He was chewing the inside of his mouth, tugging at it, as if he was wearing false teeth.
‘So, I'll give you a call later to see if John had a will and if he has left anything for in it for me.’
‘Yes,’ he extended the word as if someone had bent his arm around his back. It was inevitable, the truth had been extracted, and it was coming out painfully. ‘Look, leave this letter with me, and I will have some answers when you ring.’
‘Can't do that,’ I stood up quickly, snatching the letter out of his hand. ‘Look, I'm not being funny or anything, but this is the only proof I have.’ I quickly folded the letter and put it back into my bag, with a snap I closed the catch.
He was watching the letter disappear into the bag which it had escaped from. He was obviously worried by the frantic look on his face that something had come to light which should never have. It was like going to the theatre to find each of the actors spouting from different plays.
‘I tell you what, I'll get myself a cheap cellphone, I have enough money for that,’ I had several hundred dollars which Angel had passed to me. In my mind's eye, I could see the money at the bottom of my briefcase wrapped up in an envelope. ‘And I'll do a top-up. We can communicate by that once I've got it set up.’ And then I held my hand out. ‘Thank you for giving me ten minutes of your time,’ in a daze he took my hand.
‘Yes, Miss Boreman.’
I looked up; this was my name.
‘When you contact me, I should have some answers to your question.’
I felt exhilaration for the first time since offloading myself out of a dead marriage, or so I thought. And now the elation of success was trumpeting in my ears. I had won my first battle. John did have a will and judging by the look on Jeffrey Stanton's face, I had just thrown a spanner into his works.
On my way along the high street looking for the right lawyer's office, I noticed there was one of those old fashion toyshops. This, since leaving the lawyer was going to be my next mission. Already, I knew what I was going to buy J.J, the sweetest, friendliest looking teddy bear in the shop. It wouldn't be the biggest one, but the softest and gentlest one, just like him. Then the next operation, the dress shop. The one I had been embarrassed in before. And did they look at me when I entered? None the less, I bought that same outfit with cash, matching their expression of disbelief with mine, of, I told you so.
I just remembered in time to buy that cellphone. And then I was back in time, with ten minutes to wait till Pesker arrived.
23
I don't know why I didn't expect anything to happen but somehow, naively I did. Had the world of fashion institutionalized me to such a degree that this flippant world only had a temporary impact?
By the time we arrived back, Mary had already gone, I had meant to say goodbye to her, and I suppose, I also thought she would never leave. But her mug in the kitchen and the little statue of the Virgin Mary as well as the presence of Mrs. Pesker stacking the dishwasher, made me understand that Mary had carried out her threat. This odd-shaped, awkward girl, who had nothing about her to redeem her as attractive was going to be missed by me. Well, she was gone, and she wasn't coming back. Perhaps, she was wise to know when it was the right time to get out. I, on the other hand had motives and reasons for staying. There was the sensation of flight in the air. That winged mad horse of hysteria, kicking up its heels with excitement. And now this world fell into silence to wait for the next thing to happen.
The rest of the afternoon, I spent with J.J. I had shown Mrs. Pesker the teddy bear and was pleased with her reception. Never had I bought anything for a child before, not even for one of my sister's children. I had always sent money, but I don't think that's the same thing. This was what I thought while I charged up the cellphone. And when it was fully charged, I rang the lawyer's office and gave Jean my name as well as the telephone number asking her to pass this information on to Jeffrey Stanton.
Crossing the hall leading to the kitchen on my way to get J.J his supper the doorbell rang. Quickly, Pesker appeared from the kitchen drying his hands on his uniform jacket to answer the door.
You see, I have very good reflexes. I saw the door open, I saw the man standing opposite Pesker waiting to be recognized. My reactions were instantaneous, I was in through the other door and listening with terror at the door. Jeffrey Stanton had come, and he wanted to see Angel. I heard him chatting to Pesker as he gave him his coat and then asking where she was. When he was told where Angel was, his familiarity in the way he handled himself, told me that once he had been a regular guest. I heard him making his way to the staircase and then mounting them two at a time he made his way to her bedroom.
If I had been two seconds later, he would have seen me for certain. It was a risk I had never thought about. I had moved about the house with confidence, knowing my position in the house and why I was there, even though my motives were contradictory to everyone else's.
It was becoming increasingly obvious now to me that everything I did had a risk factor to it. Gone were the days when I thought of Angel as being blessed with the stupidity of luck. It was evident that I was living my life precariously. And this was another risk I was about to embark on, I wanted to know why Jeffrey Stanton was here and what he wanted. So sure I was that it had nothing to do with my visit, that I deserved the title of idiot?
I heard him knocking on her door while I was making my way upstairs. She must have told him to enter as I heard her door open and close with a snap. Running up the rest of the stairs and along the soft tread carpet, I was there outside Angel's door.
Of course, with the door closed, I was never going to hear everything, but I was going to have a damn good try.
It was my ear that took the impact, as a crash hit the door where I was leaning my head. It took but a second for me to realize that something had been thrown, and it was obvious the person attacking could only have been Angel.
‘And you believe her,’ screamed Angel, the rage of her voice a galleon’s gun to the whistle of her body.
The resonance from the assault was still pounding in my ear, uncomfortable though it was, it was quickly replaced by my need to know what was being said. Again, I put my ear to the door, I was just able to distinguish the sound of a man's voice replying to her tantrum.
‘No, you fool, he hasn't a sister; John would have told me. Did you check her identity?’
There was a reply to Angel's question.
‘Surely, I don't have to tell you your job. If she's making a claim for his money, you, as a professional lawyer should be using your brains by asking her to prove who she really is?’
Again, he was trying to defend himself.
‘Of course, she seemed real. Wouldn't you if you were after some big money? I know I would. So, she had a letter on his headed paper, but that doesn't mean anything and as my lawyer, I would have thought it was your job to protect my interests.’
He said something else.
‘For God's sake Jeffrey, who do you prefer to believe, a woman, who's just come in off the street or me? Where's your loyalty? You're supposed to love me and one day when everything is sorted out, we’ll marry, but I can't marry a man who can't see what's real from what’s not. I can't believe you're such an idiot.’
He kept to an even tone, unlike Angel.
‘Yes, the child is yours. I told you so, didn't I. I meant everything I said. I have been faithful to you, and now I’ve had your child. Where are your loyalties?’
He said something else.
‘I told you John was unable to have children. Yes, I did, yes, I did. I told John the child was his.’
Now, Jeffrey's voice was raised but it still wasn't loud enough for me to hear.
‘The baby is yours, Jeffrey. It's your baby and when the time is right, you can if you want, have a DNA test to prove it. And then you will see and be ashamed of yourself for doubting me. And the reason why John believed me is that I told him that I was faithful. That I had not been with anyone else except
him. And that perhaps they had got it wrong with him having the mumps. I told him these things are possible.’
Again, there was another question from Jeffrey.
‘It was a lucky guess. It was probably someone who knew John from the past, one of his old girlfriends.’ And then she screamed. ‘I don't care what you believe. John meant me to have the money, and not her. Don't you understand? It's my money. Because I've earned it. Look about you, everything you see is mine. I've worked very hard for it. And all you need to do is to make some alterations to the will. It shouldn't be so difficult for you to do. You're pretty good at looking after everyone else's interests so, why not mine? I’m the woman you are supposed to love. You do love me, Jeffrey, don't you?’
And still with that same voice, he was asking something else.
‘You think I've changed? What about you? And no, I didn't have an affair with you simply to get you to alter his will. I love you, and I'm prepared to share everything I have with you. I am fighting for us both, and you are prepared to throw everything we have together away. Oh, Jeffrey, you've made me upset.’
And then the room went silent, but still with my ear to the door I listened, and then I guessed that nothing else was going to be said anymore for I remember that type of silence. It was the same one John and I shared once before, many, many years ago now, it seemed.
Whatever had been said between these two had been said when I was not there. I left with thoughts of my own on what was happening between them. Two weeks ago, I would have gone innocently to see J.J, which had been my next inclination to forget my concerns, in the innocence of a child. But the luxury of believing I could go anywhere and do just as I wished had ended. Sometimes, I wondered if the dogs were there to keep others out or, to keep us in. Jeffrey Stanton had managed it.
And it wasn't only that which prevented me from seeing J.J. Just like the judge, Angus desire to see what he perceived as being his own child, Jeffrey Stanton might also have the same need. And so, I banned myself knowing that without my company, I would not only leave J.J on his own but was in effect punishing him for being who he was. Yet, to my own room, I could not go for Angel might have a whim to call me, then everything out of temper would be released out of that bag. I went to the kitchen feeling this was the safest place to be.
And as for young J.J, well, I am truly sorry. If I was to be seen by Jeffrey Stanton, then I would be booted out without seeing the little boy anymore. Oh, I don't know what to think. Everything has a price and consequence in this world. But my resolve to have what should have been legally mine was the momentum which kept me hard, resilient and going. It was a game of justification, and I was determined to win.
It's not significant, and I don't know why it bothered me as it would have happened anyway. It's stupid why I should think like this because it is a reflection on me, I never used to be like this. What did it matter to me that when I went into the kitchen, I saw another mug on the dresser where Mary's had once been. I looked about, everything was changing, for better or worse I didn’t know. Since my experience, I was convinced that again I would lose something else in my life. My looks had gone, my career and so had money. What else could be taken away from me? Yet, someone was singing and coming out of the walk-in larder, it was a younger version of Mr. and Mrs. Pesker. She smiled when she saw me and putting whatever she had in her hand down, a pot of something, she held out her hand and introduced herself as Annie.
Of course, I took her hand with a smile and gave my name and told her the things everyone wants and expects to hear like, welcome to the house and I hoped she would be happy. And when that formality was over with, my mind turned to Mary. Ridiculous, but I had never particularly liked Mary, she was not the sort of person who lends themselves well to being popular. Most of the time she looked miserable as if she was just trying to get through life by doing things like work, simply because she could not give a good enough reason not to. And yet, I knew where I stood with Mary, being basic in her makeup. She didn't like J.J, not that she said so aloud but because of her complaints about him. But when it came to it, she did everything she could to ensure he was comfortable. She was the one who made certain he was never neglected. Neither did Mary like Angel but she did as she was asked, treating Angel with the respect which often I didn't think Angel deserved.
What was happening to me? My emotions were contrary. I missed John though I was glad to see the back of him, and now it was Mary my loyalties were hanging on to. Would it always be like this? To find out too late how much I cared for people? Would I ever be able to recognize affection when it was staring me in my face until it was too late?
‘I was thinking of having a little party,’ Angel picked up the bottle of wine from the chiller by her side.
I didn’t know if she was telling me or asking me for my opinion by the way she imparted this thought. So, I showed myself interested, attending to her thoughts as a willing submissive who knew their place in life. It appears she was waiting for the affirming nod of my head.
‘It's been a while now since the death of my husband.’
And that was all I heard when I switched off. He is not, and never has been your husband. It's the one thing I can feel proud of, and that is that John had married me. How long had she known John for, five years? Well, I had known him for twenty-one years, and that beats five any time. And when she met him, those five years ago, John was still with me and becoming more and, now thinking about it, more absent-minded by the year, by the month. Often, I would snap, well, perhaps more than often ask him, what was the matter with him? Was he beginning the onslaught of dementia, as he was constantly in a fog of thoughts?
Are you ill? I asked him once with concern, looking intensely into his face and frowning, I suppose. At the time, the magazine figures were going up, and it was I thought, entirely to do with an article I wrote about a woman's rights within marriage. I gave a good argument for women not to have children in marriage. I was on a high, my mind going those steps beyond and seeing myself being headhunted by one of the top magazines. If John was ill, I was not going to give this golden opportunity up and stay at home and be the angel of the house and a martyr that would care for him with unconditional love and sacrifice. No, absolutely not. This was my life as much as his. It confirmed my thoughts about dumping him. Callous, I know but you only get trophies and awards when you're a winner, you get nothing at all when you're a mug.
But that stupid kiss curl fell across his brow, which always infuriated me because it made him look vulnerable like he needed someone to mother him. And then he smiled because he took my frown as concern thinking I cared about him. Idiot, because he said, “No, sweetheart,” he was always calling me sweetheart as if he had forgotten my name. “I've got a new game which I'm trying to work out and it's proving to be…”
It was enough when he said game. Another board game, I always switched off as soon as he said game. To live your life and become involved in moving little figures about as if your very life depended on it. I still think he wasted his time but perhaps it was this strategic planning and working by covering every invariable which was the catalyst that drew him forward to his fortune. Perhaps I should have listened to him and taken more interest in his stupid ideologies. Well, it's too late now.
‘I was thinking of having a masked ball,’ continued Angel.
And suddenly, I was back listening to all the rubbish she was saying because I had no choice.
‘A board game,’ I replied without thinking, presumably, my mind was still on John.
An instant response, for she looked up from her glass as if I had electrified her. Honestly, she must have known that John liked playing these games. Plotting and scheming and putting his mind to perfect murder or top-secret mission without ever being caught.
‘I meant masked ball,’ I said on seeing her eyes light on me. I nearly said I had a friend, who also liked to play these types of games, but I caught myself just in time. Well, what do you expect? She made me want
to say these things to her. She was so self-indulged and spoilt and it really sickened me. She only had everything because I had been foolish. ‘How delightful, I have only been to a masked ball once when I was in Vienna.’
Stop now for I was beginning to tell her too much. ‘A friend won a holiday and the other person, who was supposed to have gone became ill and so she invited me.’ Was that convincing enough for her vain brain, I wondered?
A face that mocks. She has some curious and worrying expressions because she leaned her head to one side and posed her thoughts to herself while she lifted the glass to her mouth.
Sometimes, I wished she would really say what was on her mind... But I suppose that was often what she must have thought about me.
There was a considered silence, in which I was determined it was not going to be me who should break it. But I was learning very fast that in some things, she is more resilient and stronger than me, and it was going to be me, who would explain whatever I felt needed explaining.
‘Would you have a theme to your masked ball?’ I asked watching her push her plate away.
‘I expect so, but I'm not sure what it will be.’
How about stealing someone's husband and claiming all the money, which should have gone to me? But naturally, I didn't say it. I simply smiled and nodded.
It was on the following morning that I heard from Pesker, the dog trainers said there had been an attempt to break-in to the grounds as one of the dogs had been found dead. A gun had been used with a silencer most probably to shoot the dog in the head, not the choice of your ordinary burglar.
24
It was on my mind to ask Angel every time I saw her what I was to do about taking J.J for a walk. Surely, her fears should not prevent him from having his constitutional. And yet, every time I saw her, I forgot. But this morning, I was resolved not to be sidetracked and demand there should be a time in the day when the dogs could be tied up for me to take her son for his walk.
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