by Kat Mizera
“I’m not thinking anything,” Aaron protested. “I’m just slowing things down a bit, that’s all.”
“Because you’re thinking about something stupid,” Jake said knowingly. “Dude, I’m serious. If you fuck this up—”
“Picture time!” Dani called out. “Come on, we’re setting up the timer on Sergei’s fancy new Nikon and going to do a group picture by the tree. Let’s go!”
Thankfully, Aaron had an escape and he moved over to the tree with everyone else, crouching on his haunches in front of the group with Sara standing behind him, her hands on his shoulders.
When they looked back on these pictures, would they be able to see through his forced smile? Would Sara rip it into tiny little pieces as she cursed him to hell? Shit, he needed to stop thinking and allow himself to enjoy one last night with her. It was Christmas Eve, and he wouldn’t do it on the holiday. In fact, he would take the coward’s way out and send her a text once they were on the road. That way, he wouldn’t have to face the hurt in her eyes. In the end, she’d realize what he’d done for her, but short-term she would be pissed. He didn’t even want to think about what Dani would do when she found out. Yeah, he needed to enjoy tonight and tomorrow, because his life was going to suck next week.
30
Christmas had been great but far too short. Sara had loved having Aaron home for two straight days with nothing to think about but each other and celebrating with friends. They’d had some alone time on Christmas Day, and while she’d been bummed that his present hadn’t arrived, she’d teased him with hints until they’d fallen into bed since he couldn’t get her to tell him what it was.
He’d spent a good amount of money on her, and she’d liked everything, but they were all impersonal gifts, which had been a little odd. Aaron had always been both thoughtful and generous with presents, even when they were just friends. So this year’s gifts had been disappointing, even though she would never admit it out loud. After all, gift cards to her favorite restaurants and shops meant being able to go out with her friends without having to ask him for money, and he probably knew how uncomfortable she would be with that. He’d also bought her the prettiest, sexiest black negligee she’d ever seen. She couldn’t wait to wear it for him, but they hadn’t had time over Christmas and yesterday he’d had practice and then the official closing of the house. And he’d left early this morning for nine long days.
On the plus side, by the time he got back, the house would be painted, the appliances would be in and their furniture would have arrived. She hoped to have Ruby by then too, though Dr. Harjo told her not to worry, he’d take good care of her until they were ready. Bringing her home any sooner would be a disaster because everything was a mess right now. They had things half-packed at the apartment and she’d just arranged to have new carpets installed upstairs at the house on the third of January. Aaron would be home on the fourth, so everything would be settling down by then. At least she hoped so.
Niko didn’t have school this week so he was with her today as she ran errands.
“Auntie Sara, why do you always have errands?” he asked.
“Sorry, buddy. It’s part of being a grown-up.”
“I think I like being a kid better.”
“Me too.”
“Can we go ice skating later?”
She hesitated. Troy had told her the bone in her leg had healed perfectly and though she needed to work up to playing hockey again, she had no restrictions.
“You know what? There’s that outdoor rink they put up for the holidays by the mall. What do you say we go there after lunch?”
“Yay!”
She smiled to herself, finishing the rest of her errands and then stopping at a drive-through to feed him. She didn’t usually do that, but this was a busy week and it particularly sucked that Sergei and Dani had to be gone. Niko tended to be good about it, but the holidays were hard.
They’d just finished eating when her phone rang. She was surprised to see Gage’s name on the screen and answered quickly. “Hey, Gage.”
“Hey. Listen, Laurel’s gone into labor so we’re at the hospital. I figured I’d let you know since everyone else is out of town.”
“Oh, wow, isn’t it early?”
“A bit, yeah, but the doctor says everything looks good. She’s thirty-seven weeks, so it’s not terrible.”
“I can drop Niko off with Amy and come by if you want me to?”
“I’ll call you when the baby’s here. No need for you to sit around and do nothing while she’s in labor.”
“Okay. Give her my love.”
“I will. Thanks.”
He disconnected and she headed toward the outdoor rink.
They skated for a couple of hours and by the time they’d gotten home and Niko had taken a bath and gotten into his pajamas, Gage called her back.
“It’s a boy!” he said proudly.
“Congratulations. How is she?”
“Tired, but mom and baby are doing great. He was nineteen inches long and seven pounds even, so everything is good.”
“Do we have a name?”
“Not yet. We’d agreed on a girl’s name, but not a boy’s. I’m sure we’ll have it figured out by morning.”
“Well, I’m glad everything is okay. I’ll come by to say hello in the morning, if that’s okay?”
“Of course.”
“Good night.”
“Good night.”
Niko was in front of the TV watching The Polar Express for the hundredth time and she texted Aaron.
SARA: Gage and Laurel have a baby boy!
AARON: That’s great.
SARA: Do you want me to call you?
AARON: Not right now, getting ready to crash. It was a long day.
SARA: Okay, good night.
AARON: Nite.
Her woman’s intuition started to tingle. Since when was he too tired to say good night verbally? And after exciting news about the baby, he’d given her a two-word answer? What on earth was going on with him? Something was bothering him and she needed to get to the bottom of it, but it probably wouldn’t be a good idea to try to force it while he was on the road. Hopefully, he’d get home and they’d be settled into the house soon so they could talk. She didn’t know what else to do, so she focused on keeping busy.
The letter came five days after Aaron had left. They’d texted daily, but he hadn’t called her the whole time he’d been gone and when she recognized his handwriting on the envelope, her gut screamed that this couldn’t be good. He’d been distant since Christmas Day and now he’d written her a fucking letter. Who did that these days? It was almost definitely not a love letter. Especially after not talking to her for five long days. She ripped it open and stared at the handwritten letter in shock.
Hey, Sara.
I know I’m a coward for doing it this way, but I didn’t think I could look you in the eye and be a jerk. The truth is, it kind of hit me on Christmas Eve when we were shopping, just how fast everything has happened between us, and maybe we’re not ready. Maybe I’m not. Living together, a new house, pets… It’s like being married and we’ve really only been together a couple of months. I don’t know how to go backwards, though, so maybe we need a break. I’m really sorry for getting your hopes up, but I warned you that I’m a terrible boyfriend, and it’s better if we end it now before I do something to hurt you even worse.
I honestly didn’t mean for this to happen, but let’s not drag this out or make it harder than it has to be. It’ll probably be uncomfortable to hang out with our friends and stuff for a while, until you decide if you’re going to go back to school, so I’ll stay scarce. If you need money or anything, to move or whatever, just take it out of the account. Don’t worry about the house. Leave your keys on the counter and I’ll handle everything when I get back.
—Aaron
Tears stung her eyelids as she went over the letter twice more, trying to read between the lines, to see something, anything, that would give her a c
lue as to what had happened. She knew damn well it had nothing to do with slowing down the progress of their relationship, but something had definitely changed and she was furious that he’d done it this way instead of talking to her. Whatever it was, they could have discussed it. She would have been hurt, but it wouldn’t have been a big deal to slow down a little. She could go back to living with Dani and Sergei, and she’d been really careful about spending his money.
Had it been about the kitchen stuff? She’d spent maybe five hundred dollars on a Crock-Pot, a toaster oven, a food processor, and a handful of essentials like pot holders and cannisters. No, Aaron wasn’t that petty. This wasn’t about money. It was about something else and she would find out what it was, whether he wanted to talk in person or not. He owed her that much.
She opted not to reach out that day and waited until the next morning. The team was in Nashville today, which was three hours ahead of Anchorage time, so it was lunchtime and they were probably heading back to the hotel to nap before the game. She sent him a direct and succinct text, hoping to let him know she wasn’t giving up so easily.
SARA: I don’t know what prompted the letter you sent, but not that long ago, you told me to trust you and that we’re in this for the long haul. So I’m trusting you to work things out before you get home. Because I’ll still be here.
She closed the texting app and went about her day. It was hard, but she was determined not to freak out. Aaron wouldn’t just walk away from them, not after how long he’d fought them getting together in the first place. They’d literally just bought a house together. No, she hadn’t put any money toward it, but it was her house too, dammit. Wasn’t it?
She watched the game and noted that Donovan was in goal instead of Aaron, which was weird for the first game of a road trip. Aaron played seventy-five percent of the games, so to see him benched this soon on a trip was a testament to the fact that something had to be going on with him. In frustration, she called Dani after the game. It was a little late in Nashville, but Dani and Sergei tended to need time to unwind afterward, and they often did it separately, just for a little alone time.
“Hey.” Dani sounded frustrated after another loss.
“They looked awful out there,” Sara said quietly. “What’s the vibe like?”
“Worse than they looked. Everyone likes Coach Riser, but they miss Laurel. It’s weird, because they fought against having a woman head coach and now they won’t perform for anyone else. And the other new guy is useless.”
“That really sucks, but I need to talk to you about something. You have to promise me you won’t tell anyone, not even Sergei.”
Dani groaned. “You know I can’t keep anything from him.”
“This is personal, about me, and there have to be boundaries. It’s part of the bestie code.”
“Okay, okay. You know I’m always here for you. What’s going on?”
Sara told her everything that had happened since Christmas and read her the letter. When she was finished, Dani sounded equally mystified.
“What the fuck? He looked like hell at practice, so that’s why Coach Riser put Donovan in, and this explains it somewhat. How are you doing?”
“I’m frustrated, but dammit, he can’t just kick me to the curb like the last few months meant nothing to him.”
“Has he responded to your text?”
“Nope.”
“I’m sorry, girlfriend. I don’t even have any words of wisdom because this makes zero sense. I can’t imagine what he’s thinking or what happened. Even if he was having second thoughts, there are better ways to handle it. This isn’t like him at all.”
“I know. That’s why I haven’t freaked out yet.”
“Keep me posted, okay? And I won’t say anything to Sergei. We’re getting ready to start baby-making again so I’ve been keeping him busy practicing.”
“That sounds like the most fun ever.” Sara was a little wistful.
“I agree. We’re not buying ovulation kits or any dumb shit this time, we’re just going to fuck like bunnies until it happens.”
“Good for you.”
“And don’t worry, we’ll figure out what’s happening with Aaron.”
“I hope so.” They disconnected and Sara stared at her phone for a long time, willing Aaron to call or text. But the screen remained sadly blank for the rest of the night.
31
The road trip was hell. Aaron got shit-faced on the plane east and Coach Riser wound up benching him against Nashville. Sara’s text didn’t help his already foul mood, and since he couldn’t think of a response that wouldn’t make him sound like a complete asshole, he didn’t respond at all. Instead, he played in the next game against Carolina and wound up getting in a fight, something he hadn’t done in two years. They lost anyway and Coach Riser chewed his ass for starting a fight when it hadn’t been at all necessary.
By the time they headed for St. Louis, he was starting to lose it. He’d done what he thought was necessary, but Sara was standing her ground and he was getting frustrated. He’d hoped she would call and pick a fight so he could say something final to her and it would be done, but instead she was going with mature, rational and patient. Which only made it twice as hard for him.
It made him feel worse than ever too. Because she’d said she trusted him. That she would wait for him to sort it out. What kind of wonderful, loving shit was that? She was supposed to have a temper tantrum or something, wasn’t she?
Of course not. This was Sara. Him and Sara. Them. As a couple. The relationship he’d worked so hard to convince her he wanted. Complete with a new house, pets, and a fucking engagement ring that was waiting to be picked up. He was making a mess of everything, but what choice did he have? If he kept her from her dreams, she was going to wake up one day really pissed off at him, and what if they had a family and stuff by then? It had disaster written all over it and he really, truly wanted her to have everything she wanted in life. And what she wanted was to be a veterinarian. The problem would be convincing her of that if he told her he’d seen the letter. She could be stubborn as hell and if he told her he knew about the letter, she would probably lie because she didn’t want to lose him.
“You. Me. The bar. Now.” Jake nudged him when they got back to the hotel and Aaron shook his head.
“Nah. I’m going—”
“To the bar, with me, now.” Jake folded his arms across his chest. “Don’t make me make you.”
Aaron rolled his eyes. “Dude, not tonight. I’ve got—”
“What the hell is wrong with you? You always do this shit when you’ve got something going on at home, and I’m going to find out one way or another, so why not just fucking talk to me?”
Aaron scowled. “Fine.” He stalked into the hotel ahead of Jake and went straight to the bar, ordering a Jack Daniel’s and Coke and a shot of tequila.
“You’re drinking like it’s the off-season.” Drake Riser sat down next to him and Aaron stifled a groan.
“I just need to unwind a little,” he muttered.
Jake settled on the other side of him.
“Oh, what the hell?” Aaron asked, looking from one to the other. “Is this some kind of intervention?”
“It’s whatever you need it to be to get whatever’s up your ass out.”
Drake ordered two more shots of tequila. “And we’ll be here doing shots with you until you do.”
“It’s not necessary,” Aaron said through clenched teeth. He absolutely couldn’t have this conversation with these guys. Not tonight. Not until Sara was back in Minnesota at school.
“But it’s happening.”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake.” Aaron made an impatient gesture. “Sara and I are breaking up and she’s being a pain in the ass about it, so I’ve got to get her out of my house.” Jesus, that was the most dickish thing he’d ever said and the look on Jake’s face reinforced it.
“You broke up and you’re kicking her out?” Jake just stared at him.
“Well, I’m not kicking her out on the street,” Aaron said, backpedaling slightly. “She’s just going back to Dani and Sergei’s. Or home to Minnesota. Or whatever. But if we’re not together, she can’t live in the new house. Geez.”
“But you just bought her a fucking engagement ring,” Jake sputtered.
“I changed my mind.” Aaron downed his shot of tequila.
“I haven’t been here long enough to know all the history,” Drake said quietly. “But from what I’ve heard, you and Sara have been best friends for years. Now you’re about to get engaged and you just randomly changed your mind? What happened?”
“I. Don’t. Want. To. Talk. About. It.” He ground out each word, and then reached out and took Jake’s shot too, downing it.
“I feel like we’re missing a piece of the puzzle,” Jake said, motioning to the bartender.
“Did she cheat on you?” Drake asked.
“What she did or didn’t do is none of your business and I’m not going to badmouth her. So just leave me to my misery, okay? In a few days, I’ll find a couple of puck bunnies to distract me, and I’ll be back on an even keel.”
“I knew you were going to do something stupid when you were acting weird at Christmas,” Jake said, picking up his shot. “And now I’m going to have to suffer with you.”
“No one’s forcing you to do shit,” Aaron snapped.
“If you show up to the morning skate tomorrow hungover, you’re not playing,” Drake said quietly.
Aaron tensed but didn’t respond. He just picked up his drink. “Whatever you say, Coach.”
“I know it’s not cool to talk about our feelings and shit,” Drake said as he got to his feet, “but part of being a team is turning to each other when shit hits the fan. Even if it’s embarrassing or something you wish you didn’t have to deal with. Holding it all in and then acting out isn’t cool either. You went through something like this a few years back, and I’m telling you right now, I won’t put up with that behavior.” He turned and headed toward the elevators.