by S. Valentine
“I better answer it,” I tell her. “In case he does something stupid.”
I know damn well he wouldn’t. I’m more worried he’ll hurt me, carry out his vicious threats. Answering the call, I stroll into the living room. Thomas tells me I’ve left some of my belongings in the bathroom. Perfumes and whatnot.
“I can bring them over?” It’s just an excuse to see me, to try and persuade me to forgive him.
“It’s okay. I don’t really need them.” I glance out the window, dismayed at the grey sky, the sun hiding behind the clouds. A woman passes, holding a dog on a lead and I think of Roger.
“Let me see you. Please.”
“Stop it, Thomas,” I warn coldly.
“Okay.” He sighs. “Elias is here. I’ll ask him to drop your stuff off.”
Look at him being all nice and accommodating. He’s so fake. When he knows it’s really over between us his nasty streak will return. I’m expecting it. “I said it’s fine.”
“Just consider giving me another chance, babe. Please. That’s all I ask.”
I mumble my agreement, but I already know it’s never going to happen. Slipping my mobile in my pocket, I bump into Lori in the hallway. She’s pulling on her jacket.
“I’m going to the shop to stock up on ingredients. Do you need anything?”
I shake my head.
“Okay. See you in a couple of hours. Unless you want to come?”
“No. I think I’ll have a lie down. I’m a bit tired.”
When she leaves my mobile bleeps. I check it and panic rises. Thomas has messaged stating Elias will be with me in around fifteen minutes with my stuff. I flee upstairs, my nerves dissipating, replaced with excitement. This isn’t good. But it’s sort of good. I’ve been thinking about him nonstop since I left Thomas. Even though I’m single it changes nothing. He still works for Thomas and I’m restricted for other additional reasons.
Releasing my hair from the band, I ruffle it up with my fingers, then find myself adding a touch of makeup. I try to convince myself I just want to appear presentable when in reality I actually care what Elias thinks of me. The way he looks at me is different from other men. It fills me with confidence and makes me feel special if only for a short time.
By the time I’ve changed into another t-shirt, the last one being covered in flour, the doorbell rings. What are these giddy emotions making my body tingle? They’re foreign except when it comes to Elias.
When I greet him at the door I have to hide the glee from my face. His black suit is immaculate. He’s always so smart I’m curious what he’s like when dressed casual. I’ve already seen him topless and that body will be etched in my mind forever. His attention is on the road and when he turns to look at me, I swallow. Those eyes. I’m almost certain his lips are twitching as if he’s refraining from half smiling.
“Miss. Jain.” He holds up a carrier bag.
“Thanks.” I take my stuff. We stand there silent and I’m praying he wants to extend this visit. I ask if he fancies a coffee.
He glances behind him again and I hate how desperate I am. He’s a busy man. Why would he want to spend time with his client’s ex girlfriend? I replay our last conversation, how worried he seemed when he discovered I was leaving Thomas.
“Don’t worry, if you have things to do,” I mutter, my nerves tingling.
“I suppose I’ve got time for one.” He takes steps toward the door and I move aside to let him enter.
I don’t know what I’m playing at. The whole time I’m making coffee I’m paranoid he’s watching me. I’m a little clumsier in his presence. When I finally hand him his drink and sit opposite, speech eludes me. I can’t come up with a single topic to discuss. I can’t rely on Mr. Silent to either. He’d happily sit there not muttering a single word.
“How are things with you?” I ask.
His fingers drum on the tabletop. “Not bad.”
I sip my coffee, dying inside, regretting inviting him in. “Work going okay?”
He nods. “Got Maverick Haynes as a client now.”
“That’s good,” I praise. This is too formal. I want it over with already.
He lifts his cup which looks tiny in his large hand. Sipping his coffee, he puts it back down and watches me intently. “Are you okay?” he asks. “Are you safe?”
I tuck my hair behind my ears. “I’m fine.”
He hums his response and I know he’s unsure if I’m being truthful. After we’ve spoken about the weather and he’s filled me in on his dad’s current condition, I walk him to the door. He pauses for a second and tells me the RSPCA informed him Roger died of old age, painlessly. This puts my mind at ease.
When he reaches for the door handle I realise I don’t want him to go. Will I ever see him again?
“Elias,” I whisper.
He straightens his posture and slowly turns to me. His eyes are dark, blazing fiercely. They drop to my lips as mine do his. Before I know it, he’s grabbing my face and his mouth is on mine. We kiss frantically and passionately, tongues probing, something he must have wanted to do forever like I have. With his solid chest he backs me against the wall, the kiss becoming deeper, our moans mingling. It’s explosive, everything I wished it would be. He scoops me off my feet and my legs instinctively wrap around his waist as do my arms around his neck. He’s so tall, I’m way off the floor. When he starts to carry me up the stairs, although fearful of what he’s expecting, I’m unable to break the kiss. He lays me on my bed, his lips attacking me everywhere, eliciting groans. My back arches, my neck tingling from each and every kiss. I’ve never had this chemistry with anyone. My heart feels full, happy.
“Miss. Jain,” he murmurs.
“Amara,” I correct him, swirling my tongue around his.
“Amara.” He grunts, his body sliding over me. “You’re…so…beautiful.” His eyes are now studying my face, taking in my features. I could burst with happiness.
He grabs my wrists and pushes my arms above my head, making me exposed and vulnerable, not being able to touch him. I know he’s a man who likes control, but I’m not particularly comfortable losing mine either. I grab his face and kiss him again. We’re panting into one another’s mouths, our breathing hot and heavy. His huge frame rubs against me again and I can’t take it anymore.
“Stop,” I mumble and wriggle when his fingers slide up my top and stroke my stomach. “I can’t…” I need to tell him why I can’t continue, why I can’t get intimate with him. I stupidly let things get out of hand and now I’m filled with self-loathing again. I’m torn between what’s right and my attraction and feelings for him. I want to be safe with Elias, desired and happy, but it’s not as simple as that.
“It’s okay.” He strokes my cheek. “We can go at your pace.”
I nod and sit.
“I better go. Got work tonight.”
“Okay.” I fiddle with the hem of my t-shirt. “When can I see you again?”
He shrugs a shoulder. “I’m free most weekdays.”
I take his hand, needing contact, needing to be close to him. He strokes my fingers and plants a kiss on them. His eyes are twinkling with joy, something not often associated with him. I bet there’s so much more to this man than just his stunning good looks. I hope I can peel back his layers and get to know the real Elias Cortez.
“How about Saturday?” I ask.
“Sure.” He releases me and rubs at the stubble on his jaw. His whole body is now tense, worry lines marring his forehead. “Miss J…Amara,” he quickly corrects himself.
“Yes?” I ask, afraid of what he’s going to say.
“This…whatever it is…whatever happens between us...I can’t risk Mr. Dawson finding out, and losing my job.”
My shoulders relax. “I understand.”
“Mr. Dawson can’t find out,” he repeats.
“You know, Thomas isn’t as nice as you think he is,” I mutter.
“I don’t doubt that.” He shuffles closer and holds my face betwee
n his palms again. He kisses me so gently, so loving I almost melt on the spot. “I’ll see you on Saturday,”
He lets himself out and I watch him from the window. I don’t expect it but he glaces up and I bolt backwards, hiding from his sight. He rakes his hands through his hair as if distressed, as if fighting with his emotions. He’s worried about losing his job, that’s all, I convince myself.
Butterflies form in my stomach and I shake my head, unable to believe we’ve just kissed. He said he’d go at my pace. What if he doesn’t have patience though? Elias is guarded too. What if he doesn’t develop feelings for me, or want a relationship? I stop dead in my tracks and drop onto the bed, a million unanswered questions and worries rolling around in my mind. He needs to be on the same page as me, if not then nothing can happen between us. I sigh. Maybe this was a bad idea. I’m being hopeful we can both have a happy ending, but in reality it’s ludicrous. I’m inviting more problems into my already complicated life, but like the thrill of a rollercoaster, I’m unable to get off. This is the sort of exhilarating ride I need. I’d rather crash and burn and end this way than by the fate that awaits me.
Chapter Twenty-Four
ELIAS
“How was Amara?” Thomas asks as soon as I step foot in his house later that night.
“I couldn’t really tell,” I lie and hate myself for doing so. I start to type on my mobile, pretending I’m distracted so he doesn’t continue questioning me. It works as he tells me to make myself at home while he changes.
I perch on the sofa, my head in my hands, as I try to control my breathing. How can I be both pleased and regretful about kissing her? I’ve only been away from Amara a few hours and yet I want to see her again. I unfasten a button at my collar, hot and uncomfortable. I can’t get any feelings involved.
“You ready?” Thomas calls out, as he traipses down the stairs.
“Yes.”
Thomas is glued to his mobile for the duration of the journey. For the next hour he instructs me to make several pit stops to several different places. He has a lot of acquaintances and certainly makes me work hard. I’m shattered when he orders me to take him to a restaurant afterwards. I gladly accept a strong coffee once we’re seated.
“I might need you to keep a close eye on Amara for me,” Thomas instructs.
I nod and wonder why he wants me to do so. Is he concerned she’ll meet another man, or is there something else going on which he can’t confide in me about? The fact he wants me to spy on her makes me uneasy. A few minutes later a few women join us, and Thomas greets one with a peck on the lips which eases my guilt about kissing Amara. If he was truly in love with Amara and devastated at losing her, I may have stepped back, left them to it, but the only thing Thomas loves is the control. I just hope he never directly asks me if I’m involved with her. I may be secretive, but I’m no liar.
“Hey, Elias.” Lori gives me a brief wave having arrived with Kyle. I straighten in my seat, hoping Amara hasn’t told Lori about us. The less people that know, the better.
“How are you?” I ask politely.
“I’m great.” She nods several times. Kyle must be doing something right, she’s glowing.
“Where’s Amara?” Thomas asks her when his female companions are out of earshot, ordering from the menu.
Lori rubs her forehead, before glancing at me and then back to Thomas. “I’m not going to be your informant, sorry. She’s my friend and she deserves space and privacy.”
The table goes quiet for a moment and I expect Thomas to lose it when he cracks his knuckles, annoyance twisting his features. “You’re right,” he states. “I’ll give her space.” He grins. “I’ll give her as much time as she needs so long as she comes back to me.”
For the next three hours I eat and people watch, trying to drown out the boring conversations happening at this table. Would it kill them to say something intellectual or interesting? They order drink after drink, money no issue as usual. I’m taken aback when Lori asks how my dad is, evidence Amara has been discussing me. I try to read her expression. How much does she know?
“He’s on the mend,” I respond.
“That’s good to hear.” Her smile seems authentic.
On the table my mobile bleeps and both mine and Thomas’s eyes zoom in on the screen notification. My spine goes rigid and then loosens up when I see it’s Lara. Thank fuck. I make a mental reminder to keep my phone in my pocket at all times. This secretive lark is bothering me already. What I’m doing isn’t right morally, but it’s too late to go back now. I’ve had a taster and I want more. So much more.
***
It’s late in the evening when I’m at my parents’ house sitting before the TV. My dad is asleep in the armchair, exhaustion having taken over him from chatting with me. He’s got more energy than he had a few days before so that’s positive. I join my mom in the kitchen, careful not to wake him. She gets to washing the dishes so I reply to Lara’s message. If I meet Lara consistently it’ll stop me from ever getting attached to Amara, and I need to keep her at arms length for many reasons. I’ll be honest and straight with her, let her know it’s just fun I’m after. It is just fun I’m after, I reassure myself.
“How’s Amara?” my mom asks as if she can tell I’m thinking about her.
“Fine as far as I’m aware. She broke up with my client.”
“That’s ashame,” she mumbles, not sounding one bit bothered. In fact she sort of sounds pleased. “Does that mean you won’t be seeing her again?” She glances over her shoulder at me.
“We’ll remain friends.”
“That’s good. I liked her. She seems…different to most women these days.”
Don’t I know it? I hate hiding things from my mom, but I don’t want to get her hopes up about Amara. She’ll be trying to plan a wedding and all sorts. After the kitchen is spotless, she joins me at the table and I detect a hint of a smile. She’s keeping something from me.
“What’s with you?” I ask.
She shrugs. “Nothing.” Now she does smile. “You seem happier for some reason.”
I remain silent.
“You’ve met someone, haven’t you?”
My chair scrapes across the floor as I stand. “Goodnight, mom,” I tell her, and bend to kiss her forehead. “Look after dad for me.”
“Drive carefully,” she yells.
“As always.”
Only when I’m getting into bed half an hour later do I get a message from Amara. She’s wishing me goodnight. I wish her the same back and get under the covers. I fail to drift off straight away, her face clear as day in my mind. I block it out and put a film on. It works. My dreams consist of Angelina Jolie instead.
Chapter Twenty-Five
AMARA
The Phantom Of The Opera takes my breath away. I’m at Her Majesty’s Theatre in London’s West End with Elias. I’m thankful it’s quite dark as my eyes must be puffy from getting emotional. The songs were beautifully sung, the performance riveting. I’ll remember the show and this date forever. Afterwards when we’re out in the street, I refrain from clasping Elias’s hand. How can I be so timid to make such a small gesture after we’ve kissed and explored one another's bodies with our hands? Dressed or not, the moment we shared was intimate.
“What did you think of the opera?” he asks.
“It was magical,” I gush.
“I’m glad you liked it.”
Is he? Noticing the streets are crowded he clasps my hand and I bite down my smile. I can’t tell whether he’s being affection in a protective way to not lose me, or whether he wants the close contact. Either way it suits me. He catches me watching him out the corner of my eye and I divert my attention quickly.
“Shall I take you home?”
My heart sinks. “Sure.” If only I could ask him to extend the evening. If only I could invite him back to Lori’s place, but I can’t. She’s dating Kyle and God forbid she accidentally slip up and news gets back to Thomas.
“We ca
n go back to mine,” Elias suggests.
As ideal as it sounds I’m still not ready to take anything further. He must sense me withdrawing because his hold tightens and he squeezes as if comforting me.
“I told you I’ll go at your pace.”
I tuck my hair behind my ear. “What will we do otherwise?” I’m not used to being in the company of men. I don’t know how this all works.
“Anything.” He presses his key fob when we reach his car and holds the door open for me. “Are you hungry?”
“A little,” I admit.
A catchy house track sounds from the speakers and I put my seatbelt on. After taking in the passing sights of bustling bars and buildings lit up by street lamps, I turn toward Elias. He drives steady and focused, manoeuvring the car perfectly, never forgetting to use his indicators, and he adheres to the exact speed limit. I rest my head against the seat and wonder how good it’d be to drive, to own a car, to have the freedom to just get up and go anywhere for the day. Elias spies on me out the corner of his eye, probably miffed as to why I’m gawping at him.
“You okay?”
I nod. “Just watching how you drive.”
He eases slightly off the accelerator, checks his right mirror, indicates, and veers into the next lane. “How come you don’t drive?”
“I don’t know how to.” I pause and give it considerable thought. It’s not like I’ve never wanted to learn how to drive. “The opportunity has never presented itself,” I state honestly.
He drives around the island and back in the direction we just came from. “You have the opportunity now. I’ll teach you.”
I straighten in my seat, alarmed. “I can’t drive…I…” My words trail off.
“I’ll teach you in a secluded car park.”
“It’s late. I don’t think it’s a good idea. I’m not even insured.” I come up with excuses to get out of it. I’ve wanted to drive for so long and now I’m afraid to even try, my insecurities getting the better of me.
“Miss. J…Amara. You can do anything you set your mind to.”