Should he tell her how bad it really was for them? Would she want to know? He had no idea how to handle this situation. The last time he’d had a woman in his life even semi-permanently, he was in college. Or was it high school?
“Quint, are you still there?”
“Yeah, I’m here.” He scrubbed his face with his hand.
“I miss you so much.”
He could hear the emotion in her voice. “I miss you too, Darrow. I haven’t had time to even think, but when I do, you’re on my mind.” You’re on my mind? Jesus. He really didn’t do this phone thing well at all. “How is Wellie?”
“He seems better. He’s home. He was the one who told me about, you know, the weather.”
“Glad to hear he’s better.”
“He isn’t out of the woods yet. I’m…um…I know you didn’t ask, but…I think I should stay on here longer.”
“You have to do what you think is best, Darrow.”
“Okay. Well, thanks for calling, Quint.”
“Sure. You take care now.”
22
Darrow came back into the sitting room of Wellie’s cottage. Trying her hardest to hold off her tears until she could say goodnight to him. If she didn’t, it would be the second time she cried on the man’s shoulder over the span of an hour.
“Come over here, lass.”
“I’ve really got to go, Wellie. I’ll come back in the morning.”
“No, you aren’t going anywhere until you tell me why you’re about to cry.”
She really should’ve known better than to think Wellie wouldn’t pick up on how she was feeling. He always had. In so many ways he’d been more like a father to her than the duke was. She loved him, but Wellie…he loved her.
Instead of sitting in a chair, she sat on the floor next to him, rested her head on his knee, and cried.
“There, there,” he said, stroking her hair. “Cry it out, lass. Cry it out.”
“It was like we were strangers.”
Wellie didn’t say anything. Darrow knew he was waiting for her to, but she didn’t know how to respond given she hadn’t come to terms with how she felt. The conversation was so bloody awkward. Was he just so exhausted from his ordeal? He said he hadn’t had time to think.
Orina’s words from earlier echoed in her head. She’d decided then it was for the best that she and Quint hadn’t spoken, so why was she crying now about how badly their conversation went?
Quint hadn’t said anything at all about wanting her to come back. When she told him she felt like she should stay on longer, he had nothing to say at all other than she should do what she thought best. Both of those points only reinforced her earlier resolve.
Her tears subsided, and she wiped them from her face. “I really am quite tired, Wellie. I’m going home, but I’ll be back to see you tomorrow.”
“I’d like that, Darrow.”
She stood, kissed his cheek, and thanked him before slipping out the front door.
Cor blimey, how had she gotten it so wrong with Quint? She’d been certain that he cared about her. Wren had warned her, though. Not more than three hours ago, she’d said that Quint wasn’t the relationship type.
So now what? It was one thing to decide to resolve her life, another thing entirely to know how.
She really had no one to talk to either. Perhaps Orina, but hadn’t she been trying to tell her that she needed to figure her life out on her own?
Wait. There was someone else she could talk to. It had been far too long since she’d spoken with the person who had been her best mate since they were in primary school.
Once she arrived at Covington House, she started a fire, changed into more comfortable clothes, and rang Esland Cartwright, or as she called her, True.
Now that she was a reporter for the London Times, they rarely had time to see each other. Well, that and she’d been in America.
“Darrow? My goodness, I was just thinking about you. How are you?”
“Oh, True. You don’t know the half of it. Literally.”
Even after an hour of getting one another caught up on what had been happening in each of their lives, Darrow felt like she still had so much more left unsaid.
“What I’m about to tell you has to stay off the record.”
“Of course. What’s wrong?”
“There isn’t anything wrong. Well, that’s not true. There’s a lot wrong, but not with this. Sutton, of all people, has fallen hopelessly in love.”
“That’s wonderful, although I doubt that would’ve made front-page Times news.”
Darrow laughed. “Right, Except who he’s in love with may have.”
“Who is it? It isn’t a bloke, is it? There’d be hearts breaking all over England if that was the case.”
“No, no. He met this woman at MI5. Her name is Finley Harlow, although that’s not actually her name. Her real name is Kennedy King-Alexander, but everyone calls her Wren. She was working undercover on the Matthew Caird case.”
“Oh, my goodness. To be honest with you, something came across my desk two days ago about this same subject. It wasn’t assigned to me, and I was glad of it. The bloke who got it came sniffing around, asking questions about your family. I didn’t know why. I guess now I do. You know I wouldn’t have told him a thing.”
“I do know that, True. That’s who I was in the States visiting. She was hiding out. I’m not sure from who or what exactly, other than from Sutton. Anyway, it turns out she was really an agent for the US National Security Agency.”
“Wow. This is good stuff, Darrow. Too bad you swore me to secrecy.”
“I didn’t actually, but I do know that you’d never report on something that I asked you not to.”
“I wouldn’t. So tell me, what else did you do while you were in America? You were gone for what, three months?”
“About, yes. Well, I fell tits up for Wren’s brother, of all people. Turns out he wasn’t as keen on me as I was on him.”
“Wait a minute. What about Axel?”
“We broke up before I left.”
“I don’t know what to say.”
“Nothing to say, really. I’ll always love him. He’s as good a person as they come, True. In fact, if you ever find yourself in trouble, he’d be the one to call. No matter what, Axel Fulton is trustworthy.”
“I’ve always thought that about him. I mean, it’s been forever since I’ve seen him. I think the last time was when we went to the football match and I introduced him and Sutton to my father.”
“Cor blimey. That was a long time ago.”
“Yes,” True murmured.
“How long has it been since the accident?” Both of True’s parents had been killed in an automobile accident after visiting their only daughter at university. It was so tragic. Her father had been one of the most popular footballers of all time.
“Eleven years.”
“Gosh, True. That long already?”
They talked another half hour and agreed not to let it go so long between again. They also talked about getting together. True told her she’d call and they’d make a plan. Darrow didn’t want to push, but part of her wanted to ask if tomorrow would be too soon.
They rang off before Darrow could reveal how utterly pathetic she was. True had fulfilled her childhood dream of becoming a reporter—for the Times even. And Darrow? What had she done? Absolutely nothing.
23
“You need to get the hell outta here for a while,” said Deck when Quint walked into the barn. “Why don’t you go back to England with Z for the holidays? Wren isn’t comin’ back, right?”
Quint leaned up against one of the travel boxes, folded his arms, and shook his head. He had no idea how to respond. Part of him wanted to tell Deck to mind his own fucking business. “Maybe you should be the one to get outta here for a while,” he said instead. “Doesn’t Z need to you to go with him and do some kind of training, give a briefing on the latest advances in security technology?”
“Nah. I’m good. You, on the other hand, are a pain in everyone’s ass.”
“Is that so?”
“Yep. Look, everyone understands how hard all of this has been on you, but King-Alexander isn’t alone in this. Ranches across Texas suffered the same kind of losses we did. Some not as many, some much worse. It was a natural disaster, Fish. Not a goddamn thing you could’ve done about it.”
Quint chewed on a piece of straw for a good long time before saying anything. He thought about going back to the house and pretending like this conversation never took place. But Deck was a damn good friend. His best friend. It probably took a hell of a lot for him to say the things he had. And for him to do it, had to mean that things were pretty damn bad.
“Maybe I do need some time away.”
“Z told me he was fixin’ to leave in the next couple of days.”
“That’s what he’s been sayin’.”
“You’re gonna go with him then, right?”
Quint shook his head. “No. Don’t think I will, but I’ll figure something else out.”
Decker stood, looking like he was about to punch something. Instead, he rubbed the back of his neck.
“Darrow’s still in England, right?”
“Don’t go there, Deck. I’m warnin’ you.”
His friend spun around on him. “For fuck’s sake, Quint. Open your goddamn eyes. And if they are open, pull your head outta your ass.” He held up his hand. “Before you even think about saying anything, know this. You have been an ornery sonuvabitch since she left. Yeah, losin’ all them cattle was hard. It’s gonna take us time to recover. But you, my friend, are makin’ the biggest mistake of your life if you let her go.”
“You done?”
“I reckon I am.”
Quint walked out. He didn’t bother telling Decker he was full of shit, because he wasn’t. He knew Darrow Whittaker was the finest, sweetest, most loving, smart, funny, and sexy-as-shit woman he’d ever known. None of that changed the fact that he had absolutely nothing to offer her.
If he said the word, she’d come back. He knew it. But for what? To work a damn cattle ranch? She was capable of so much more. In fact, she wanted so much more, and whether or not her brothers or anyone else in her life believed she could do it, there’d come a day when Darrow figured out all on her own that she didn’t need anyone else’s approval. When that time came, she’d chase her dreams. There’d be no way Quint would stand in her way.
It had been three weeks since their last conversation, if it could be called that. He hadn’t known what to say to her, and even if he had, talking on the phone just wasn’t something he was any good at.
He heard the hurt in her voice when she ended the call, and from that day on, he’d spent every day trying to tell himself it was for the best that whatever they’d had going when she was in Texas, ended when she left.
“I miss you so much.” Those were some of the last words she said to him. Every time he replayed their conversation in his head, that’s where he got stuck. He missed her too, probably more than she missed him.
Just like the night he invited her to go to the rodeo in Bluebell Creek, he picked up his phone and called her before he could talk himself out of it. He didn’t even bother to figure out what time it was in England, because if he had, it would’ve given him time to change his mind.
“Quint? Is everything okay?” He could hear the sleepiness in her voice. God, he missed waking up next to this woman.
“Hello, Darrow.”
“What’s wrong?”
“I’ve been feeling bad about our last conversation.”
“Go on.”
“I could make all kinds of excuses, but the truth is, I’ve never been one to talk much on the phone.”
“It took you three weeks to ring me to say that?”
He smiled. “No. It took three weeks of me being a pain in everyone’s ass before Deck let me have it.”
“Why were you being a pain in everyone’s ass, Quint?”
“Because I miss you,” he mumbled.
“Sorry, what did you say? I couldn’t hear you.”
“You heard me. I miss you, Darrow.”
“I miss you too, Quint. So what do you think we should do about it?”
“Well, ol’ Decker suggested I get away from the ranch for a bit.”
“Where do you think you’ll go?”
“Z’s been talking about heading back to England for Christmas.”
“I would really love it if you came with him.”
Quint let out the breath he’d been holding without realizing he was. “Yeah?”
“Yes. You’d better hurry, though. You do know when Christmas is?”
“I don’t know exactly when I’ll get there, but I promise you this: I’ll spend Christmas with you, darlin’.”
“I’d like it if you spent more than Christmas with me, Quint. I’d really like you to come stay with me.”
“Yeah?”
“Yes. I have a lovely little English manor house on the grounds of Whittaker Abbey where I live all by my lonely self. I’ll tell you another secret about it if you’d like.”
“I would like that very much.”
“The kitchen has been recently outfitted with a coffee maker,” she whispered.
“Would you like me to bring some rancher’s coffee along with me?”
“You don’t need to do that. I ordered a case of it a couple of weeks ago. It arrived yesterday.”
Quint took a deep breath. “Darrow, I know that I don’t have much of anything to offer you, and more, I know I don’t deserve you bein’ this nice to me after how I handled our last conversation, but I just have to say that I can’t help myself. I can’t stop thinkin’ about you.”
“I can’t stop thinking about you either, Quint.”
HE WASN’T able to get a ticket to go when Z left. Who knew that every flight from Dallas to London would be booked in the days leading up to Christmas? The first availability the airlines had was midday on Christmas Eve. He’d be cutting it close, but as long as the flight was on time and he got through customs quickly and could get a lift to Whittaker Abbey, he’d make it there on Christmas morning.
He’d promised Darrow he’d spend Christmas with her, and he would. He couldn’t wait to see the look on her face when he surprised her, but not as much as he couldn’t wait to hold her in his arms.
24
Darrow poured herself a cup of coffee and sat at the kitchen table, staring at her mobile. She hadn’t heard a word from Quint about his travel plans. Z was already back in London, she’d been able to get that much out of Thornton.
If she saw Wren, she’d ask if she had heard from her brother, but Sutton kept her practically under lock and key.
Quint promised he’d spend Christmas with her, and it was Christmas Eve. She’d gone back and forth about ringing him, finally deciding against it. He’d called to say he was sorry and that he’d come to England. That she hadn’t heard from him reinforced her resolve from before his call. As disappointed as she was, this was for the best.
Instead of sitting and staring at her bloody mobile another minute, Darrow turned it off and went to see Wellie.
THE NEXT MORNING, she woke and told herself that it didn’t matter that Quint hadn’t kept his promise, she’d put a smile on her face and enjoy her day the best she could. It was Christmas, and if nothing else, it would be a lovely day for her nephew and niece. Lilliya was too young to really enjoy it, but Kazmir had confessed that he wasn’t sure he’d be able to sleep when she’d kissed him goodnight.
Instead of going back to Covington House, she stayed the night at the abbey. The only thing she hadn’t considered when she went to bed, was that there’d be no coffee served here this morning. She could hurry back to her house and make some, but that would certainly defeat the purpose of staying over. Plus, it would be another reminder that she hadn’t heard a word from Quint, and that was something she had to put out of her mind. Or at least try to
.
When she made her way downstairs an hour later, she found Wren and Sutton having tea.
“What’s this?” she asked after saying good morning and walking over to pour herself a cup.
“Mrs. Mollybock made coffee for Wren,” her brother told her, raising a brow.
“My goodness. She must like you as much as she likes Sutton.”
“How are you, Darrow?” Wren asked, standing to hug her.
“Same as always, it seems. Nothing much ever changes with me. Thank goodness, Orina put her foot down with Mother over Christmas trees this year,” she said in her best attempt to change the subject.
“How did she manage it?” Sutton asked.
“She said it would be too confusing for Kazmir.”
“And that worked?” asked Wren.
“He’s her first grandchild. She’d do anything for him and Lilliya.”
“Where’s Pinch this morning?” Sutton asked.
“I’ve no idea.”
“That’s off again, then?”
She nodded, taking another sip of coffee. “Been off for quite a while, brother.”
“I can’t keep up.”
Darrow caught a look that passed between him and Wren.
“What are you waiting for, darling? Did you have a question for Darrow?”
“I’m not sure it’s the right time.”
“For what?”
Wren held out her hand to show Darrow the ring on her finger. “I was wondering if you’d be my maid of honor.”
“Oh, my goodness! Congratulations!” she shouted. “Of course I will. Oh, I’m so happy for you.”
“A Christmas Eve engagement! How romantic,” said her mother, joining them along with the rest of the family, who must’ve come running when they heard Darrow’s shrieks of joy.
With all the commotion, it was easy for Darrow to slip away from the din and walk over to the window. She was truly happy for Wren and Sutton, and she wouldn’t allow her own unhappiness to spoil their day any more than she’d ruin the holiday for everyone else. She turned away from the window and put a smile on her face.
“Darrow?” Thornton called out to her from the entryway.
Shadow (Military Intelligence Section 6 Book 4) Page 11