“Uh-huh!” Ronny said proudly. She thrust her cast toward him. “Look, I saved you a spot. Can you draw a picture now please?”
“That depends. Did your mom already draw hers?” he asked.
“Yup, she drew this kitty cat over here,” Ronny explained. “It’s because we had a kitty cat when we were in New York, but she couldn’t come live with us here because the plane ride was too long, so we left her with Mommy’s friends.”
“Oh did you?” Wes said. “Well, I think I can draw something better than a kitty cat. How about a unicorn?”
“Yes!” Ronny said. She spun around and ran over to me, tugging on my dress. “Mommy, did you hear that, he’s going to draw a unicorn!”
I laughed. “I’ll believe it when I see it,” I said, even though I knew that Wes was talented at sketching.
Back in college, our little competition had been heated, and I hadn’t always appreciated it. But now, there was something cute about him wanting to outdo me in drawing on our daughter’s cast. I was smiling as I turned back to the stove.
“Sorry, dinner will be ready soonish,” I apologized to Wes. “I’ve had my hands full.”
Wes chuckled. “Don’t worry about it,” he said. “If all else fails, remember I said that we could order something.”
“Like pizza?” Ronny asked, and Wes winced, realizing the mistake he’d made.
“Maybe another night,” he said. “I bet what your mom is making is better than pizza, isn’t it?”
Ronny cocked her head to the side. “Probably,” she agreed. “She’s making special food because of you, that’s what she told me. Can you draw on my cast now?”
Wes grinned at me, and I was sure he could see my blush. Okay, so I might have mentioned to Ronny that what I was cooking was important because Wes was coming over, but what I meant was that I didn’t want to poison the first dinner guest I’d had in ages. That was all.
I knew that explaining that now was only going to make me sound defensive, though, so I let it slide. Besides, the two of them were happily chatting about the unicorn that Wes was going to draw, and I didn’t want to interrupt that. They looked so comfortable with one another. Like family.
I still couldn’t help but feel nervous about all of this. I wondered if maybe my fears were unfounded, though. Maybe Wes was exactly what Ronny needed in her life. After all, he certainly seemed to be just what I needed in my life…
Chapter 21
Wes
I couldn’t believe how well things were going at Rian’s place for dinner. I had to admit I had been nervous going into it. I didn’t know if things were going to go well with Ronny. After all, she might be my daughter, but I had never really been close to kids before. I didn’t know the first thing about how to act around them. Just because we were related, it didn’t give me any sort of advantage on that front.
Things were going well, though. It felt totally domestic but surprisingly comfortable at the same time. Like I belonged here, in this place. At this table, with these two remarkable people. We felt like a family. Suddenly, I realized just how much I wanted this. I was sick of coming home alone every evening. I wanted to come home to something like this.
The longer I sat there, though, the more I started to realize just what I had missed out on over the past seven years. For all this time, Rian had had this. She had gotten to come home to her daughter and listen to her babble about her favorite television show and what she’d done in school that day. I was the only one who had missed that.
Sure, maybe we could make up for lost time now, but there were some moments I was never going to be able to get back. Rian’s pregnancy moments, taking care of her and making sure she was as comfortable as possible. The excitement and anticipation of welcoming a child into the world.
Then everything after that, Ronny’s younger years. I had missed her first smile, her first word, her first steps. I had missed her birthdays. I had missed her first day of kindergarten. She was seven years old, and she barely knew me. She would never need me the way that she had needed Rian. I would never be quite as much her parent as Rian was.
She had kept that from me. It was tough to realize that nothing I could do would make up for it now. I would never tell Ronny that Rian had kept me from knowing about her, but at the same time, I didn’t want her to think I had chosen not to be there.
I would have been there. It was hard not to resent Rian for her decision to keep quiet about the baby.
On the other hand, I was proud of Rian. She had clearly done a great job raising Ronny, and I knew that as a single parent, it couldn’t have been easy. Especially not balancing her career and moving up through the ranks the way she had. It was definitely impressive.
But I could have been there for her. I could have supported her. I could have taken Ronny to her after-school programs or helped around the house, the same way I had tonight when Ronny was bouncing all over the kitchen distracting Rian from finishing up with the dinner preparations. I could have been there. I should have been there.
I wanted to talk to Rian about it, but I also knew I was going to have to tread lightly. I didn’t want her to think I was criticizing her for her actions. What was done was done. Still, I wanted her to know that I was here for the long run now. That I wanted to be part of her and Ronny’s lives, whatever it took.
I wanted her to know that now that I knew about Ronny, I wasn’t going to lose her from my life ever again. I just hoped that Rian would be all right with that and that I wouldn’t have to bring her to court on it. I had mentioned that thing about the lawyers without really intending to make it a threat, but if that was what it took, then that was what I was going to have to do.
For now, I tried to focus on tonight. At the same time, I felt like I kept getting flashes of what this might be like if we could keep things going. What a family we could be.
We finished up dinner, and I couldn’t help but laugh at the mess that Ronny had made of herself. There was food smeared on her fingers and her cheeks. In fact, it looked like she hadn’t so much eaten her dinner as rubbed it all over every available surface.
Rian rolled her eyes fondly at the girl. “One of these days,” she sighed.
Ronny looked down at her hands and shirt and shrugged. “Oops,” she said, giving a devilish little smile. “It’s hard to eat with just one hand.”
I snorted, and Rian rolled her eyes, but she definitely looked amused. She lifted Ronny out of her chair, seemingly heedless of the mess but careful of the cast. “Time for a bath, little piglet,” she said.
Ronny groaned. “It’s not even bedtime yet,” she complained. “I wanted to show Mr. Wes all of my get-well cards from school.”
“Next time,” Rian promised her, and I liked the idea that she might want me to come back again another time. “It’s going to take extra time for your bath tonight because we’ll have to be careful not to get your cast wet.”
Ronny frowned but finally nodded. “Fine,” she said, sounding very put-upon.
Rian turned toward me, our daughter balanced on her hip, and my breath caught. I didn’t know if I had ever seen anything so beautiful in my life. She looked like the perfect mother, and something about the fact that she was holding my child made something tug inside my chest.
“It’s going to take a while,” she repeated. “You can go if you want. I’ll see you at work tomorrow.”
I stared at her face, trying to gauge how much she really wanted me out of there. Of course, I wouldn’t go so far as to intrude on bath time. I knew we weren’t there yet. At the same time, I kept thinking about how tough it must have been to be a single parent for all these years. The least I could do would be to lighten the load a little now, if I could.
I stood up. “Why don’t I help with the cleanup instead?” I suggested.
Rian’s face registered first surprise and then doubt. “You don’t have to,” she said. “I can handle it.”
“I know you can,” I said honestly. Because I was cert
ain she could handle just about anything at this point. She shouldn’t have to, though. She had cooked dinner for us, and now she was going to go bathe our daughter and put her to sleep. She shouldn’t have to do it all on her own; that wasn’t the way a partnership worked.
“I’ll clean up,” I told her, a bit more firmly this time.
A grateful smile spread across Rian’s face. “Thank you,” she said. She turned and carried Ronny upstairs. I started cleaning the kitchen as I heard the tub come on and start to fill up. I hummed to myself as I scrubbed the pots, pans, and countertops. I was just wiping down the last plate when Rian poked her head back into the kitchen.
“Ronny’s in bed,” she said. “She wanted to know if you would read her a story, though.”
I smiled. “That would be nice,” I said. Again, a warmth suffused my body. For this one precious night, at least, it felt like we were a family. I just hoped that this could last.
I followed Rian upstairs to Ronny’s bedroom. “What story did you want me to read?” I asked Ronny.
“The Giggling Giraffe!” Ronny answered immediately. “It’s my favorite.”
Rian snorted. “For this week,” she teased.
“Nuh-huh,” Ronny said, her eyes wide and serious. “Forever. It’s my favorite favoritest.”
I chuckled and sat down on the edge of her bed. Rian sat next to me, her thigh pressed against mine. I tried not to focus on that sensation and instead looked down at the book that Ronny pressed into my hands. She settled back in bed, snuggling in with the covers pulled up to her chin.
I did my best reading of the story that I could, giving the characters funny voices that made Ronny laugh. She was nearly asleep by the time I finished the book for the second time. I couldn’t stop myself from reaching out and brushing back her soft hair. She smiled sleepily at me.
“Good night, kiddo,” I murmured.
She hummed an acknowledgment, her eyes sliding shut. For a moment, I watched her, marveling at how perfect she was. I couldn’t help feeling a bit emotional as I turned to see Rian watching me carefully. I hoped she could see in my eyes how grateful I was to her for letting me have this experience. I wouldn’t trade it for the world.
Chapter 22
Rian
Seeing Wes reading to Ronny melted my heart. She was eating it up, giggling almost constantly the first time through the story. She liked it so much that she asked him to read it again, even. I had to admit, even I was enjoying myself. I knew the story backwards and forwards by this point—Ronny’s favorites might change nearly every day, let alone every week, but she had certain ones that she did go back to frequently and The Giggling Giraffe story was one of them.
Still, even though I knew the story maybe a bit too well, he gave it new life, and I had to admit I enjoyed it.
It made me think of all the things that could have been different if I had just told him about our daughter. All the things that Ronny had missed out on, and all the things that Wes had missed out on too. I felt guilty.
At the time, I had just assumed that he probably didn’t want to be a father. There might even have been a small part of me that tried to pretend he wouldn’t be a good one. It was clear now, though, that I had been wrong. If he hadn’t wanted to be a father, he wouldn’t be anywhere near this good with Ronny. He was doing a phenomenal job with her, and even though it was only one evening, I could tell that he was going to be a good influence on her life.
I should have given him the opportunity to prove all of that earlier.
I couldn’t help but feel sad. For the first time, I had to confront the fact that maybe I hadn’t made the right choice. Maybe in trying to keep Ronny safe, to keep her from being rejected by a father who might not want her, I had instead hurt her by keeping her away from him. I had denied her her daddy’s love.
As he finished up reading the story for the second time and reached forward to brush Ronny’s hair back, murmuring a good-night to her, I looked down at my hands, feeling tears prick my eyeballs. I was overcome with the sweetness of his gestures toward her. I was overcome with emotion in general.
For a long time, I had dreamed about what it would be like to someday have a “complete” family, something that was more than just Ronny and me.
Not that she wasn’t enough for me, but I had long thought about what it might be like to have a partner to help me out. Sometimes at the end of a long day of work, I didn’t want to be the only one looking out for her, and cooking, and cleaning up the house. I just couldn’t stay on top of it all, as much as I tried to.
Over the years, I had found a certain balance that normally worked for me, but at the same time… Well, I wasn’t about to deny how grateful I was that Wes had cleaned up the kitchen while I gave Ronny her bath. Nor could I deny how nice it had been to sit back and just listen while Wes read Ronny’s bedtime story. I felt relaxed and content in a way that I hardly remembered ever feeling.
With all that guilt running through me, though, I had to face the fact that I didn’t deserve Wes. He was way too good for me. He had overlooked that I had lied to him for all those years, and he had really stepped up to the plate. I had invited him over for dinner, and I certainly hadn’t asked him to stick around after dinner to help clean up or anything else.
What’s more, when he turned to look at me, I could tell how much he appreciated that I had asked him to read to Ronny that night. It meant everything to me to know how much he clearly wanted to be a part of her life.
No, I didn’t deserve someone so kind, so understanding. I didn’t understand someone who was simultaneously such a great businessman as well as an all-around great guy.
As sure as I was that I didn’t deserve him, however, I also knew that I wanted him. Badly. This evening had me thinking about what things might be like if he and I could put aside our differences and build a family. I wasn’t sure how things would work with the business side of things. He was still my boss, but surely the fact that we had history that predated my coming to work for him would help our situation?
We’d have to see. For now, all I knew was that I wanted him.
When it became clear that Ronny was fast asleep, we tiptoed out of her room. I grinned over at Wes, and he grinned right back at me. We went down to the kitchen and stood there for a moment. “Can I get you a glass of wine or something?” I asked Wes belatedly.
“Sure,” Wes said, shrugging easily. “Or if you want me to get out of your hair, just let me know.”
I shook my head. “Stay,” I said quietly. I could feel the tension between us, thickening the air. There were some things that we needed to get out before he left. Otherwise, work tomorrow was going to be uncomfortable, both of us wary of the words that hadn’t been said. No, we needed to talk. And to be honest, I needed a glass of wine to calm my nerves before that point. I had to admit, I was worried about what might be said.
This was the first night I had let him into the family. This was the make-or-break night for us. What if he decided that he didn’t want anything to do with us from here on? The thought made my blood run cold. That possible rejection was even more worrying now that I had seen him with Ronny. Now that I had gotten it in my head what a great dad he would make for her.
I headed into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of wine, bringing it back out into the living room with a couple of glasses. I sat nervously on the edge of the couch. Wes reached over and lightly laid a hand on my thigh before I could pour the wine.
“I want to be a part of Ronny’s life,” he said, before the tension could get to be too much. He paused. “Listen, I don’t want to pressure you. I know that things are going to take time, and I’m sure that you’re still not ready to tell Ronny about the fact that I’m her father. I’m okay with that. I don’t love it, but I’m okay with it. That said, I want to be here for her. Eventually, I’d like to be her dad. For right now, though, I’d settle for being part of her life as your friend.”
I stared at him for a moment, trying to think o
f what to say to that. I think I’d been so sure that he was going to tell me that he had reconsidered, that he didn’t want any part in this, that my mind took an extra minute to process the fact that he did want to still be part of our lives.
What did that say about me, that I expected that from him?
I didn’t mention that now, though. Instead, I nodded slowly. “I would like that,” I said softly. “You’re right, I’m not quite there with telling Ronny you’re her dad. I know she’s going to have a lot of questions that I’m not sure how to answer right now. Tonight was good, though.”
“I’d like to have more nights like tonight,” Wes said.
I nodded. “Me too,” I admitted. I smiled at him, feeling almost shy. I tried to think of a way to tell him how much I appreciated all of this. I appreciated the fact that he wanted to be there for Ronny. I appreciated the fact that he wanted to be there for me, and that he had done the cleaning up without me even having to ask him. Most of all, though, I appreciated that he wasn’t demanding anything. He was simply asking, allowing me to make the decisions that worked best for us.
Before I could stop myself, I was leaning in to kiss him, the wine and my earlier worries all but forgotten. Things weren’t perfect between us just yet, but I had a feeling that things might possibly work out, and that was more than I had ever had before. It was a heady feeling to think that I might actually be able to put together a family with him.
It was a feeling that made my earlier passion for him burn even hotter in my belly.
I knew that we should probably cool things down for a while. Figure out how we could coexist as parents before we added this other level to things. I was afraid that if we rushed into this, things would fizzle out too soon. Where would that leave his relationship with Ronny? I didn’t want to mess things up for them by making things awkward between Wes and me.
S is for Secret Baby Page 12