“I appreciate it, ma’am. I really do need some kind of a job,” May said.
“Let’s see. You could be an elevator operator. But you would have to sit on a stool where your feet wouldn’t touch the floor. It would be difficult for you to get on and off the stool.” The blonde hesitated, puffing on her cigarette again. Then she smiled and said, “I have an idea. How about the switchboard? You have a lovely voice. You could answer phones and connect the callers to the rooms. The girls who work up there on the board are a lovely bunch. They’ll train you. What do you think?”
“I think it would be wonderful. And, yes, I’ll take it. I am so grateful to you,” May said.
“Can you start tomorrow?”
“Yes. What time?”
“Eight a.m.?”
“I’ll be here.”
“I’ll have to have a special uniform made for you. It might take a week or so.”
“That’s fine. What do you want me to wear until then?”
“A conservative dress. Something not too childish. Your height makes you look like a kid and that could upset the hotel guests.”
“Yes, ma’am,” May said. She wanted to ask the woman why she was being so kind to her but she didn’t. Instead, she left the hotel feeling very thankful that she would have a job and be able to contribute to the expenses. She hoped that helping with the expenses would make Caroline happy to have her stay.
That evening, Tommy arrived at the apartment only a half hour after Caroline. May was disappointed. She would have liked to spend more time alone with Caroline before the boyfriend arrived and took all of Caroline’s attention. The three of them prepared dinner and, after dinner, Caroline and Tommy started playing guitar. At first, May was enjoying the music but after a while, she wished they would stop and that she and Caroline could just sit and talk. She hadn’t had a chance to tell Caroline about the job yet and she was excited to share the news. But she didn’t want to share it until Tommy left.
Tommy stayed until after midnight. By then both of the girls were tired. May tried not to watch as Tommy and Caroline embraced at the door. She could see the passion between them, and she knew that if she hadn’t been there, they would probably have spent the night together. It made May feel unwelcome. The feeling was almost lonelier than being in Mudwater Creek. Caroline had a new life and May could tell that she was never going to be a part of it.
After Tommy left, both girls got ready for bed. They shared the bed in Caroline’s room. As they got ready to say goodnight, May whispered, “I have a surprise.”
“Oh?”
“I got a job today.”
“A job? Really?” Caroline said, trying to hide the disappointment in her voice. “What kind of job?”
“Working on a switchboard in a hotel just down the street from here. I’ll be able to pay half the rent and half the food bill.”
“That’s great,” Caroline said sounding overly happy. So overly happy that she cringed at how fake her enthusiasm came across. “When do you start?”
“Tomorrow at eight a.m.”
“We should get some sleep. We both have to be at work in the morning. Goodnight,” Caroline said, glad not to have to talk anymore. She was spilling over with mixed emotions. Of course, she loved May. She’d been mothering May since they were small. She was glad to see her and to spend some time with her but it was also difficult to explain that things had changed between them.
She was in love and wanted to have a husband and children of her own. She ached to be with Tommy. At night, she longed to feel Tommy’s warm arms around her but May was beside her instead. She resented having to put Tommy aside for May. And now, even worse, Caroline felt guilty for her feelings. Her father always said she was a selfish girl, vain and entitled. As she lay there, trying to sleep, she could hear his voice in her head saying, “You’re a very selfish girl, Caroline. You always put your own needs first.”
I can’t help putting my needs first. I try not to. But I want to be happy. Is it so wrong to want to be happy? If I had my way, I wouldn’t have to give up either May or Tommy. But it’s impossible to have both. Since May arrived, I can’t even find a way to be alone with Tommy for five minutes. I just know that if I leave May alone in the apartment and go out with Tommy she’ll be hurt. But I am yearning to be in his arms. I have to feel his chest against mine or I think I’ll die. I can’t see how or where or when we can make love again. It isn’t feasible as long as May is here with me. She is always around.
Worse yet, I can’t tell her how I feel, she would be heartbroken if I asked her to get her own place. Not only that, but it would be very difficult for her to afford it. It would be impossible for her to live in one of the hotels. She would have to rent a room in someone’s house like I did when I first got to Nashville. And that would mean that she’d have to go home alone every night. May is so sensitive that it would break her heart. I know her so well. I know what she would think. She would feel terrible, like she came all of this way to be with me and I was pushing her out of my life. I don’t know what I am going to do …
Caroline was exhausted but she didn’t sleep well that night. She tossed and turned, awakening to find herself twisted in the sheets, frightened of the future. The following day when she saw Tommy at work, she told him how she was feeling.
“I’m afraid I’m going to lose you,” she said. “I love May. I’ve always loved her but I have grown and she hasn’t. And I don’t know what to do. I guess, the truth is, I’m no longer satisfied with the childhood friendship May and I shared. I want more. I want us, you and me, Tommy.”
“I know, and I want that too. And we’ll have that. The love we feel for each other is strong. I will agree with you that May has come to visit at the wrong time. We were just moving in together, just starting our lives. But you don’t have to worry. Our love can withstand a visit from your cousin.”
“But what if she stays for good? That’s what she wants to do. How am I going to ever tell her that you and I want to live together and maybe even get married?”
“You’re considering my proposal?” he said, his eyes lighting up.
“Of course, did you think I wasn’t?”
“I didn’t know. You never said yes…”
“When I agreed to move in with you, it meant I was seriously considering marriage.” She smiled. “It was a way of easing into it.”
“Not a very common way, that’s for sure. How many couples do you know who lived together without being married?”
“Not many here in Nashville. But there were a few up in Mudwater. My family was always against the idea. Especially my uncle, who is May’s grandfather. He’s a preacher. He would never approve.”
“But you agreed to it? Why?”
“I guess I was scared to take the leap all at once. I wanted to move slowly, to make sure that we were happy. And now I am feeling like maybe if we had gotten married, May would have understood that she couldn’t stay here with me forever.”
“Don’t worry, she’ll get tired of being here with us. After all, you and I are so involved in our music that it has to get boring for her.”
“I hope so. It’s not that I don’t enjoy seeing her. I do. I just wish she had some kind of life that was separate from me. She’s always been so dependent on me that I have never felt free to live my own life. Every time I try I feel so damn guilty like I’ve abandoned her or something.”
Chapter Fifty-Five
May was in training for the first two weeks of her new job. This meant that she worked the day shift when there was always more than one operator on the switchboard. In the evening, she returned to the apartment and dined with Caroline and Tommy when they were not working. When they were at work, she cleaned the apartment and went food shopping. May liked Tommy. It was impossible not to like him. His love for Caroline was something she shared and he was always full of life and excitement.
But even though she liked Tommy, May longed for time alone with Caroline. She wanted to talk abou
t boys and giggle the way they had when they were young. She wanted to bake brownies and tell Caroline her deepest secrets, but it seemed that Tommy was always around.
May was considered trained after two weeks. Since the night shift was the least busy, all new operators were required to work there for at least six months. She was scheduled to work from eleven at night until seven in the morning. When she got home from work, she slept while Caroline worked. When she got up in the late afternoon, she had dinner with Caroline and Tommy. She didn’t really mind the hours because she got to see Caroline every night.
But she was only required to work midnights for three months. After that she was scheduled to work from three p.m. to eleven p.m. for the following three months. She was dreading those hours because she would not see Caroline at all. She would come home close to midnight, sleep, and wake up just as Caroline was leaving for work. Then she would be off to work before Caroline was home. It would be like living alone and that was not why she came to Nashville.
However, Caroline was enjoying May’s midnight shift. It gave her time to be alone with Tommy. They could even spend the whole night together as long as Tommy was gone by six thirty in the morning. It wasn’t perfect, but their relationship resumed where it had left off when May arrived. They made love with passionate abandon. They played music the same way. And then, on Tommy’s insistence, they auditioned for another record company.
Chapter Fifty-Six
The woman who normally worked three to eleven had a family problem and requested to have her hours switched to midnights. Because the woman had been working at the hotel for many years, she was accommodated and May was switched to the three to eleven shift.
Tommy and Caroline went to two more auditions with record labels. Every time they were rejected, Tommy became more discouraged. His normally optimistic personality was fading. Caroline kept promising him that their success was right around the corner but she doubted her own words.
Then one evening when May was at work and Caroline and Tommy were practicing, the phone rang. Caroline answered the phone. The woman told Caroline that she was calling from one of the record labels for which they had auditioned.
She said, “Mr. Reston would like to speak to Tommy Terry.”
“Sure, hold on a minute,” Caroline said.
She turned to Tommy. “It’s for you.”
Caroline handed him the phone receiver. “It’s EKB records.”
He gave her a look of excitement mixed with fear then he took the phone.
“Hello, this is Tommy Terry.”
Caroline sat down on the sofa and bit her nails as she watched Tommy.
“Uh huh,” he said.
“Oh!” he said.
There was a moment of silence. Caroline wished she could hear the other side of the phone call.
“I…I don’t know…” Tommy stammered.
“Yes, I’ll call you tomorrow,” he murmured. He hung up the phone and turned to Caroline.
“Come on, what did they say?” she asked, barely able to contain her excitement.
He took a deep breath and then got a beer out of the refrigerator. Caroline knew something was wrong because Tommy only drank alcohol when something was wrong.
“What is it? Did they turn us down?” she asked, reaching for his hand.
Chapter Fifty-Seven
May sat on a chair facing the switchboard and all the cords that connected the calls to the rooms. She reread her list of extensions again. She was supposed to have them memorized but she was finding it impossible.
I should know these by heart already; I’ve gone over them so many times. But this job is so darn boring that I can’t seem to remember them. Housekeeping 2005, Maintenance 2009, Room Service 2003, Valet 2005 …
She drilled all of them over and over, even the ones she only used during the day, like Administration 2001, Personnel 2007, Laundry and Uniforms 2010.
She was forcing herself to study the extensions when one of the engineers from maintenance came into the switchboard room. He was short, heavy set, and balding and wore a dark green uniform.
“You’re new,” he said.
“Yes.”
“Hi, I wanted to come in and introduce myself. I’m Leo.”
“Hi,” May said not looking up from the paper in front of her. She never really had a one on one conversation like this with a man and she was blushing. She didn’t want him to see the color rise in her face.
“Do you have a name?”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be rude. I was studying the extensions trying to memorize them. I’m May.”
“Nice to meet you, May.”
He hasn’t seen me stand up yet, she thought. He thinks I’m normal. He doesn’t know. He can’t tell.
“You’re the electrician, right? I knew by the color of your uniform.”
“Yep. I fix the lights. Better than the toilets, right?”
She giggled self-consciously, but it felt good to talk to a man. She tried to flirt as she had seen Caroline do. “Where I come from toilets are a luxury. We had outhouses.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“It’s true. I was born and raised in Appalachia.”
“I suppose lights were a luxury too in Appalachia?”
“Yep, when I was a kid they were. Not anymore. We finally became modernized in Mudwater Creek. We got toilets, running water, then we even got rid of our dirt floors.”
“You know that’s really interesting. I never met anyone from the mountains before. I’d love to hear more about it.”
“I lived in a coal mining town. My father died before I was born but my grandfather was a pastor.”
“You want a soda? I can go and get us both one from the machine.”
“Yeah, sure. Let me give you a nickel.”
“It’s on me,” Leo said and he smiled at her.
Does he like me? Is it possible that a fellow actually likes me? I shouldn’t get my hopes up. When he sees me stand up, he’ll lose interest. It’s inevitable. He doesn’t know yet.
Leo returned carrying two bottles of cola. He popped the tops and then sat down across from her. She hid her short legs under the desk.
“So what brings you here to Nashville?” he asked.
“My cousin, who is my best friend, moved here a year ago.”
They talked until three in the morning. Finally, Leo asked, “Listen, I hope you won’t think me too forward, but I’d like to take you out for dinner sometime.”
May looked away. She couldn’t meet his eyes. If she did she was afraid she might start to cry.
I might as well get it over with. Why keep this charade up? It will only hurt more if he rejects me later. Right now, I hardly know him. It won’t matter so much to me.
Then without saying another word, she stood up, reaching her full height of three feet nine inches. She saw the shock on his face. The deep hurt she felt forced her to look away.
“May,” he said, his voice was soft and kind.
She tried as best as she could to hold back the tears but they came anyway.
If only the phone would ring, she thought. Then I would have to answer it and he would leave.
She felt naked, bare to the very soul.
I would like to run away from here and keep running so he doesn’t see how ashamed I am of what I am. But it’s after ten and the phones hardly ever ring at this time of night.
Besides, she couldn’t leave. She was sure to lose her job if she did.
Sometimes I wish I had never been born.
Chapter Fifty-Eight
Tommy was excited and anxious. He got up and started pacing. Caroline couldn’t read his facial expressions at all.
“Would you please sit down and tell me what the heck the recording studio said,” she said taking his hand.
“I don’t know how.”
“Tommy, what does that mean? Just tell me. Did they reject us?”
“They want me to sign with them.”
�
�When? When do they want us to come in and sign?”
“That’s just it, Carol. They want me. Alone.”
“You mean they want to break up our duo?” she asked incredulously.
“Yeah,” he hung his head. “And this is a hell of an opportunity.”
“Of course it is,” she stammered.
“I probably should call them and tell them that I refuse. That would be the right thing to do…”
“You can’t. You have to take it. I understand.”
“But it would mean a tour and that would mean I’d have to leave you …”
“I know. But isn’t this what we both have been waiting for?”
He nodded. She knew he wanted to go. Of course, he did. If she had been the one chosen to tour and make records she would have wanted to go.
“I don’t know when I’ll be back but I’ll stay in touch with you. You know that, don’t you?”
She gave him a half smile then she said, “Of course I know that, Tommy. But you should go home. I think I’d like to be alone tonight.”
“I understand.”
After Tommy left, Caroline sat alone in the dark quietly strumming her guitar. She thought about calling May but she didn’t want to upset her at work.
I would have done the same thing, she thought. He wants to be a recording star. Isn’t that what we both wanted? I just wasn’t good enough and that hurts. I’ve dreamed of this for so long and now I know I am just not good enough. I just don’t have what it takes. Tommy’s leaving, going on tour where he’ll have so many girls throwing themselves at him that he’ll probably forget all about me. But I shouldn’t doubt him. He has never given me any reason to doubt him…
Caroline lay down on the bed but she was unable to sleep. She felt sick to her stomach. Even worse, she had a secret she hadn’t told anyone yet and it was weighing heavily on her mind.
I’m going to need a glass of wine or two if I’m going to get any sleep. She got out of bed and began drinking directly from the bottle.
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