Loving Liv

by Stacey Kennedy

  He’ll grow bored of you, a dark voice echoed in her head. He’ll look elsewhere when that happens.

  “I’m really happy for you, Miles,” Presley said, her voice crackling. “But it won’t be the same without you here. With us. Where you belong.”

  “It’ll be all right,” Miles said tenderly. “I’ll visit often enough. You won’t even know I’m gone.”

  “Now that would be impossible,” Dmitri said, his voice thick with the affection of an obviously close friendship. “Your absence will be greatly felt by all.”

  Liv shut her eyes and breathed against the swelling of her heart. He’d leave them, his found family and life for her. For what? Because fate put two people together who had a connection—a magical one, yes—but was it real? Could it be? Or was this all a fantasy that was always meant to end?

  Breaking into her thoughts, Miles said, “We’ll talk soon.”

  “Goodnight, Miles,” Dmitri replied.

  The silence indicated the video chat ended, and Miles’ long exhale cut through the darkness. Liv drowned in the cold fear crippling her as that voice in her head became loud again. You weren’t enough for Gavin. You won’t be enough for Miles. He’ll resent you for making him move. He’ll hate you for it. And you’ll be left alone… again.

  The next morning, Miles woke to sun glistening through the sheer curtain. He’d left the patio door open last night, and the wind now made the fabric dance. Since he’d arrived on the cruise, he’d been dreading today. But after last night’s call, he felt surer about his next steps than ever before. While he’d miss his family in Vegas, he didn’t doubt himself now. He’d always lived by his mother’s code: work first, everything else second. That had only made him lonely. If he planned to risk it all, Liv was certainly worthy. He flipped over, expecting to find her sleeping.

  Instead, he found a note on her empty pillow.

  Dread sank in when he reached for the piece of paper.

  What scares me more than losing myself, is being the reason that you lose who you are. Your friends need you. I refuse to be the reason you leave them and your job behind. I’ll never forget this time we had together… I’ll never forget you.

  —Liv

  “Fuck,” Miles growled, shoving off the sheets. Obviously, she’d overheard the conversation last night between him, Dmitri, and Presley. A conversation that, on the outside, looked like he was giving everything up for her, but what she didn’t realize was this decision was happening regardless of what happened on this cruise. He’d planned to make a move—maybe not forever and maybe not to San Fran—but at least until he found whatever he was looking for. Dmitri had known this. Presley hadn’t.

  But he’d found what he wanted in Liv. Something bigger than himself. Happiness.

  He threw on a pair of pants and a T-shirt, not bothering with shoes. He snatched his wallet off the table and ran out the door. People were already packed and heading down the hallway with their suitcases. His heart raced, pulsing with dread as he pushed harder to get to her. Every second felt like a lifetime as he raced up the staircase then down another hallway until he reached Liv’s cabin. He banged on the door. Again. And again.

  Behind him, a soft voice said, “She’s not in there.”

  Miles whirled around, finding Grace standing in her doorway, with Liv’s other friend, Benjamin, there too. “Where is she?” he asked, breathless. “I need to find her.” Because somehow, he knew if she left this ship that was it. She’d decide to walk away for good, to stop feeling and let logic win.

  “I’m sorry, Miles,” Grace said softly. “She’s already left, and I suspect is on her way to the airport.”

  Benjamin cursed softly. “And obviously, she didn’t tell you that.” He slowly shook his head, a frown marring his face. “I feel for you, man. We’ve all got that look on our faces right now. Who knew a trip could end up with so many miserable people?” He turned and strode back into the room.

  Grace stepped further into the hallway, leaving the door ajar. “I know I should probably stay out of it, but she cares about you, you know. Leaving you today…that wasn’t easy for her.”

  Miles took in a shuddering breath, not having the words to explain what he felt right then. “Have a safe trip home.” He turned away before he lashed out at a person who didn’t deserve it. He wanted Liv with him, not lost in her fears, running back home.

  He made it back to his cabin, cursing again as he slammed the door behind him. Just as he took a step forward, his cell phone rang. He snagged it from his pocket and answered the Facetime call before he even looked at the screen. Heady disappointment sank into him when he saw Cora.

  “Miles, I’m just so happy for you and Liv,” said Cora, a huge smile on her face. “Is she there? Am I interrupting? Oh, I just want to hear about your entire trip. Presley said it was amazing. I, for one, am so happy for you and that you’re moving to San Fran. It’ll give us even more reason to come visit. I love it there.”

  Miles wanted to curse. Why couldn’t Liv have heard this conversation? Presley was sweet and loving and cared extra hard. His move would be hardest on her. But not hard on everyone. Liv simply didn’t know that.

  Whatever crossed his face made Cora frown. “Wait. What’s wrong?”

  Every fucking thing. “I need to go, Cora.”

  “What’s happening?”

  “I’ll tell you when I come home.”

  Her eyes saddened. “You’re coming home? To Vegas?”

  “Yes.” He ended the call. “Fuck,” he growled, sitting on the bed, thrusting his hand in his hair. He stared down at his phone, tension nearly crippling him, and then he opened that email that started all this.

  Dear Miles,

  Sometimes a connection doesn’t make sense. It can hit us out of nowhere and change everything we know. I’ve thought about you every day for the past three months. If you have too, come cruise with me.

  —Liv

  The details of the cruise had been attached. Miles stared at the email now for as long as he’d stared at it after he received it. To go to Liv had been a decision he’d come to quickly. He thought fate had led him to the right spot.

  Now fate only showed him a taste of what life with Liv could be, and then, like a cruel joke, that life was ripped away.

  Miles shut his eyes, breathed deep, and then shoved his phone in his pocket, accepting the truth. He’d come to claim Liv as his. And he’d failed.

  CHAPTER 12

  The next morning, rain had descended on San Francisco. It matched Liv’s mood perfectly. As she rode the elevator in the high-rise apartment building in the Soma neighborhood, soft music played and grinded on her nerves as she ascended to the 5th floor. On the cruise ship, she’d been so sure about her decision to leave Miles and come home. Alone. Now that she had woken up without him, nothing seemed right anymore. In fact, everything basically sucked. She questioned her decision to leave him a thousand times over, but kept coming to the same realization. Letting love happen was a choice. And while she felt like she’d left her heart on that cruise ship, she couldn’t let Miles make such a huge choice for her. Fate couldn’t dictate between right and wrong, and having Miles leave his found family all for something they had no idea was going to work, felt horribly wrong. And selfish. Although she knew she wanted him now more than ever, there was one thing she couldn’t do: Be the reason he left those he loved behind. And you’re saving yourself from heartbreak. Liv wanted to tell that voice to piss off.

  Just as the doors chimed open, her cell phone rang. She reached for it in her purse. Aubrey showed on the screen. “Oh, my god, you’re alive,” Liv said by way of greeting.

  Aubrey laughed. “Alive.”

  Liv exited the elevator, spotting her reflection in the large mirror on the wall. She quickly turned away, refusing to acknowledge the dark circles under her eyes. “I take it that means things haven’t gone well with Carter?”

  “I’ll save you the long story, but let’s just say things were great,
then they’re weren’t, and it all ended with everything blowing up in my face.”

  “I’m so sorry.”

  “Me, too,” Aubrey said, unusual sadness in her voice. “It’s not like the logistics would have worked anyway, even if we’d tried.”

  Try. Liv hadn’t even tried. She’d run. She swallowed the emotion climbing up her throat, as Aubrey asked, “And how about you and Miles? Anything come of that?”

  “I left him on the ship.”

  A pause. A long pause. “And do you regret that?”

  “Yes. No. Hell, I don’t know.”

  When Aubrey spoke again, her voice softened. “Listen, Liv, I know dating again is scary. It is for anyone. But every time I saw you on that cruise, you were lit up. I’ve never seen you like that. Not even when you were with Gavin. You need to stop letting that asshole, and what he did to you, control your life. You deserve a guy like Miles. One that makes you happy.”

  Liv’s throat tightened further but she managed, “The sad thing is I thought Gavin wasn’t controlling my life anymore. I know this is a mess and I’ve got to figure it all out, but I’m at my parents now and need to grab Fritz. Can I call you later?”

  “I’m here. You know that. Love you.”

  “I do know that. Keep your chin up, Aubrey. Love you too.”

  “Thanks, babe. Bye.”

  Liv tucked her phone back into her purse then moved toward her parents’ front door. They used to live in a cute two-story that was in all of Liv’s happy childhood memories, but once Mom need the wheelchair, the condo made more sense.

  Everything felt wrong and backward when she opened the door. She took a step in, saw her parents sitting on the couch, Mom’s wheelchair next to her while she knitted. Her cute bob haircut was fresh, as was the brown color.

  “Sweetie, you’re home,” Mom said, her blue eyes warming with her smile. “Your baby is waiting for you.”

  That baby, Fritz, the grumpy tabby cat, stood up, meowed, and jumped off the couch to saunter over to her.

  “I’ve got no doubt he’s glad you’re back,” her father said, rising from his recliner in the corner. His salt and pepper hair looked like he’d also had a fresh cut recently, and his eyes, the same color as hers, looked mildly annoyed. He wrapped her in a warm hug and then smiled. “He hates us.”

  “Fritz hates everyone,” Liv said. He stopped in front of her and tolerated a pet before flicking his tail and moving away to his food dish.

  “Come sit down, tell us all about your trip,” Mom said, patting the spot next to her on the couch. “Did you enjoy yourself?”

  Liv wasn’t sure if it was the loving tone her mother used, the sweet look on her face, or the question itself, but she suddenly burst into tears. All the emotion she had locked up tight overflowed with no stop button.

  “Oh, dear,” Mom said, concern on her face. “Harold, go get your daughter a glass of wine, she needs it.”

  That glass of wine, and the long talk with her mother, helped Liv focus on what she truly wanted. She left Fitz with her parents for a little while longer, and hurried down the busy street, the thick fog from earlier slowly dissipating. Her umbrella was not doing much to keep her dry, water splashing over her rain boots and soaking her tights. When she reached the high-rise that housed not only Allie’s real estate company but also Holt Enterprises, Micah’s multi-million-dollar corporate real estate company, she rushed into the lobby. She shook her umbrella out, blew the wet hair out of her face and then quickly made it onto the elevator and up to the 10th floor.

  Allie’s corner of this building looked nothing like Micah’s masculine space with chrome and gray colors on just about everything. Allie’s space, which included her corner office, a reception area, and Liv’s office across from Allie’s was warm and inviting, often reminding Liv of a beach house escape. While the walls were a pale beige, the accents were all warm blues.

  Allie’s office door was open. Liv went straight for it, keeping her thoughts focused on the reason she’d come. Knowing she’d lose her nerve if she didn’t, she sputtered, “Allie, I love you, but I quit.”

  Behind her desk, Allie blinked. “Huh? Wait, you’re not supposed to be here.” She glanced at her watch then back at Liv. “Wait. You…what?”

  “I quit,” Liv said, gentler this time as she dropped down into the client chair. “Please don’t say anything or I’ll never get through this.”

  “Okay,” Allie said with caution.

  Liv took a deep breath and then began. “I have loved working for you. Honestly, it was more fun than I think I ever thought I’d have at a job, but I can’t stay because I love you. When I went on the cruise, and spent those days with Miles, it’s like I suddenly saw that I’m missing out on this big world that I’ve barely even seen. I’m not even sure when my dreams became unimportant, maybe after Gavin…who knows…but I need to start finding the things that make me happy. And once, going into corporate real estate had been my dream. I need to get back to that. So, that’s what I’m going to do.”

  Softness reached Allie’s eyes as she smiled. “Well, then I’d say that luck is on your side, because my husband owns the top corporate real estate company in San Francisco and I’m sure he would love to help you succeed.”

  Emotion clogged Liv’s throat. She shouldn’t have been surprised at Allie’s love and support, but a part of her was. “Really?”

  “Of course.” Allie rose to come around her desk to wrap Liv in one of her amazing hugs. “Sure, you’re the best assistant ever, but you’re right, this is a big world, filled with lots of people. I can find someone who comes a close second.”

  Liv hugged Allie a bit harder now, finally feeling like she was on track toward making things right again. Since the cruise, nothing made sense anymore. It was like she’d left as one woman and come back another. She desperately wanted to reach out to Miles and tell him she’d just quit her job. She wanted to hear his voice. But where would that get them? She really didn’t want to set her Facebook status to complicated.

  That didn’t stop her from missing him. Not just the sex either. She missed everything. The way he listened, that heat-packed smile, even his cool, calm nature. But the truth remained: Miles was in Vegas. Where he belonged. She couldn’t change that, but her mother helped her realize, she could change her job. She could use what she discovered about herself on the cruise and do something with it. Grow from it. “Thank you for supporting me,” she told Allie.

  “Of course,” Allie said, taking Liv’s hands. “Whatever you need, both Micah and I are here for you. If you have forgotten, we really love you. A lot.”

  Liv squeezed Allie’s hands in return. “I love you both too. Crazy hard.”

  “You know who else I think loves you?” Allie’s eyes twinkled.

  “Please don’t say it,” Liv said, pulling her hands away. “I’m trying to not to think about him.”

  Allie cocked her head, sadness touching her eyes. “I really want to support you here, but Miles and you…it’s a good thing.”

  “It is a good thing,” Liv agreed. “But it’s a complicated thing. How can I ask him to move here and leave all of his friends and his job? I can’t take him away from his life in Vegas. It’s just wrong.” Liv drew in a big deep breath. “And beyond that, we both know who Miles is and the interests he has. Sure, we had fun this past week together, but I don’t think I can be what he needs.”

  “Did you ask him what he wants?”

  “He said he wants me.”

  Allie frowned. “But you don’t think he’s telling the truth?”

  The answer was all too easy. “I feel like he thinks he knows what he wants, but when it comes down to the reality of it, he’ll realize that I’m just this boring woman, not this wild woman he thinks I am.”

  Allie snorted. “My experiences with Doms is that they know exactly what they want. And if they don’t, they go find it. Whatever he is saying to you, it’s the truth, Liv.”

  She considered and shrugged.
“Maybe, but I left. It’s done.”

  “So that’s it then? It’s just over?”

  “Yes,” Liv said with a heavy sigh. “We had a thing. A great thing. But now I can get back to my life.”

  Allie’s mouth twitched. “Sounds all very logical, but there’s a big problem with that.”

  “Which is?”

  “Emotions aren’t logical.”

  Right then, there was a knock at Allie’s door. “Hey, Allie, I know I’m a little early—”

  Liv turned in her chair, meeting bright blue eyes that once charmed her. Gavin had not changed one bit. Same suit. Same golden-brown stylish hair. Same gorgeous face and hot bod. All the things the ladies loved. A little too much.

  Gavin stopped dead. “Liv.”

  “Hey,” Liv said, and rose. Before the cruise, she wasn’t sure how she would have felt if she’d run into Gavin. Because Allie was such a good agent, Gavin often would send his corporate clients to her when they needed a residential agent, and in turn Allie would send Gavin hers. Micah only dealt in multi-million-dollar deals so, unfortunately for Liv, the deal between Allie and Gavin still worked. But Allie had always done her best to get Liv out of the office if she and Gavin had to have a meeting. But now, as she faced the man who once crushed her, she didn’t feel weak like she once had. If anything, she felt sorry for him. Sorry that he could have had anything he wanted but ruined everything he touched, and hurt those who cared about him. But most of all, she saw weakness compared to Miles. She turned to Allie and gave her a quick kiss. “Thanks again for everything. Can I call you guys later to talk to Micah?”

  “I’ll do one better,” Allie said, rising from her chair. “Come for dinner tonight. We can talk then.”

  “Perfect. I’ll bring the wine,” Liv said, then turned to approach Gavin.