99% Faking It

by Chris Cannon

  “Maybe we should take him into the basement,” Lisa said.

  That worked for me for several reasons. I scooped Harry up and carried him like a football. “Come on, little guy. You can protect us from any basement monsters.”

  Once we were settled on the couch, Lisa started the third Harry Potter movie. Harry the dog hopped off the couch onto the coffee table. He paced back and forth, eyeing the ceiling with deep distrust.

  “Is that normal dog behavior?” Lisa asked.

  “I think he believes he’s protecting you from the evil noises attacking the house. You have to love the spirit of small dogs. They are ready to take on the world for their humans.”

  “So he thinks I belong to him?”

  I nodded. “Chevy and Ford work very hard to protect us from rabid squirrels and damn birds.”

  “Oh really?” Lisa laughed.

  “Yes. When they are chasing the birds away from the greenhouse, they are very serious about it. One day my mom asked what they were barking at, and my dad said, “They’re barking at the damn birds.” So now all birds are damn birds.”

  “Your family sounds nice,” she said. “Sometimes I wish I had a brother or a sister.”

  “I don’t think they’d fit in this house,” I teased.

  “Shows what you know. We have a third bedroom upstairs,” she said.

  “Where?” The house barely seemed big enough for two.

  “It’s tiny, even for us. A twin bed would barely fit in there. I mean it might, but there wouldn’t be any space to walk around it, so we use it as storage.”

  “If you can’t walk into the room, I don’t think it counts.”

  “A baby crib would fit,” she said.

  “Do you think your mom and Tony are going to get married and have a baby?”

  “I don’t know. They say they might move in together once I’m in college.”

  The noise from the storm faded and Harry hopped off the table and came to lie next to me on the couch. He looked at me, gave a low wag, turned in a circle, and lay down.

  “His work here is done,” I said.

  “Back to our regularly scheduled movie,” Lisa said, hitting the button to start the movie.

  I put my arm around her shoulders and waited to see what I should do next. It was killing me not to ask her about Trey, but it’s not like I wanted to hear her say good things about the guy.

  Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Lisa watching the movie. If she was comfortable with this then that was a good thing. Right? It meant she still wanted to be around me. At least I hoped so.

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  Lisa

  I was a terrible human being. That was the only answer. I’d had fun with Trey. He was new and different and interesting but Matt felt right. Maybe this was that go-with-your-gut thing my mom had talked about. It’s not like Trey would be heartbroken if there wasn’t a second date. According to Clarissa, he had groupies in art class, so he’d be fine.

  Why was dating so complicated? I was beginning to think those old-fashioned arranged marriages might not have been a terrible idea.

  “What’s wrong?” Matt asked.

  Crap. Could he tell what I was thinking? “Nothing. Why?”

  “That’s the same face you make when you’re doing some complicated math problem.”

  “I have a math face?”

  He nodded. “Your eyebrows come together and you tilt your head a little bit…kind of like Harry did earlier.”

  I laughed. “I do not look like that.”

  Matt looked down at his fingernails and cleared his throat. “What were you thinking about?”

  “Life in general. Everything is always more complicated than you think it’s going to be.”

  He glanced up at me. “You don’t have to share if you don’t want to, but how did things go last night?”

  Shit. I knew he’d hear that I’d been on a date with Trey but I never expected him to ask me about it to my face. “Are you going for the awkward-moment-of-the-year award?”

  “Probably,” he admitted.

  “Can we not do this?” I asked.

  “Do what?”

  “You said we weren’t exclusive.”

  “Yeah, but the plan was you were going to go on one date and then realize you have zero interest in him. I’m trying to see how that plan is going.”

  “Funny,” I said. “How about we just enjoy the movie and avoid thinking big thoughts?”

  He removed his arm from my shoulders. “I’m trying to be cool with this, but I think I need to leave.”

  “Seriously?”

  He scooted away from me. “Yeah, the ball is in your court. You decide what you want and let me know.” With that he stood up to leave.

  “Wait.” I reached for his hand.

  “Why?” he asked. “Have you made a decision?”

  What was with the sudden pressure? “I want you to stay. Isn’t that enough?”

  “Maybe it should be, but it’s not.”

  “That’s not fair,” I said.

  “I figured out what I want. Now it’s your turn.” He headed for the stairs.

  This was totally sucking and it was pissing me off. “I liked you for weeks and I waited and waited, hoping something might happen, and when it didn’t, I adjusted. A few months into our friendship you pull this reversal and I’m supposed to be ready for an exclusive relationship because you are? You can’t even give me a few days to figure out what I want? How is that fair?”

  Without turning around, he said, “All’s fair in love and war.” And then he headed up the steps.

  Did he just say he loved me? If he had it was the worst declaration of love ever. I plopped back down on the couch and called Nina. “Can you come over and bring Oreos?”

  “Is this a Double Stuf emergency or will regular do?”

  “Why would anyone eat regular when Double Stuf exists?”

  “Give me fifteen minutes.”

  By the time Nina showed up, my stomach was in knots. I told her about Matt walking out on me.

  “That’s pretty ballsy. How can he expect you to make a snap decision when he dragged his feet for months?”

  “I know. And what’s really pissing me off is I was leaning toward choosing him.”

  “Really?”

  “Trey is fun, but I’m not sure we like the same things.”

  Nina pointed at the Harry Potter movie which was still paused on the television. “You know Matt only watches those to make you happy.”

  “Whose side are you on?” I took two Oreos apart and smashed the double stuffed sides together. “Quadruple stuffed for when guys make you crazy.”

  “That looks awesome.” She followed my lead, smooshing two Oreos together. She took a bite and smiled. “Yeah, that’s pretty good.”

  “So back to Matt and Trey. I like Trey. He’s fun. Matt feels like he’s already part of my life. Does that make sense?”

  “Kind of,” she said. “So what do you want to do?”

  “Would I be sucking down Double Stuf Oreos if I knew the answer to that?”

  After Nina left, I went upstairs and filled my mom in. “Feel free to put on your professional counseling hat,” I said. “Because I’m thoroughly confused.”

  “If Matt hadn’t been pushy today, would you have chosen him?”

  “I think so, but now I’m ticked off.”

  “I’m sure it wasn’t easy for him to know you went on a date with Trey. He still shouldn’t have walked off. Ultimatums rarely result in the desired outcome.”

  “Is that therapy-speak for I’m right and he’s wrong?”

  “As a counselor I try not to assign blame, but as your mom, that was pretty immature of him to run away.”

  And that’s when it hit me. “Oh my God. That’s what he does. He never tries too hard at anything so he doesn’t ever risk failing. He got mad at me once when I pointed that out to him. He’s smart, he could make good grades, but he only works hard enough for C’s
. He’s trying to get Charlie to go to college so he can stay home and work with his dad because I think he’s afraid he won’t be able to cut it in college.” It felt like I’d had some kind of epiphany but I wasn’t sure what that meant for our relationship or lack thereof.

  “Speaking of college,” my mom said. “I know you’re all set to go to Canton Community College. I also know you chose it because it was the least expensive option and you could still live at home.”

  I shrugged. “Since I don’t really know what I want to do, it makes sense to take my general education classes there and then transfer my credits once I know what I want to do with my life.” It wasn’t a glamorous plan, but it worked for me.

  “I think you could widen your college search if you wanted to. We’ll probably never see Gavin again, and I’d prefer if we didn’t, but he did make a sizable donation to your college fund.”

  “To ease his conscience.”

  “That’s completely true, but it’s nice that I might have finally gotten some good out of all that stress and heartache.”

  “Do you still want to run him over with a scooter?” I don’t think I’d ever be okay with what he’d done. I was pretty sure my mom wouldn’t be, either.

  “I think a motorcycle would be more satisfying,” she said.

  I laughed.

  “Remember, you don’t have to make any decisions about who you want to date or what school you want to go to right now. And even if you make a decision, you are allowed to change your mind. You need to figure out what’s right for you.”

  I had no freaking clue how to do that. “Why did you pick Tony?”

  She sighed and smiled, like she was remembering something. “I used to see him jogging every day on my way to work. And I never imagined a guy in such good shape would be interested in me. I stopped at a red light one day and he was waiting for the walk sign so he could jog across the street. He noticed me looking at him and he smiled. It was a genuine smile. Like he was just being friendly. I smiled back. Over the next week we ended up at that same light three times. On the third time, he walked over and knocked on the passenger side window.

  “I lowered the window and he said, ‘It’s hard timing my run to hit this light so I can see you every morning. Maybe we could have coffee instead.’”

  “Awwww. You never told me that.”

  She blushed. “It kind of went against the don’t-talk-to-strangers rule I was trying to teach you.”

  “That’s such a cute story.” I pouted. “I want a guy who is going to make an effort like that for me. Matt fell ass backward into liking me. The only effort he’s put into doing anything for me is giving me that Hermione wand pen.”

  “He wouldn’t be upset if he didn’t really like you,” my mom said. “Give him a chance to get his head on straight. In the meantime, you can get to know Trey better.”

  A funny thought hit me. “Trey could be dating other people, too.”

  “Yes he could. Does that make you feel better?”

  “Yes.”

  Chapter Thirty-Eight

  Matt

  “How could you be so stupid?” Haley demanded as I paced back and forth in front of the living room television.

  “Thanks. That’s helpful.” I hadn’t told her about what I’d said to Lisa so she could bitch at me.

  “She asked for time and you gave her an ultimatum instead? No one likes those.”

  “It’s not like I planned it.” I ran my hand down my face. “Thinking of her with Trey makes me want to punch someone…preferably Trey.”

  “He’s actually a nice guy,” Haley said.

  “Are you trying to piss me off?” So far she’d been less than helpful.

  “You asked for my opinion,” she reminded me.

  “It must have been a moment of insanity,” I muttered as I headed out the front door for some fresh air.

  My dad sat outside on the porch swing, drinking a cup of coffee. “There’s some rock that needs shoveling if you want something to take your mind off your troubles.”

  Not a bad idea. Sometimes physical work and being outside made me less angry. I went back inside and changed into some worn-out jeans and an old sweatshirt before heading to the area behind the greenhouse where the delivery truck had dumped landscaping rock. We moved it as we needed it up front to the wire bins. I grabbed a wheelbarrow and a shovel and got to work.

  The shovel made a satisfying crunch as it bit into the waist-high pile of rock. I filled the wheelbarrow one shovelful at a time and then took it up front and dumped it in the bin. The rhythm of it relaxed me. I let my mind wander. What was I going to do about Lisa? There wasn’t much I could do, except wait and see. Maybe that’s what bugged me. I’d figured out what I wanted and she didn’t feel the same.

  Wait. That wasn’t true. Like my annoying sister pointed out, I shouldn’t have walked off. But I had. Now what? How did I apologize without coming off like a jerk?

  With any other girl I would have given up and walked away. No one else had ever seemed worth the trouble. With Lisa, I didn’t want to give up. I wanted to fight for her but I needed to find a way to do that without being a tool. How could I show her I was done running away?

  I’d never given her the Harry Potter bag I’d bought for her. Maybe she wouldn’t be so ticked off at me if she liked the gift. Not like I thought I could buy her affection, but I needed all the help I could get right now and it would show I understood and appreciated her nerd-girl personality.

  I hated the idea of not talking to her until tomorrow. Would she even talk to me? Maybe I should text her. Then again she wanted space. I filled and transported two more wheelbarrows of rock before I gave up on finding any answers.

  All I wanted now was a shower and food. By the time I made it to the dinner table, Charlie was frowning, Haley was glaring at everyone, and my parents looked like they didn’t have a clue what was going on.

  I’d barely sat down and taken a bite of my burrito when Haley said, “It’s stupid to be mad at Clarissa. She can’t control what her cousin does.”

  “What if Clarissa’s cousin was a girl who’d asked your boyfriend out?” Charlie said.

  “That would be different,” Haley said, “because Bryce is already my boyfriend.”

  “I appreciate the support,” I said to Charlie, “but I’m the idiot who got myself into this position so there’s no reason to be mad at Clarissa.”

  “That’s surprisingly rational,” Haley said.

  I wanted to flip her off, but my mom would freak out, so I just ignored her comment.

  “What’s going on with you and Lisa?” my mom asked.

  “Bad timing,” I said. “She liked me. I friend-zoned her. We dated. I wasn’t sure how much I liked her. Now I know that I want to date only her. She likes me but she also likes this asshat named Trey who has stupid hair.”

  “Nice description,” Haley said.

  “I was going for the G-rated version.”

  “How much rock did you move?” my dad asked, changing the subject.

  “Three wheelbarrows.”

  “Why do you think Lisa is the girl you want to date?” my mom asked.

  So much for eating in peace. I took another bite while I thought about why I wanted to be with her. “She’s smart and she makes me laugh. I’d rather be with her than anyone else. She’ll never believe that because of her asshole of a dad.”

  “Language,” my mom said.

  “He ran out on her mom when he found out she was pregnant. Asshole is the nicest description I can think of.”

  “You’re not wrong,” my dad said.

  “If you really care for her, you’ll find a way to make it work,” my mom said.

  “I’m trying.”

  “You really are trying, aren’t you?” Haley said. “That’s impressive given your dating history.”

  “Thanks.”

  “Topic change,” she said. “Jane talked Nathan into asking his dad to donate money to the shelter so we can build a
dog washing station.”

  “What’s a dog washing station?” I asked. “And don’t tell me it’s a station where you wash dogs.”

  She grinned. “It’s like an outdoor shower with six stalls. So we can keep the dogs clean, which should make them seem more adoptable.”

  “That’s cool,” I said. “Nathan seems like a decent guy.”

  “He is.”

  “Your boyfriend on the other hand…”

  She stuck her tongue out at me, which made all of us laugh. The strange tension was gone.

  After dinner, I sat on my bed, staring at the piss-poor essay I’d written for Geography when Charlie came into our room.

  “You and Clarissa okay?” I asked.

  “Yeah, I guess. Have you figured out how you’re going to straighten things out with Lisa?”

  “No. So far my brilliant plan is to give her the Harry Potter stuff I bought her.”

  Charlie stared at the bag where it sat on my dresser. “Didn’t you say Trey wasn’t into that kind of stuff?”

  “I don’t think he is.”

  “Then maybe you should make sure he sees Lisa being all happy about it.”

  “Let him see her in full fangirl mode?”

  “He is the too-cool-for-school guy,” Charlie said. “He probably thinks Harry Potter is a kids’ movie.”

  Could I do it? Lisa claimed I always sabotaged myself. What if the only way to get what I wanted was to sabotage her?

  Chapter Thirty-Nine

  Lisa

  Monday morning, I woke up to find my mom was way too happy. She was dressed and in full makeup before I’d even eaten breakfast. “Who are you and what have you done with my mother?”

  “I’m meeting Tony for breakfast this morning. It’s the anniversary of when he knocked on my car window.”

  “Oh…that’s so sweet.”

  “I think so.” She grabbed her purse. “I’ll see you tonight for dinner.”

  “Have fun.” I liked seeing her happy. It gave me hope that I might find a guy who wasn’t a tool. My cell buzzed with a text. Speaking of tools, it was from Matt.

  Sorry I bailed. You can have all the time you need. Let me know when you decide. I have a nerd-girl suck-up gift as a peace offering. I’ll see you at your locker.