Travis said nothing as he walked away, and this time I let him go, too confused to say anything more. He instilled doubt in me, and I didn’t like it. Who was he to make me question Declan’s story about that night?
As I walked back to the dorm, my mind was a whirlwind. That day Travis had my phone. Declan had texted me a lot, saying he needed me. I never asked him why he needed me, because our lives had been too busy lately, but now I wondered if Declan was a tad more manipulative than I thought.
No. No way. No way did Declan do that to himself…
If someone tried to kill him, they would’ve made sure the job was done. If they wanted to make it look like a suicide, the wounds would’ve been deeper, and he would’ve bled out before I got back.
I was halfway up the stairs to my floor when it came to me, and I had to stop, the realization too heavy.
Declan could’ve done it to himself, realized I wasn’t coming back in time, and then freaked out and called his brother, because he didn’t really want to die. All of it could’ve been staged, and if that was the case, I fell for it hook, line, and sinker.
Did I think Sawyer was capable of attacking someone? Yes. Did I suspect him of his sister’s murder? Maybe. With rich people, you never knew. But Declan…could he have attacked Declan like that and left him? I knew that if Sawyer had gone after him, he would’ve made sure the job was done. Completely done, meaning Declan was dead.
I walked slowly up the rest of the stairs and down the hallway. A few of the doors were open, but I didn’t pay any of the guys inside attention. I was like a zombie as I shuffled along, stopping before our door. Something new hung on our door today—a few of those sticky window clings that come out around holidays. These ones were fake blood, bloody handprints and all that.
Most of the other students had gone home over the long weekend, so I wondered if anyone else knew what happened that night. The kid working the front desk did, and one person knowing was all it took for rumors to spread like wildfire.
I set the bag down, peeling off the clings before shoving them inside the bag of food and unlocking the door. I found Declan vacuuming, a chore he did not often do. He still wore jeans, and a nice long-sleeved shirt that hid his scabbing scar. It had started to peel, and he constantly complained about how itchy it was.
His brown head turned to me, and he gave me a dimpled smile. “I thought I’d clean, since you ran out and got the food,” he said, the look he sent me warm and kind and…exactly the kind of look everyone would fall for.
Exactly the kind of look I willingly believed time and time again, even after he’d shown me his other side at Sawyer’s first party. He’d gotten so mad, hardly acted like himself. I’d forgotten about it, mostly because he never acted like that again, but what if he was like that? What if that was the real Declan?
What if Declan wasn’t a precious cinnamon roll but instead a lying, conniving master manipulator? What if he was just as much of a monster as Travis and Sawyer were, but he did better at hiding it? I didn’t like thinking it, but I couldn’t help it, especially after realizing what Travis said made sense.
I set the bag on the counter in the kitchenette area. I got our food out while Declan finished vacuuming, saying nothing. Tonight I’d gotten us subs, but I wasn’t hungry. Not anymore. If anything, I wanted to throw up what little I’d eaten for lunch.
Declan was behind me instantly, gently touching my back, “Is everything okay?” He sounded eager, sincere, but I knew just because someone sounded sincere didn’t mean they actually were.
I tried to act unaffected by his touch, tossing him a smile. It was strained, but I hoped he took it for face value. “Yep,” I said, trying to sound peppy and happy. “Everything’s fine. I’m starving.” I grabbed my turkey sub and made my way to the area on the floor where we usually ate.
Declan watched me with his brown eyes, eyes that I always thought were kind and tender, yet now I wondered if it was a show. He took his sub and came beside me, plopping down a mere six inches from me. When he shifted his weight, our knees touched, and he didn’t try to move away.
I hated that Travis had gotten to me. The thing I hated most of all was that his words made sense. The doubt would eat me alive, and I wished I could rewind and forget about it—but another part of me was annoyed. Shocked and annoyed that I could’ve possibly fallen for Declan’s act.
Was it an act? I didn’t know, but I’d find out.
As we sat there and ate, listening to the TV, one question rang through my head, a question that had nothing to do with whether or not Declan had staged it all: how did Travis know exactly where I was on campus?
This place, these guys, they were driving me crazy.
They might kill me, or they might leave me even more broken than I started out as.
Chapter Nineteen – Declan
Ignoring everyone else around me was turning out to be easier this year than last year. Last year everything was still fresh—and don’t get me wrong, it still hurt—but this year, I had other things to focus on than the eternal sorrow gripping my soul. I had someone else.
I had Ash, even if I didn’t have her quite like how I had Sabrina.
Sabrina was my first love, my only love until…I wanted to say until now, but I wasn’t sure if I loved Ash or not. I guess a part of me always worried whether or not I was projecting my feelings for Sabrina onto Ash. If I said I loved her, did I? Did I love her, or did I just want to have Sabrina back?
It was messed up, and I hated knowing Ash was involved. I hated it, and I needed it. I needed Ash here. If she wasn’t…I honestly couldn’t say what I’d do. I wouldn’t know what to do with myself. Whether or not my feelings for Sabrina were being projected onto Ash, I knew Ash was the only thing keeping me grounded, the only person in this whole campus keeping me sane.
Hillcrest. I couldn’t care less about the prestigious university. I didn’t care my dad was the dean or what well-paying job I’d get once I got out of here. After losing Sabrina, it was hard for me to turn my eyes toward the future and wonder what my life would be like in ten, fifteen years. A small kernel of me wondered if I’d even live that long.
I sat in class the next Monday, typing away as the professor lectured on. Most of the other students around me were taking notes. Sawyer sat a few rows above me, and I bet he watched me. I bet he wasn’t taking notes. I bet he just sat there, his legs apart, glaring at the back of my head like I was the enemy.
I didn’t kill Sabrina, and I hated that he turned everyone against me. It sucked having no friends. Yeah, I had a brother who would do anything for me, but it wasn’t the same. The only person I had was Ash, and last weekend she just felt…distant. She wasn’t acting right, and regardless of how many times I asked, she kept saying nothing was wrong. I might’ve been a lot of things, but I wasn’t stupid.
“The justice system,” the professor droned on, “as much as we want it to be perfect, perfect it is not. Sometimes even the tiniest of things can mean a whole case is thrown out. Have any of you been watching the news?” He always tried to get students to participate, and no one ever wanted to.
A student sitting in the front rose his hand, and for a few minutes, he and the teacher spoke like they were the only ones in the room, as if none of us existed. Teacher’s pet. They spoke of something happening in our own state, but I wasn’t paying much attention. I was itching to get back to the dorm, to corner Ash and demand that she tell me what’s wrong. We couldn’t go on like this. If we were friends, which I was pretty sure we were, it meant telling each other when something was bothering us.
Friends told each other their secrets, or at least I thought they did. I was discovering now that the ones I’d thought were my friends might not have ever been my friends at all. They lied to me, kept things from me.
The class period was a few minutes from ending, and it was as the professor was letting us pack up early that I saw Sawyer practically rush down to the podium, where he leaned on it and talked to th
e professor. I wasn’t going to pay any attention to him, but the professor called my name shortly.
“Declan Briggs,” he said, gesturing for me to come down. “Can you come here for a moment?”
I felt my stomach drop, and I zipped up my laptop before heading down. At least three feet between Sawyer and I at all times, even now. I stood off to the side, one hand on the strap of my backpack.
“Laptops are a privilege, not a necessity,” the professor spoke, staring squarely at me. I had no idea what he was going on about, but I knew it had to do with Sawyer. “Sawyer here says you’ve been doing some…” The professor coughed. “Inappropriate things on your computer while in class.”
I had no idea what he meant by inappropriate, but knowing Sawyer, it had something to do with certain sites that would download a ton of viruses onto your computer the moment you went to them. “I only take notes,” I said, knowing it was useless. I hated handwriting my notes; I always had. Sawyer knew it.
This…this was just low. Stupid.
“I think, maybe, it would be best for everyone around you if you started taking notes the old-fashioned way,” the professor said, and for the first time, I noticed hardly anyone else had left the lecture hall. The students who sat near me stayed…to back up Sawyer’s story about me going on inappropriate sites during class? “Trust me, your wrist won’t fall off.”
He was trying to joke, but the joke fell flat, and I only stared. “Okay,” I said. “No more laptop. Got it.” I said nothing else as I turned on my heel, leaving the lecture hall as quickly as I possibly could.
Sawyer. I didn’t often imagine physical violence, but I did when it came to that one. He was off his rocker; he didn’t know when to quit. I loved Sabrina; I didn’t kill her. Her note blaming me was…not fair. She was the one who was cheating, not me. I was just the one who said maybe we needed a break while she figured out what she wanted. Not once did I ever suspect she wouldn’t come back to me. I thought her fling with Travis was just that, a fling, nothing meaningful.
I was not alone as I exited the lecture hall. Sawyer was on my heel, following me out of the building and into the warm light of day. I stuck my hands in my pockets, knowing that if I let them hang by my side, they might not remain there for long. Sawyer’s face needed a few hits, I think.
A strong hand grabbed my shoulder, slowing my speed but not stopping me. Sawyer wanted us to go at his pace, and I shot him a glare.
“You know,” Sawyer spoke, and I noticed his bottom lip was nearly healed, “I find myself wondering why the hell Ash likes you so much. Why she’s willing to go against me, all to protect you. I mean, look at you, and look at me. There’s no competition. Based on looks alone, I should have her.”
I tried to shake his hand off but failed. His fingers tightened on my shoulder, and I refused to wince at the pain. He could throw me to the ground and beat on me, and I would do my best not to give him any satisfaction.
“So then I wondered what you’ve told her. Does she know the whole truth? Does she know why you and Sabrina were broken up?” Sawyer’s green eyes sparkled in the sun, but their brightness was shadowed by his dark intent. “Does she know how much of a pathetic loser you were, always waiting for my sister to come back to you, no matter how many times she told you it was over?”
Sawyer had it wrong. The breakups were mutual. She never broke up with me. We always agreed to separate, and she always came back to me.
Except for that last time, when she’d hung herself. There was no coming back to me after that.
“Try telling her whatever you want,” I said, glaring at him. “But I have a feeling she won’t believe a word you say. Look at you, still trying to make my life miserable. Who’s the pathetic loser now, huh?” My words must’ve startled him, for his grip on my shoulder loosened enough that I was able to break free and speed up my pace.
Sawyer was growling, practically foaming at the mouth by the time he caught up to me. “She doesn’t need to believe me. She just needs to doubt you.”
Doubting me…it wasn’t something I wanted Ash to do. I wanted her on my side, one hundred percent. I didn’t want her to wonder whether things between Sabrina and I were rocky. And Travis? I didn’t care if she knew of his involvement, but…would she think of me any differently if she did?
“I’m going to make her doubt you, and then I’m going to take her away from you,” Sawyer said. He gave me a lopsided smile before walking by, picking up his pace. I slowed down, not wanting to walk with him.
I watched him go, feeling alone amongst the crowd of students around me on the sidewalk. My arm started to itch. My cut had mostly healed up, a scar where it was. I typically wore long sleeves or jackets when I went to class, no matter how warm it was outside; I didn’t need anyone else to see it and ask me about it. It was bad enough I had Will texting me constantly.
Maybe it was foolish, but I had faith in Ash. I didn’t think she’d fall for whatever it was Sawyer wanted to do. And, anyway, I saw it as his last hurrah, one final push to try to tear Ash from me. Perhaps I’d grown thicker skin, but it didn’t feel like he was really putting his all behind it lately. Even the other students’ snickers and sneers had grown further between, and Ash always took care of whatever was on the outside door without showing me what it was.
I wouldn’t go so far as to say I was happy, but I was content. Ash was what I needed, and I’d be damned if I let Sawyer get between us. I had to figure out what was bugging her.
When I returned to the dorm room after my classes, I found Ash was in the shower. I set my bag down and ran a hand through my hair, wondering what I’d say to her, how I’d say it. If something was on her mind, if something was bugging her, I had to know what it was. I didn’t like her being so distant.
It wasn’t long before I heard a thud in the bathroom, and I knew it wasn’t a good sound. My feet drew me to the bathroom door, and I knocked, saying, “Ash? You okay?” My blood ran cold when I imagined finding her how she found me…I couldn’t remember that night much, but I could only imagine how awful it’d been. Really, I owed my life to her.
I received no answer, and so I tentatively reached for the door handle. It was locked, of course.
“Ash,” I spoke her name a little louder, pounding on the door. I supposed I could’ve looked for something to try to pick the lock, since it was just a normal handle, the kind you’d only need something sharp for, but I needn’t have worried, for suddenly the door open, and Ash stood there, sopping wet and wearing nothing but a towel.
She’d taken off her splint, and she used both hands to hold the towel against her chest. The shower was still running behind her, and yet I could tell she was gone.
“I fell,” she whispered. “I don’t fall.”
I didn’t know what to do, if I should help her dry off or get her clothes. I knew if I moved an inch, I might see a bit more skin than I should; she only held the towel against her front. The rest of her was all bare.
But…wait. Her words didn’t make sense.
“You said you hurt your thumb by falling,” I said, watching as she slowly lifted her head, those beautiful grey eyes meeting mine.
Her lips parted ever so measuredly, and she whispered, “I lied. I’m a liar, Declan. I’m a liar, just like the rest. I try to be, but it’s hard…” Her gaze fell, and maybe it was the water from the shower, or maybe it was actual tears, but her eyes seemed too watery. “I’ve lied to everyone. No one knows.”
I had no idea what she was trying to say, but I knew she wasn’t acting like herself. She was out of it, and I knew I had to help her. She helped me when I needed it; now it was my turn to return the favor. For her…I’d do anything.
“Come on,” I said, reaching for her shoulders, but she jerked back from me, eyes widening.
“I’m a liar, Declan,” she said it more firmly this time, as if I hadn’t heard her the first time.
Since she clearly wouldn’t move from that spot, dripping onto the tile below, I cro
ssed my arms, giving her an unimpressed expression. “Okay,” I said, playing into her game, “what have you lied about?”
“I can’t tell you.”
Okay, we were definitely going nowhere with this.
“Let’s get you dressed,” I said, once again trying to corral her. This time she leaned into me, instantly wetting my shirt with her wet head. I froze, not knowing what to do. If I pushed her away, was that rude? If I wrapped my arms around her, would it be weird because she was practically naked? I mean, I could glance down and get an eyeful of her bare ass, for goodness sakes…
Against my chest, she murmured, “Are you a liar?”
If I wasn’t already frozen in place, I would’ve been then. What did she mean? What was she referring to? Had Sawyer already gotten to her, or was this just a desperate ploy to take the attention off herself and put it on me? I didn’t know which one was worse.
“I try my best not to be,” I answered honestly, not knowing how else to answer. This girl, she had to know she could trust me. I’d never do anything to hurt her, and I wouldn’t lie to her. I might keep things she didn’t need to know from her, but that wasn’t the same thing as lying, was it?
A lie of omission was a lie all the same.
With how she was involved with Travis, maybe I should tell her what happened. What really happened.
When she said nothing else, when she kept herself pressed against me, I tentatively reached around her shoulders, holding her close. Her skin was dripping wet still, having not dried herself off after falling in the shower. Her skin was smooth under my hands, and I resisted my urge to hold her even tighter, to whisper into her ear that I’d never let the world hurt her again. Whatever had happened in her past would never play on repeat. Things were different now. She had me, and I had her.
“If you didn’t fall, how did you hurt yourself?” I asked, not knowing whether or not she’d answer.
“I can’t tell you,” she said. Ash turned her head up toward me. She now held onto my sides and not the towel. If I took a step away from her, the towel would fall and she’d be there, utterly naked. I had to tell myself not to think about it, otherwise something would pop up that definitely shouldn’t.
Freak (Hillcrest University #2) Page 13