by Karen Ferry
He furrowed his brow but remained silent.
“See you at work on Saturday.”
She smiled at him before placing a very light, though nonetheless very inappropriate kiss on his lips. I gaped at them both, practically hearing the crack in my heart as it started to bleed. I barely noticed Ethan jerking his head, too busy staring at her catty smile as she straightened up and, without saying a word to me, turned around and sashayed away.
I kept staring at her back until I felt Ethan’s hand on my chin, turning my face to him.
“Don’t do it,” he whispered, an edge to his voice I’d never heard before.
“Don’t what?”
“Don’t even think about me and her together, Penelope. I mean it.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat.
“It’s a little hard not to,” I admitted, “given the way she kissed you while I was sitting right here, Ethan.” I huffed and jerked my head, freeing myself of his hold. “This was a mistake.”
I grabbed my purse and stood up, needing to get away from him, but he moved so quickly, barring my way. I cursed when I realized that he’d caged me between the table and his warm body.
“Let me go,” I fumed, trying to hold my angry tears at bay. I refused to cry in front of him.
“No.” He leaned down, trying to catch my eyes, but I avoided him and kept staring into his chest instead.
“Penelope, please,” he whispered. “You and me? We’ll never be a mistake.”
“She was all over you, Ethan.” My voice cracked on his name. “What am I supposed to think now, huh? That I’m just another notch on your bedpost? That I’m nothing more than a fling?”
“I don’t believe this,” he grunted, his hands now resting on my neck. “How can you think that after last night?”
My breath hitched. “Last night was amazing, Ethan, but seeing that woman just now? The way she acted around you…God, I…”
“She means nothing to me,” he interrupted, pressing his mouth against mine. I refused to give in and kept my mouth closed.
“Please, darlin’. I’m sorry. I-I should’ve gotten rid of her sooner. Don’t go. Don’t leave me.”
I took a shaky breath and glanced into his eyes. He looked so vulnerable right now that I felt my resolve weaken, but I stood my ground.
“Promise me you won’t let her touch you like that again?”
“I promise.”
I nodded, not doubting the sincerity of his words. I pushed through the hurt I knew I had no right to feel. “I know we’re not…I mean, logically, I know you must’ve had girlfriends in the past, but…”
“I haven’t.”
His thumb ran over my lips, trying to silence me, no doubt.
“What?” I scoffed.
He shrugged. “I won’t lie to you. I haven’t been a monk, no. I’ve hooked up with and fucked women, yes. But girlfriends? No.”
I took a deep breath and attempted to absorb his revelations.
“Have you...fucked her?”
Regret clouded his eyes, and I knew the answer then and there.
“Yes. But it’s been a long time…It didn’t mean anything.”
I nodded and gave him a crooked smile. “It’s okay if it meant something at the time, Ethan. I just don’t really want to…” I grimaced, hesitating to voice my ultimatum.
His eyes gentled. “Go on, you can tell me anything. That part of our relationship will never change.”
“All right.” I squared my shoulders as I met his gaze dead-on. “Whatever we’re starting, or started a couple days ago, I guess? I won’t share you with others while you’re with me. That’s a deal breaker to me. Always has been.”
His eyes warmed. “Do you honestly think I’d want another woman now that I have you?”
My skin tingled underneath his fingers and I felt a blush creep up on my neck. Sighing, I deflated and rested my head on his chest.
“You really know how to say the right things to a girl, don’t you?”
He chuckled. “Not exactly, but I’m glad you think so.”
I opened my mouth to answer him, but the moment was broken for the second time today when a waitress came over to take our order.
“Hi. My name is Shannon, and I’ll be your server today.” She gave us both a friendly smile. “Are you ready to order?”
Startled, I realized how famished I was and quickly sat back down on my chair and scanned the menu in front of me. Ethan moved to his seat and leaned back, calm as could be.
“Yes, please. Two eggs, sunny side up, some hash browns, bacon, sausages and a bowl of mixed fruits. Oh, and a cappuccino and orange juice, please.”
She nodded as she scribbled away before turning her attention to Ethan.
“The same for me, but black coffee, and I’d also like some pancakes with maple syrup, please.”
“You’ve got it.”
“Thanks.”
I let out a small smile as the waitress grabbed the menus and went away. My thoughts were scrambling, and I placed my head on my palm and looked out the window again.
“Want to hear a secret?”
My lips quirked in amusement.
“What secret?”
“I’ve always wanted you, Penelope.”
My eyes snapped back to meet his.
“You have?”
He nodded.
“Yes. I lied when you were eighteen. When I told you that you were like a little sister to me, I lied.”
My throat contracted with unshed tears as the memory of that night assaulted my senses.
“Why? You promised me a long time ago you’d never lie to me.”
“I lied to protect you,” he sighed. “To protect myself, I guess.”
“I don’t understand.”
He lifted his hand and ran a palm over his scruff. His eyes met mine, and the sadness in them took my breath away.
“Because I never wanted you to realize that I was unworthy of you. That I didn’t belong with someone so gentle, kind, and funny like yourself.”
I felt my eyes dry even before the words left his lips.
“That’s bullshit.”
He let out an embarrassed chuckle and ducked his head.
“Yeah, maybe it was.” He breathed deeply and leaned closer until our lips were so close, anticipation at feeling them on mine again coursed through me. “But it felt like the truth at the time.”
I wet my lips and caught the tip of his at the same time.
“And now?” I whispered. “What do you feel now?”
Finally, his lips swept over mine, lingering for a few breath taking seconds.
“Now I know I was a fool back then, and I’ll do everything I can to make this – us – work,” he whispered softly. “You’re underneath my skin. You always have been.”
My heart stuttered and took the last leap into falling in love with the man sitting in front of me.
“Why did we leave your place?” I grinned. “I can’t have my wicked way with you in public, and now it’s all I can think about.”
His eyes turned a darker shade of blue. It was the kind of dark that sent a delicious shiver down my spine, because despite not knowing all the signs yet, I already recognized the signs that told me he wanted me.
“Trust me, darlin’,” he brushed his lips over mine again, leaving them tingling and needy, “I haven’t a fucking clue.”
I grinned at him as happiness soared through me, but it came close to fizzling out when my eyes wandered to the farthest end of the room and caught the gaze of Astrid. The speculative way she kept staring at me, her lips pursed and a frown marring her forehead, wasn’t easy to ignore.
“That girl, Astrid?” I raised my eyebrows at Ethan. “She mentioned that she’d see you at work next weekend. Does she work at the animal shelter with you?”
He shook his head.
“Nah, she’s not really an animal person.” He rubbed his palm over his pursed lips. “I have another job. That’s how I know her.”
I waited for him to elaborate but when he didn’t say more, I brushed it off.
“All right then.”
“Look, this other job I have…” He sighed, and I tilted my head, frowning at the way he hunched his shoulders. “It’s a little unconventional, and I won’t continue with it, but I’ll tell you about it when I’m ready. Can you live with that?”
“That sounds very mysterious, Ethan.”
He gave me a smile and shook his head. “It’s not. Please trust me?”
I wrinkled my nose and leaned forward in my seat.
“It’s not illegal, is it?” I whispered.
He snorted and turned his head to look out the window. “No, Penelope, it’s not.” His eyes clouded over but I didn’t doubt the sincerity of his words. “I took this other job, because it allows me the freedom I want and need to live a comfortable life. Because of it, I’ll be able to finish paying off my student loans soon. I want…” He wet his lips, seeming to search for the right words to say. “I never want to depend on anyone, financially, I mean. Do you understand that?”
Relieved, I smiled at him and relaxed back in my chair. “In that case, I trust you.”
“Good.”
16
The Past - Awakening
Pippa & Ethan – ages sixteen and nineteen
“Please tell me why we’re doing this again?” Kate grumbled from our spot in my old treehouse. “What if we get caught?”
“We won’t get caught,” I whispered, my voice harsh. “Mama and Dad are out, and you know how my brothers get when they know our parents won’t be home until the next day.” I raised an eyebrow at her. “They run wild, and I need some ammunition against them.”
I wanted revenge on the twins because they’d ratted me out to Dad about finding me with my boyfriend, Adam, in my bedroom making out – and me only wearing my bra and panties – a couple days before, and to say that Dad wasn’t pleased to find out I was growing up would’ve been an understatement.
He’d been furious and even grounded me for the rest of the school year, as if I was some snotty brat and not a sixteen-year-old woman.
I knew I should’ve locked the door, but Adam’s mouth had completely made me forget all about it.
Kate sighed and flipped her hair away from her shoulders.
“Fine. But don’t say I didn’t warn you, Pippa.”
I turned my back and rolled my eyes at my friend. Well, maybe friend was pushing it a little too far, but she was the only girl in my class at high school who was friendly toward me. We’d struck up a sort-of-kinda-friendship at the beginning of the year, and now that summer was coming, and our exams would be over soon, she was still the only girl I really felt close to.
“Relax. I know what I’m doing.” Sighing, I sat down on my knees and aimed the big stargazing binoculars to the swimming pool not too far from our spot. The treehouse was at the very back of our lawn, and the pool in the middle was lit up, making it easy to see the party going on underneath us. Parker, Max, and Ethan were down there, celebrating their finished exams with a large group of girls and guys they knew from God-knows-where, and I hadn’t been invited.
Not that I ever thought I would be, but it still stung that not even Ethan had tried to persuade the twins into letting me hang out with them for at least part of the evening.
I hadn’t seen him much since he’d moved out and gone to college a year ago. Every time he came home from college – which wasn’t often to begin with – he seemed just a little more closed off than the last time, and it hurt.
It hurt a freaking lot, but I didn’t know how to talk with him about it. So, I didn’t. I waited him out, just like I’d done when he first moved in, and so far, it always worked. The last day or two he’d be home, he would finally seek me out, and we’d spend the rest of the holiday or long weekend together. It didn’t matter if we simply spent our limited time together hanging out in his old room, either reading or watching movies…or talking.
We were just Pippa and Ethan again. Best friends. The end.
But tonight, as I peered through the binoculars, something odd prickled underneath my skin at the sight of a scantily clad blonde sitting in Ethan’s lap. Where the hell did she come from? She was wearing a bright red bikini that didn’t leave much to the imagination – but that wasn’t odd seeing as the whole party was in various stages of undress – but what struck me this very moment was seeing Ethan with a girl for the first time. They were sharing lazy, secretive smiles and laughing and drinking together. Whenever she leaned down to whisper something in his ear, his hands roamed her back or legs, his eyes kept glancing down to her lips, and it made me grit my teeth.
It was completely irrational, of course. I was happy with Adam – he was sweet, and a little shy, but I liked that he wasn’t one of the rowdy ones. Best of all, he seemed to genuinely care about me. I’d learned a lot about kissing from him, and I enjoyed spending time with him – especially the foreign feelings he awoke within some secret place when we kissed. Oh, yes, I really loved how he made me feel like a woman.
But now, Dad had pretty much put a stop to that, what with grounding me and taking away my cell, and Adam wasn’t even allowed to come to my house to see me for the next couple weeks. Life was so unfair, but…I frowned when I thought about it. Shouldn’t I be feeling heartbroken, or sad, or anxious that I had no way of communicating with my boyfriend for the foreseeable future? I was angrier about having nowhere to go than the actual being-apart-from-my-boyfriend part of the whole mess.
I didn’t know how I should feel about being barred from my first boyfriend, but I did know this:
I shouldn’t be having mixed feelings about seeing my best friend enjoying himself with a college girl. I shouldn’t feel angry, or hurt, or sick to my stomach, when, the last time she bent her head to his, he placed his hand behind her neck and met her inviting mouth with his.
I gasped as I kept watching the way he bent her over his leg, his hand holding her head secure as he completely took control of her mouth, or the way she clung to his muscled arms. My breath hitched but even though every ounce of my being demanded that I pulled away from the sight before me, I kept staring at them through the binoculars. Her hair swept over his arm as he kept up the wildly erotic assault on her mouth, making my own lips tingle. I rubbed them lightly and pushed up on my knees.
“Pippa? What’s going on?”
I shushed Kate and didn’t answer, my eyes riveted on the sight below me. The music was blaring, but all sound disappeared as I watched Ethan move the girl further up his lap until she was sitting astride him. The smile he aimed at her before they started to make out again was savage and erotic, lazy yet determined at the same time, and a small seed of insecurity at never having seen that look on Adam’s face moments before he kissed me swept through me.
When Ethan’s hands molded the globes of the girl’s ass, squeezing it, I wrenched my eyes away, overcome with embarrassment at being the witness to what should be an intimate moment between them. It should’ve been private, shouldn’t it? Frowning, I bit my lip at the thrumming sensation between my legs. If Ethan was together with this girl, why were they being so open and sexual in front of all these people? I didn’t understand how he could so obviously be into her but completely ignored the fact that they weren’t alone.
I didn’t understand how he could be like that with someone who, by all accounts and purposes, should be special to him.
“Pippa!” Kate’s impatient voice broke me away and I blinked as I tried to clear my head.
“I’ll never understand guys,” I murmured.
“What?”
“Never mind.” I shook my head and gave her a crooked smile. “They’re starting to party pretty hard down there.”
She gave me a small smile. “Why don’t we go down, crash their party?”
“Are you nuts?” I gaped at her. “I’m already in enough trouble as I can get.”
She shrugged and crawled closer to the s
teps. “Being up here is boring, Pippa. If you’re afraid of being caught by your brothers, don’t worry.” She squinted at the party and I followed her line of sight – both Parker and Max were busy playing in the pool with some girls. “I don’t think you’ll get in trouble. Besides, didn’t you say you wanted to get even with them? This will be the perfect way to do it. I have my cell, we’ll snap some photos of them drinking...We can send them to your parents.”
“I’m not sure…”
I knew I was stalling, teetering between wanting to get revenge and staying up here, safe in my treehouse with my thoughts.
Kate sighed and turned around. “Suit yourself, but I’m not staying here.”
She started to climb down the steps, and I let out a long breath as I watched her. I knew she was right. It was the perfect plan, but that didn’t mean I was entirely comfortable with it. I’d never actually done something like this before – I’d never told on my brothers, always keeping their secrets – but the way they’d hurt me fueled my anger and hurt.
“All right, wait for me,” I called out softly as I climbed after Kate. Her satisfied smirk met me when I reached her, and she grabbed my hand.
“Let’s show these college boys we’re not to be messed with, yeah?”
I nodded, grateful for her confidence. One day, I hoped it would rub off on me – maybe tonight would be the start of that.
We crept around on the outskirts of the party, keeping as much to the shadows as we could while Kate snapped many photos of Parker and Max. It felt so good to be reckless, to bend the rules my parents set, and the sweetness of freedom poured through my veins as we giggled like little girls; as we did our best to stay hidden from prying eyes, my gaze swept to Ethan and the girl more often than I liked. But another thing I noticed was that he didn’t seem drunk like my brothers; he had a soda in his hand the whole time, making me wonder why it seemed he didn’t want to celebrate with beer like the rest of the party.