by C. Morgan
She shook her head and shrugged. “I’m just so surprised. You went in seeking joint custody. You said you thought it was best for everyone.”
“That’s before the idiot didn’t show up for court. Who does that? And then the judge was so disgusted with him that she ruled in my favor across the board. I didn’t ask for it to happen. It just did. The DUI he got didn’t help anything, and then I found out he broke a window last night at Frills.”
“Another one?” Della walked over and handed me a drink. “So, he’s banned from another gig? How is he going to make a living?”
“Maybe someone can hire him to be a bridge burner because he’s getting really good at that. If he keeps it up, he’ll never work in this town again. The only person who can still tolerate him is LeRoy. And to make it worse—” I had to gather myself, knowing that I was about to lose it. “Do you want to know what he told me?”
“Oh no, you mean it gets worse?” Della sat down while I put Jack back in his playpen.
“He had me so upset that I mentioned Vegas, and he said that he gave up a great job opportunity to come back to us. Like it’s my fault. He even said to me, and I quote, ‘How could you let this happen?’ As if it were all my doing.”
“Then maybe this is for the best. You and Jack can move on. And maybe it’s the wake-up call he needs to grow up a little.”
“Knowing him, it’s only going to make it worse.”
“It’s not like you’re really going to keep him from his father permanently, right? But this way, you can choose the situations you put him in.”
“I swear, I never thought things would be like this, but I don’t think I’d let Clay take Jack out of my sight. I have zero trust for him when it comes to our son’s safety and security.”
“I know,” said Della. “You had the best hopes for him. Hell, we all did. But you’re doing what’s best for your kid, and that’s all any parent can and should do.”
“Thanks.” I sipped the tea she poured me. “Chamomile?”
“To calm you. I’ve never seen you so upset that you aren’t crying. It’s got me a little freaked out.”
“I didn’t want to cry in front of Jack.” I never wanted him to feel any pain, not even mine.
“Let it out, sister. He can feel it anyway. I felt it when you walked into the room.” Della had been such a good friend to me through it all. She had always been there to support me as a friend and when I needed her help with Jack.
“I just didn’t want to give Clay that power over me, you know? If he saw me break, he’d just try to talk me out of it.”
“Do you still love him?”
“What kind of question is that?”
“One you keep refusing to answer, so I’ll take that as a yes.” Della lifted her own cup and took a drink.
“I keep hoping you’ll stop asking.” I didn’t want to talk about Clay or the hearing, so I turned my attention back to Jack, who had pulled up on the side of the playpen to smile at me. “How was my son today?”
“A little angel as always. He hasn’t had a nap, but I changed him again just before you got here. He’s probably due a bottle too. He sucked the last one down like he thought I might take it away.”
“He’s been doing that a lot lately. I think it’s time for more steamed veggies. Those purees just go right through him. He’s growing like a weed.” And looking more and more like his father every day.
“Yeah, he weighs a ton. It’s like holding a little cannonball.”
“The doctor said he weighs nearly twenty-three pounds, which is a little heavy for his age, but I was a big baby, and Clay was too, according to his baby book. His mother sent it to me.”
“Is she still in California with the new boyfriend?” she asked. I had confided in Della about Clay’s mother and her habits when things started going south.
“Yeah, and I don’t see her coming back here. She didn’t come back when I had Jack. I guess it’s for the best. I don’t think her single-mother advice would be good for me anyway. She was always a little wild after his father left her.”
Della gave me a sympathetic look. “She did run a successful business.”
“Yeah, well, maybe that’s the problem. She should have paid more attention to her kid and what he was up to. She was too busy worrying about having a man in her life. What makes it worse is Clay’s father was never around much, always putting work ahead of his family, and Clay always insisted he’d be there for Jack. No matter what. You should have seen him today. He was dressed like a bum, and I’m not even sure he was sober. If he didn’t deserve it, I’d almost feel sorry for him.”
“I’m sure he’s doing enough of that for himself. And I know you do too. You just don’t want to admit it.”
“I do, but he brought it on himself. Am I horrible?” I felt like an evil person, knowing I’d given him so many chances.
Della shook her head. “No,” she said with a hard tone. “Don’t do that to yourself. You’re not horrible, so don’t even think that. You are trying to do something to better yourself and the life of your child. You’re doing what anyone would have done a long time ago. I know I wouldn’t have put up with him for as long as you have, no matter how hot and talented he is.” I rolled my eyes at her, and she gave me a shrug. “Well, I call them like I see them.”
“I keep thinking that if I had left him when I first wanted to, I wouldn’t have Jack. So what else am I missing out on?”
She gave me a sympathetic look. “I know it’s tough, but the only thing you’re leaving is a headache. Look to the future, and think about what’s next when your divorce is final. You’ll be a free woman, free enough to start dating if you want. Maybe trade up for someone who will help you.”
“Clay sure hasn’t done that. Not once. It was three weeks before he even changed the first diaper, and I had to show him how to make a bottle five times before he got it right.”
“To be fair, a lot of men aren’t good at that stuff.”
“Well, I don’t want him to be like those men. I want him to be better. I’m not asking much. It’s his blood, his child. You’d think he’d give a shit.”
“Do you think he’s scared? You know, because he doesn’t really know what a father does.”
“I’m scared too, but someone has to step up instead of stepping out. But I guess I don’t have to worry about that too much longer. If he would just give up.”
“Did he ever sign the divorce papers?” asked Della.
“No. He’s probably using them as a coaster at the hotel he’s staying at. But I’ve already told him it’s no use stalling. It’s inevitable. What’s done is done, and there’s no going back now.” Admitting that hurt a lot more than I thought it would.
After all these years, Clay and I were done.
Chapter 3
Clay
After driving around from bar to bar and realizing I’d been tossed out of most of them, I decided to pay my good buddy, LeRoy Cole, a visit. The older man was around seventy and ran one of the oldest bars in town, which was fittingly named LeRoy’s Place.
When I got there, I didn’t even notice the closed sign on the door until I had tried to open it twice only to fail. “Shit.” I looked up and saw LeRoy walking toward me through the window, and I hoped he’d let me in.
He unlocked the door and pushed it open, wearing a little derby with a feather in it, and a smile as big as the sun. “We’re closed, son. Can’t you read?”
“Sorry, it’s just been a bad morning, LeRoy. I needed a drink. Can I just come in? I could use the company.”
“The hair of the dog’s more like it,” he said, waving his hand in front of his nose. “Come on in, son. I won’t turn away a man who looks and smells as pathetic as you do.”
“Thanks, but if you keep showering me with compliments, I might get an ego.”
“As if you haven’t already cultured that thing into a monster. I’ve heard all about your ego.” He locked the bar behind me as I went inside and took
a stool. “And just to remind you, if you go smashing things in my bar, I’m going to take this fist to your head.” He held up his wrinkled hands and balled them tightly into fists. They were hands that could play any instrument known to man and still lay you out, even at his age.
Even though I was fairly sure I could hold my own, I wouldn’t want to tangle with him. “Yeah, I hear you. It’s just been the worst morning, and I guess I came to vent if you have an ear.”
“Well, we’ll see which one I give you when you start talking.”
“I went to court late this morning, and I lost custody of my son. My wife took him away from me. I don’t know what I did to deserve such extreme measures.” A father had a right to his son, no matter what. It wasn’t like I’d ever hurt him.
“Oh, man, that’s tough,” said the old man. “I’m sorry. Maybe you broke one too many windows?”
Word traveled too fast around there. “No, just one too many hearts. And now I get to pay for it for the rest of my life.” I felt like a chump. But I was so angry with her for taking Jack. I wanted to hate her. “I never thought she’d do that to me. She’s not the woman I thought she was.”
The old man didn’t say a word. Instead, he poured me a drink of my usual bourbon. It wasn’t top shelf, but it would get the job done and tasted fairly decent in the process.
“I don’t know what to do, and maybe it’s for the best. I thought if I just held out on signing the papers, she would change her mind. But then she goes and does this?” I took a long drink and then put the glass down on the coaster as LeRoy passed me a bowl of nuts.
“People just don’t come around all of a sudden for no reason, Clay. They need convincing. They need convincing that you’re going to change, or convincing that you never will. Which one have you been working on?”
I hated to admit I hadn’t really worked at anything. “She’s convinced that I’m not ever going to change, so what does it matter? It’s over.”
“Well, if what I heard about the window at Frills is true, do you blame her?”
That was a situation that had gotten blown way out of proportion. “People are just too nosy these days. I didn’t even mean to break it. I was trying to smash a glass for luck. I aimed for the wall.”
“Did you pick the one in the middle?” he asked with a laugh.
I huffed. “Very funny.” I got up and walked over to the piano. “Do you mind?”
“Knock yourself out. Just don’t be too rough on the keys. She likes to be tickled, not smashed.” He came around the bar to listen, pulling up a stool to sit a while.
“I’ll save my rendition of Great Balls of Fire for another time,” I said, taking a seat on the small piano bench. I started with Nocturnes. “Soft enough for you?”
“We haven’t had any of that kind of music played here since this joint opened, son. What else do you have? And don’t you bust out in Clair de Lune, or I’ll make you leave.”
“What’s wrong with the classics?” I asked.
“Nothing, but these old walls are weeping. Play something happier.” LeRoy got up and went back behind the bar.
“I don’t feel happy.” I changed to Moonlight Sonata. “This is how I feel. And besides, I rarely get to play it.”
“Let it all out, son. Stay as long as you need to, but I have some cleaning up to do.”
I glanced at my glass. “Can I get another drink?”
LeRoy didn’t look convinced. “Let’s pace ourselves. It’s still early. For every three songs, I’ll give you another round.”
“In that case, I’m about to play Happy Birthday,” I said. “These classics are too long.”
LeRoy smiled. “You know, I’m beginning to like them. Keep it going. I think you’ve lost enough today already. How about you don’t lose your sobriety too?”
“It doesn’t get much more sobering than losing your family. I thought I’d always have them, and I guess I don’t understand how Beth can do this to me.”
“You keep playing, and you’ll work it out.” He walked away to the back room and left me there to pour my sorrows out through the instrument.
My phone rang about halfway to the end of Requiem, and I hoped it was Beth coming to her senses. I wanted to talk, and I needed to see my son more than ever.
I missed the little guy.
But it wasn’t Beth. I answered anyway. “Hey, Nick, what’s going on?” I hadn’t heard from him since Vegas.
“Not much. How about you?”
“Worst day of my life,” I said with a little laugh that wasn’t so convincing.
“Yeah? Are you kidding or being serious?”
“Beth took my son from me.”
“Damn, I’m sorry. I thought you two were working it out.”
“I thought so too. After the talk you gave me in Vegas, I came home and told her I didn’t want to lose her, but then in classic form, I screwed up. It’s a long story.”
“Well, you can tell me when I see you because that’s what I called for. I’m doing a job in Williston. I was hoping to see you and Zane while I’m in town.”
“Yeah, I’d like that.”
“I heard you were playing at Frills. I thought I’d check it out.”
“Yeah, I was but not anymore.” I didn’t want to go into it, but he already had me figured out.
“Is that by choice or force?”
“Force. But I was only trying to have fun.” I knew it would sound bad no matter how I explained it, so I didn’t even bother.
“Yeah, that Clay Whitmore fun is a bit different than most.” He chuckled.
“So, what are you building? I’d take a guess, but with the way this town is booming, I’d be here all day.” Williston was a boomtown thanks to the oil industry, and Nick’s company mostly did big commercial projects that were abundant in the area.
“Yeah, and that’s good for me. I’m hoping to score some other projects through this. Maybe expand again.” Sometimes, I wondered if he was growing the business to consume all of his time. Maybe that was what I needed—to lose myself in my work the way he did.
He continued. “I won the bid for the new casino. I come into town next week, so if there’s a bar around there that you’re still allowed in, maybe we can get together and have a drink?”
“I’d love that. I need the company to cheer me up.” I missed my college days when we’d all get together and raise hell. Everyone had grown up and gone on with their lives, and I hated that it all had to end. I didn’t want to grow old and miss out on all of the fun life had to offer.
“Are you okay?” His voice was full of concern. “I know it takes a whole lot to bring you down. You’re usually a little more resilient and carefree.” Nick had always been the shoulder of my group of friends, and when any one of us had a problem, he was there for us with an ear and advice.
“I know, but this is different. This is my son. It’s just all still sinking in, but I’ll be okay.” It was like a bad dream I couldn’t wake up from, but no one knew that better than Nick.
“No loss is easy, man. But you’ll see him again.” His words were softly spoken, and I realized that he was still hurting.
I hated to argue with a man who had lost his wife. She was never coming back, and my family was still alive and well. Even if I had to arrange meetings with Jack, it was still better to know he had a life and was doing fine. I knew Beth would take care of him. And herself.
“Yeah,” I said. “How are you? Don’t let my sad-sack of shit ruin the conversation. What’s been going on?” With all of the advice he gave, he never said much about his own feelings. Most of us still didn’t know too much about his wife’s death, other than it was a sudden illness that slowly killed her. The man had been through hell and still managed to get through it.
“I’m doing okay, man. Business keeps me busy, and that’s the key to my sanity. And it helps to pay the bills.”
“I hear ya.” I had to find another job to keep the money rolling in, and as of the night before,
I was unemployed.
That only put another burden on me. How was I supposed to support my kid? I had to find some way to help Beth, or she’d never let me see him. And what would happen with child support? I was really feeling like an ass for missing my day in court.
“Well, I guess I’ll see you soon, man. I’ve got to get off of here and call Zane. I’d like to see him too while I’m in town if he’s not too busy with the girls.”
Zane and his daughter, Mila, had welcomed Tara into their home and their hearts. They were quickly becoming one big happy family.
“Are you seeing anyone?” I asked. “I mean, have you gotten back in the game?” I wondered how long it would take me. I’d loved Beth for so long, I didn’t know how to love anyone else.
“No time for it really.” Nick didn’t seem to care. And even in Vegas, he kept himself in control and stayed away from the women. “I should go,” he said, sounding regretful. “I have an appointment with the foreman later, and I have to make sure things are all set for me to head your way.”
“Take it easy, brother. We’ll talk soon. Thanks for calling.”
He said his farewell and ended the call.
I continued playing, hoping to earn another drink until I figured out what to do.
Chapter 4
Beth
I could see the frustration in my student’s eyes as he tried to make the sound. “Come on, Taylor. You can do it. Put your tongue behind your teeth and say it with me. T-T-T-T. D-D-D-D.”
He held his jaw stiff and forced the sounds, which were still a bit off. “Th-T-T. D-th-D.” He took a deep breath and shifted in his seat uncomfortably. He was almost there, but he was growing weary from the session.
“You almost had it,” I said with excitement in my voice. I hoped my enthusiasm would wake him up a bit and encourage him.
Taylor was red faced. “I don’t think I’ll ever get it,” he said, his impediment not nearly as strong as it had been when he first came to me. He was a smart kid and a cutie, but his self-esteem was suffering.