next to me, cups my palm and sprinkles a generous handful of big berries into the curve.
As my stomach grumbles, I toss a few into my mouth, and the sweet juice explodes on my tongue. Wide eyed, I turn to him. “What are these?”
“Wild blueberries.”
“They’re the best things I’ve ever tasted,” I say through a mouthful as I toss in more and chew heartily.
Logan laughs at me as he munches on his own berries.
I glare at him, feeling self-conscious. “What’s so funny?”
“Your teeth and tongue are blue.”
I lean forward to see my reflection in the water. I crinkle my nose as I run my tongue over my stained lips. “That’s attractive.”
“Yes, it is. Very.”
My heart leaps at the deep rumble I hear in his voice and as a shiver pulses in my blood, I work to steady myself.
I clear my throat. “Logan?”
“Yeah,” he answers softly and shifts closer—close enough for me to feel the warm strength of his body.
I slide him a look. “Where are you headed?”
“We’re headed north.” He gestures to a distant spot. “Away from Port Angeles. I thought you knew that.”
“No, what I mean is, where are you headed? Where are you going to go after we escape?”
“A place where I can run free.” He turns the questions back on me. “Where are you going?”
I hate how he always manages to turn the conversation away from himself, but answer anyway. “I’m not sure.” I pause for a moment and think about those still suffering at the hands of
my master as I run my stick along the ground. “Back at the compound there was talk about these packs that run free in Canada.” I lift my head and look at him, to gauge his reactions. “Do you think that’s true?”
A look I can’t identify moves over his face, but before he gets a chance to answer we catch a strong scent of animal in the wind. It wafts before my nose and both my nostrils and hunger flare at the same time. Logan presses his fingers to his lips and gestures to a spot behind me. I turn to see two deer in the distance.
“What do you think?” he mouths the words to me.
“Nothing ventured, nothing gained,” I say, my untrained wolf nipping at me to morph and take chase.
He gives me a wink. “That’s my girl.”
I want to open my mouth to tell him I’m not his girl, I’m not anyone’s girl, but when he silences me, I press my lips together and say nothing.
My joints crack as I climb to my feet, and a few minutes later we’re both dashing through the woods in wolf form. This time I’m unable to keep up with the alpha as he shows me his strength and stamina in his primal form.
The rest of the day is spent hunting, running, climbing and learning, and I know this is the way my wolf was meant to live. I feel alive, and vibrant and almost giddy inside.
Throughout the lessons I concentrate on Logan’s voice. I listen carefully to his directions, learning tricks that were handed down to him by his father. Soon I’m lost in the day—in Logan—and I force myself to temporarily shelve my worries in order give him my full focus. As I work hard, I take pleasure in the hunt and enjoy the freedom in running with the alpha. I exercise both my mind and body and Logan teaches me all about wildlife survival.
Before I realize it, the day has slipped away and darkness is upon us. I must say that while I appreciated his survival lessons, I can’t help but feel I’ve let Logan down. My wolf lacks Logan’s calm steadiness. She is young, untrained, anxious and her youthful exuberance keeps scaring the game off. As I look at the powerful wolf stalking toward me I once again wonder why he bothers to even keep me around. Wouldn’t he be better off without me frightening his dinner away?