by R T Green
So real it was scaring the hell out of me.
I grabbed the gel, turned the water temperature up a little. Now I was shivering, but couldn't tell if it was the shower or mind-numbing fright. Fifteen minutes after the water first hit me I left the shower enclosure, wrapped up in the biggest towel I could find, and brewed the strongest cup of coffee the world had ever known.
The sofa was still damp from my sweat so I sat in one of the armchairs, slowly sipping the mega-brew. The shakes had gone, but the memory of the dream wouldn't leave me alone. The DIAL guy's glee as they shovelled the earth over me; Duncan Scott's spooky voice that sounded scarier than ever; the feel of slowly getting buried and being unable to even move to try and save myself…
Those things felt real. I got the feeling they would for a long while. But the horror of all that was nowhere near as devastating as the one thing that was bringing the shakes back.
Zana sounded like she hated me, despising the fact I'd betrayed her and lied through my teeth.
I couldn’t blame her for that.
And because it felt so real, that was enough for me to know that if she ever did hate me for real, I wouldn't be able to live with myself.
The phone jumping around on the glass-topped coffee table dragged me away from the morbid thoughts.
‘So what did you two get up to last night?’
For a second my brain froze. That question, and the fact it was the first time I'd heard Ryland Cooper's voice since he'd buried me alive, made me hesitate. ‘Morning, Coop,’ I said, trying to gain a few seconds thinking time.
‘You gotta stop losing your tail, Maddie; it's partly there for your own good but most importantly you's giving Scott the jitters.’
‘Fuck him. And I told you Coop, I'm not having your monkeys watch me twenty-four-seven. So stick that up your arse big man, and see how it feels!’
‘Whoa, you get out of bed the wrong side this morning? Believe it or not I'm on your side, even if you are a moron.’
‘Sorry, it fucks me right off when I'm not trusted.’
‘You's using fuck more than I am today.’
‘Yeah? Well here's another one - stop fucking calling me Maddie!’
For a few seconds the phone was silent. ‘Ok deWinter, getting the impression I'm not your best mate right now. But I didn't call to have a go. Got a bit of news.’
‘Go on.’
‘Nothing spectacular, just that the techies picked up a transmission from one of the others last night. First time any of them apart from Zana have transmitted since we've been listening in.’
‘Which one was it?’
‘Arik. The guy with the long black hair who works at the same research unit as Red Mist.’
‘Don't suppose it was decipherable.’
‘Nah. But now there's a second mark transmitting Scott reckons things are ramping up. So that’s giving him the jitters from two directions… and that ain't good for me if you get the point?’
I managed a laugh, somehow. ‘You have my heartfelt sympathy. You a tiger or a pussycat?’
‘Find your own lines, Maddie.’
‘I take it you've got a message for me then?’
‘Is it that obvious? Scott says if they're ramping up then so do we.’
‘Which right now means me.’
‘Pinning all our hopes on you, pretty girl. You gotta up the anti with Zana.’
‘Thinking of taking her away for the weekend, if she'll go for that.’ I shook my head, didn't have a clue where that thought had come from, it was like someone else was making the decisions. But as I quickly churned it over it made good sense. ‘If I can get her out of London for a couple of days you'll know nothing is about to kick off; it's not going to happen without her. And maybe away from everything with a little wine and good company, she'll relax and drop her guard.’
‘You ain't just a pretty face are you, girl? God help anyone you set your sights on.’
‘Zana isn't just anyone though, Coop.’
‘You make sure you mean that in a work-related way and not a personal one. And make this weekend happen, kid.’
The phone clicked off. I sat back, a slight smile on my face. I wasn't sure why it was there; a half hour ago it was all I could do to keep myself in one piece. And I hadn't a clue where the weekend-away idea had come from, but now I'd got my brain around it, I realised it would serve two purposes.
Neither of which I'd mentioned to Coop.
For one thing, it would keep Zana and the suitcase apart a little longer. If she agreed to leave London with me this evening, I would know she wasn't so desperate to get back to Dawson's Hill.
But purpose number two was filling me with enough dread to easily put the nightmare to bed. The one I'd already had anyway.
The very near future could well bring me a far more horrific dream-come-true.
The time had come. If Zana agreed to go away with me, I was going to use the weekend to bite the bullet, and tell her why we'd met in the first place.
Chapter 31
I picked up my own phone, pulled up Zana's number. She answered after three seconds.
‘I was just about to call you.’
‘I got there first for once then.’
She laughed. ‘It won't happen again.’
‘You at work?’
‘No, don't seem to have the energy for such things today. Not back there until Monday now.’
‘Glad you said that.’
‘Oh really? Are you about to make some feeble and vain attempt to take control, Madeline?’
It was my turn to laugh. ‘Maybe. You got to give me some brownie points for trying.’
‘Try away then.’
‘I could sure use a break, and if I'm reading things right it wouldn't do you any harm either. What do you say to hitting the road this evening, finding some clean fresh air for a couple of days?’
‘Oh Madeline, I don't think… no, wait…’ I heard her put the phone down. There were no other sounds for half a minute, then she spoke again. ‘Where are you taking me?’
A big smile spread across my face. ‘Dunno yet, only just had the idea… somewhere nice and well away from here.’
‘That's not taking control, that's just pretending.’
‘Just wait, I'm on it now. Won't be telling you where though.’
‘Tease.’
‘Just look on it as me taking control.’
‘Cheat.’
‘Pick you up at six. Seven hours should be enough time for you to pack.’
‘Funny girl too.’
‘Ok, better go start taking control. See you at six.’
‘Thank you. Madeline..?’
‘Yeah?’
‘How are you feeling?’
‘I… I don't know. Weird, in a good way.’
‘That makes two of us.’
I caught myself smiling again. It felt good that the strange feelings I was having trouble understanding were at least being shared. ‘See you later, Zana.’
‘Don't be late! Kind of looking forward to the weekend.’
I leaned back in the chair, closed my eyes. The nightmare of a few hours ago was diffusing, replaced with images of the wonderful things that might happen over the next two days. That didn't last so long, the visions quickly overruled by the awful feeling of dread because of what else the trip away was about.
Telling Zana the truth, and then persuading her to stop the very bad thing she was doing, was terrifying me.
Giving her the cold hard facts was bad enough. She would freak out for sure, but then what? Would she suddenly see the error of her ways, rush into my arms and tell me I was her heroine? Would I get a special commendation for bravery above and beyond the call of duty, and a once-in-a-lifetime smile from Duncan Scott?
I laughed to myself. Not a very likely scenario.
I was already beginning to realise my career with MI6 would soon be over, one way or another. Three weeks ago if that possibility had crossed my mind, I would have felt
there was nothing worth living for.
Now? Now I didn't even care.
The cold hard facts I was about to lay out in front of Zana were no longer the only things on the table. Linking them all together were deep feelings and unexpected emotions that I knew were shared between the two of us. And that could mean only one thing.
When she knew the truth, the what happened next was impossible to predict.
I swept those dread-inducing thoughts away. It was all but a certainty Zana and me had little time left before our worlds caved in, so I was determined to make the most of it. I would tell her the truth over the weekend, but not before we’d taken the time to make some precious memories.
Memories were probably all there would be left to hold onto in the not-too-distant future.
It had to start with the right location. I closed my eyes again, a map of England flashing around my brain. It couldn't be close to London… we needed to be away, not just down the road.
Suddenly I was back to my childhood, back in a time when the innocence of youth still allowed me to feel pleasure and happiness.
And I knew just where to take Zana.
My mother cleared off when I was six. I didn't know it then, but as I grew older I came to realise she'd never been much of a mum. My father had been the one responsible for most of the parenting that went on in our small terraced house in East London.
My dad broke his heart when she left; went to pieces for two years, and I grew up very quickly in that time. I had to. While my dad was always there physically, most of the time he was a waste of space, and relied on his young daughter to hold things together.
I smiled ruefully. Thinking back to that awful time, only now did I understand just how young I was when I decided feelings just got in the way of real life.
Watching my father destroyed because of his love for a woman, eight-year old Madeline deWinter had, without knowing it, already made the decision she would never put herself through the same torment.
But on my eighth birthday life at home suddenly changed. Something snapped in my father, and he came out the other side of his hell. And announced he'd booked the two of us a week's holiday.
Little me was unsure when he said where. Seven days afloat on a motor cruiser on the Norfolk Broads sounded like hell. But I'd only been there a few hours and caught my first tiny fish when I knew I was going to enjoy the week.
It was the best time of my life. My father was a changed man; we cruised everywhere, fished by day, fished by night, I drank orange juice and Coca Cola in the gardens of quaint riverside pubs until I was ready to burst, hooked up with new-found friends… and the awful time in the dark unwelcoming terraced house in East London was a million miles away.
For years we took the same holiday, each time loving every day. Life back in London was getting harder as the suburb around our house went slowly downhill, and street gangs became a way of life. I grew harder too. For fifty-one weeks of the year my character matched the character of the streets where I lived. But my father was my dad again, the one restraining influence on a teenager who was starting to know only one way of getting through life.
And for that one week in the year when we left the harsh reality behind, I breathed the clean air and laughed again.
Now, as a grown woman once more faced with harsh reality, there was only one place I could be with Zana.
Chapter 32
I pottered around the apartment packing a few things into a hold-all, humming away to myself. What? It might be way out of tune and never get past the audition stage on the X-Factor, but… singing?
That was something else Madeline deWinter never did.
An hour ago I'd trawled the internet and found the perfect place. A small elegant boutique hotel on the shores of Wroxham Broad. It was the middle of November and most of the holidaymakers had gone, so they had a few rooms to choose from. I'd studied the detailed individual room specs, made a selection.
There you go Zana, I've taken control… now let's hope you approve!
The packing was done. I called Coop, told him the weekend was on.
‘You gotta get something out of this, Maddie. Scott's pacing the room with a fucking evil scowl on his face.’
‘Nothing new there then, Coop.’
‘You ain't here trying to avoid his eyes.’
‘Kinda glad about that.’
The big man let out a sarcastic laugh. ‘So just spare a thought for me while you're living it up in deepest darkest Norfolk, yeah?’
‘It’s a dirty job but someone's got to do it.’
‘Just make sure you do… do it. Things are boiling up here and all eyes are on you now.’
‘I hope you don't mean that literally.’
‘This time you're on your own, girl. Scott wants all available eyes on the other six, so you's got this one to yourself. Just come back with the goods, pretty please?’
I assured him I would, without divulging the fact that the goods weren't exactly the ones DIAL had ordered. Although if things went the way I was silently begging them to, maybe everyone would get the delivery they wanted.
If.
Three hours before I was due to pick up Zana, I drove the BMW to the car wash, spent a while making sure it was spotless inside and out. It was dark by the time I finished vacuuming the carpets, a few specks of grey clouds beginning to punctuate the starscape above me.
Driving the short distance back to the apartment, the clouds seemed to be getting thicker. I pulled a face, didn't want dark clouds and rain to spoil the clear blue sky I was hoping for.
I brewed a last coffee, and sat a while contemplating the weekend. It was a bitter-sweet exercise; the anticipation of undisturbed passion and the closeness I knew would come was sweet indeed - but the dread of watching Zana freak out when I told her the truth was equal to that sweetness in its bitterness.
But then it was time. I slung the hold-all over my shoulder, grabbed the car keys and headed for the door. As I closed it behind me, the dull ache was back in my gut, just for a second or two.
The thought had just occurred to me that the next time I saw the apartment, things would surely be very different.
Chapter 33
I pressed Zana's outside buzzer. ‘Come up,’ she said curtly as the door to the foyer clicked open. I thought I heard a man's voice in the background.
At the door to her apartment I knew I was right. I could make out two voices talking loudly inside. I listened for a few seconds before pressing the buzzer. The conversation was in a foreign language so I couldn't understand what was being said, but the tone was clear enough.
They were arguing, and from the sound of it a pretty heated debate.
Zana opened the door. ‘This is Arik, a work colleague,’ she said sharply. ‘Don't worry, he's just leaving.’
She threw an evil glance at the man standing next to the sofa, I smiled a brief greeting. I knew who he was; DIAL’s mug-shots of the seven meant Arik wasn't difficult to recognize. Long straight hair falling below his shoulders framed a bony, gaunt face… the kind that would have no trouble scaring kids on Halloween. Eyes that were as black as his hair glared back at me; he made no attempt to acknowledge my forced smile. He spat out a few words at Zana in his own language, and she answered him with a few more words that were clearly not very pleasant.
The look he gave me as he walked through the open door was pure evil. I threw back another false smile, and Zana slammed the door behind the angry man.
‘What was that all about?’ I grinned.
‘I could use a hug,’ she replied.
I wrapped my arms around her, felt her melt into me gratefully. ‘Nice guy,’ I said, more than a hint of sarcasm in the tone.
‘He's an idiot.’
‘I heard you two arguing from the hallway.’
‘Sorry.’ She kissed me softly. ‘No idea he was going to turn up.’
‘Jealous ex-boyfriend?’ I laughed. ‘That look he gave me should have turned me to stone!’
‘He'd fit in well in a movie involving chainsaws.’
She laughed then. ‘You should see him in the lab with magnification glasses on.’
I grimaced. ‘That, sadly, is an image that will stay with me for a long time.’
Zana walked to the sofa, picked up a red weekend case. ‘Forget him, we've got better things to do.’
‘Nothing you want to tell me?’
She sighed. ‘Not really. He thinks he knows best, reckons I should be with one of my own people, that's all.’
‘Take it he's from Calandura too.’
‘Yes.’ She marched towards the door. ‘You taking me away, or have I spent seven hours packing for nothing?’
I raised my eyebrows at the size of the weekend case in her hand, she giggled beautifully, and we closed the apartment door and headed to the car.
Chapter 34
The miles ramped up quickly, the smooth serenity of the BMW deceiving the sense of time. Ed Sheeran sang his heart out to us in quadraphonic sound, quite appropriately as we were heading to East Anglia. It didn’t seem enough time has passed when we filtered onto the A14 at Cambridge and headed east. A half-hour later the petrol stations and cafes of the Mildenhall junction came into view, and I remembered this was the point the four-lane highway narrowed to a single carriageway.
Not anymore. The old road that used to be a nightmare bottleneck had been replaced with a brand new dual carriageway. It had been many years since I'd travelled this road, and even in the darkness it all looked very different to when I came each year with my father. It didn’t stop my heart beating harder. Even after all that time, the countryside with its quaint villages and forests brought back wonderful memories.
We hit the bypass skirting the south of Norwich and turned right; two minutes later I caught myself smiling as we drove past a big brown sign that shone out brightly in the BMW's halogen headlamps.