by Everly Frost
Before I know what he’s doing, he crosses toward me as fast as I’m advancing on him, forcing me to stop and backpedal rapidly. Not fast enough.
His fingers circle my bicep, his other arm circles my waist, and he pulls me close, as close as I lay to him when I was crying. I stiffen in his arms as he raises his hand to trace the treacherous tear tracks down my cheeks.
“Something happened,” he says, a quiet but certain statement. “It must have been bad if you needed comfort from a Fell.”
I chew my lip, my gaze falling to focus on a spot on his jaw, unable to handle the genuine concern in his eyes. “A lot can change in a day.”
I try to breathe in the circle of his arms, finding it much harder than I expected. The way he’s stroking my back should be calming, but somehow it’s irritating in the way that touch is frustration when it’s not enough, when it needs to be more. My armor is an immovable barrier between his apparently soothing intentions and my starving skin. “Will you… please… not ask me anything more about it?”
I want to tell him about the sick children, but it will only bring up the subject of fate again. I can’t tell him that the Queen I loved started whispers about me that could have caused me to be homeless and hated. Or that she refuses to save dying children and sends her guards to threaten anyone who speaks out about it.
I won’t tell him that I was worried he might die.
Forcing myself to meet his eyes, I realize that I’m glowing around his fingertips splayed across my cheek. The slow graze of his thumb across my jaw makes me shiver.
“So long as you’re okay,” he says, his voice low and soft like a wolf’s growl.
I force a nod. “As okay as I can be.”
Despite my assertion, he doesn’t open his arms. “Thank you for healing me.”
“It wasn’t me. I didn’t… I mean… I brought you here, but I couldn’t help you. I couldn’t stop you hurting.” I purse my lips against all the awkward words.
A glimmer of a smile lifts the corners of his lips before he hides it. His fingers glide from my cheek to my hair. “I think this is my magic power,” he says, his hand sliding through the white strands.
“What is?”
“Loosening your hair ties.”
My lips part in surprise as he casts me a challenging look that dares me to contradict him. Somehow, he’s right. I’ve braided or tied my hair a thousand times today, only to have it come undone every time he’s around me.
“Why is it this color?” he asks. “I’ve never seen hair like this.”
“Except on old women,” I reply dryly. “It’s always been this way.” I shrug my shoulders with an exaggeratedly provocative tilt. “I think it’s trying to look like twilight.” And failing miserably.
“It does when I do this.”
His other hand sweeps up my neck to my cheek, making me gasp as heat rushes through me. Oh, dear stars. What is this excruciating warmth that makes my toes curl and my body ache in unfamiliar places? He tilts his head to mine, his lips only an inch away. My breathing increases as he pauses there, so close to me that I can inhale the same air as him, so close that my focus becomes pinpoint.
His lips. The perfect dip in the center of his top lip that I want to explore. The growing intensity in his eyes.
“If only you were human,” he whispers.
The press of his hands across my neck and cheeks isn’t enough. I sway just a little closer, closing my eyes as I tip my head. I’m close enough for our lips to touch. The barest, lightest contact—so light, it could be mistaken for a whispered breath between us.
Heat and shivers strike through me at the contact, a soft inhale dragging at my chest as I pull at all the needy sensations that rampage through my body to my core.
This… the barest touch… fills the space between us with impossible wishes. What if I pulled him closer? What if—?
His hands clamp around my face, not hard, but firm enough to keep me where I am, to stop me.
His voice is a husky rumble. Forced. Determined. “If only I weren’t hungry.”
I open my eyes.
His jaw clenches as he pulls away, as if he’s shutting down whatever impulse caused him to touch me to begin with, his hands falling away from my face and arms.
I’m forced to accept his deflection to food.
I take a deep breath and turn toward the kitchen before he can see the confusion of emotions that must be flooding my face.
I nearly kissed him. I think I did kiss him. Maybe. For a second.
It was the lightest touch, but my body’s aching all the way from my heated cheeks to low in my abdomen.
I give myself a mental slap.
I’m relieved. Of course I’m relieved that he didn’t kiss me back. I don’t know what would have happened if he had.
We’re destined to stand across from each other in the arena in a little over two days. One of us will destroy the other. I can’t keep closing the gap between us like I just did. Or he just did. I’m not sure now who reached for whom first.
Unable to trust my voice, I walk swiftly to the kitchen and scavenge in the pantry for bread and cheese, grabbing up a couple of apples from the fruit basket on my way back to the kitchen table. A flask of cold tea rests on the table. I busy myself with pouring two cups before I start cutting the food for our meal. Before I’ve got too far, Nathaniel reaches for a knife and joins me in the task, slicing the bread.
Half an hour later, we’ve eaten, managed to use the bathroom without embarrassing each other, and found clothing for Nathaniel—a pair of long pants and a warm shirt. The only pair of boots in the bottom of Evander’s closet are a little too big, but he pulls on a set of thick socks beneath them to make up the difference.
We operate in silence and I’m grateful that I don’t have to say anything or answer any questions, although I’m sure Nathaniel has plenty.
I pause outside Crispin’s bedroom door on my way back to the stairs.
Be safe, Dad.
Hurrying on, I lead Nathaniel outside, where I whistle for Treble again.
My thunderbird dives from the clouds, a streak of blazing blue as he drops directly down and lands with a crackle of lightning that’s sure to wake everyone within a one-mile radius. His wings flop to the ground before he snaps them into his sides. I gasp as the cracking sound washes over me. Then I race to his side straight through the streaks of electricity raging around him.
“Treble! Are you hurt?” I try to take hold of his neck, but he wrenches out of my grasp, swinging his head until he’s eye to eye with me.
“What’s wrong? Where are you hurt?”
He shoves me hard, the flat of his forehead connecting with my chest, knocking me onto my butt.
I stare up at him in shock as he glares down at me, electricity filling his eyes and washing across his head and neck.
“He’s angry with you.”
Nathaniel appears beside me, picking his way carefully through the rocky snow. He holds one hand out in front of himself as Treble glances askew at him.
“It’s okay, buddy,” Nathaniel says, keeping his voice calm. “You know she’s going to take risks. You knew that when you chose her.”
Treble snorts, an angry wash of air that blows across my hair.
Nathaniel continues his approach until he presses his hand to Treble’s neck, stroking down Treble’s ruffled feathers. “She’ll push you away again and again—as many times as it takes for her to protect you. You’ll spend your life worrying about her, but you’ll love her anyway.”
Treble bounces his head up and down at Nathaniel as if he couldn’t agree more. When Treble swings back to face me, I’m on the receiving end of an eye roll from him. Then he drops his head and nudges my shoulder. A peace offering.
I wrap my arms around his neck. “I’m sorry, Treble. I told you to fly away when I should have asked for your help. I won’t do it again.”
If only thunderbirds had eyebrows. I’m sure Treble would give me a skeptica
l frown right now if he could. He gently removes himself from my embrace, raising his head regally high before he extends and lowers his wing for Nathaniel to climb up.
Settling onto his back, Nathaniel holds his hand out for me, but I give him a smile. “You’d better hold on.”
“Huh?”
I turn to Treble. “Want to fly, my friend?”
With another disdainful snort, Treble lifts into the air without me, a single sweep of his wings taking him into the air. Nathaniel lurches a little but leans low and holds on with the kind of strength that fae take years to build.
Treble rises high into the air above the trees to the left of the clearing before he sweeps down toward me.
I start to run as he dives, timing my stride to the beat of his wings and the friction in the air as he approaches.
My feet leave the ground as he draws level with me.
I leap onto his back, catching hold of the top of his wing bone and sailing neatly into place behind Nathaniel. Treble adjusts his flight, dipping slightly to make my landing less abrupt. As soon as he senses I’m in position, he rises into the sky again.
“Dark stars, Aura!” Nathaniel says. “How did you do that without killing yourself?”
I shrug as I wrap my arms around his waist and rest my head against his back. “I trust Treble.”
At my declaration, I sense my thunderbird finally relaxing, and I know that the faith between us has been restored.
“Whose home was that?” Nathaniel asks, turning his head as we leave the Grove behind.
“My adoptive father’s. He’s a good man. He wanted to raise me when nobody else did.” It doesn’t hurt as much as I thought it would to speak this new truth aloud.
“Whose clothes am I wearing then?”
“Evander’s.”
Nathaniel makes a disgruntled noise. “He’ll love seeing me in them.”
I allow myself to laugh. “He’ll get over it.”
“Where are we going now?”
My laughter fades. “To the Ball. Where I’m expected.”
Where I’ll have to pretend that the foundations of my life aren’t unraveling.
Chapter 18
We soar beyond the mountains, across the peaceful villages and toward the glittering city. Lamps have been lit all along the streets in honor of the conclusion of the Winter Ascending. Celebrations have already started in many parts of the city, but the main party at the palace is still an hour away. It’s a good thing I’m not worried about getting dressed up. Some fae prepare for days for this event. I’ll have a few minutes to slip into… well… my armor.
Treble takes us down onto the empty platform, landing quietly and waiting for us to disembark.
The moment we land, Nathaniel twists toward me. “You’ve shown me more mercy than you should have. Do what you need to do.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I’m supposed to walk free. That doesn’t mean you have to treat me fairly.”
I do a double-take. “You expect me to mistreat you.”
“You need to,” he says. “The others aren’t allowed to spill my blood, but you can.”
I frown. “But… I thought I couldn’t harm you until the fight… No fae can hurt you.”
He scoffs. “You’re supposed to kill me, Aura. We can torture each other as much as we want for the next two days and three nights. It’s all part of the fight. Do you understand? The Law requires a fight by a specified time. It doesn’t say how long the fight goes on before that.”
My disbelieving whisper leaves my lips before I can stop it. “I don’t want that.”
He gives a bitter laugh. “You thought you had to be kind to me? No. You and I will grapple against each other, fight our sense of honor, fight our own hearts, and struggle to do what we need to do, right up until the bloody end.”
He grips my arm before I can withdraw from him. His voice turns to an urgent order. “If you don’t want your loyalties questioned, you need to show your hatred.”
No.
I grit my teeth as I wrench from Nathaniel’s grip and slip from Treble’s back.
I wrap my arms around Treble’s neck. “I’ll need you again before the dawn,” I whisper to him as he nudges me gently. “Please listen for my call.”
Treble bounces his head before his focus suddenly snaps to the platform entrance, his feathers ruffling.
Nadina emerges from the shadows at the doorway, her sharp gaze passing across me, Treble, and finally Nathaniel, who stands a step behind me.
“Commander Lucida,” she announces, her boots striking the platform as she strides toward me still dressed in her armor. “The Queen is asking for you.”
Four Day Guards follow behind her—a rare sight in the middle of the night when the Night Guard would normally be in control. That either means Mia, the head of the Night Guard, is busy doing her hair or the Queen is now relying on Nadina to carry out her less-than-palatable tasks. Such as bossing me around.
Nadina expects me to jump at her command, so I make her come to me before I speak. “Thank you, Nadina. I’m glad to see the Queen is fully protected this evening.” I give the other guards a serene smile before I peer more closely at Nadina, an overly thorough examination of her face. “Although… you look tired, Nadina. Have you slept at all?”
She doesn’t know I saw everything at the cabin. I quietly dare her to admit what she did.
Nadina returns my cool stare. She doesn’t even blink. “I’ve been running errands for the Queen all night. I’ll sleep after the Ball.”
“Good. I’d hate for you to be too exhausted to protect her.”
She huffs, but I’m already turning away from her to grab Nathaniel’s arm and jerk him forward. “Come with me, Fell.”
Nadina arches her eyebrow at the way I spoke to him, but a cruel smile crosses her lips. “I’ll take him for you if you like?”
Now I cast an arrogant glance up and down her body. “Like I said, you look tired.” I lean right into her face. “He’ll chew you up for a snack.”
She jolts backward. “He isn’t allowed to hurt us.”
“Maybe he doesn’t care about the rules anymore. If he’s going to die at my hand anyway, he may as well take as many of us down with him as he can. Isn’t that right, Fell?”
Nathaniel’s dark gaze meets mine, a crazy scary grin growing on his face. He shocks me by leaning in close to me. “Only after I’ve corrupted you first, Starlight.”
Damn you, Nathaniel.
I was trying to make them afraid of him. Now he’s gone and provoked me in a way I can’t ignore in front of Nadina and the guards.
My fist cracks across his cheek and my boot collides with his thigh, forcing him onto one knee. He glares up at me, but I meet the fire in his eyes as I compel him to remain where he landed. He struggles to rise, but I grind my boot harder against his leg, turning his glare to pain.
“Do you see what I have to put up with?” I shout at Nadina.
Damn, damn, damn you, Nathaniel.
“Filthy Fell! I’d hand him over gladly, but it falls to me to kill him. Luckily for me, the rules mean I’m allowed to hurt him as much as I want. If someone else spills a drop of his blood, they’ll die.” I give Nadina a triumphant smile. “Not me.”
She considers me with a new respect. “The Queen was wrong to doubt you, Commander Lucidia.”
“I will make her proud.” I hold my head high, easing my boot off Nathaniel’s knee before I yank him to his feet. “Hurry up,” I snap at him. “The Queen is waiting.”
He follows me as I stalk away from the women, leaving them far behind. Once inside the stairwell, the silence between Nathaniel and me becomes an unbearable pressure on my chest.
“Please don’t do that again,” I whisper.
He exhales into the quiet. “That’s a promise I can’t make.”
Damn him for always telling me the truth. Damn him for being so brave. Damn, damn… “Damn you.”
“I was born
damned, Aura,” he says. “From the moment I took my father’s name, my future was determined.”
I’m tired of his secrets. Swinging to him, I demand answers. “Who was your father? Who are you?”
“Too many questions, Aura,” he murmurs, his dark eyes glinting in the dim light. “Not enough time in the world to answer them.”
The strike of footsteps sounds above us and our quiet moment is over. If I don’t want Nadina to catch up to us, I have to keep moving. I hurry down the stairs and weave through the halls toward the Queen’s Tower with Nathaniel close on my heels. I calm myself along the way. The Queen finally wants to see me and I need to be mentally prepared to hide my emotions around her no matter what.
Mia waits outside the Queen’s door, guarding it. She gives me a snide smile before she opens it. I won’t have to put up with her gloating for long. Nadina will soon tell her what I did up on the platform.
I yank Nathaniel into the Queen’s room, and Mia promptly closes it as soon as I step through.
Imatra stands in the center of the room, already dressed for the Ball. She’s wearing an elaborate sapphire blue dress with a fitted corset that clashes brilliantly with her blood-red hair.
I can’t read anything from her expression as she waits for me to approach her.
Pushing Nathaniel up against the back wall, one hand against his neck, I hold my fist in front of his face. “Stay here. Don’t move or I will hurt you.”
Turning my back on him, I step only three paces forward before I take a knee. “I’m sorry the Fell creature is here, my queen. Unfortunately, he goes everywhere I go. I’d knock him out for our conversation, but I’ve discovered that he has a hard head.”
“I pity you, Aura,” the Queen replies, her voice as soft as the hum of a bee’s wings. “Remaining in the creature’s presence must be draining.”
I don’t raise my head, keeping my gaze on the floor, speaking with true honesty. “If I’d known he was the Fell King’s champion—if I’d known about the Law—I never would have fought him. I would never risk your life or the lives of my people.”