by Rose Verde
“I keep telling myself that. My head knows it, but my heart can't seem to think it possible.”
Amy got up and walked to the window. Young calves jumped about in the distance. A number of ranch hands cleaned out stalls. She turned and leaned against the wall.
“How's Eric?”
“He's counting the days until he sees you,” she said, giggling. “The guy's got it bad.”
Amy snorted, eased from the wall, settled in a seat, and propped her boots up. “He thinks he does. I don't see myself as a settling-down kind of girl.” Really? Her heart mocked her. How about all the flips her heart did when Nevada was near. Indulging her pastime of eye rolling, she told herself not to go there.
“That may not be your statement in the next couple of weeks if your foreman is as gorgeous as my imagination tells me.”
“Your imagination is sure running wild, my dear.”
“Tell me he's not good looking.”
“He is, but I'd be the last person on his mind. Not that I'm interested either. “
“That bad? Look, I got to go. Your boss is coming. See you in two days.”
“He's yours, too. See you.” She clicked off and took her seat.
Her phone went off again. Lorraine. Amy's heart stopped then beat at a painful staccato.
“Lorraine?” Her voice sounded breathless and she took a deep breath.
“Ok, don’t panic. Can you get to the hospital? Your father suffered a cardiac arrest. I mean he had a heart attack. He's stable now, but we'd like to run some tests.”
“I'll be there right away.” Her legs hit the ground, and she made a short run to the back of the house where Sam was preparing the flower bed. “I need to get to the hospital.” Amy’s words came in short gasps.
Sam straightened, concern in her eyes.
“Call Nevada. He's around somewhere.”
“I can drive myself.” Amy turned to go, but a gentle hand stopped her.
“Not in this state. Reach him on his cell phone. It would be quicker that way.”
“I don't have his...” Sweat dripped down her back. Her belly churned. God, please.
“Come with me.” They ran around the house to the kitchen. Sam removed her gloves, picked up her cell phone, dialed Nevada's number, and passed the phone to Amy.
Her gaze flew to Sam's. Sam gave a quick nod.
With trembling hands, Amy put the phone to her ear.
THE ANNOYING VIBRATION started again. Nevada removed his gloves and fished the phone from his pocket. Sam's name came on the screen.
He frowned, accepting the call. “Sam?”
“It's not Sam.” There was fear in her voice.
“Amy?”
“Yes, it's dad. He's...” she sniffled.
He turned in the direction of the ranch house.
“Calm down and talk to me.” Covering the mouthpiece, he hollered to Diaz. “I need to get to the hospital.”
Then back on the phone. “I'm on my way. Is Sam there with you?” His legs ate the distance in large chunks.
“Yes, she is.”
“Great. I'll be there in a few minutes.” When the call ended, he ran the rest of the way.
Amy’s eyes were red.
He felt pity for her. “Let me get out of these work clothes. You can tell me what they said on our way.”
She nodded. He ran up the stairs, his brain working overtime. Was Anthony okay? What had happened? He prayed this wasn’t the end for his dear friend.
AMY WAS GRATEFUL THAT he'd come quickly and was even more touched by the fact that he cared that someone was with her. She sat wringing her hands, willing him to drive faster. He seemed to be lost in thought after she gave him Lorraine’s information. Even Sam was quiet, but her comforting arm around Amy’s shoulders eased her fright a bit.
She wished she could pray.
The fifteen-minute drive was the longest she’d ever had. A sigh of relief whooshed from her when he finally turned into the parking lot.
“Go on up, let me see if the doctor is around,” Nevada said.
Amy nodded, grateful for Sam's support. Amy hugged herself as they walked up to the nurse's station. Sam told the nurses why they had come and led Amy on feet she didn't feel like were her own.
Amy would’ve rushed in there if fear of what she would see didn’t hold her captive. Sam’s gentle push urged her beyond the door into the hospital room. Amy gasped. Her father looked gray, like death was just waiting to take him.
“I'm sorry. I had to call you.” Lorraine was documenting on Dad’s chart.
“It's okay,” Amy said absently, her gaze fleeing from her dad to Sam and back. Amy knelt beside him and took his hand, her heart thudding heavily like it bore a heavy weight.
“He's on a respirator.” Lorraine's voice pierced the dense fog that surrounded her brain.
“His hands are cold,” she said, looking at Lorraine.
“The room is warm enough now, and he's well covered. He should warm up soon. I'll leave you for now. When you’re ready, I'll be at the nurses’ station. I'll explain the tests to you.”
Amy nodded and turned back to her father. She let her tears flow freely. The soft click of the door a second time told her someone else had entered, but she didn't look up.
“Please forgive me and don't die.”
HER WORDS CUT THROUGH Nevada like a knife. Sam stood close to the wall weeping quietly. He held her briefly, then squeezed her shoulders and walked to Amy. He knelt down beside her, silent.
He could see changes in the man, changes that told him it was only a matter of days. Nevada leaned his elbows on his thighs and fought his own tears.
He'd thought several times that maybe if he'd gone searching earlier, things would've been different.
Would he ever get to thank this man who had treated him like a son?
He started when Amy turned into him. Recovering from his shock, he put his arm around her and held her, stroking her hair as she cried, every wracking sob twisting the knife in his heart.
What did you say when you knew the end had come? The doctor was dealing with another emergency, but with what Nevada was seeing before him now... He didn't see the need if the tests wouldn't bring Anthony back.
Life was full of its own ups and downs, he thought as Amy cried into his shirt.
He feared the next few days would tilt her life off balance.
God, help us here.
Chapter Thirteen
AMY PLUNKED ONTO THE bed, giggling as her friend turned in a slow circle. The laughter sounded nice. Her father had been stable for two days. Even though she wanted to stay at the hospital, she had to come home because of Mel.
“You don't say. I'm actually on a ranch.”
“Mmm-hmm.” Amy set Mel’s bag down and pulled off her boots.
Mel finally dropped onto the bed.
“How come you get to enjoy all this by yourself?”
Amy snorted. “Tell me you’re jealous and I’ll tell you everything that will chase you away before you can blink.” She counted off on her fingers. “No manicures and pedicures, no movies and parties...”
Mel smacked Amy and they landed on their backs, giggling.
“How about your sizzling cowboy? He's a man of few words but he has this....” Mel gave a dramatic sigh.
Amy felt a stirring in her heart. Nevada had breached her defenses, and she wasn’t sure what to do about it. Despite his busy schedule, he dropped her off at the hospital, and still went to pick up Mel, only because Amy asked.
“Looks like I lost you there.”
“He's not my cowboy. He's just my father's employee.” She raised herself on one elbow. She wanted to say that everything was duty for him. But was it?
Why did she feel unhappy that he did everything for her only because he thought that a ranch hand had to? She applied mental brakes.
What did she expect? That he would say he did all of that out of love? Maybe for her father but for her? It was next to no chance at all.
Shaking the disappointment, she laughed. “Let me show you around.”
“Okay then,” Mel said.
They walked hand in hand out of the ranch house into the midday sunshine. “There's something I want to check out. I haven't had time to do so and this time is about as good as any.”
“What are the buildings for?” Mel asked as they got closer.
“Guest houses.” They were cabin style and only one out of the four was incomplete. Amy led her friend into the larger of the buildings. If the plan worked it may not have been a bad idea, Amy thought as they went from one building to another.
“Your father wants to start something like a dude ranch?” There was awe in Mel's voice.
“I doubt it was my father's idea. Maybe Nevada's. All the documents I saw on the project were written by him. At least, I know they're not in Dad's writing.”
Next, Amy took Mel to the new bunkhouse. It was mostly complete, but no fittings yet. Fifteen minutes later, they stepped back out.
“What’s over there?”
“The maternity barn. Want to see it?”
“You bet.”
Mel’s enthusiasm didn’t rub off on Amy, because at the back of her mind, this was the place she lost everything that mattered—Mom, her father’s love.
Anyway, there was always novelty for the one who had never been to a place like this. Unlike her, who spent twenty-one years here and with all the memories involved. The rest of the tour passed in silence, Mel enjoying the scenery and Amy’s thoughts not straying too far from her father. “Can we head to the house? I think I'm getting tired.”
Mel draped a hand over Amy’s and she struggled not to give in to the tears that hung constantly just beneath the surface. Thinking about her father had spoiled her day. She sighed deeply. Amy gave her friend a wan smile when Mel squeezed her shoulder.
Why did she sense that her world was about to be tilted from its balance?
AMY AND HER FRIEND walked towards the house. Nevada had seen them at the new buildings earlier. What did she think? He wished he was there to know her thoughts about the project. Talks about the things he was doing on the ranch were far between. Their times together comprised of going to the hospital.
He was surprised to know he wanted her opinion. He continued rubbing his horse down. He’d gone to pick up her friend because Amy asked him.
A realization hit him. He'd do anything for her.
Was he setting himself up for another heartbreak?
I’m only doing my job.
Who was he kidding? Maybe the first few days, yes, and he'd told her so in no uncertain terms. Now he wasn't so sure. They both knew he wasn’t under any obligation to do things for her, yet he did.
What about the day he took her shopping for clothes and Sam's groceries? Even that time he didn’t have to. Angel could drive, so could Diaz. The second ranch truck had been fixed.
“Hey, boss,” Diaz called in greeting, as he led his horse into the stall.
Nevada snapped out of his musing. “Diaz, how is the work coming?”
“I feel every one of my muscles.” He chuckled, a twinkle in his eyes.
At this time, everyone felt the effect of the trips around the maternity barn and cleaning up the place. Even the horses were easier to catch for work. “That's how you know you’re alive.”
They all enjoyed the work. That was the only way anyone would last on the ranch. Diaz was no exception. He loved the job, especially the horses. He was good with them. The young guy was a born rancher.
“True, boss. I'll miss it here when I go back to school.”
“And we'll miss you too. It's a good thing you'll be here till this calving is over. I can't afford to have one less hand at this time.”
“How’s the big boss?”
“Not ...” Nevada’s cell phone rang and he unclipped it from his belt. The ID showed hospital.
His heart beat double time. Why were they calling him? Where was Amy? He accepted the call and placed it to his ear. “Hello?”
“This is Daisy from Blue Song General. Can you get to the hospital right away? We’re not able to get Amy on her phone.”
“How is Anthony?”
“Not good.” He didn’t miss the sadness in the nurse's voice. Nevada turned on his heels. “I'm heading out to the hospital, Diaz,” he said over his shoulder.
Without waiting for a response, he ran across the field towards the ranch house to find Amy. “Where is your phone?” he asked as he bounded into the kitchen breathless.
“Oh, in my room.” Her wide-eyed gaze searched his. “What's the matter?” she asked coming to her feet. Mel rose, too.
“It's your father. We need to get to the hospital now.” He turned to her friend. “Mel, can you find Sam? Tell her to get Angel handy, in case they need to meet us at the hospital.”
Mel gave her friend a quick hug and a pat on her on the back. “Go on, Amy.”
Once in the truck, Nevada threw it into reverse and stepped on the gas. As he turned onto the hospital road minutes later, he prayed. That was all he'd done for the last couple of days. That Anthony would have a miracle. But Daisy's voice told him this wasn’t it. “What happened to your phone?”
“I left it in my room.”
Nevada remembered she had said that. He kept his eyes on the road.
Fear clawed up his belly, squeezing his heart till he was sure it would stop beating. Along with it was anger, at her for not thinking she should keep her phone close by at all times. But getting upset wouldn't change anything.
Maneuvering into the parking lot sooner than he normally would have, he pushed the gear to park and climbed down. He marched across the parking area into the hospital.
Nevada held the elevator door for Amy. Seeing her wide-eyed stare, his anger deflated. He reached out and squeezed her hand.
When the elevator dinged to a stop, Nevada was out in a flash and made a short walk to the room Anthony occupied.
AMY RAN AFTER HIM, feeling numbed by fear. She wasn't sure about the frequency of irregularity her heart was beating with. She tried to pray but the words stuck in her throat.
She stumbled in just as the doctor covered her father's face. The doctor swung his stethoscope over his neck. “I'm sorry, Miss Jayden. We did all we could.”
Amy ran to the bed and yanked off the cloth. “No, you can't die, Dad. Please wake up. Wake up.” She pleaded, shaking him.
His face was peaceful. Was this the end? Her heart pounded, her pulse roaring in her ears. Why would he not wake up even once? Why did she not have the chance to ask for forgiveness? Why had she let the past fester until it was too late?
She screamed and crumpled to the floor, sobs wracking her body. Amy held a hand to her chest to keep her heart from splitting into bits like it was bent on doing.
Nevada squatted beside her, his hand on her shoulder. “Amy, I’ll be back.” He hesitated a little and then rose and left with the doctor.
Daisy tried to talk to Amy but not one word penetrated her ears. She stared at her Dad. Was this truly the end? She thought again. She wouldn't see or talk to her dad. If only she could undo the years...
Amy burst into tears afresh.
After what felt like forever, Nevada walked in with two men in tow. He squatted beside her like he’d done earlier. “Amy, these men are taking your dad’s body to the morgue until we make plans.”
“Don't let them take him away,” she cried, grabbing his shirt.
“You know the hospital can't leave him here indefinitely and keeping him won’t bring him back.”
She looked from him to the men who were there to take her father away, torn between letting them go or not.
Amy pressed shaky hands to her face and cried like she hadn’t done in years.
Chapter Fourteen
NEVADA'S HEART MELTED at the anguish in Amy's eyes and he gathered her into his arms. Once he entered and saw all the gadgets disconnected, he'd realized that moment, Anthony was gone from them forever.
The doctor said he was sorry. Everyone was always sorry when someone died.
His anger stirred again and he pushed it away. It was no one’s fault what happened to Anthony.
Lord help us. He prayed. The next couple of days will be rough on everyone. Lord, please grant Amy strength. Set her free from the guilt that has held her bound.
When the gurney was wheeled out, she started crying afresh. Nevada, helpless and filled with his own grief, let her cry as silent tears coursed down his own cheeks.
The man he had come to see as his own father was gone forever.
Later that night, Nevada sat in the den trying to update the ledger, but his concentration kept slipping to the events of the day. He glanced up to see Amy resting against the door jamb. He hadn’t heard her.
He rose. “Amy? Were you able to rest?”
“No,” she said shortly.
She pushed past him and went to the table, leaning against it.
He assessed her disheveled hair and puffy face and he ached for her. She was a far cry from the young woman who’d come to the ranch a mere two weeks ago. “We could ask the doctor to give you something to help you sleep.”
“I don’t need sleep.”
“Amy, you can’t go on like this.”
“When were you planning to tell me about the loan?”
“What?” He frowned. How did she know?
“I told you I wanted to know what’s going on here.”
Nevada knew grief when he saw it. Amy was spoiling for a fight and he wasn’t going to grant her that. “We can talk about this when you’re in a better—”
“Don’t patronize me, Nevada. Were you planning to tell me?”
He dropped into the chair he’d just vacated and rubbed his stubble. Give me wisdom, Lord.
“I’m talking to you, Nevada.”
She was still talking quietly but he could feel the heat of her emotion bubbling beneath. “Amy, I heard you the first time. I didn’t know about the loan until the bank manager sent the notification demanding payment.”